juliaoceania
Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006 From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie quote:
ORIGINAL: Rushemery those are the needs that are important, I am unsure how to write them though. There has to be something more than M/s, control and sex and the basic's something more something deep, like your first true love---cant explain it When I have seen people say "I want to be with him; I don't need to be with him" (paraphrased, as a general comment I have seen from many people over time), I do not understand it. I must not understand it, because such a dynamic would be unfulfilling to me - it depicts in my mind a somewhat sterile, unemotional and detached relationship, and I can't imagine anyone being fulfilled in such. So I know I must not be seeing something behind the words because those words do not convey to me an emotional or spiritual connection of a depth I would prefer. I wonder if those who say that are afraid to need, or are simply rebutting the idea that they have an unhealthy need. Like I said, it is not something I understand, and I would like to. I think I see it much the same way. For me such a statement means the opposite of what I think people are trying to say... it is as if I am telling the person that I would tell that to "I could be happy with anyone that demonstrated the qualities that you do, I do not need you, I just want you. If not you, well then someone else will do just as good." I actually had this exact attitude until my Daddy, I learned that there is no one else that can take his place, he is not interchangeable with anyone else. I more than want a relationship with him that is happy and functional, I need it because of who he is. There is no interchangeable person... Now one day if he was gone from my life for any reason, of course I would go on eventually. I would grieve for him deeply, and somehow I would go on. I have lost people I loved before, and here is the thing I learned from that experience, while you "survive", the hole never gets filled, you never are the same. No matter what, no one ever takes their place... very few people I have loved that deeply. As far as some of the comments about those who fear abandonment being "unhealthy".... it is like death, we all have abandonment fears just as we are all on some level afraid to die at some point in our lives, even if we have overcome it. Some of us are just more in touch with these fears is all. Like I said, part of the human condition. I found for me personally, it wasn't until I faced the fact I had these fears I was successful in overcoming them. For me, it was unhealthy not to face that.
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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt
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