jakeskajira -> RE: just a question (12/28/2007 3:00:02 PM)
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ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie quote:
ORIGINAL: jakeskajira Past trauma can cause many people want to hide behind walls and make them afraid to trust. (If that is what your refering too, being hurt emotionally and mentally cause cause scars and fears that run deep and aren't seen on the surface) I think it is very liberating to trust someone, my husbands the first person i've ever trusted. (growing up in a family raised were I was taught you can't rely on anyone or depend on anyone but yourself they still don't understand why im a submissive wife LOL) I think its wonderful when you can learn to not let your fears or past hold you back. That is awesome for personal self growth... and many people can't do that, they are to afraid to even try. When you put yourself out there, you put yourself at risk for harm, you have to learn to trust, many people aren't willing to do that. or can't understand why people are willing to do that. It takes a lot of guts. I don't know what your history is, but it sounds liek you have a good solid head onyour shoulders. I think that more people, even in a vanilla setting would do well in their life if they weren't so afraid to trust other people... but society has sort of.. made that impossible... regards, slave emma Thanks for the interesting dialogue, emma. My history has me physically and emotionally abused for the 18 years in my upbringing, and emotionally abused for the 18 years of my marriage. I was the poster child for how to build walls and never let yourself trust. I disagree that society has made trusting impossible. I have come to learn that I can choose who I trust and who I don't. Boundaries are different than walls. I can choose who I allow into my world and who I keep at a distance. I believe there are "life affirming" and "life draining" people. I prefer to keep more of the affirmers in my world and less of the drainers. I also had to come to realize that if I get hurt, it's not the end of the world for me. The crap my divorce put me through had me flabberghasted. I went through a period of believing in nothing anymore, and of being fully convinced that things will NOT get better. The end product of all that is that I realized I could believe in myself, and that I could believe that there is love in the world, and once I allowed that love in (within my boundaries), I could flourish. Life is much more peaceful, liberating, and joyous outside those walls. But I never would have come to such "wisdom" in my 20s, because I had not experienced what I had. This is not to say I could not have learned it by witnessing another's experiences, but the lessons are different. And that's what I think many people are trying to convey here. Believe it or not, two of some of my very dear friends are 27 and 32, and I have learned a great deal from them. I imagine when they're in their 40s they will be even MORE remarkable, wiser, and brilliant. going to cover a couple of issues here, I almost died in child birth at 18. --- but I still bounced back better then if I had almost died in child birth at 38... a younger person HEALS faster.... if I had been older (21-35), I probably wouldn't have almost died, my body wasn't fully developed... I grew 2 inches after having my son... (not saying young people can't have kids with out risk, but the younger you are, the better it is for the baby, harder it is on the mom, the older you are, the easier it is on the mom's body, but harder ont he baby... but this just how science explains it, not individual cases. --- it could go just fine, or totally wrong no matter HOW old you are. but the younger you are, the better your chances of healing faster.. though an older person who's HEALTHIER could recover faster.. its like a 200 pound woman is healither then a 100 pound woman, if she eats right, and excersizes, vs the 100 pound woman who doesn't eat right and doesn't get enough excersize. there's alot of variables though. but I just meant basic generic science) Second : I have complex PTSD -- I know exactly what your about, I had alot of issues growing up that.. should have made this lifestyle impossible for me, except I was willing to face my fears and not let them hold me back... I think that is a personality trait though, I wasn't willing to let it stop me live my life the way I wanted, or the way my MAster wants me too.. my past almost destroyed my marriage when I had to face stuff.. luckily my husbands stubborn and was willing to face it with me... what I meant by society holding us back and making it harder to trust : you can't leave your car door unlocked, odds are someon will come along and steal it. Heck, your child could be kidnapped, your dog could be kidnapped, these are things that didn't happen as often... everyone's afraid, they are naturally suspecious, people aren't willing to trust strangers.. people DONT want to know their neighbors.. (Not saying in all area's, but in alot of them, it is seen as the "standard" at least where Im from, but im near a big city, not in a rural state like montana.. that would probably change a lot of that...) there was just this chick and her boyfriend -- who killed her parents, grandparents, brother, and his wife and their 6 and 3 year old child (her niece and newphew) and the cops were called out to the house, encountered a locked gate and just said forget it and went home.. this is a good reason why people don't trust... you have to trust on society as a whole... and it fails people, and you hear about it, it gets aorund and it makes people scared... fear, makes people not trust in a lot of situations... this is the type of "social" situation that makes people "fear" trusting cops. the cops who abuse, the cops who harass, the cops who force girls to have sex with them to get otu of tickets... (this is what I meant my social) when my grandma grew up, she knew all her neighbors, she knew what kid, dog, car belonged to everyone else... she knew all the cops, the cops knew everyone... if something was odd, they investigated it, they didn't encounter a locked gate and go home... they would find out why someone called and hung up... and follow through (which legally they are supposed to do anyways.) -- just the sheer volume of people we have in society makes it harder to trust... more can go wrong. and does... there's more people to fuck up, make mistakes, easier to blend in with a crowd. This is 100% my opinion... and maybe ill change it eventually, but right now thats how I feel... society is huge. I think they make people scared... people are afraid of CPS, people are afraid of the police, people are afraid of a lot of things and so more mistakes happen, such as CPS letting kids die, or them over reacting because of past mistakes, so people are afraid to call them... people don't trust. and society hasn't done anything to fix that as a whole.. my humble opinionated opinion *chuckles*, slave emma
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