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RE: Question on Attraction - 12/28/2007 10:20:16 AM   
SirDominic


Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Is it wrong for a submissive to make judgements on whether to serve due to sexual and intellectual attraction to their Dominant, or the lack there of?


It's a simple question and the answer is simple too. If those qualities are important to you, then no, it is not wrong to make a judgement based on those qualities.

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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/28/2007 10:35:55 AM   
parttimehotty


Posts: 4002
Joined: 11/19/2007
From: Virginville
Status: offline 		Everyone has their own set of standards and regardless of what anyone says, i'm going to go out on a limb and say that those that say being attracted (physically) to their Dom/Domme isn't important has probably never serviced a Dom/Domme that bathed every other day, brushed their teeth on the off days and had blk rotten teeth while being morbidly obese.  Not bbw, big boneded or just flat out overweight, i'm talking the extreme.  Or on the flip side, so damn skinny you could see the bones move as they knelt before you. Nope, i'm sure everyone has a limit.


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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/28/2007 11:21:45 AM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		When someone responds to my profile I assume that they are looking for the same kind of relationship as I am because I make it quite clear.
Because I am looking for a sexual lover type relationship I assume that they will make their judgement about me on whatever criteria they use to base that decision on. I will do the same. For me that can be instantaneous rejection on seeing a photograph or talking for a while or it can take a lot longer after a number of meetings. I do my very best not to give hope where I know there is none. However I also know that sexual attraction can grow for me depending on how the relationship develops. It is not necessarily an instantaneous thing. And the opposite applies.
If it's easy to meet quickly then that is the best thing to do. If it's difficult then I like to get to know someone very well before arranging a meeting.
I think the main problem is the high expectations that some subs have of lifestyle Dom/mes. We are only human after all lol. I see it as a subs job to make me want them not the other way around. But then I'm an arrogant bitch.

(in reply to parttimehotty)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/28/2007 12:22:32 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

If a guy can't challenge my mind, or if in my opinion, hes not much to look at, I dont think there would be much more potential than friends.


I gotta agree.  I tried, yeah, a truly ugly man, it only made my heart sink to think it was such a waste.  Embarassment in public, with family, friends.  It was too much, YET, luckily he proved over and over that he was a selfish, vain jerk despite of his looks. It makes it all the easier to have a reason to rid of him.  Mean, but true.

(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/28/2007 4:36:47 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I still want to know what one submits to, if it isn't attraction or intellect.  What IS left?  I mean besides the tax guys taking our cash.  I have to say that I have been robbed, and I did submit to giving over my cash so he would not shoot my customer.  Seemed like a reasonable deal at the time.  He was neither attractive, nor do I think he was especially intelligent, though I didn't take the time to get to know the robber that well.  Nevertheless I did submit to his need of cash.
So.. for regular bdsm'rs..
what do you submit for if it isn't attraction AND/OR intellect?
Kyst




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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/28/2007 4:51:00 PM   
sweetstorm


Posts: 227
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BoundForFun

Is it wrong for a submissive to make judgements on whether to serve due to sexual and intellectual attraction to their Dominant, or the lack there of?


Wrong? Not in the least. I judge everyone by those standards for vanilla dating or for BDSM.

If I feel like I can push your buttons and run circles around you, then I can't really respect you. Maybe I'm a brat but that's too bad. I have standards that I expect MY Dominants to meet in order for me to submit.

1. They must be able to dissect me without me catching on until it's too late and I've LEARNED something from them. AHHHHHH!!!

2. I must feel that they are at attractive enough to kiss in a vanilla setting. Because if I'm going to grovel on my knees and kiss your boots and ass, I want to be able to do it with dignity. 



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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/28/2007 8:18:22 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BoundForFun

Is it wrong for a submissive to make judgements on whether to serve due to sexual and intellectual attraction to their Dominant, or the lack there of?


God I hope the submissive gave it some serious though before committing LOL :)

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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/28/2007 8:49:41 PM   
Griswold


Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BoundForFun

Is it wrong for a submissive to make judgements on whether to serve due to sexual and intellectual attraction to their Dominant, or the lack there of?


Huh?

(in reply to BoundForFun)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/28/2007 9:14:15 PM   
KnOcala


Posts: 260
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		how can someone submit to someone they have no interest in?

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/28/2007 11:02:15 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		I hope not.  Otherwise, I've been doing it all wrong.

It's a relationship like any other.  Unless ugly and stupid is your type, don't submit to it. ;)


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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/28/2007 11:24:25 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		Master is not my usual physical type, but i was powerfully attracted to His mind. He also has lovely long wavy hair ... kind eyes ... and a warm genuine smile. Deciding i was willing initially to overlook His physical size (which isn't overly controllable by Him for longstanding medical reasons) ... i figured i could focus on His head and face LOL! Well, wouldn't you know it ... now i absolutely adore His "buddha" and find a lot of contentment curled up against Him with His built-in pillow. When i call Him sexy i totally mean it, He is now genuinely sexy to me!

However, I agree ... if there was no physical or intellectual attraction ... I am at a loss to know what else there is ... desperation maybe? Not a good basis for a lasting relationship ...

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/29/2007 12:24:20 AM   
MidMichCowboy


Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline 		Ladies, as always, you've made my day.

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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/29/2007 1:34:41 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TethersEnd

speaking only for myself i can serve anyone if my gut has deemed them a Master, but if that service is to be sexual then i have to have that attraction there. 

go ahead, call me shallow. 
grin



sits next to you in the shallow end of the pool

peace

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/29/2007 6:38:20 AM   
taintedgypsy


Posts: 228
Joined: 2/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

quote:

ORIGINAL: MidMichCowboy

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoundForFun
Is it wrong for a submissive to make judgments on whether to serve due to sexual and intellectual attraction to their Dominant, or the lack there of?

 
I hope not. I wouldn't want a woman to submit to me unless there is a spark of both sexual and intellectual attraction. I'm not just looking for someone to beat or order around. I want a woman that will fulfill the many roles in my life that I need, friend, lover, submissive, partner, and hopefully wife. I don't want someone who is punishing themselves for some reason by being with me. I say this, realizing I'm not a Brad Pitt (or even close). Hey, I have to depend on wit and intelligence to impress a lady (god, that sounds pathetic doesn't it), but one does what one does.
 
I need to have a sexual and intellectual attraction to the lady I want to get involved with. I believe that what's sauce for the goose (is sauce for the gander).


Nah it doesn't sound pathetic at all and I think you'd be suprised how many put much less faith in looks as they mature, although I wouldn't by any means say you're unattractive and I would NOT fuck Brad Pitt   (well maybe if he paid me a million dollars...haha)

OP I think you're making this too complicated.  In my opinion, it's no different than vanilla dating in the beginning.  The rules of attraction still apply.


I agree laurell3 totally, rules of attraction still apply regardless of vanilla or BDSM, he has to rock my boat or he is not getting in it.

Everyone has their own preferences and measures for what attracts them and they change as we change. From my experience I have met men that did not have the "write home to granny good looks", but they have opened their mouths and suddenly they were wonderful, sexy and tempting, on the other hand I have met guys that were drop dead gorgeous till they opened their mouths and proved how truely ugly they were. Now MidMichCowboy seems to get better looking with every post.

As for Brad Pitt ... I prefer men to boys eeeek no ... for a million dollars I might help him through puberty lol as long as it is only one night!

edited because my typing sucks tonight lol

< Message edited by taintedgypsy -- 12/29/2007 6:41:21 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/29/2007 6:40:55 AM   
LittleMeganV


Posts: 438
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline 		I'd say no. I'd say having at least one of, preferably both is pretty important. At least if your hoping for something life long.




< Message edited by LittleMeganV -- 12/29/2007 6:41:59 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/29/2007 6:54:55 AM   
sweetstorm


Posts: 227
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

It's a relationship like any other.  Unless ugly and stupid is your type, don't submit to it. ;)



ROFLMAO!!!  

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/29/2007 11:03:30 AM   
HalloweenWhite


Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think it's right or wrong, I just think its life. I expect it happens the other way round too.

Have a look at the profiles on here, look at the pictures-they're like that for a reason-to attract people.

(in reply to BoundForFun)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/29/2007 2:16:45 PM   
PairOfDimes


Posts: 324
Joined: 7/20/2006
Status: offline 		No, of course it's not wrong. You get to set the criteria you like, in forming a d/s relationship as with any relationship. Some criteria might be more helpful and less random than others, of course. It makes more sense, in my view, to say that you'll only submit to people whom you believe are smarter than you, than to say that you'll only submit to people whose first names start with the letter R. In fact, I might mock the latter a bit. Come on, now, it is a little silly. But ultimately the fact that I find it silly doesn't really matter--you get to set the criteria you want, even if they seem absurd.

Naturally, the fact that you have a set of criteria, an idea of what you want in a dominant, doesn't mean that the world must provide you with a person who meets your criteria. But that's another thread.

(in reply to BoundForFun)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/29/2007 7:36:29 PM   
Sirsinini


Posts: 172
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoundForFun

Is it wrong for a submissive to make judgements on whether to serve due to sexual and intellectual attraction to their Dominant, or the lack there of?


God I hope the submissive gave it some serious though before committing LOL :)


Several things from a different POV
1. It is only wrong if wrong for you
2. making judgements can backfire on you
a. sometimes first judgments are incorrect in the end
b. making a judgement is based on some past experience, education or whatever
3. You might be asking about "first impressions" and not "judgments"
4. There are things that attract people to each other that have NOTHING to do with sexual or intellectual attraction...I saw emotional mentioned
I think that if someone is exploring ~ style, kink, fetish ~ then go by the standards you choose, you are not making a committment, only to "scene"
I remember saying "NO ! ick !!" to a dom who I was gonna meet with for some breast bondage just cause when I finally saw his pic, his looks repulsed me.  "Damn," I thought "for some silly breast bondage play, I can wait !!"
If I were gonna have a sexual intimate one on one with someone I am not committed to or wanting a relationship with ....I'd like some emotional, physical and sexual spark before I did the nasty.
On the other hand, I have to have some basic sense of "ok, he's not bad lookin...he aint what I'd call my stud in shining armour" but I like his wit, his humor, his intelligence and our philosophies match.... for me to met him and to continue would NOT be dependent on any more judgment than what my compass is pointing at.
Sir never did see me before we met...  I've seen pics of his ex subs...some are dead drop gorgeous, others.. well...  LOL
Its been 10 months now and each time I look at him I see something I never saw before.  I am sure he says the same about me.
My concerns have been my looks and he always answers... "I want you for your submission, that is what matters to me."  I know he is attracted to me in many ways only because of the way he responds when I am with him.
As to Lotus's response, I think we "committ" way before we know what will be totally involved and then get our hearts busted.  People want to eat an elephant but it is consumed part by part, not all at once.
That is how I "see" committment and relationship.
Just my POV
Sir's devoted property  

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Question on Attraction - 12/29/2007 10:34:04 PM   
agoodgirl4Daddy


Posts: 336
Joined: 10/25/2007
Status: offline 		I wouldn't be in a position to make that decision.  I would not enter a relationship with someone whom i did not find attractive - physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually.  No, I'm not shallow....and in my dictionary, you won't find a pic of Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie next to the word "attractive." 

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Profile   Post #: 60
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