why are you submissive? (Full Version)

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heartsemerge -> why are you submissive? (12/27/2007 11:15:00 AM)

What are your reasons for being submissive?  were you born a submissive or have you been trained to be one? and what ever made you want to give in?



DesFIP -> RE: why are you submissive? (12/27/2007 11:16:53 AM)

What are your reasons for being a switch? Were you born one or did someone train you to be that way? What are your reasons to explore your dom side?



CalifChick -> RE: why are you submissive? (12/27/2007 11:24:43 AM)

Trained to be a submissive?  Are you trained to breathe?

Cali



heartsemerge -> RE: why are you submissive? (12/27/2007 11:27:28 AM)

I am simply asking because as much as I want to be and desire to be submissive, i find it difficult for me to do so.



CalifChick -> RE: why are you submissive? (12/27/2007 11:30:34 AM)

Then how do you know you're submissive?  Is it the idea of being submissive that you find desirable?

If you think you are submissive, why are you struggling with it?  Some people have a service heart and some do not.  Are you one of the 'do nots'?

Is it that you have not found the right person to give to? 

Cali



MystressDream -> RE: why are you submissive? (12/27/2007 11:34:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartsemerge

I am simply asking because as much as I want to be and desire to be submissive, i find it difficult for me to do so.


Understand that many women in particular who start into this lifestyle, want and desire to be submissives.  Mainly because they have been raised by a society that tell them that that is how it "should" be.  Sometimes it also comes down to meeting a Dom who actually brings those qualities out in you, and who you have no trouble submitting to.  A submissive doesn't submit to just anyone.  The connection and chemistry has to be right.
 
Just be yourself.  You don't need to be in a relationship to explore what this is all about.  Become active in your local community and attend any and all workshops, events, etc., that you can.  Learn about it from all sides.  Eventually, you will find the niche that works for you and satisfies the needs you have. 
 
The last thing I think you should do is to try to push yourself into a role that is not comfortable.  Examine within yourself why you think that is what you want and desire, and take it from there.  Nobody can make those decisions for you.
 
I do believe that it is not fair to you as a woman, or to anyone you would choose to enter into a relationship with, for you to "fake it" until you figure it out.  Start with figuring it out first.  <smile>



Tatsuchan18 -> RE: why are you submissive? (12/27/2007 11:36:13 AM)

i think ive always been submissive, he idea and feel of serving and submitting to someone not just turns me on but fills me with an all around feeling of fufillment and contentment. (^^)



sexyred1 -> RE: why are you submissive? (12/27/2007 11:58:30 AM)

There is no "reason" for being submissive. You just are. It is either something you were born with and discovered early on in your life or you discovered it later. You cannot be "trained" to be submissive if you do not have the "desire" to be. Why force something?

I always wonder at these questions because for me, the answer is simple: if something turns you on and you crave it, it means you should do it. If something turns you on intellectually only, but does not trip your trigger, then perhaps you are not truly craving what is it is, but instead intellectualizing that you "should" be submissive.

And..sometimes it takes a special relationship to bring something out in someone, my ex never experienced being Dominant until he met me. Now he wonders how he could have lived without it.

As a young person getting into this, you have plenty of time to figure things out, truly.



Mercnbeth -> RE: why are you submissive? (12/27/2007 12:16:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartsemerge

What are your reasons for being submissive? 


why fight the blessed fulfillment of one's nature and not make use of finely honed skills?

quote:

were you born a submissive or have you been trained to be one?


this slave was born completely dependent and demanding attention from everyone, pretty much like everyone else.  she was then trained to submit, among other things, and after a few episodes of disobedience, she got the hang of it rather nicely. 

quote:

and what ever made you want to give in?


purpose, fulfillment and spreading the joy.



girlygurl -> RE: why are you submissive? (12/27/2007 12:32:34 PM)

No, I wasn't trianed to be submissive, I just am [:D]

girly



GabrielleSlave -> RE: why are you submissive? (12/27/2007 12:48:25 PM)

i know and understand that i have a submissive nature which, on the surface of things an outsider may consider to mean that i would submit to just about anyone.  However, i am an extremely strong woman and no doormat.  i am more dominant in my everyday life than submissive, especially towards men, but i constantly feel like i am fighting a huge internal battle against my natural self...

i was born to serve my One, however finding Him was not easy.  i do not submit to anyone other than Him.  My slavery to Him comes as naturally as breathing, it makes me deeply satisfied and connected to not only Him, but the universe... i am truly happy.  i am slave and He will always be my Master; i need Him and His dominance as much as i need air to breath.

Gabrielle x



hisannabelle -> RE: why are you submissive? (12/27/2007 12:53:23 PM)

greetings heartsemerge,

that's like asking, "why are you female?" or "why are you caucasian?"

if you want to be submissive, but it's not working out, maybe it's just not the right path for you.

respectfully,
annabelle.




slavemaia -> RE: why are you submissive? (12/27/2007 1:02:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartsemerge

What are your reasons for being submissive?  were you born a submissive or have you been trained to be one? and what ever made you want to give in?


i am submissive because i am submissive because i am submissive because i am submissive - nope - i wasn't born that way - we're all conditioned and we lean toward our natural tendancies - what made me want to give in was simply unhappiness in trying to be in charge when that's not what gives me any real peace.



heartsemerge -> RE: why are you submissive? (12/27/2007 2:26:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

There is no "reason" for being submissive. You just are. It is either something you were born with and discovered early on in your life or you discovered it later. You cannot be "trained" to be submissive if you do not have the "desire" to be. Why force something?

I always wonder at these questions because for me, the answer is simple: if something turns you on and you crave it, it means you should do it. If something turns you on intellectually only, but does not trip your trigger, then perhaps you are not truly craving what is it is, but instead intellectualizing that you "should" be submissive.

And..sometimes it takes a special relationship to bring something out in someone, my ex never experienced being Dominant until he met me. Now he wonders how he could have lived without it.

As a young person getting into this, you have plenty of time to figure things out, truly.


Submission does turn me on, and to be honest without someone to make happy or to please, I feel as if I have no real reason or excitment in my life. When I say I find it difficult to submit, it isn't because I truely am not submissive, it is because I have yet to find a balance in my life outside of D/s, therefore throwing D/s into it only complicates things. How can one seek a TPE if they are struggling to have power and control without A Master? Love to me is submission, but love doesn't always come easy and sometimes you need to take things slowly. What Dom's I have found never took things slowly... they just always expected and put pressure on me to please them. Walking on eggshells does not make me try harder. It has the opposite affect.

and MystressDream ty so much for you response. It was good advice.



lalbobbilynn -> RE: why are you submissive? (12/27/2007 2:42:34 PM)

i was adopted at three months of age ...... i was told i was not expected, i was selected ..... whatever, my mother doesn't like me much anymore!!!!!!!! That cute little diddy aside ....... for me, i breath, therefore i am submissive ...... that is to say that for me, like breathing  ...... being submissive has always jus been a natural part of who and what i am. As for the giving in ....... Ohhhhhh Lord ....... nay ........ i give all that i am unto my Sir and that works for U/us. Giving in ......... geesh, i would look like "Me, Myself, & Irene" if i ever gave in ..... and well kicking my own backside does not have the desired effect!!!



peppermint -> RE: why are you submissive? (12/27/2007 2:49:48 PM)

quote:

What are your reasons for being submissive?


Years ago i was obcessed with the answer to your question.  I spent months researching on the internet.  I talked with people trying to figure it out.  I just knew there HAD to be an answer....and i finally found it.

The answer is that is doesn't matter.  What matters is that i accept and love myself for what i am. 



mimkyodar -> RE: why are you submissive? (12/27/2007 2:52:46 PM)

Well, speaking for myself, i can say, A) i like being held (I know, im an old romantic, eh) and B) I;m indecisive.
There's probably more, but that the CliffNotes version.



RumpusParable -> RE: why are you submissive? (12/27/2007 2:54:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartsemerge

What are your reasons for being submissive?  were you born a submissive or have you been trained to be one? and what ever made you want to give in?


The times I do submit it is a sort of pressure-release valve for me... a mental vacation for a bit.  I'm dominant for the majority of my personality and behavior plus a type-a personality... so submitting is a nice break now and then for me, from me.



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: why are you submissive? (12/27/2007 3:11:12 PM)

why am i submissive?

well on one hand, i'm not a slave or have slave tendencie. on  the other hand, i was probably born this way however Daddy didn't have to "train" me to be a submissive.

what made me submit to Him? because it's what i craved and desired to do when i was ready accepting His control and ownership of me.



laurell3 -> RE: why are you submissive? (12/27/2007 3:13:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartsemerge

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

There is no "reason" for being submissive. You just are. It is either something you were born with and discovered early on in your life or you discovered it later. You cannot be "trained" to be submissive if you do not have the "desire" to be. Why force something?

I always wonder at these questions because for me, the answer is simple: if something turns you on and you crave it, it means you should do it. If something turns you on intellectually only, but does not trip your trigger, then perhaps you are not truly craving what is it is, but instead intellectualizing that you "should" be submissive.

And..sometimes it takes a special relationship to bring something out in someone, my ex never experienced being Dominant until he met me. Now he wonders how he could have lived without it.

As a young person getting into this, you have plenty of time to figure things out, truly.


Submission does turn me on, and to be honest without someone to make happy or to please, I feel as if I have no real reason or excitment in my life. When I say I find it difficult to submit, it isn't because I truely am not submissive, it is because I have yet to find a balance in my life outside of D/s, therefore throwing D/s into it only complicates things. How can one seek a TPE if they are struggling to have power and control without A Master? Love to me is submission, but love doesn't always come easy and sometimes you need to take things slowly. What Dom's I have found never took things slowly... they just always expected and put pressure on me to please them. Walking on eggshells does not make me try harder. It has the opposite affect.

and MystressDream ty so much for you response. It was good advice.


Without getting into the whole prior thread posted by your partner previously which alleged several rather significant health issues for you, I think what you suggest about balance in overall life is where you need to begin.  I'm not sure anyone can make any relationship work without a strong sense of self and overall balance in life and if what he said was true, you need to get a handle on that before you can move forward and integrate someone else in your life.  You're not alone, there are many here that struggle with mental health and/or physical issues and every single one of us has limitations. 

When you feel like that is met, I think you need to find someone that is realistic about your limitations and who you are as a person.  The fact that you have limitations does not mean you are not submissive, it means that you are human.  Finding someone that nutures the part of you that desires to please them and accepts you as a complete human being with limitations and advantages and works with you to overcome those limitations instead of attempting to make you someone you are not, will make a huge difference.



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