Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Question on Attraction


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Question on Attraction Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/27/2007 6:03:45 PM   
Raechard


Posts: 3513
Joined: 3/10/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline 		I suspect few people are looking for that level of control over another person. I have no interest in being someone’s bank manager, child minder or maths teacher. Most people would expect the other person to retain some degree of autonomy. Those things are just the same in non-BDSM relationships anyway, it’s not specific to it. Maybe the sub is better at the books than the Master who cares if in the end it’s a partnership? Are these things anything to do with being a good Dominant?

_____________________________

えへまにんへえや
Nobody wants to listen to the same song over and over again!

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/27/2007 6:27:37 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Of course not. If what you want out of this is physical fulfillment, there have to be guidelines. If what you want out of this is spiritual fulfillment, there have to be guidelines there, too. We all have guidelines about what is and isn't acceptable in all sorts of different areas of our lives.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to BoundForFun)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/27/2007 6:37:01 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		For me, I need both. I COULD submit with amazing mutual physical attraction but that would be something short lived or casual. Since I am seeking more than casual I need intellectual as well.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/27/2007 7:20:37 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MidMichCowboy

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoundForFun
Is it wrong for a submissive to make judgments on whether to serve due to sexual and intellectual attraction to their Dominant, or the lack there of?

 
I hope not. I wouldn't want a woman to submit to me unless there is a spark of both sexual and intellectual attraction. I'm not just looking for someone to beat or order around. I want a woman that will fulfill the many roles in my life that I need, friend, lover, submissive, partner, and hopefully wife. I don't want someone who is punishing themselves for some reason by being with me. I say this, realizing I'm not a Brad Pitt (or even close). Hey, I have to depend on wit and intelligence to impress a lady (god, that sounds pathetic doesn't it), but one does what one does.
 
I need to have a sexual and intellectual attraction to the lady I want to get involved with. I believe that what's sauce for the goose (is sauce for the gander).


Nah it doesn't sound pathetic at all and I think you'd be suprised how many put much less faith in looks as they mature, although I wouldn't by any means say you're unattractive and I would NOT fuck Brad Pitt   (well maybe if he paid me a million dollars...haha)

OP I think you're making this too complicated.  In my opinion, it's no different than vanilla dating in the beginning.  The rules of attraction still apply.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/27/2007 7:23:25 PM   
Hergirl0824


Posts: 119
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyChef

Attraction is in the MIND of the beholder.


i think this says it all.
how many times have you seen a couple together and wondered "what in the world does S/he see in him/her?"  attraction has to be in place in one form or another for me to want to serve...luckily for me, Mistress has all the qualities i am attracted to in a Domme


_____________________________

collared to Mistress Sizzlynn

When i let go of what i am, i become what i might be

(in reply to LadyChef)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/27/2007 8:37:56 PM   
MasterHX


Posts: 15
Joined: 12/18/2007
Status: offline 		Hmmm... I think I, and possibly others, aren't grasping the tenor of the initial question.  If she isn't going to base her decision on whether there's physical or intelletual attraction, then what *should* she base her decision on?

Now, should a submissive who's given him-or-herself to their Dominant recind that gift if the Dominant in question allows Him-or-Herself to slide?  "Sorry, you've put on a few pounds in the last couple months so I have to find someone else."

Even then, every submissive has the right to end a relationship that isn't providing them with what they desire.  Personally I'd be extremely reluctant to accept a submissive who's done something like that in the past, but to each thier own... My house has entirely too many windows for me to be throwing stones!

MasterHX

(in reply to BoundForFun)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/27/2007 8:55:22 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		I think it depends on if you are attracted to a construct you built in your mind-and merely objectify people to try and make them fit it......Or are actually looking for a person.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/27/2007 9:12:47 PM   
TheScrivener


Posts: 91
Joined: 8/11/2007
Status: offline 		Pyshical and psychological attraction are, in most cases, necessary for a sexual relationship.  Especially the psychological element.

If the relationship isn't sexual (IE - Service based), then I would expect physical attraction to be of less importance.  However, I think psychological/intellectual attraction is always present in a healthy relationship.

I think that's especially true of BDSM based interactions, from the submissive side.  If you approach a dominant (Or vice-versa) and don't find him/her to be an intelligent, reasonable person, what would make you want to serve that individual?  Slim pickins?  If you don't think someone has a good head on their shoulders, why would you trust them to Dominate you?

For some, physical/mental attraction may not be mandatory, but there's nothing wrong with factoring in these elements when choosing who to serve (Or for that matter, who you'd like to serve you.)

< Message edited by TheScrivener -- 12/27/2007 9:15:26 PM >

_____________________________

"We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution."

- Bill Hicks


(in reply to BoundForFun)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/27/2007 10:01:33 PM   
littlehumbledone


Posts: 72
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MidMichCowboy


 hopefully wife. I don't want someone who is punishing themselves for some reason by being with me. I say this, realizing I'm not a Brad Pitt (or even close). Hey, I have to depend on wit and intelligence to impress a lady (god, that sounds pathetic doesn't it), but one does what one does.



Goodness, I found you immensely attractive and certainly witty and intelligent... you got lots to offer!!!



_____________________________

...
I don't need anyone to blow out another woman's candle to make mine burn brighter.

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/27/2007 10:11:43 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BoundForFun

Is it wrong for a submissive to make judgements on whether to serve due to sexual and intellectual attraction to their Dominant, or the lack there of?


Are you going to be having sex with them? If so, then I don't see why on earth you wouldn't! If I'm not attracted to you, I'm not having sex with you. If I'm looking for a relationship with a healthy sex life and I'm not attracted to you, I'm sorry but you just aren't what I'm looking for. Same goes for intellect.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 12/27/2007 10:13:31 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to BoundForFun)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/27/2007 10:26:11 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline 		I read a really great post in the journal of a Dom friend of Daddy's today.  He said that submissives have every right to submit to whomever they see fit, based on whatever criteria s/he has, and whether the connection is there for both parties.  I think that sums it up pretty well.

For me, if I weren't attracted to Daddy physically and didn't have a great intellectual connection with Him, then there would be no reason to even dream of submitting to Him.  Luckily, we were friends first, lovers second, and added the kink third, so we already knew that we enjoyed each other's company (as friends and lovers), and there has always been mutual respect, so the D/s component just fit in easily.

Just my 2 cents.  Your mileage may vary.

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


(in reply to BoundForFun)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/28/2007 6:06:30 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BoundForFun

Is it wrong for a submissive to make judgements on whether to serve due to sexual and intellectual attraction to their Dominant, or the lack there of?

I am past my fascist body culture phase...narcissism, in its many disguises, is a real turn off for me......and so is serving someone's ego......

(in reply to BoundForFun)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/28/2007 7:13:33 AM   
redcheeks13


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/13/2004
Status: offline 		The question of attractiveness is not physical but mental. Can the Domme take me to the level of accepting her punishments and training to produce the wanting of establishing the relationship of trust and enpowerment that is necessary.

(in reply to BoundForFun)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/28/2007 7:58:25 AM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		Everyone has personal preferences that cause them to be attract to or will cause them to rejest someone,  my previous dom was not really my physical type preference  but humor and intelligence and easy going friendly nature outweighed the looks,  it is the whole package that counts in the end

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/28/2007 9:23:13 AM   
ImpGrrl


Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BoundForFun

Is it wrong for a submissive to make judgements on whether to serve due to sexual and intellectual attraction to their Dominant, or the lack there of?


No.

(in reply to BoundForFun)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/28/2007 9:34:49 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Just curious..
If not sexual, and or intellectual.. what is left? 
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoundForFun

Is it wrong for a submissive to make judgements on whether to serve due to sexual and intellectual attraction to their Dominant, or the lack there of?


_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to BoundForFun)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/28/2007 9:35:47 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BoundForFun

Is it wrong for a submissive to make judgements on whether to serve due to sexual and intellectual attraction to their Dominant, or the lack there of?


Intellectual attraction is a must between my boys and I. If I cant enjoy a conversation with them, and if they cant be at least my intellectual equal I will never be able to keep them around for long.
Physical attraction and sexual attraction is nice, but unnecessary for me since I am not and have not always been sexually involved with my pets. Assuming it IS a sexual relationship then yes. If it is not a sexual relationship than their sexual attraction to me and mine to them is really icing but not necessary.

However it is not wrong for someone to decide to or not to serve based on attraction. If you are building a relationship wth someone. If you have any reason for NOT wanting that relationship... then thats good enough reason.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to BoundForFun)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/28/2007 9:58:07 AM   
grlneedstolearn


Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline 		If we both attract on a personality then no, i would still serve him because we connect on that level. If my Dom had only an associates degree i could care less, we have fun in each other's company and that's what matters to both him and i.

(in reply to BoundForFun)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/28/2007 10:08:00 AM   
anowner


Posts: 24
Joined: 10/26/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline 		One of the great things about Internet communication, at least for me, is the ability to make a first impression in a way that isn't dependent on my physical looks. I'm not unattractive, but I'm not particularly good-looking, either, and most of my better features don't show when I'm dressed. I'm a fast and accurate typist and express myself well in print, so it's a medium that works to my advantage, and to the advantage of many of us who don't really qualify as eye candy.

One of the sad things about Internet communication is that sometimes the person you connect with intellectually or socially does not attract you in person. I've been on each end of that, and it can be painful for all concerned.

(in reply to grlneedstolearn)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/28/2007 10:11:08 AM   
crystalfire21


Posts: 2
Joined: 12/26/2007
Status: offline 		I was not going to say anything but I have to agree with most here. I came online searching because I was looking for someone interested in same things and yet who could challenge my mind first. Now I will say I am guilty at ruling Dom's out because of lack of seeming intelligence. So regardless of lifestyle or medium we use to find partners it will seek a level of attraction.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Question on Attraction Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078