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A trend? - 12/27/2007 11:00:26 AM

heartsemerge

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Joined: 10/13/2007
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I have been in the scene for about two years now. Through these two years I have talked and befriend several different people. Some of these people have been into D/s for 10 plus years, while others just a few. Something I have noticed however, is that the younger the Dom/sub the more extreme they tend to take it. I notice that younger Doms tend to think slaves are doormats and have no rights. While older Doms view submission as a gift, and view that the sub has the right to give her submission and to voice her feelings when things make her feel uncomfortable. I just want to get some opinions and feedback on why you may think this is happening, and if you too are noticing it. It seems that the younger the Dom, the less respect they have towards a slave.

Post #: 1

RE: A trend? - 12/27/2007 11:06:08 AM

grlneedstolearn

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i have to agree with you that i have also noticed this, but i have also seen and talked with a couple Doms that were older than i am, that could have cared less about the sub's well being. Just move on and ignore those types of Doms, unless that's what your into

(in reply to heartsemerge)

Post #: 2

RE: A trend? - 12/27/2007 11:08:20 AM

heartsemerge

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Joined: 10/13/2007
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i am not into that at all. Not unless it is only play. I just see this almost everywhere and with a few different slaves that I speak with.

(in reply to grlneedstolearn)

Post #: 3

RE: A trend? - 12/27/2007 11:14:32 AM

MommaBearDomme

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Joined: 12/20/2007
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I am one of the older Dommes (58) who cares about Her submissives as people with rights and to be respected. The extreme Dommes who treat their subs like they are less than worms have always upset Me, but I have also learned that there are some subs who need that treatment for their own fulfillment. I have found, in My years of learning (and I am still, and always will be, learning) that Dom/mes and subs are just like everyone else - different needs, different outlooks, different philosophies. Just keep looking for a Domme who offers what you need for fulfillment. And I wish you the very best of luck in your search!

(in reply to grlneedstolearn)

Post #: 4

RE: A trend? - 12/27/2007 11:24:17 AM

FRSguy

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I have noticed it as well and break it down into a couple of different catagories. The first is that I have met some subs that really like it that way although I think they are in the minority so to speak as far as wanting it that way all the time and the second is those that have learned exclusivly from internet. I think the internet thing is because there is more focus on the how-to of different acts and behaviors that are sexually or D/S orinatated and there is far less talk of the relationship itself and how its conducted on a daily basis giving the impresion that the relationship is more selfish than what a lot of them seem to be. Somewhere I think in every relationship is a line where you are being a Dom and being an asshole and where that line is drawn is different and difficult with each realationship.

(in reply to MommaBearDomme)

Post #: 5

RE: A trend? - 12/27/2007 11:35:49 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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I don't think that's restricted to D/s. Most teen males I know don't see other people as individuals with their own needs, desires etc. The ability to appreciate good relationships is something that comes from having bad relationships. People who haven't successfully had a relationship haven't learned the necessary lessons yet.

Those of us who have been in bad relationships, and then been alone by choice, do appreciate the rarity and glory of being with someone we like, lust for, respect, love, have high levels of compatibility with, etc etc.

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Post #: 6

RE: A trend? - 12/27/2007 11:38:31 AM

Rover

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I haven't noticed this to be a phenomena directly related to chronological age so much as experience and provincialism. In other words, there exists a vast difference between fantasy/theory and practical reality as it relates to actually engaging in power exchange relationships. They are generally inversely proportional to the passage of time and isolation (ie: the more you know and are exposed to, the less you tend to buy into the fantasy/theory).

John

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(in reply to heartsemerge)

Post #: 7

RE: A trend? - 12/27/2007 11:49:29 AM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: heartsemerge

I have been in the scene for about two years now. Through these two years I have talked and befriend several different people. Some of these people have been into D/s for 10 plus years, while others just a few. Something I have noticed however, is that the younger the Dom/sub the more extreme they tend to take it. I notice that younger Doms tend to think slaves are doormats and have no rights. While older Doms view submission as a gift, and view that the sub has the right to give her submission and to voice her feelings when things make her feel uncomfortable. I just want to get some opinions and feedback on why you may think this is happening, and if you too are noticing it. It seems that the younger the Dom, the less respect they have towards a slave.

I tend to agree with Rover. It's an issue of experience, not so much age.

Knowledge from experience is gained by having expectations and then redefining those expectations as you gain experience.

Some people learn faster than others when the stones start flying at the glass houses.

A few people never abandoned common sense and common knowledge in the beginning for lofty, illogical, and unrealistc expectations being presented by an official looking website on the Internet.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 12/27/2007 11:50:37 AM >

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(in reply to heartsemerge)

Post #: 8

RE: A trend? - 12/27/2007 11:54:59 AM

Guilty1974

Posts: 467
Joined: 11/2/2005
From: Den Haag
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quote:

ORIGINAL: heartsemerge
Something I have noticed however, is that the younger the Dom/sub the more extreme they tend to take it. I notice that younger Doms tend to think slaves are doormats and have no rights. While older Doms view submission as a gift, and view that the sub has the right to give her submission and to voice her feelings when things make her feel uncomfortable.

I know virtually no Doms who think slaves are doormats with no right, whether they're old or young. What I do notice, is that more and more people here are bashing younger Dominants. So that makes me wonder whether there really is a trend in the US with more morons entering the scene. In that case, I'm happy it's not a trend down here.

(in reply to heartsemerge)

Post #: 9

RE: A trend? - 12/27/2007 12:18:14 PM

MasterFireMaam

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From: Charleston, WV
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In general, but not always, we seem to go through developmental stages. In the beginning, we love trying to make the stories we've read real and are usually fetish focused. The older we get, the more relationship focused we become.

Master Fire

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(in reply to heartsemerge)

Post #: 10

RE: A trend? - 12/27/2007 12:47:55 PM

DarkDaddyZ

Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartsemerge

I have been in the scene for about two years now. Through these two years I have talked and befriend several different people. Some of these people have been into D/s for 10 plus years, while others just a few. Something I have noticed however, is that the younger the Dom/sub the more extreme they tend to take it. I notice that younger Doms tend to think slaves are doormats and have no rights. While older Doms view submission as a gift, and view that the sub has the right to give her submission and to voice her feelings when things make her feel uncomfortable. I just want to get some opinions and feedback on why you may think this is happening, and if you too are noticing it. It seems that the younger the Dom, the less respect they have towards a slave.

I think it has to do with experience and learning. I agree with some of what you said but when I was a younger Dom (damn, I NEVER wanted to say that), I was more of a spank and tickle type of guy. A lot of the kinks that I desire and crave now were off the table then. I was sqiucked by many rituals and style of play. That had a lot to do with dynamics and not having true power exchange experience. The older I've got the more extreme and taboo some of my kinks are (but still have to be with the right partner).

I do remember being a big jerk when I was younger and thinking "my word is the law and crap like that."

This is groovy thread (there I go showing my age again)!

_____________________________

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(in reply to heartsemerge)

Post #: 11

RE: A trend? - 12/27/2007 12:51:40 PM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Guilty1974
So that makes me wonder whether there really is a trend in the US with more morons entering the scene. In that case, I'm happy it's not a trend down here.

There is nothing new about morons entering the scene, young or old. Get together any large group of people and you will have the same percentage of assholes and saints as any other large group of people.

Young doms are in general, by force of logic and simple math, less experienced than older doms. This is about all that can be generalized from this thread. Experience can be good, and it can be bad. I know I had a lot more energy to "make the fantasy real" when I first got into this about 14 years ago. I didn't think of slaves and subs as doormats then...and I don't really now (though Elle and I have been talking about looking for a "doormat" which we could really play hard). I know I am a lot more cynical now than I was then...

Taggard

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(in reply to Guilty1974)

Post #: 12

RE: A trend? - 12/27/2007 1:56:18 PM

laurell3

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Joined: 5/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

I haven't noticed this to be a phenomena directly related to chronological age so much as experience and provincialism. In other words, there exists a vast difference between fantasy/theory and practical reality as it relates to actually engaging in power exchange relationships. They are generally inversely proportional to the passage of time and isolation (ie: the more you know and are exposed to, the less you tend to buy into the fantasy/theory).

John

I agree. I think life experience leads us to acceptance of human beings and their limitations and wonderful, unique advantages and shed romatic ideals of "making" others be what they are not. The more experience you have with people and yourself, the more realistic you tend become about what you need/want from another and what you expect from another. I think it has alot to do with the fact that our viewpoints of ourselves in relation to others change with experience and become more realistic and moderated.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 13

RE: A trend? - 12/27/2007 2:03:42 PM

Guilty1974

Posts: 467
Joined: 11/2/2005
From: Den Haag
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

Young doms are in general, by force of logic and simple math, less experienced than older doms.

Actually, this is only so statistically speaking. The chance that an older Dom has more experience than a younger dom is slightly higher than the reverse. But there are lot's of older Doms that have just started and actually have less BDSM experience than I have (not that I'm peep young anymore, but you get the point). Now my feeling and personal experience tells me that those inexperienced older Doms are as likely to think all slaves are doormats as younger inexperienced Doms. Like you said, in any large group, the percentage of morons is given.

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

Post #: 14

RE: A trend? - 12/27/2007 2:17:42 PM

heartsemerge

Posts: 29
Joined: 10/13/2007
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thank you all for your feedback. I enjoy reading it. Most of you bring up a very good point, something that I myself have pondered. fantasy vs. reality. I think some Doms expect a perfect being who follows them everywhere, even off the edge of a cliff. However, the reality is no living creature is going to be perfect, or perform as you expected 24-7. that goes for animals as well, and even slaves engaged in TPE. Some Doms I have been with expected good behavior 24-7, and that put a lot of pressure on me, and sometimes that pressure was too much. I think it is all about balance. that goes for life and for D/s or any kind of relationship. Balance is something many people forget they need.

(in reply to Guilty1974)

Post #: 15

RE: A trend? - 12/27/2007 2:42:18 PM

chellekitty

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i am on the experience, not age bandwagon...there are just as many older Dominants, getting a divorce after the last of their children have gone to college and they can finally live the life they have been supressing "all these years" who have no practical application as there are young Dominants just getting into the lifestyle at 18 to 25....and mandy of them are going through the i'm-finally-free-and-now-having-my-mid-life-crisis-so-i'm-going-to-be-selfish-and-fuck-and-beat-everything-i-want-to-with-no-regard-for-them stage....

*drops a $1.50 in the bucket*
chelle

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to heartsemerge)

Post #: 16

RE: A trend? - 12/27/2007 3:09:08 PM

LadyHugs

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Dear heartsemerge, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I am going to agree with the majority of what has been posted thus far.

As far as being a trend in the last 10 years, I have noticed that quite a few young individuals who are in a Dominant phase/role if you will very arrogant and rude, as well as having a bad boy gangster mentality and anti-establishment sort of mindset. I wonder out loud per se, if this goes parallel to the violent movies, games, music and peer surroundings.

I look at old Beta and VHS BDSM porn, they are 'really tame' compared to some things now. The question I have within, are the individuals influenced by enviorment and association through fantasy or, is it the 'spirit/soul' and or nature of the individual that is a driving force.

I don't have an answer but, I do know its been a complaint when older individuals complain about the newest crop in young adults. Seems endless really--The ole '...when I was young...etc.' I agree with the posters though, it seems a rite of passage from teen under the parental/guardian domination and finally able to have a say, rights, freedoms and it is all focused on self and little regard about others--regardless of age, sex, color, experience and or knowledge. Some have deemed it much like a 'superman' and or a 'john wayne' syndrome.
People buy things that are at times not practical--like fancy hub caps and new do-dads. When you get into the phase of having to make car payments and not able to afford everything you want--one tends to buy for need verses wanted appearances. Then get to my age --ancient; you go for comfort as not to rattle brittle bones and or have a trunk big enough to handle five or more toy bags with gear. Next vehicle, I think I will need to look into a truck and trailer for the BDSM gear {LOL--slaves towing the gear have been passed by bicyclists--so too slow to get to somewhere like that}

What is good, is that people are understanding they can get what they want/need without having to be thrown under the bus per se, to get it. It is so much nicer to be involved in a mutually respectful, pleasant and positive relation and or interactions.

I have to agree with chellekitty as well --it really isn't the physical age that is a huge issue, it is the mileage, experience, knowledge, application, interaction in 'the scene'/lifestyle that counts. Most come into the BDSM/lifestyle through Porn and or Sex novels with a domineering theme. It really is focused on the present captured in a book but, it often ends with 'happy ever after' but, not how they get there and all the boring, dull times. Sex and violence is a draw--to be 'allowed' to step out of society's rigid rules of civil behavior and or outside now, free of parental and or relationship past' enslavement. Freedom takes a while to settle down with and then make use of the freedom one has.

Just some thoughts with a bit of humor,

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

< Message edited by LadyHugs -- 12/27/2007 3:17:00 PM >

(in reply to heartsemerge)

Post #: 17

RE: A trend? - 12/27/2007 3:26:25 PM

heartsemerge

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Joined: 10/13/2007
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Thank you lady hugs. I guess it does depend on the experiences and the individual themselves, not age. As someone said earlier in the thread there is a line between asshole and Dom. Some just do not know where that line is.

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 18

RE: A trend? - 12/27/2007 3:28:09 PM

Coerced2Please

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and some asshole people are liked in spite of themselves

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Post #: 19

RE: A trend? - 12/27/2007 3:45:36 PM

Raechard

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From: S.E. London U.K.
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I’ve never given this subject much thought but I find it strange the number here preaching about accepting people and understanding them for what they are and at the same time assuming age has any relation to either experience or how that person treats others. That is stereotyping and it shows ignorance not understanding of people for what they are. I’m 29 I probably have a better attitude to all this than I did at 20 but then something might happen in my life that changes my whole perspective and how I see and treat others. There is no guarantee that when I’m 40 I’ll be treating people fairly. It depends on the outlook I have at that point in my life because who is to say that events may not make me bitter, cynical, calculating and mean spirited towards people? I can’t predict the future and how it changes people but I’m dead impressed that so many people here can.

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