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Fear of real life encounters - 12/28/2007 7:53:44 AM

tingedpurple

Posts: 8
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

Hello, everyone. By way of introductions, I'd like to ask this question:

Have you ever experienced fear when you realized your CollarMe/online chat relationship may get serious and you're going to meet in real life? Being somewhat new (to BDSM and CollarMe) I find it a tad intimidating. Luckily, my one CollarMe success story involved a woman who herself was somewhat new, so that our first outting didn't even involve anything about D/s, just a drink to get to know one another. Have any funny stories about your first few dates? Fear you had to overcome?

Post #: 1

RE: Fear of real life encounters - 12/28/2007 8:03:22 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

I have probably met over 50 people in real life whom I had first met online, but I still get butterflies when I meet someone new for the first time.

Most of the time, things really worked out. I can't remember being stood up, even a single time. Sometimes it lead to play that night, other times it was just a drink or a quick chat. I have made some very good friends and had some very hot scenes.

The thing to remember is that everyone gets nervous before a first meet. As a dominant, I have learned to use that nervous tension to my advantage, so the nerves are a good thing. *smile*

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to tingedpurple)

Post #: 2

RE: Fear of real life encounters - 12/28/2007 8:03:45 AM

Cyis75

Posts: 164
Joined: 8/31/2004
From: Georgia
Status: offline

I would say it sounds like your first outing was on par with what we/I try to use as a first meeting. We never plan on a first meeting ever being more than just that. We've even found ourselves in the past meeting at a Starbucks and 3 hours later we were still sitting around and talking when the store was closing, so we took things back to our place and continued late into the evening. Even going back to our place all we did was talk and didn't play in anyway.

My wife actually started out as a second submissive joining my ex-wife and I (obviously before the end of the marriage). She actually flew cross-country to visit us, on our dime of course. Everyone was nervous and no one knew how the trip would end, we'd made arrangements in advance to handle it going good or bad. It worked out, unfortunately the marriage was doomed before it anything could move forward really. After the wake of the marriage she and I got together.

(in reply to tingedpurple)

Post #: 3

RE: Fear of real life encounters - 12/28/2007 8:47:14 AM

daddyncherry

Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

i was totally scared to meet my Master/Daddy the first time....even though it was only going to be for coffee(and after almost 4 months talking)....i'd been in a LTR and hadn't dated in a bunch of yrs, much less online. So i was waay more than nervous.
When we did meet we hung out and talked for a couple of hours and before we parted he kissed me up against a wall (OMG i almost fainted...it was the first time i'd kissed anyone else for alot of years because i wanted to-*sigh*)...He asked me to if i was going to walk him to his car and i declined....i confessed to him not too long after on the phone, that i just had a weird feeling that if i'd walked him to the car and he had told me to get on my knees and "ya know", that i just wouldn't have been able to say no to him. (now, i know that to be true :))

_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to Cyis75)

Post #: 4

RE: Fear of real life encounters - 12/28/2007 8:51:59 AM

PsyVamp

Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline

Most of my first meets are non play and I try to make them in populated places like the dungeon or coffee house or even the goth club. There were only 2 that were play on the first night, one of them is still a playmate and the other is my pet.

I find that some men are hesitant to approach me, and that is fine. If I really intimidate them that much, they are more than welcome to stare at me from across the room. ;)

Lady Jag

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to tingedpurple)

Post #: 5

RE: Fear of real life encounters - 12/28/2007 8:58:16 AM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

Early on most of my meets end up being me stood up.
Couple of years later i have had success on long distance meets.

Funny how long distance worked but local didnt do that well!

(in reply to PsyVamp)

Post #: 6

RE: Fear of real life encounters - 12/28/2007 9:39:23 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I never worry about meeting anyone. Mostly because for me everyone is just another person, no dom or sub label until I start thinking of them as such.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to tingedpurple)

Post #: 7

RE: Fear of real life encounters - 12/28/2007 9:46:11 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tingedpurple

Hello, everyone. By way of introductions, I'd like to ask this question:

Have you ever experienced fear when you realized your CollarMe/online chat relationship may get serious and you're going to meet in real life? Being somewhat new (to BDSM and CollarMe) I find it a tad intimidating. Luckily, my one CollarMe success story involved a woman who herself was somewhat new, so that our first outting didn't even involve anything about D/s, just a drink to get to know one another. Have any funny stories about your first few dates? Fear you had to overcome?

I was afraid all these things I had been craving and lusting for (the submission and emotional connection as well as the BDSM activities) was one big fantasy and when held to task, I really didn't have it in me, and I wasn't who and what I thought I was.

I was wrong. :)

(in reply to tingedpurple)

Post #: 8

RE: Fear of real life encounters - 12/28/2007 9:48:49 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I always get a little nervous meeting new people. I love the thrill of it, though. I have met many people from CM, some as friends only and some with no intention of being more than friends that just developed that way. I have never really had to get over anything.

I do have one funny story though. I had made plans to meet someone back in Vegas. Seemed like anice enough guy, and the one time he sent me a picture, he was fairly generic. Average heigt, average weight, brown hair... so on.
We made plans to meet at a Starbucks, easy enough.
When I got there, I got my coffee and found the easy chairs in the corner I told him Id be waiting at. About 10 minutes after our scheduled meeting, I was approached by a man, average height average weight, brown hair...
But not him, we found out after chatting for more than an hour! He and I are still in contact, actually. I never did hear from the boy I was suposed to meet, and his profile disappeared.
Funny how that worked out

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 9

RE: Fear of real life encounters - 12/28/2007 9:50:38 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

No, I am not afraid of real life encounters, but I think alot of men are, from what I can tell. At least you can tell if they are not going to be serious if they cannot commit to actually meeting you and yet they keep writing you over and over again.

I always suggest meeting in a public place and having a drink or coffee, no pressure at all. The worst thing that could happen is that there will be no chemistry. But you sometimes cannot tell from the phone conversations or even initially how someone is....

One time I had a lunch date with someone from here that I chatted with on the phone who sounded normal. We had lunch, he behaved normally, with the exception of some nasty comments of an ex-wife, etc. While he was somewhat attractive and sounded good on the phone, I was not that into him.

We leave, he asked me to look at a photo album of his kid in his car which was parked next to mine. It was broad daylight and I said, sure why not, I like kids. I got in the car, he showed me the photos. Then he went to kiss me, ok, fine, I kissed him. But then he grabbed me really hard and violently and as I tried to push him away, he actually BIT me so hard I screamed and slapped him.

He said, what is your problem? I said, are you kidding numbnuts? You fucking BIT me!! He said, "Look, you said you are a submissive, that is what happens to submissives, isn't it?"

So, lesson being: on a first date, don't go into the guy's car.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 10

RE: Fear of real life encounters - 12/28/2007 9:50:47 AM

abytchgoddess4u

Posts: 268
Joined: 10/17/2004
Status: offline

~fast reply~

I *never* play on the first date...EVER. So, that doesn't even factor into my thoughts for a meet. Even on the extremely rare occasions I have Pro'd in the past, I met the person for coffee first.

I also prefer to meet in person relatively quickly, if possible. That way anticipation and expectations are not built up. I never consider anyone non-local; for logistical reasons mostly, but also for the above.

_____________________________

"Everything in the Universe Is within you.
Ask all from yourself." Rumi

"The world will know and understand me someday. But if that day does not arrive, it does not greatly matter. I shall have opened the way for other women."
George Sand

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 11

RE: Fear of real life encounters - 12/28/2007 9:55:58 AM

grlneedstolearn

Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline

i definetly had some apprehension with my Dom on the first meeting, not sure what exactly to expect, though he did give me some basic instructions though. And because he is much older than i am, i had a fear of being hurt both physically and emotionally again. But after that first meeting, we hit it off without an issues or problems.
But meeting people through online whether it be in a vanilla or a bdsm setting can always be nerve wracking. Even now when i meet someone from here i am apprehensive and more cautious then i was in the past and when i first met my Dom.

(in reply to tingedpurple)

Post #: 12

RE: Fear of real life encounters - 12/28/2007 10:04:45 AM

SirDominic

Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

Nothing wrong with feeling some fear or nervousness. Very wrong if you let those emotions hamstring you from actually going.

Just remember, as someone already pointed out, to take proper precautions so that first meeting is safe.

_____________________________

You teach best what you have lived.

(in reply to tingedpurple)

Post #: 13

RE: Fear of real life encounters - 12/28/2007 11:47:05 AM

KindLadyGrey

Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline

I like adventure, and meeting new people is always an adventure! I'm not ever afraid to meet new people. It also helps to utilize the usual safety protocols. . .meet in a public place, setup a safecall, etc. I also always keep my first meetings vanilla, usually over coffee or beer. Sometimes I'll give a sub a few simple instructions, depending on how receptive they seem to that sort of thing, but I try to keep most of the conversation vanilla and I certainly don't make any attempt to Dominate someone I just met! (I've actually had boys express disappointment about that, lol.)

There was one exception. I took a boy home once after meeting over dinner. He was just so cute, and had driven so far to come see me, I didn't want the evening to end so soon. I really did have every intention of just cuddling and watching a movie, but he was nervous about a spanking I told him he had coming eventually (because he had sent me some naughty naughty pictures without asking first). Apparently he had been afraid that I was going to drag him out to my car after dinner and spank him or something. Talk about being scared at a first meeting! We snuggled up on my couch and he seemed really nervous, so I asked him if he was okay. He said "Are you really going to spank me?" and I said "Absolutely you naughty boy, but not tonight. We should get to know each other a little better first and we'll pursue that part of the relationship when you are more comfortable." That only seemed to make him more nervous, so I said "Do you want me to spank you now?" Relief flooded over his face and he said "Yes, please." Apparently he was terrified with the anticipation of the punishment I had promised in future. He was waiting for the axe to fall the entire time. Now that's gotta be a little scary :)

Epilogue: I gave him a memorable spanking that evening, he calmed down, and he's been my favorite new boy ever since. A total sweetheart! Things are still new, but they are going great, and all because I took him home after dinner :)

Even though I do think it's advisable to meet in a vanilla setting on a first meeting, my sub-side still gets all fluttery if a Dom/me says something like "Wear a thong and bring your hairbrush." Likewise, I often feel that many of the boys I meet would prefer me to take a stronger hand immediately. I think it would be fun to do so, but I continue to bow to courtesy and safety.

How do people feel about that sort of first meeting? It would definitely create more anxiety, but it's also kind of hot!

(in reply to SirDominic)

Post #: 14

RE: Fear of real life encounters - 12/28/2007 11:51:14 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KindLadyGrey

How do people feel about that sort of first meeting? It would definitely create more anxiety, but it's also kind of hot!

I love giving those little orders, almost as an afterthought, when meeting someone for the first time. My usual is: "wear a button down shirt and a bra that clasps in the front". I don't often do anything with them on the first meet, but they are constantly kept on edge... It is simply delicious!

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to KindLadyGrey)

Post #: 15

RE: Fear of real life encounters - 12/28/2007 11:59:08 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

We played our first "date", and we are still involved with each other... we met for the first time over a year and a half ago.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to tingedpurple)

Post #: 16

RE: Fear of real life encounters - 12/28/2007 1:58:43 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

I usually feel a little fear that I push past, no matter what sort of interaction we're looking for. Not a "oh my gosh it's getting real!" fear, but rather a "oh my gosh, I wonder how this is going to go!" fear. I get jittery meeting new people, as much as I enjoy it.

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Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to tingedpurple)

Post #: 17

RE: Fear of real life encounters - 12/28/2007 2:04:25 PM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

I usually get a little fashionably nervous when I meet someone for the first time. There comes a point, though, when I feel a calming, dominant mode coming over me and I relax, calculate and can sense the change in myself as I'm sure she can, too.

< Message edited by ExSteelAgain -- 12/28/2007 2:13:31 PM >

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Post #: 18

RE: Fear of real life encounters - 12/28/2007 2:09:54 PM

PsyVamp

Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline

You know, one of the local meets here didn't go well. Somehow it seems we were in the same coffee shop, but never saw each other! I fell a bit awkward about that - but since I have a picture up, its not like one can miss me, I look just like my pictures.

One of the long distance meets didn't pan out, but that was okay because I was at the club with friends anyway.

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

Post #: 19

RE: Fear of real life encounters - 12/28/2007 2:30:13 PM

MistressFaye1

Posts: 276
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

I think it's a good thing to be a little nervous, it keeps you alert. I met this submissive for the first time and the minute he sat at the table he began to tell me that eventually he was going to have to, "see some p---y because I don't do men but I love getting the strap on because my former Mistress got me hooked on it." This was spoken right after, "hi". I was so shocked I picked up the phone and called my "safety net" and told him what was just said to me. Dude wanted to get up and leave because he said he couldn't believe I called someone and told him what I said and that he was uncomfortable being there because of it. He got ready to get up and I told him that I'd embarass the hell out of him if he got up. He sat there while I told him what a disrespectful jerk he was. I think he thought someone was going to come barreling through the doors because he kept looking behind his back. When I realized he thought someone was coming, I told him that I always come with an escort that was waiting for me outside and that he was the one I called.

I told him no one talks to me that way and gets away with it. I then proceed to use mindfucks for the next hour. I told him since he was sitting there crying like a baby, I would give him a break and let him go without harm but I warned him that the next Lady may not be so kind. I also let him know that it was a new day and most Dommes do not meet someone alone or without someone knowing where and who she's with.

When I let him go... I told him to watch his back for a few days because I might change my mind and told him to call me the following day and thank me for taking the time to teach him manners. Much to my surprise he did and when he did I told him he could breathe again and that he wasn't worth my time.

Was I mean for that? lol...lol LMAO

Faye

_____________________________

You can put away your masquerade
You won't ever have to be afraid of Me
Open up your eyes and see what is in store
I must the One that you are searching for.

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Post #: 20

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