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RE: calling all dominants - 12/30/2007 10:00:39 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

. I will tell someone one time that I miss them, and then they will never hear it again. I am not interested in boosting their ego knowing I miss them or heavens forbid I want them back.
However, not saying it and not feeling it are FAR different.



Hard lessons for me here. Now I have to also admit I like my ego boosted. Actually I am  multiple (I am a twin) and my ego doesn't function in a very singular intact way. It's like I have ego-share (like a time share) permanently as part of my make-up. I go so fast into ego-less-sub-space that yes I admit I need my ego boost to get myself back on planet E.
I just wait for that moment of power exchange, a sigh, a moan, a sense of relief I feel he feels when he is satisfied by my submission. As well as that well worn phrase good girl......but it's not always about my ego.....

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: calling all dominants - 12/30/2007 10:04:24 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HalloweenWhite



.....oh look, there's My credibility going down the toilet.....lol

change your profile to toilet slave required???sorry just couldn't resist that.......

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: calling all dominants - 12/30/2007 10:05:20 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

Whew it's exactly that though....I want to be the one he misses every day....but although I know there's a soul....he's not going to bare it and keeps on doing that Dom thing...but you are right, if I cared (enough) I would still be there......

 
I suppose I do not understand this, because if I did not care enough to stay around, I would not be wondering if they still missed me. In fact I would hope they didn't miss me. The few occasions that i was the one to walk away from a relationship, I wished the person I left got over me completely and never looked back... but I hate hurting people I love, I hated every time I hurt someone that loved me but I couldn't return the commitment....

I can understand wanting to mean something to someone that is significant to you, wanting them to miss you, etc... but everyone must go on.

My mom once told me something that  experience tells me is maybe somewhat true, women have an easier time getting over lost love then men do... perhaps that is an unfair generalization, and untrue, but what I have seen it seems to be kinda true. Most women tend to verbalize their hurt and move on a heck of a lot quicker than men do... if I know a man doesn't love me it makes it easy to move on. It is when I was uncertain of if they ever loved me or still loved me that I found more trouble with it....

The easiest way to get rid of me is to tell me "I just don't dig you that way, julia"... and then I do not spend so much time looking over my shoulder

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 12/30/2007 10:06:29 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: calling all dominants - 12/30/2007 10:11:14 AM   
Raechard


Posts: 3513
Joined: 3/10/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

Why is it that Doms never seem to let their submissibes know they fall apart without the submission?
I quit three months ago and all he could say in a recent phone call was....~I hope I am not giving too much of my power away here but I begin to miss 'em~......them? who? another or was he trying to say he was a human being afterall and missed ME?
PS myanon closed the thread that wrote from a Dom's heart and there was a post there where a Dom confessed to having fallen apart without her. And yes I know i could go to 'ask a Dominant' but that would only be one person's opinion.
So: calling all you slave owners, old guard, new guard, leathermen, real-timers and strictly come sadists and any other dom types.....have you hearts? and did you miss her? the one? the first one? the only one? or do you miss one of many? when she is gone?




As a Dominant friend of mine used to say, “Yes I’d miss her, who else is going to take my boots off at the end of the day?”

_____________________________

えへまにんへえや
Nobody wants to listen to the same song over and over again!

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: calling all dominants - 12/30/2007 11:06:15 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If they don't have hearts, and they're too afraid of risking pain to take the chance, they aren't in control of themselves, they are just controlled by their own fears.

Me, I said to him first thing that I wasn't going to be the only one to risk emotional vulnerability, and that if he wasn't interested in that then I wasn't the right one for him. Perhaps next time you ought to be more proactive about what you need.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to anowner)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: calling all dominants - 12/30/2007 11:32:19 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania



My mom once told me something that  experience tells me is maybe somewhat true, women have an easier time getting over lost love then men do...



My eldest son rang me today. He is 24. We were very bonded when he was a child and he is my first born. But there was divorce and for a while, because he and I felt it necessary, he spent more time with his father and we grew apart. I am honoured that he called me today to say he had safely returned home after spending a Christmas split between his father's home and mine. I am sharing this because he called me and he was sobbing. It was as if he had suddenly become a small child and bonded again (the bond never was broken of course). He had split with a girl friend just before Christmas and had mood swings then, crying on my shoulder in front of his younger siblings. His expressed grief threw us all closer.
He asked for, and I gave my advice, saying at the same time, look I know what's best for everybody else but cannot be my own therapist. His tears were all the more poignant because I had not seen them, or felt the possibility of them for many years. To be honest, I didn't think he was capable of feelings like those. He has had three 'serious' girls, the first two I have met, each one of them a beauty with brains. The one he just lost, or gave away, I haven't met. I did have a discussion about assertion, but stopped short of talking about domination and submission. His personality veers towards his father's, who is every inch and forever will be a dominant male. But I just wonder if, at 24 years old, he is struggling with the responsibilities that being dominant brings. When he lets feelings of self worth and vulnerability get to him he simply makes these beautiful women feel unsafe.
I have to hand it to you dom(me)s out there....respect for contouring the safety and thanks for the ride(s).

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: calling all dominants - 12/30/2007 12:14:05 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		All of us have hearts and can be hurt. We each show that in a different way...just like in vanilla life. Some are more transparent than others. Some are more demonstrative than others.

But you really already know this; you post is more about wanting support in your grieving process. We hear your grieving and witness it.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: calling all dominants - 12/30/2007 12:44:10 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

All of us have hearts and can be hurt. We each show that in a different way...just like in vanilla life. Some are more transparent than others. Some are more demonstrative than others.

But you really already know this; you post is more about wanting support in your grieving process. We hear your grieving and witness it.

Master Fire

I am not sure it is a grieving process but I accept that I am posting about something personal couched in the generalised impersonal voice. But there is a genuine interest here within me to undetstand dominance.
It's not like I 'lost' someone, as in a death but more like I am making it impossible for them to dominate me.
The result is the same though so ok I admit there is a loss there.
Loss for me is always felt as a one way process....when it happens.....and I have 'lost' both parents, two cousins, three miscarriages and numerous friends to the ravages of time, drugs and HIV, then I am so overcome by my own frief that there is no room to appreciate that others might feel the same. grief is a luxury isn't it in a society where we do not as a whole witness death as an everyday event. And emotional grief is a luxurt indeed.
I suppose what I am doing is measuring myself worth to him as a function of how much he is (or is not) prepared to admit to missing me.
Firemaam, you are a harsh teacher, sometimes.


(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: calling all dominants - 12/30/2007 12:46:05 PM   
Sexynmentalinkc


Posts: 132
Joined: 4/14/2006
Status: offline 		I should clarify....

While I can definitely miss, and be hurt by, the loss of one that's cared for that hardly means I "fall apart". That situation would be extraordinary indeed.


- Mr. S


_____________________________

"I think all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired. ...I'm certainly not. And I'm sick and tired of being told that I am..."

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: calling all dominants - 12/30/2007 12:54:42 PM   
dogobedience


Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline 		As a dom who needs to always lead, I lead.

As a person with feelings, I suffer at times.

My father was in the military for over 31 years (WWII, Korea, and 2 times VietNam), often times he would command men to their possible death........some died...........HE LEAD, BUT HE ALSO SUFFERED.

The mark of a true leader is understanding that though you have an inner drive to lead and be in charge, you are also human and will have feelings. DO NOT confuse being in control and having feelings.They exit concurrently. You can feel bad, but you must be in charge of your environment, as you have nobody that commands you. A leader always leads however, no matter the inner feelings.

As a true dom (deep down to my DNA),to allow myself a breakdown, because of a breakup, does show some inability to be in control of one's self.

This is not easy, to always lead and dominate  For many like myself, we know no other way and will not bend to others. We lead, and live for it .   

.

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: calling all dominants - 12/30/2007 1:10:31 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience


This is not easy, to always lead and dominate  For many like myself, we know no other way and will not bend to others. We lead, and live for it .   

.


Could I re-word this as:
For many like myself, we know no other way and cannot bend to others.............

then I understand His position.........

(in reply to dogobedience)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: calling all dominants - 12/30/2007 1:40:27 PM   
dogobedience


Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline 		Agreeded.

Be well.

Be STRONG.

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: calling all dominants - 12/30/2007 3:37:20 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx
Firemaam, you are a harsh teacher, sometimes.


While it's often not my intent to be, I know I often do this...because honesty and the pain it causes is often what is required to get someone's attention. Wisdom is knowledge that's gone to our hearts. It's just that often, we choose the painful path to get it there. Humans are funny people. We often don't feel a lesson/knowledge has meaning unless we "pay" for it, either through some painful process or with money. Frankly, I am no different.

*hugs*

Be proud of yourself. You're willing to go down a path of self-awareness. This puts you above the average person. Be compassionate with yourself. You are exactly were you are supposed to be exactly when you are supposed to be there.

I HAVE fallen apart when one slave disappeared. I had true, reality-based fears that he was dead. If they were irrational fears, I could have dealt with it a lot better. Since I'd lost someone else in much the same way about six months before that...well, it was a very hard lesson. Fortunately, he wasn't.

Master Fire

< Message edited by MasterFireMaam -- 12/30/2007 3:41:50 PM >

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: calling all dominants - 12/30/2007 3:43:34 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam
You are exactly were you are supposed to be exactly when you are supposed to be there.


I kinda thought so..................having that degree of free will is why I am still searching for the perfect master
ed to say still searching for perfect mastery (self included)


< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 12/30/2007 4:02:33 PM >

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: calling all dominants - 12/30/2007 3:45:34 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		Oh, I've felt like I was walking down Skid Row Ave. on a cold windy night with old newspapers blowing past before. The thing is to hang in there and one day you will find a special relationship that makes you forget the past.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: calling all dominants - 12/30/2007 4:14:07 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

So: calling all you slave owners, old guard, new guard, leathermen, real-timers and strictly come sadists and any other dom types.....have you hearts? and did you miss her? the one? the first one? the only one? or do you miss one of many? when she is gone?



Missing someone is something completely different than falling apart without them. 

I've never experienced falling apart without someone, be it a romantic partner, lifestyle partner, parent, spouse, friend of any level of closeness, or other by means of break ups, distancing or deaths.

I cannot fathom such a thing.

Now, if you just meant "why do some dominants have a problem saying they care about a slave who they clearly do?" well, can't tell you.  I also have no problem acknowledging and stating when someone is important to me. 

My best guess would be insecurity or lack of confidence in themselves... ?

As to the missing someone part, TammyJo and LadyPact basically summed up my thoughts and feelings. 

< Message edited by RumpusParable -- 12/30/2007 4:19:37 PM >

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: calling all dominants - 12/30/2007 5:36:57 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RumpusParable
I've never experienced falling apart without someone, be it a romantic partner, lifestyle partner, parent, spouse, friend of any level of closeness, or other by means of break ups, distancing or deaths.

I cannot fathom such a thing.

I am glad for you, but --- it's a well known medical situation that if you have a married couple in their 80s or 90s and one dies, the chances of the other dying within the year goes way up even if the person is "perfectly healthy."  It is critical for the rest of the family -- and other friends -- to get super-involved in the life of the survivor during that time.

People define themselves in different ways, and many people construct their fundamental identity in terms of another person.  To speak stereotypically, "I serve/support him" or "I guide/protect her."  This is a human being thing, more fundamental than whether someone is vanilla or BDSM.

Take away someone's reason for living and sometimes that person stops living.  Emotional collapse is a mini-version of the same thing.

(in reply to RumpusParable)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: calling all dominants - 12/31/2007 10:38:45 AM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		I'm well aware of that phenomenon, saw it first-hand with my great-grandmother.  I'm just not one who has ever been able to identify in terms of others, it's foreign to me and not how I tick.

It's something I've seen in others and can be sympathetic about, but cannot understand empathically at all.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: calling all dominants - 12/31/2007 4:04:52 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I was absolutely shattered when my slave abruptly left me.  I carried on, of course, but it took me a long time to recover.  Granted, it was a vile, toxic relationship that I should have left myself, and needed to be recovered from regardless of how it ended.  :)   I was absolutely consumed with rage at how I was betrayed---I actually had to take time off from playing for fear that some poor bloke was going to trip my trigger and bear the brunt of it.



_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to RumpusParable)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: calling all dominants - 12/31/2007 5:15:13 PM   
tigerstyle


Posts: 168
Joined: 5/25/2005
Status: offline 		Yes. I've never truly gotten over the person that I co-discovered this world with, and don't think I ever will. I strill dream about her 15 years later.

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 60
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