RE: just a question

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sodsta -> RE: just a question (12/28/2007 2:35:44 PM)
That's a good point. I think there will always be exceptions to the rule. If it were a more experienced person then the assumption is they should know better. But with new, less experienced people, there's always the chance that they just don't know the risks involved, yet. It's generally more helpful to point out where they are going wrong than to jump down their throats. There's also the risk that someone new getting shouted at might be scared off, and therefore not have anywhere to go for advice in the future. I completely understand the temptation to scream at people who ignore the risks completely, though.

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: just a question (12/28/2007 2:35:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jakeskajira bouncing back I meant physically... your in your phyiscal prime at age 27. (such as a woman doing child birth between the ages of 24-34 would bounce back easier then someone younger who's body is not fully mature yet, or someone who's getting older and "past" their prime.. I meant bouncing back because of healing process physically, not mentally or emotionally.) not all women are built the same way ...and not all "bounce back" (as you so put it) the same way especially after child birth. personally i should know, i had both of my UMs when i was 24 and then 33 - both times i didn't "bounce back" easily because both childbirths were very difficult which took me months (and meds) to heal.

lusciouslips19 -> RE: just a question (12/28/2007 2:36:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick Emma, I just wanted to say that I think you seem to be a mature, thinking, compassionate young woman, and I wish you well in your life's journey. By the way, there are several young people here that I look forward to reading what they have to say, two that come to mind immediately are sodsta, who is posting on this thread, and TheScrivener. Both are also mature young men who I think will do well in life. Cali I second that!

Badpunzel -> RE: just a question (12/28/2007 2:36:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jakeskajira I guess I am just curious because as a 22 year old collared slave who's been married for 2 years to my husband (who happens to be my Master...) I just don't quite understand what is wrong with being young... Im still trying to understand why people make fun of younger people, do you think they find it funny? a way to get laid? a joke? a game? -- and even if they did, is that wrong? why can't everyone be different? Just trying to wrap my mind around this concept that age means that they shouldn't be taken seriously. Regards, slave emma Hello Emma, All that truly matters is how you choose to live within your own relationship, because in the end when all is said and done, you and your Master are the only two that live in your microcosm. Make plans for your future and try not to be overly concerned if others think you silly, or 'young'. Be what you are, and revel in the joys of living with someone who accepts you for who you are. Remember; this is only a forum. There are skilled people here, as well as unskilled--find the fun and forget the frustration. And never let anyone squelch the curiousity in you. BP

ownedgirlie -> RE: just a question (12/28/2007 2:37:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jakeskajira Past trauma can cause many people want to hide behind walls and make them afraid to trust. (If that is what your refering too, being hurt emotionally and mentally cause cause scars and fears that run deep and aren't seen on the surface) I think it is very liberating to trust someone, my husbands the first person i've ever trusted. (growing up in a family raised were I was taught you can't rely on anyone or depend on anyone but yourself they still don't understand why im a submissive wife LOL) I think its wonderful when you can learn to not let your fears or past hold you back. That is awesome for personal self growth... and many people can't do that, they are to afraid to even try. When you put yourself out there, you put yourself at risk for harm, you have to learn to trust, many people aren't willing to do that. or can't understand why people are willing to do that. It takes a lot of guts. I don't know what your history is, but it sounds liek you have a good solid head onyour shoulders. I think that more people, even in a vanilla setting would do well in their life if they weren't so afraid to trust other people... but society has sort of.. made that impossible... regards, slave emma Thanks for the interesting dialogue, emma. My history has me physically and emotionally abused for the 18 years in my upbringing, and emotionally abused for the 18 years of my marriage. I was the poster child for how to build walls and never let yourself trust. I disagree that society has made trusting impossible. I have come to learn that I can choose who I trust and who I don't. Boundaries are different than walls. I can choose who I allow into my world and who I keep at a distance. I believe there are "life affirming" and "life draining" people. I prefer to keep more of the affirmers in my world and less of the drainers. I also had to come to realize that if I get hurt, it's not the end of the world for me. The crap my divorce put me through had me flabberghasted. I went through a period of believing in nothing anymore, and of being fully convinced that things will NOT get better. The end product of all that is that I realized I could believe in myself, and that I could believe that there is love in the world, and once I allowed that love in (within my boundaries), I could flourish. Life is much more peaceful, liberating, and joyous outside those walls. But I never would have come to such "wisdom" in my 20s, because I had not experienced what I had. This is not to say I could not have learned it by witnessing another's experiences, but the lessons are different. And that's what I think many people are trying to convey here. Believe it or not, two of some of my very dear friends are 27 and 32, and I have learned a great deal from them. I imagine when they're in their 40s they will be even MORE remarkable, wiser, and brilliant.

ksub4u -> RE: just a question (12/28/2007 2:42:22 PM)
Oh, my - forgive me, but I may open up a can of worms with this one. In general, I don't think a person can submit or dominate (or maybe should sub or dom) until they know themselves well. Know who they are, where they're going in life, what they really want, and have their shit together in general. I didn't know myself well enough emotionally until 40 to begin exploring - does this make it wrong for someone who's 20 to be submitting to someone? Of course not - however, again, in general, a teenager submitting to someone or being someone's dom just seems wrong to me. I have a 15yo son. I constantly am reading and reading in articles about teenager's brains not being developed enough to be able to make the right decisions at times, to not be tempted by things like sex and drugs, to not drink and drive. So how is this teenager supposed to understand his submission or her dominance? I am certain that there are folks who have a basic understanding of their needs, whether it's to sub or dom, but to understand fully and come on forums (not you OP!) chest thumping about how they know it all, when they're so young ... just seems wrong to an older person. It's so much more than sex. Can a 20yo truly understand themselves and their needs and find a partner who meets those needs? Of course it can happen, but I would guess it's the minority. I haven't responded to a younger person's chest-thumping because I recognize it for what it is - immaturing showing. I am happy to see posts from younger people such as the OP who demonstrate thought behind their posts and show that they have done some deep thinking about where they wish to be in life. OP - keep asking questions!

laurell3 -> RE: just a question (12/28/2007 2:47:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jakeskajira I apologize if it came off as bashing, that was not my intent, but stastically, the "older" you are, the harder it is to change habits, or change in general when you get set in your ways. (statstically... it gets harder to "change" as you age, at least thats what I was always taught in my psych classes. -- habits are easier to change when you are younger, and the longer you do them, the harder it gets to break them. -- this is what I meant by adapt. I will try to be mores specific in the future to prevent any miscommunication!) A lot of this is opinion as well, my Master is quite a bit older then me, and he does have a lot of patience, more so then someone younger might, but thats not set in stone either, but everyone has to LEARN.... you don't stop learning just because you turn 50.. you don't stop learning... just because your 90. I think of everyone of "every" age has something to offer... that was my point. I will try and clarify myself better in the future. Regards, slave emma I find it ironic that you post saying young people should not be blanket disregarded because of their age but yet then use "statistics" (which means nothing here as we are not even remotely close to most vanilla study groups in characteristics) to say older people don't change as easily and older people have issues too. It's not a competition, all people have issues. Countering young people suck with older people can too doesn't make logical sense. Younger people certainly have a lot to offer. They don't have a lot to offer in a relationship with me as I cannot get around the age difference personally that does not mean that don't have opinions and some knowlege. It does mean if they have a profile listing themselves as "expert" on everything under the sun they are going to get hazed, but then again that happens to older people also. In my opinion life experience (not necessariily even lifestyle experience) can make a very big difference in the success of a relationship. However, there are clearly people out there of all ages that are just flat clueless period. People on these forums are rather blunt at times. Rather than rebelling against what you see as some trend and making your own generalizations in response, consider the source and find those that don't share that opinion.

jakeskajira -> RE: just a question (12/28/2007 3:00:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie quote: ORIGINAL: jakeskajira Past trauma can cause many people want to hide behind walls and make them afraid to trust. (If that is what your refering too, being hurt emotionally and mentally cause cause scars and fears that run deep and aren't seen on the surface) I think it is very liberating to trust someone, my husbands the first person i've ever trusted. (growing up in a family raised were I was taught you can't rely on anyone or depend on anyone but yourself they still don't understand why im a submissive wife LOL) I think its wonderful when you can learn to not let your fears or past hold you back. That is awesome for personal self growth... and many people can't do that, they are to afraid to even try. When you put yourself out there, you put yourself at risk for harm, you have to learn to trust, many people aren't willing to do that. or can't understand why people are willing to do that. It takes a lot of guts. I don't know what your history is, but it sounds liek you have a good solid head onyour shoulders. I think that more people, even in a vanilla setting would do well in their life if they weren't so afraid to trust other people... but society has sort of.. made that impossible... regards, slave emma Thanks for the interesting dialogue, emma. My history has me physically and emotionally abused for the 18 years in my upbringing, and emotionally abused for the 18 years of my marriage. I was the poster child for how to build walls and never let yourself trust. I disagree that society has made trusting impossible. I have come to learn that I can choose who I trust and who I don't. Boundaries are different than walls. I can choose who I allow into my world and who I keep at a distance. I believe there are "life affirming" and "life draining" people. I prefer to keep more of the affirmers in my world and less of the drainers. I also had to come to realize that if I get hurt, it's not the end of the world for me. The crap my divorce put me through had me flabberghasted. I went through a period of believing in nothing anymore, and of being fully convinced that things will NOT get better. The end product of all that is that I realized I could believe in myself, and that I could believe that there is love in the world, and once I allowed that love in (within my boundaries), I could flourish. Life is much more peaceful, liberating, and joyous outside those walls. But I never would have come to such "wisdom" in my 20s, because I had not experienced what I had. This is not to say I could not have learned it by witnessing another's experiences, but the lessons are different. And that's what I think many people are trying to convey here. Believe it or not, two of some of my very dear friends are 27 and 32, and I have learned a great deal from them. I imagine when they're in their 40s they will be even MORE remarkable, wiser, and brilliant. going to cover a couple of issues here, I almost died in child birth at 18. --- but I still bounced back better then if I had almost died in child birth at 38... a younger person HEALS faster.... if I had been older (21-35), I probably wouldn't have almost died, my body wasn't fully developed... I grew 2 inches after having my son... (not saying young people can't have kids with out risk, but the younger you are, the better it is for the baby, harder it is on the mom, the older you are, the easier it is on the mom's body, but harder ont he baby... but this just how science explains it, not individual cases. --- it could go just fine, or totally wrong no matter HOW old you are. but the younger you are, the better your chances of healing faster.. though an older person who's HEALTHIER could recover faster.. its like a 200 pound woman is healither then a 100 pound woman, if she eats right, and excersizes, vs the 100 pound woman who doesn't eat right and doesn't get enough excersize. there's alot of variables though. but I just meant basic generic science) Second : I have complex PTSD -- I know exactly what your about, I had alot of issues growing up that.. should have made this lifestyle impossible for me, except I was willing to face my fears and not let them hold me back... I think that is a personality trait though, I wasn't willing to let it stop me live my life the way I wanted, or the way my MAster wants me too.. my past almost destroyed my marriage when I had to face stuff.. luckily my husbands stubborn and was willing to face it with me... what I meant by society holding us back and making it harder to trust : you can't leave your car door unlocked, odds are someon will come along and steal it. Heck, your child could be kidnapped, your dog could be kidnapped, these are things that didn't happen as often... everyone's afraid, they are naturally suspecious, people aren't willing to trust strangers.. people DONT want to know their neighbors.. (Not saying in all area's, but in alot of them, it is seen as the "standard" at least where Im from, but im near a big city, not in a rural state like montana.. that would probably change a lot of that...) there was just this chick and her boyfriend -- who killed her parents, grandparents, brother, and his wife and their 6 and 3 year old child (her niece and newphew) and the cops were called out to the house, encountered a locked gate and just said forget it and went home.. this is a good reason why people don't trust... you have to trust on society as a whole... and it fails people, and you hear about it, it gets aorund and it makes people scared... fear, makes people not trust in a lot of situations... this is the type of "social" situation that makes people "fear" trusting cops. the cops who abuse, the cops who harass, the cops who force girls to have sex with them to get otu of tickets... (this is what I meant my social) when my grandma grew up, she knew all her neighbors, she knew what kid, dog, car belonged to everyone else... she knew all the cops, the cops knew everyone... if something was odd, they investigated it, they didn't encounter a locked gate and go home... they would find out why someone called and hung up... and follow through (which legally they are supposed to do anyways.) -- just the sheer volume of people we have in society makes it harder to trust... more can go wrong. and does... there's more people to fuck up, make mistakes, easier to blend in with a crowd. This is 100% my opinion... and maybe ill change it eventually, but right now thats how I feel... society is huge. I think they make people scared... people are afraid of CPS, people are afraid of the police, people are afraid of a lot of things and so more mistakes happen, such as CPS letting kids die, or them over reacting because of past mistakes, so people are afraid to call them... people don't trust. and society hasn't done anything to fix that as a whole.. my humble opinionated opinion chuckles, slave emma

GregorianChant -> RE: just a question (12/28/2007 3:52:56 PM)
There is a definate bias against younger people in the BDSM community. Personally I find it irritating in the extreme. Thankfully I've been dealing with age related bias since I was very young.. I'm looking forward to the day when I'm no longer the youngest person in the room. Let's be frank people: alot of older people in BDSM did not discover what they were into until they were much older. They wonder, often out loud, whether its possible for one so young to understand what they are getting into. Look at the title of most young peoples meetings- The Next Generation. Thankfully in my city it's called "Early Bloomers" which does not in any way connote that it's not our scene- now. We may have less experience than you do- however we will be drastically more experienced than most of you at a much younger age.

juliaoceania -> RE: just a question (12/28/2007 3:57:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GregorianChant There is a definate bias against younger people in the BDSM community. Personally I find it irritating in the extreme. Thankfully I've been dealing with age related bias since I was very young.. I'm looking forward to the day when I'm no longer the youngest person in the room. Let's be frank people: alot of older people in BDSM did not discover what they were into until they were much older. They wonder, often out loud, whether its possible for one so young to understand what they are getting into. Look at the title of most young peoples meetings- The Next Generation. Thankfully in my city it's called "Early Bloomers" which does not in any way connote that it's not our scene- now. We may have less experience than you do- however we will be drastically more experienced than most of you at a much younger age. I sense so much hostility in this post. I will preface this with stating that the way I live is not about a "community", it is about the relationship I have with my Daddy. In the long run, isn't it about the relationships you share with those closest to you? Or is it about gaining respect from some "community" of people that you should frankly not really care all that much about. I understand that for some people the sense of community they get from their interests in BDSM is very important to them, but I guess I have never been much of a joiner anyways, so the respect of a group of people never had much importance to me... not when i was younger, and even less now. I just thought I would weigh in on this from a differing point of view from someone that isn't into the "group" thing

GregorianChant -> RE: just a question (12/28/2007 4:02:24 PM)
I suppose I am a touch bitter. It irks me to have someone look down on me over something as superficial as my age. Honestly the BDSM community is hardly the hardest age related issue I've ever faced. I work in a fairly high management position- and was promoted to be a mid level management position before this one. I had to be MUCH better than the competition to get the job because of my age. Being precocious is a good thing, but it has its problems. I have to say that my current locations community has been nothing but wonderful. I don't really depend on it for a sense of 'community' I have friends, family and work to get that. It is nice to have people you can be open with though- I don't get that from my family at all. (I do get that from my relationship when I'm in one) EDIT: I guess I'm a touch precocious with the BDSM thing too. I will admit that I'd hoped that a community as 'open' as the BDSM community would have valued me. But it required my moving to another city (absolutely not because of BDSM- work) after 4 years in the lifestyle to re connect with the BDSM community. I've already made some friends that I think I could get along with long term here- I wish I'd had that there.

ownedgirlie -> RE: just a question (12/28/2007 5:01:02 PM)
Hi emma, Thanks for your reply. I think we have been talking apples to oranges, with your "society" and my "personal", but what you had to say was interesting and I agree with most of it. We have to take more precautions today with our things than we did generations ago. We can choose whether or not we want to be cynical about it though. I guess that's my point - over the years I have learned that the way I respond to life and people around me is my choice. That's something I never grasped earlier on in life.

jakeskajira -> RE: just a question (12/28/2007 5:06:41 PM)
Ownedgirlie : I was just including multiple aspects.. society has held me back in some ways, with the whole no child left behind act and many other things they've changed in my generation. --- I think a traumatic child hood or experience has little to do with society unless society turns its back on those in need, which does happen. but society isn't the root cause of it, specific scenario's and situations are. I think there's alot to be said for realizing everything is a choice... your a smart lady, and I am sure it wasn't an easy road for you. It rarely is in life for most people. Regards, and with much respect, slave emma

ownedgirlie -> RE: just a question (12/28/2007 5:28:28 PM)
Thank you for the kind words, jakeskajira. No, it wasn't an easy road, but I keep my focus on what's before me, rather than what's behind me. It keeps me hopeful and optimistic! Plus, I'm having a lot more fun on this side of that great valley. I wish you the best in your journey forward as well. :)

flowspen -> RE: just a question (12/28/2007 10:41:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jakeskajira I read reading a thead on here and was wondering why young Dominants and submissives are being put down so much? I guess I am just curious because as a 22 year old collared slave who's been married for 2 years to my husband (who happens to be my Master...) I just don't quite understand what is wrong with being young... I knew I liked BDSM and sexual kink stuff at a young age..and it just got stronger as I got older... Would a "no limit" sub be "smart" at any age? young or not? I've seen older subs say this... (I consider myself a no limit slave "now" with my Master, but we have closely aligned beliefs and we've talked alot, we've been married for 2 years... there's alot of other factors.. and it took me along time to throw all my "limits" out the window and submit that deep...) Im still trying to understand why people make fun of younger people, do you think they find it funny? a way to get laid? a joke? a game? -- and even if they did, is that wrong? why can't everyone be different? Just trying to wrap my mind around this concept that age means that they shouldn't be taken seriously. Regards, slave emma I was late on this one so I will just throw my thoughts in from your original post... I imagine it is difficult for you being young and feeling like others are putting you down based on your age. Maybe some see themself in you? Maybe one day when your older you will see younger people entering the lifestyle and you will think to yourself, "My I remember when I was like her, wow how I have grown" It isn't meant as an insult just for what it is. The experienced people forget what it is like to be young with some experience and just really entering this lifestyle with our eyes wide open, and the newbies dont know or understand all the experiences the experienced have faced and over come even compared to the many experiences you have lived all ready in your life. What is more important is that you have found someone who you feel you are limitless with and that is a beautiful thing. No one can take that away from you except you and your Master. You dont need anyones elses approval or even acceptance, you have nothing to prove to anyone but yourself. Just be you and the rest will accept you for who you are and then no one will ever put you down. At least not to your face. You here with us on CM, you have a profile, you have a Master, your living the life and your a submissive, slave with no limits. So when people post things that you feel put you down that is only them expressing themselves .. dont take it personally..

feralkyttin -> RE: just a question (12/28/2007 11:00:27 PM)
Greetings Everyone, The only people I want to laugh at an put down are those who have double standards. Please forgive me if you find this insulting. My wants are not always met. I find myself laughing at people who are old and young. I find myself laughing at people who are dominant and submissive. I find myself laughing at myself. I find others laughing at me. What's wrong with laughing? I find that if I don't laugh at some of life's absurdities, that I will cry. I don't want to cry. I don't want anyone to see me crying, least of all myself. But what the fuck do I know? A slave's voice counts for nothing. I would think that a kajira knows this. Then again... like I said... what the fuck do I know? I'm young. I have more experience than MOST people twice my age. I am young. I don't think I'm a kajira. I get called that all the time, though. I say call me what you will. That doesn't make it true. Laugh at me if you want. That doesn't mean it's funny. Go find a post by Master OrionTheWolf and go read those three sayings he has on there... If you think my voice counts for anything. If not... Why the hell are you reading this in the first place? I'm just a slave. Forget the freak, you're just nature ~Stone Sour Lyric~ Meesha/ feralkyttin/ just a stray Wouldn't a hard headed bitch by any other name smell just as sweet? Or would that be subject to change?

feralkyttin -> RE: just a question (12/28/2007 11:03:57 PM)
"Ownedgirlie : I was just including multiple aspects.. society has held me back in some ways, with the whole no child left behind act and many other things they've changed in my generation. --- I think a traumatic child hood or experience has little to do with society unless society turns its back on those in need, which does happen. but society isn't the root cause of it, specific scenario's and situations are." THIS is why young people get "put down" as you called it.

junecleaver -> RE: just a question (12/29/2007 12:06:25 AM)
I do not expect to be taken seriously. I actually expect to be completely ignored and find it a pleasant surprise when someone is listening to me, much less taking me seriously. There has been much drama in our local groups about the age policy. Many are still 21+. Apparently, being able to buy beer makes you more mature[8\|]. I have no idea why people would fight tooth and nail so bitterly to keep those of 18-20 out of their groups, but they do. I am willing to learn from those who are willing to teach. I felt that way at 18 and still do at 21 and hopefully still will at 50. I find it really sad when valuable leaders in the community refuse to share the information they have learned with the 18-20 crowd and THEN complain about the horrible-dangerous-stupid-insert whatever they are complaining about this week- misuse of BDSM.

TheScrivener -> RE: just a question (12/29/2007 1:09:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: junecleaver I do not expect to be taken seriously. I actually expect to be completely ignored and find it a pleasant surprise when someone is listening to me, much less taking me seriously. I felt the same way coming here. I'm so used to being ignored because of my age, and I honestly never expected to find such a positive reception here in a kink-oriented community, after some of my experiences on the m4m equivalents of CM. It's refreshing, and I'm thankful for the kind words and listening ears. It's a nice change, even if some people still adhere to old expectations of doubt. We're all young once, and (hopefully) all "old" once too. I think if everyone remembered that in their daily interactions, here and elsewhere, we'd be better off. As long as people have the right attitude, their age should not be used against them.

Maya2001 -> RE: just a question (12/29/2007 5:56:21 AM)
quote: bouncing back I meant physically... your in your phyiscal prime at age 27. (such as a woman doing child birth between the ages of 24-34 would bounce back easier then someone younger who's body is not fully mature yet, or someone who's getting older and "past" their prime.. I meant bouncing back because of healing process physically, not mentally or emotionally.) There is no prime age for physical bounce back/repair the younger you are the faster you body cells can rejuvenate, I learned that lesson well after spending a month in a pediatric ward of a hospital while my son was there, as I watched children go for tonsillectomies and go home the same day, I watched babies that underwent brain surgeries and go home the next day, but once physical adulthood is reached the cells stop reproducing/rejuvenating as quickly so repair times become slower, the baby recovers faster physically than the 25 year old adult from physical trauma, I had my surgeries in my 20's and seen a number of other adults of varying ages and sure did not recover as fast as all the children I seen come and go from the pediatric ward . Emotional recovery though improves with age because overtime life experiences learned and one learns more coping stragedies so the older one gets they generally become calmer and will consider things more rationally logically before acting on impulses so tend to make less mistakes than the younger person therefore they generally learned to master their emotions, where as the younger will often act out rashly on the emotions, they do not take the time to consider what the outcome their actions will bring first. the young tend to measure sexual prime in terms of frequency basically raw rutting, which is fine but it is even better once sensuality is added in and quality learning to hold off to reach maximum orgasism states(this again is where mastering emotions come in) so sex quality improves. I find better and moe enjoyable now than when I was half my age. As for the comment about the internet, no it was not around when I was younger, so I did not happen to know that some of the activities I engaged in happened to fall under BDSM, nor would I have considered than that my marriage could have been described a M/s relationship based on non consent and no limits. The internet just happened to put words and categories to things I had already been doing or involved in. So though I officially classified myself as a sub at 48 some of the Bdsm activities I have already been doing for over 30 yearsSo though I may be new on the scene as a "sub" at 48 with less than a year experience to title I have more real life experiences than some of the young subs/slaves with 5 years experienceand most of us oldies also were raised in homes we we where taught man was head of the household and that is was our job to serve them, even the schooling limiting what classes a female could take, newspapers had seperate job sections for males and female unlike much of the newer generation who have been raise to be equals and where never raised to have seperate standards, so us older ones do have an easier time adjusting and adapting to the lifestyle because we already have the conditioning and experiences under our belt, Many of the current M/s relationships today are just a copy of our former marriages or the way we viewed our parents marriages, so dominance and submissionis not something new to us, we have already experienced, we may just have to learn to kinks that go with

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