RE: A spark of interest

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pixelslave -> RE: A spark of interest (12/29/2007 1:59:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Also, I'd like to point out that nobody nailed Me for misspelling/adding an extra "t" to a simple word. (No fair coming back to get Me for it now. But Lady Pact, you're already standing in front of a cross in your avatar/photo! Who needs nails unless they're very long and sharp ones attached to fingertips?? [;)] - pixel

AAkasha -> RE: A spark of interest (12/29/2007 2:01:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pixelslave Gosh, it seems to me that you ladies are sending us subs some mixed signals here, either that or I'm misinterpreting your posts. To me, it's a two-way street. I need to sense there's a mutual interest in continuing a dialogue in order for me to continue writing. Like you, I've received the one-line responses that essentially ended email conversations as they left me with nothing to reply to. When that happens, am I expected to "stick my neck out", write again and inquire for more information about your interests? Or am I to accept that you had no interest in learning more about me since you didn't ask, and then be the polite gentleman and leave you alone? [&:] We subs are often in something of a conundrum in what to do. The women on these boards claim to be dominants, yet often don't seem to want to send us signals to direct conversations where they'd like them to go. If we assert ourselves, which I often tend to be inclined to do (it's the "hey, you're not my Domme and I'm not your sub [yet] approach"; instead you're a woman I might want to get to know), we're then labeled as a man who's not a "twue" submissive and dismissed as such. [>:] I only submit to one woman at a time and not all women are going to be appropriate partners for me to have a D/s relationship with. I'm not just looking for any Domme to serve, I'm looking for one who's right for me just as Dommes are looking for a sub who's right for them. I could care less about the statistical imbalance that's purported to exist, not to sound overly confident, but *I know* I have a lot to offer the right woman and will eventually meet her. Presumably the right woman will be sharp enough to recognize me when I meet her, and if not, probably isn't the right one for me. Sometimes we subs have to sort through a lot of "princesses" before we kiss the right one. [;)] I hope you ladies will think about the messages you send. If you're interested in a sub, I suggest you find a way to let him know so you'll be giving him encouragement to continue to contact you. Perhaps the ones who haven't continued to write or IM you, weren't given the right kind of nibbles to cause them to return and chase the bait! [8D] - pixel I've recently started to initiate some contact with potential subs with the goal of having something long distance to start and maybe - after some period of time - real life. There are some subs that just want to be pursued and feel that a dominant woman should do the courting - and for many subs, this is what attracts them to this role in the first place. That's fine - but if you are an ordinary guy and an ordinary sub, know that there are dozens of you, and you have to work hard to make yourself stand out. Many won't even go that far. I am very happy to pursue a man I am interested in, and have done so relentlessly when the interest in intense. But for subs that contact me, or if I am maybe not quite sure if there may be chemistry, the ball is absolutely in his court to carry the lionshare of the effort in the initial stages. It's as if they expect me to do the emailing, the question-asking, the initiating of the phone calls, etc. and that's fine, but some equal reciprocation is a very minimum, not just answering questions and sitting back then writing three days later, "I see you have been logging on but not writing to me." It's as if they get irritated if you not PURSUING them, when you don't even know if the interest is even there. I think a great many submissive men are incredibly lazy. Trust me, you can be lazy if you are HOT. But if you are not hot, or oozing with charisma, you can expect that you have to make an effort to get the lady to chuckle, make her look forward to opening your emails. That means the email should not be, "Do you have any questions? Do you have any tasks for me?" How about showing some initiative and interest and being interesting yourself? I get bored with a potential sub by the third email if he isn't different. Most are the same guy cut from the same mold. The few men I am pursuing right now, I am spending a lot of time and effort on. The couple that I am on the fence about, it will all come down to whether or not they make an effort. If they just sit back and wait for me to pursue, nothing will happen, because I just don't have the time or care enough. Which is probably fate that they end up on the wrong side of the fence. I have to be passionately interested in a man to be heavily in pursuit - not just have him say, "I am available, try me, you will like me." Akasha

LadyPact -> RE: A spark of interest (12/29/2007 2:08:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pixelslave quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Also, I'd like to point out that nobody nailed Me for misspelling/adding an extra "t" to a simple word. (No fair coming back to get Me for it now. But Lady Pact, you're already standing in front of a cross in your avatar/photo! Who needs nails unless they're very long and sharp ones attached to fingertips?? [;)] - pixel Standing in front of one, rather than being on one, are two vastly different things. That much, I can promise you.

pixelslave -> RE: A spark of interest (12/29/2007 2:50:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: pixelslave quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Also, I'd like to point out that nobody nailed Me for misspelling/adding an extra "t" to a simple word. (No fair coming back to get Me for it now. But Lady Pact, you're already standing in front of a cross in your avatar/photo! Who needs nails unless they're very long and sharp ones attached to fingertips?? [;)] - pixel Standing in front of one, rather than being on one, are two vastly different things. That much, I can promise you. Of that I've no doubt Lady Pact and it was implicit in my last post. [8D] I'll be attending a party tonight at the local dungeon which has several of them, although I really just expect to watch and learn. If I see any nails tonight, I'll be sure to let you know! [;)] - pixel

LadyPact -> RE: A spark of interest (12/29/2007 2:52:06 PM)
Sounds like a lot of fun. Remember to bring back a good report. [;)]

pixelslave -> RE: A spark of interest (12/29/2007 3:26:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha quote: ORIGINAL: pixelslave Gosh, it seems to me that you ladies are sending us subs some mixed signals here, either that or I'm misinterpreting your posts. To me, it's a two-way street. I need to sense there's a mutual interest in continuing a dialogue in order for me to continue writing. Like you, I've received the one-line responses that essentially ended email conversations as they left me with nothing to reply to. When that happens, am I expected to "stick my neck out", write again and inquire for more information about your interests? Or am I to accept that you had no interest in learning more about me since you didn't ask, and then be the polite gentleman and leave you alone? [&:] We subs are often in something of a conundrum in what to do. The women on these boards claim to be dominants, yet often don't seem to want to send us signals to direct conversations where they'd like them to go. If we assert ourselves, which I often tend to be inclined to do (it's the "hey, you're not my Domme and I'm not your sub [yet] approach"; instead you're a woman I might want to get to know), we're then labeled as a man who's not a "twue" submissive and dismissed as such. [>:] I only submit to one woman at a time and not all women are going to be appropriate partners for me to have a D/s relationship with. I'm not just looking for any Domme to serve, I'm looking for one who's right for me just as Dommes are looking for a sub who's right for them. I could care less about the statistical imbalance that's purported to exist, not to sound overly confident, but *I know* I have a lot to offer the right woman and will eventually meet her. Presumably the right woman will be sharp enough to recognize me when I meet her, and if not, probably isn't the right one for me. Sometimes we subs have to sort through a lot of "princesses" before we kiss the right one. [;)] I hope you ladies will think about the messages you send. If you're interested in a sub, I suggest you find a way to let him know so you'll be giving him encouragement to continue to contact you. Perhaps the ones who haven't continued to write or IM you, weren't given the right kind of nibbles to cause them to return and chase the bait! [8D] - pixel I've recently started to initiate some contact with potential subs with the goal of having something long distance to start and maybe - after some period of time - real life. There are some subs that just want to be pursued and feel that a dominant woman should do the courting - and for many subs, this is what attracts them to this role in the first place. That's fine - but if you are an ordinary guy and an ordinary sub, know that there are dozens of you, and you have to work hard to make yourself stand out. Many won't even go that far. I am very happy to pursue a man I am interested in, and have done so relentlessly when the interest in intense. But for subs that contact me, or if I am maybe not quite sure if there may be chemistry, the ball is absolutely in his court to carry the lionshare of the effort in the initial stages. It's as if they expect me to do the emailing, the question-asking, the initiating of the phone calls, etc. and that's fine, but some equal reciprocation is a very minimum, not just answering questions and sitting back then writing three days later, "I see you have been logging on but not writing to me." It's as if they get irritated if you not PURSUING them, when you don't even know if the interest is even there. I think a great many submissive men are incredibly lazy. Trust me, you can be lazy if you are HOT. But if you are not hot, or oozing with charisma, you can expect that you have to make an effort to get the lady to chuckle, make her look forward to opening your emails. That means the email should not be, "Do you have any questions? Do you have any tasks for me?" How about showing some initiative and interest and being interesting yourself? I get bored with a potential sub by the third email if he isn't different. Most are the same guy cut from the same mold. The few men I am pursuing right now, I am spending a lot of time and effort on. The couple that I am on the fence about, it will all come down to whether or not they make an effort. If they just sit back and wait for me to pursue, nothing will happen, because I just don't have the time or care enough. Which is probably fate that they end up on the wrong side of the fence. I have to be passionately interested in a man to be heavily in pursuit - not just have him say, "I am available, try me, you will like me." Akasha Akasha, I don't know that I'm an ordinary guy or an ordinary sub. I like to think otherwise, but different strokes for different folks as the saying goes. I don't expect to be everyone's cup of tea. [sm=biggrin.gif] More importantly, it's clear you appear to understand my point. When you see what interests you, you approach and go after it. If it's what you expected, you continue with your pursuit and it's obvious to the one being pursued. That's a very good feeling for a submissive to know they're desired by a dominant for the qualities they have to offer as a submissive; especially when they're often rejected by vanilla women and normal society for those same qualities and personality traits. [8D] I don't expect to be pursued initially when I contact a woman here on CM. I do at least expect her (assuming she replies) to respond in a manner that allows the conversation to continue and hopefully expand/grow should there be the possibility of a mutual interest. If not, it's bound to go nowhere and quickly die. From my posts here on CM, I think it's obvious that I'm not one who's inclined to send one liners. [;)] I can't imagine pestering a woman because she's logged on CM since the last message I sent her. Perhaps she's too busy to reply or just not interested. As an adult I can accept and understand either of those. Asking "do you have any tasks for me?" I don't think so! I need to get to know a woman first before I can submit to her and would hope she could accept that's something I need from her. If not, then I don't see us working out. I see it as more of a vanilla process of getting to know each other as people first where there's something of an equal reciprocation as I believe you referred to it. You message me, and I message you in return; like passing a ping-pong ball back and forth. That doesn't prevent me from sending you an e-card if the mood strikes or if there's a special occasion that warrants it. BTW, they're also nice to receive too! [:D] I also understand not being enthused about the the "I'm available, try me, you'll like me" approach. That's a bit like buying the generic brand because it's cheaper, just to see if it tastes as good as the premium brand. IMO, this venue is partly about marketing yourself and telling another why they would like you and what you have to offer them as a potential partner; in the process learning if you have enough shared interests to establish a basic compatibility to pursue things further. [&:] - pixel

MisPandora -> RE: A spark of interest (12/29/2007 7:39:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo This time I just followed my own advice and ignored him. Hopefully Miss Manners is correct and he'll stop contacting me now. Not likely! In two days, I received three letters from guys I've had the no thanks first time and Goddess Ignora on the second contact. All three got blocked. The other charming situation was a guy who MET ME at a NYE party a few years ago. He'd already been told I had no interest in him when I learned he was married. At the party, he solicited me to play with the both of them. No and No. So he sends me an email last night, making like he was introducing himself again and asking if I'd be interested in training he and his wife. I replied, "Are you really that senile that you don't recall our meeting and conversation about this at _______'s dungeon where you were wearing XXXXX and your wife was wearing YYYYYY?" He responded that he knew we'd met and thought that perhaps I'd forgotten and would reconsider. Dimwit.

VeryCurious07 -> RE: A spark of interest (12/29/2007 9:05:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Have you ever noticed that so many are out there with hopes of meeting, but they cant keep up a simple email convo? If it's really what they want, do it or gett off of the pot already. I'm obviosly new to this board, not to mention fetish/lifestyle boards in general, but I will venture a guess here. These guys who the ladies are complaining about are not all that different from a lot of guys in the real world. I think that for some, friendship, emails, IM's and chatting just isn't enough, but they maintain a thinly veiled pretense that it is, for your benefit. This, most likely, in the hope that once they are "in" that they can break down the barriers online and proceed right to the task at hand, which is separating you from your clothes in some real life meeting or just cajoling you into sending them some material with which they can jack off to. Once they see that the woman in question, who said she really wasn't looking to meet someone off the Internet was...gasp...serious about it, they have no more need to maintain the pretense of respecting your "just looking for friends" wish. For those of you who really are looking for someone, the person in question probably disappears either because you aren't being overtly sexual with him or because you are or just aren't attracted to him. Not to mention that this is a message board designed for fetish oriented people. While I have seen a lot of cool people in the day or so since I joined, I would also be willing to bet that for every intelligent, articulate regular member here, you have 10 backwards, anti-social wacko's without the first clue how to talk to a member of the oppositte sex beyond the initial niceties or begging for pics and hot chats.

ShaktiSama -> RE: A spark of interest (12/29/2007 9:57:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VeryCurious07 Not to mention that this is a message board designed for fetish oriented people. While I have seen a lot of cool people in the day or so since I joined, I would also be willing to bet that for every intelligent, articulate regular member here, you have 10 backwards, anti-social wacko's without the first clue how to talk to a member of the oppositte sex beyond the initial niceties or begging for pics and hot chats. I have had profiles on many websites like CM, whether for fetish-oriented folks or simply sex-and-dating oriented folks. I have met models, fellow artists and even good friends through every profile I've ever posted, but I have also had to wade through a lot of people who were rude and insane. Even leaving aside the people who were obviously whacko or pathologically discourteous, though, there is also the third category of people who end up wasting a lot of my time because they simply can't overcome their fears and doubts. At this point, I simply try to be patient and tolerant. It takes courage and faith for people to step out and make themselves vulnerable to me, as a woman, a domme or an artist. Even among sane and relatively decent folk, there will always be ten people willing to talk about a fantasy for every one person with the courage to live out that fantasy. I'm looking for that one brave and passionate person who's going to follow through and knock it out of the park. I'm willing to weed out the ten duds as necessary, because the good one is always worth it. [:)]

VeryCurious07 -> RE: A spark of interest (12/29/2007 10:37:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama I'm looking for that one brave and passionate person who's going to follow through and knock it out of the park. I'm willing to weed out the ten duds as necessary, because the good one is always worth it. [:)] Makes sense and good luck. If shyness is the major problem here then of course, you too can take a proactive approach and draw the person out, which it sounds like you already do. I guess I have a different perspective than some people here, since I am a man who isn't on this site looking to hook up with anyone. I just like message boards and writing posts, and meet plenty of people in real life.

MisPandora -> RE: A spark of interest (12/29/2007 11:05:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AFlyInYourWeb Has it occured to you that by making the submissive write first, they are compelling us to show our interest in them before they have to show any interest in us? I think that we are being placed in the position of a "supplicant", and they are occupying the position of Power in that equation. Precisely. And by forcing the sub's hand...compelling him to write and be the first contact, I can see how well he reads, follows directions and most importantly, where he puts his focus -- on me, or upon himself. A dominant woman can tell alot by that first contact, be it a poorly composed sentence fragment or an epic novel.

VeryCurious07 -> RE: A spark of interest (12/29/2007 11:23:31 PM)
I know very little about these topics, but I would like to ask a question Pandora. At what point does a domme expect a potential sub to act like a sub? Is it correct to assume that your expectation is that supplicative behavior should begin at or about the first contact as a sort of audition or demonstration of his desire to "serve"? Not sure why I am asking this, but as my name suggests, I am very curious. I guess I was assuming that a potential sub doesn't actually assume a servile posture until the relationship was underway already.

RumpusParable -> RE: A spark of interest (12/29/2007 11:25:30 PM)
LadyPact, yuppers I'm home. Will be at the New Year's gathering! Will be nice to see you and yours. :)

MaamJay -> RE: A spark of interest (12/29/2007 11:30:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo No offense intended, littlesarbonn, but please reread what Maam Jay said above. She says she does initiate contact but after that it's up to the approached to make an impression on her. She does not say if she must make an impression in return but based on other things she's written, I'm betting that she knows she has to also ask and answer herself. Perhaps the numbers that we all hear floating around, always how bottoms/subs/etc outnumber tops/doms/etc by a large amount, play into the power imbalance even before any authority has been exchanged. I think that yes, gender roles also play a bit part. I don't chase people either. Either the interest is mutual or it isn't. I've never seen the benefit in chasing nor do I like it if someone chases me -- that's called not getting it and needing to be hit over the head with a clueX4 as I've heard the expression. Thanks tammyjo, spot on! I said I was more than willing to make a first approach, that is rarely the few words that I frequently get from subs! I usually write a decent paragraph and also ask them to read My full profile and if they are interested to please respond and tell Me what interests them. So by a favourable response, I am expecting more than a single line of "yes i'm looking 4 mstress"! Sorry, but those I am not going to chase. I am sure subs who have been in contact with Me will attest to the fact that I usually write twice as much as they do LOL! Heck, all you readers out there know that I can be longwinded, a fault I readily admit to! I will more than keep up My end of the communications ... I will explain in advance if I am going to be offline, away or unduly busy so subs aren't left wondering where I went. I will happily reply promptly to messages received. But I am not going to "chase" ... by which I mean sending email after email that doesn't receive a response. And if I work out that the sub in question isn't going to fit into My household, I politely state that, explain what I see are the deal-breakers and offer to remain in touch as a Mentor if they wish. I even respond to those who approach Me from overseas (pointing out politely that they should read the profiles of those they approach and why) ... being Dominant does not relieve Me of good manners. But chasing is a whole different thing, and it's not Me. Neither do I appreciate being chased by someone whom I have politely told isn't suitable ... as tammyjo said, that's not getting it. The limit of chasing for Me, is for a sub to do his or her bit to maintain and develop the communication ... being open and complete in their responses and asking questions of Me is a very good way to do that! Hope that has cleared up the "mixed messages". Maam Jay aka violet[A] PS littlesarbonn, I usually find what you post to be good, so maybe you just had a reading glitch there [8\|]

ShaktiSama -> RE: A spark of interest (12/30/2007 10:30:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VeryCurious07 I know very little about these topics, but I would like to ask a question Pandora. At what point does a domme expect a potential sub to act like a sub? I am sure Pandora will answer this for herself, but I thought it was an interesting enough question to make a comment myself. I often think that people misunderstand what it means to "act like a sub". A genuinely submissive nature is not an act. It pervades someone's existence, and colors many relationships. A man who is submissive to women often shows a certain amount of deference and reverence for all women, and for the feminine principle in general, as with Goddess-worshippers, feminists, or female supremacists. Others tend to compartmentalize their submission and yield power and control to one woman only. In any case, though, a man's submissive nature can shine through in many ways in his daily life. Many acts of chivalry are inherently submissive, including the desire to protect women from harm, provide for their needs, or give them pleasure. I am always very moved by men who offer me protection. And I love a man who makes me laugh or smile for its own sake. Ergo, I can say without a moment's hesitation that a man who wants to be attractive to me should behave like a submissive man from the outset. He should want to know me and he should want to please me, and I expect him to show an interest in me as a person and as a woman. If he sends me a message that shows he hasn't read my profile, what sort of message does that send? If his attitude translates as "It's all about me every day of the week and twice on Sundays," why in the world would I want anything to do with him? And for the record, behaving in a "servile" fashion or engaging in some kind of groveling roleplay is not "acting like a sub". That's "exploring your submissive fantasies"--or trying to bait my dominant fantasies. Like all overtly sexual gestures, that can backfire badly if I haven't already signalled that I find you attractive and I'm interested in the game. I realize that all women are different, so all of us will have different answers to a question like this. It is a good question, though. [:)]

AFlyInYourWeb -> RE: A spark of interest (12/30/2007 1:44:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama quote: ORIGINAL: VeryCurious07 I know very little about these topics, but I would like to ask a question Pandora. At what point does a domme expect a potential sub to act like a sub? I often think that people misunderstand what it means to "act like a sub". A genuinely submissive nature is not an act. It pervades someone's existence, and colors many relationships. A man who is submissive to women often shows a certain amount of deference and reverence for all women.... Many acts of chivalry are inherently submissive, including the desire to protect women from harm, provide for their needs, or give them pleasure. He should want to know me and he should want to please me, and I expect him to show an interest in me as a person and as a woman. VC07: Shaktisama has said it well. The word I kept looking for in her reply was "gentleman", since so much of the behavior she describes defines that word. Dictionary.com has 10 definitions of "gentleman", but here are the ones I think Shaktisama had in mind: a civilized, educated, sensitive, or well-mannered man: He behaved like a true gentleman. a male attendant upon a king, queen, or other royal person, who is himself of high birth or rank. A gentleman would naturally treat a woman as a Lady. Merriam-Webster has several defintions of "Lady", including: a: a woman having proprietary rights or authority especially as a feudal superior b: a woman receiving the homage or devotion of a knight or lover So when we write to a Domina, we should strive to be gentlemen addressing a Lady, express interest in her as a person and a woman, and continue in that vein until she clearly signals that she would like us to become more familiar. One-liners, cock-shots, "do me" lists and unsolicited discussions of sex, BDSM, or D/s only demonstrate that we do not see them as a Lady, or ourselves as gentlemen. Being a gentleman [or a submissive, for that matter] does not mean being wimpy, servile, or a doormat. One can be gentle, thoughtful, considerate, good-humored, and accomodating, and still be manly. Cyrano de Bergerac might be a good role-model to contemplate.

KindLadyGrey -> RE: A spark of interest (12/30/2007 3:11:06 PM)
quote: ORIG: littlesarbon This whole perspective continues to fascinate me. To me, it feels different, almost as if what I'm reading is: "I'm a dominant woman who pursues only what I want to pursue, but I'm going to limit myself only to the guys that try to get my attention." I know this isn't the case for all situations, but I know a LOT of quality submissives who WON'T contact women on a regular basis because they realize how many do-me subs are out there already bogging down a woman's attention. Therefore, just simple statistics tells me that the majority of what a woman with this perspective is going to see is the do-me submissives who mass email every dominant profile they can come across. It would seem, at least to me, a lot more productive if a woman who purports to be dominant and the one in charge of her destiny actually approaches the submissives for whom she is interested instead of the other way around. We're dealing with a cultural stereotype here that amazingly is still maintaining itself as the norm. Female dominance is culturally and socially against society's norms, YET in order to make contact, female dominants STILL maintain a patriarchal standard that makes them the sought after "prize" rather than completely reversing the attitude as one would think it would be. I don't have any problem approaching a submissive who interests me and offering to chat or meet. In fact, I am very aggressive about it. I've sent notes to several subs who post on this board expressing regrets that such a nice boy lives so far away, and offering to take them to dinner if they are ever in my area anyway. Likewise, if I decide I really like someone, I will romance the hell out of them in complete reversal of traditional roles. It's mostly just those beginning phases we Dommes are bitching about here. It makes me feel like an idiot to keep saying "Hello? Hello? Do you still exist? Are you still interested?" if the sub pulls a disappearing act. Why on earth should I let any sub make me feel like an idiot? So if a sub disappears, I'll just let them go. I won't chase. There are plenty of other nice boys in my life willing to remind me that they adore me, sometimes every day. Why would I want one that ignores me or forgets about me? As far as online goes, it's hard to parse all the male subs out there. I've corresponded with some very savvy boys who have excellent profiles and are witty and interesting in correspondence, yet the one boy I finally started developing a more serious relationship with has a one sentence profile; I would never have thought to message him if he hadn't messaged me first. He is definitely NOT a do-me sub. I wonder about these subs you mention who don't contact women. Do they meet many people here? Are there a dozen Dommes vying for their attention every day in the inbox? I'm willing to bet not. Still, you raise an interesting point. Hey, fellow Dommes, do you actively search for and contact subs on this site? I really don't. I did a search once for subs in my local area and was pretty disappointed with the results. There were maybe 2 who seemed compatible, and I'd say only about 10% of the profiles I perved were both literate and meaningful. The two who had wonderful profiles, well, I sent them messages. But I've never done it again. It was too frustrating weeding through that other 90%! Much easier just to reply to nice messages in my inbox! I know it's all unbalanced and not exactly fair, but numbers are against the male subs. Me? I just sit back and wait for them to come to me, and it totally works. That approach almost never works for the poor male subbies. . .you guys really need to be on top of things and make sure you maintain contact with Ladies who have expressed initial interest in you. Good luck, littlesarbon. YOU have a very nice profile and I hope some lovely Domme sweeps you off your feet someday soon :)

VeryCurious07 -> RE: A spark of interest (12/30/2007 3:18:17 PM)
Thanks for the answers, ShaktiSama and AFlyInYourWeb. By the way, Shakti, you mentioned something about Goddess Worshipper. Are you referring here to spiritual worship or worshipping a mistress as a "Goddess"? I am asking for a very specific reason, because I am not a sub by nature, although I do have fantasies of a submissive nature. However, and this is the very different part of who I am, I believe in Goddess as a deity and not in God. I also believe that the world should be Matriarchal in political, financial and socioeconomic nature and that women should basically run the world. I believe that, in a Matriarchy that families should also be matrilineal in nature, and that a man should take the last name of his wife, as in Mrs and Mr Jones, that name being her original name, not his. Now here is where my beliefs really are different from the men in this forum who are classically sub in nature: I am not interested in being a slave or being docile. I am ruled by Testosterone and my male nature. I have no interest in bondage, in spending my life as a servant, doing chores and tasks for a mistress or domme. I love being a man and embrace my traditionally male nature, so I would be about the worst sub ever, even if I had a desire to follow that path, which I don't. My beliefs come from a deep seated realization that we men, the present ruling class in a basically androcentric world, are oppressive and dogmatic in the way in which we govern, and that we are poised to literally destroy all life on this planet. I believe that this is the direct result of a political, spiritual and ecomomic system that is inextricably bound to the worship of "male god's", particularly the ones found in JudeoChrislamanity, and that if women ran the world, and we worshipped Goddess and NOT God, that life would be drasticaly different and a lot more peaceful, not to mention creative and free. You see, I could never be a slave, because it is my belief that all people should be free. It is also my belief that if the world was matriarchal in nature that men would, paradoxically enjoy far more freedom, not less, than we do presently. Men would have far greater emotional, sexual and intellectual freedom if women were in charge of things and we had a true worldwide Matriarchy. It is my firm belief that Patriarchy actually limits the freedom of both men and women, but thiis post has already rambled on about this more than I should have lol. Suffice it to say that I believe men should venerate and revere women. I believe that men should be absolute gentlemen and love and respect both the intrinsic rights and power of femininity. However, I could never be in a relationship where I was restricted and bound by any type of enslavement, be it social or sexual. I'm not sure if this makes any sense, particularly in this forum, but this is why I am not on here looking to hook up with anyone. I just like the forum. ;)

ShaktiSama -> RE: A spark of interest (12/30/2007 3:50:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VeryCurious07 By the way, Shakti, you mentioned something about Goddess Worshipper. Are you referring here to spiritual worship or worshipping a mistress as a "Goddess"? The two are by no means exclusive. In fact, they often go together very well. [;)] As to the nature of slavery, servitude, or submission--you seem to believe that yielding to a woman sexually or allowing her authority in the household is contrary to your "maleness" or "freedom" in some way. It is not. Patriarchy will never be weakened or replaced until a woman with power does not automatically equate to a man being emasculated. And yielding power to a woman is also not contrary to "freedom" per se; freedom is defined by the ability to make choices. The "slaves" here on CM were not torn from their wailing families and auctioned on the block to be used and destroyed by whoever has the coin. They tend to choose a power exchange relationship with a specific person or people. They do this willingly and eagerly because the relationship fulfills them and gives their lives purpose--in much the same way that some might join the military or the church because service in these spheres fulfills them and gives their lives purpose. I could respond to some of the rest of this, but I'm fairly sure we've drifted far enough off topic already. [;)] I am very amused to run into a Female Supremacist who doesn't want to submit to women sexually or serve them personally, though. I guess that's enough irony for one day... [:D]

Politesub53 -> RE: A spark of interest (12/30/2007 4:01:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VeryCurious07 I know very little about these topics, but I would like to ask a question Pandora. At what point does a domme expect a potential sub to act like a sub? Is it correct to assume that your expectation is that supplicative behavior should begin at or about the first contact as a sort of audition or demonstration of his desire to "serve"? Not sure why I am asking this, but as my name suggests, I am very curious. I guess I was assuming that a potential sub doesn't actually assume a servile posture until the relationship was underway already. i cant state as to which point a Domina would require this. My view is though, i am what i am, right from the start. i act as i would normally, polite and showing respect. Just as i would initially to any one i met in a vanilla setting. The level to which i submit may deepen as the relationship progresses. Although there is no submissive act, its just me being me. i hope this helps and welcome to the boards.

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