RE: On Clingy Submissives

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RE: On Clingy Submissives - 12/31/2007 7:57:30 AM

tempest74

Posts: 26
Joined: 12/16/2007
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--Fast Reply--

This is my first post, but I've been reading these boards for weeks...and this is a topic that is close to my heart.

Needy/Clingy is something Master and I've been working on. I have clingy "moments", he points them out in the moment, I recognize how that behavior is different from my usual behavior and I try to correct it.

I think clingy is a moment of weakness. Perhaps when tragedies have taken place, weakened you and you need to lean as julia said, or when your insecurities take over and you're seeking some sort of validation (which is usually what happens to me). I believe that submissives are and should be strong in heart, when they're clingy it represents a need of some sort that should be addressed. If it's tragedies - a dom should support the sub appropriately, if it's insecurities - the dom should help the sub identifiy this issue and try to eliminate it.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

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RE: On Clingy Submissives - 12/31/2007 8:53:58 AM

BoundDown

Posts: 76
Joined: 11/25/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

I am very clingy and very needy.

Poor Master. Why he wants me, I never understand.

Because he feels so much more competent when he compares himself to you. It's a sign of his insecurities, like men who only date dumb blondes because they know they would be shown up as ignorant if they dated a smart female.

Whoa. Or maybe her emotional dependence on him makes him feel superior when compared to all the others that manipulated, or drained her of all her love and devotion leaving her cast aside like rubbish... Maybe he cherishes her because it is only with him, and for him, that she is clingy and needing his love and affection... That maybe prior to him she was a cool, independent woman but under his hand she is now a passionate woman, fully liberated in her bondage to love and adore as deeply as she is able.

Sorry if someone else touched apon these possiblities but I couldn't help myself.
What a dark and jaded world some of us live in, how unfortunate these people are to have felt that kind of darkness, and can not shake those shadows from their spirit.

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RE: On Clingy Submissives - 12/31/2007 9:27:50 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
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when you put some one in charge of what you will wear, what you will eat, how much money you have, who you are alowed to talk to and how you will intereact with the out side world, and it does indeed foster 'emotional dependance'.

those that say it does not are simply choosing to redefine those words in a way that makes them feel secure.

ymmv.

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RE: On Clingy Submissives - 12/31/2007 9:55:14 AM

lauren0221

Posts: 681
Joined: 8/29/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KindLadyGrey

Is it such a terrible thing to be a clingy submissive when the very nature of submission encourages emotional dependence?

I've been really thinking about this, and isn't the important thing to be authentic? Yes, sometimes I am clingy, sometimes I am strong, sometimes I need support, sometimes I give it.

For me, it's finding the one where being who I am is okay and accepted. I don't want to be in a relationship where I have to pretend to be something I'm not, even if what I am at the moment is imperfect.

A one-way cling relationship would not work for me at all, but neither would a relationship where I had to pretend to be perfect and secure at all times.

< Message edited by lauren0221 -- 12/31/2007 10:00:06 AM >

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RE: On Clingy Submissives - 12/31/2007 10:28:59 AM

OldBastardly1

Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lauren0221

I've been really thinking about this, and isn't the important thing to be authentic? Yes, sometimes I am clingy, sometimes I am strong, sometimes I need support, sometimes I give it.

For me, it's finding the one where being who I am is okay and accepted. I don't want to be in a relationship where I have to pretend to be something I'm not, even if what I am at the moment is imperfect.

A one-way cling relationship would not work for me at all, but neither would a relationship where I had to pretend to be perfect and secure at all times.

Absolutely. Thank you. I agree.

< Message edited by OldBastardly1 -- 12/31/2007 10:30:00 AM >

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RE: On Clingy Submissives - 12/31/2007 12:10:12 PM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
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This has been a very interesting discussion.

As an independent woman first and foremost, and as someone who has benefitted from psychological counseling, "clinging" has been a negative issue for me. It is something I can do very well but something I have avoided allowing myself to do because it can be unhealthy and most unwanted.

I figured I'd been around long enough and had seen enough to not come across an entirely new concept but oh how mistaken that was. I guess a little bit of cling is a lovely thing, on both sides of the equation. ~smiling~ How very comforting to consider such a thing.

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RE: On Clingy Submissives - 12/31/2007 1:48:54 PM

meticulousgirl

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
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i also think it's an interesting topic due to the fact that when we submit, we give over all of ourselves. i know that in the last five years i've changed alot...to the point where when my Owner and i were having issues and potential release was a possibility no, make that reality, i had no clue what to do, who i really was anymore, or where to start. Freedom so to speak didn't seem nearly as good as i remembered it to be five years prior.

i am needy but, i try not to make it known because showing that gets me ignored and denied more than normal, not to mention depending on the situation could get me punnished, and my punnishments are never fun, they are just emotionally and physically draining but, nothing physical happens in punnishment.

i'm going to have to go through and read the responses on this topic, it's one of the more interesting that i've seen in quite some time.

~meticulous~

(in reply to Hergirl0824)

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RE: On Clingy Submissives - 12/31/2007 7:01:59 PM

littlelostbunny

Posts: 141
Joined: 6/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KindLadyGrey

A sub was asking what to do when her master stopped paying attention to her. Many of the responses were along the lines of "do what he asks like a good sub and give him some space" or "be an adult and focus on your own life for a while" And almost ALL the replies so far have either implicitly or tacitly cautioned the poster not to be CLINGY.

-snip-

I think it's terrible when I hear stories about a Dominant who suddenly starts ignoring a sub without giving a reason*, and I likewise feel that it is a very natural reaction for a sub to feel a lot of anxiety when this happens.

I've been that sub. My Dom disappeared out of contact for a couple of months without warning and did not respond to my messages. I did not over do it -- after I hadn't heard from him in a week or so, I sent maybe a couple of e-mails and a couple of voice mail messages over the course of a few weeks. When I got no response at all, what was I to think? I felt abandoned and hurt.

It wasn't until weeks later that he came back with a rather casual message that didn't explain his absense at all. He finally told me what happened (he'd been through a really rough time with family problems), but the emotional damage had been done.

Am I clingy? Probably. I get emotionally attached to people. I am independent enough to take care of myself when they aren't around, but I still worry about them when they have to take time for themselves... so long as I KNOW that they're taking time for themselves. It's the not knowing what's going on that makes it difficult.

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