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sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 6:57:57 PM

shellzbythesea

Posts: 120
Joined: 5/27/2007
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Disclaimer:
i know there will be many who reply to this thread only to say that any offer of "protection" is a crock of crap. i get that. ALL replies are welcomed, regardless.

Heart of the thread:
Without going too far into my personal situation, i'd like to know how many Doms and/or Masters would be "put off" or "deterred" by viewing a sub's ad, only to find out she has someone who is offering to "protect" or "guide" her in her choices. Would You choose not to make contact with her knowing that someone else may eventually view Your email or at least be made aware of Your intent?

i'm not talking about a "collar of protection" per se...

i'm asking because although i'm currently taking a break from my "search" due to the experiences i've had since coming to Collar Me, i know that eventually (or i'm guessing as much) i'll be back here for the "search" rather than just reading the BBS. my first Dom, who i still and will always respect, has been observing my struggles here. He has suggested that he could offer me his "protection" or "guidance" when i am ready to resume my search. However, as i've mentioned to him, i believe this could deter a potential Dom. i'm not sure *i* would be so comfy knowing someone might read my personal note to another so why should i expect someone else to be comfy with that? On the other hand, as he has countered, it may help to weed out those who are not truly serious and/or those who just want some "play time."

As a side note...i am *not* some dimwit that cannot make her own decisions. i just find the ones i've made since coming here, haven't been the best, for whatever reason. Perhaps i started off with that "sub frenzy" i've read so much about...

Post #: 1

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 7:06:26 PM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

If I see "under the protection of whoever", especially those who are protecting subs in other states, and sometimes in other countries, I immediately stop bothering to read.

I think you're quite intelligent enough to weed out the wankers and tossers, without the help of a former Dom. I'm sure a prospective Dom would be deterred at the thought of another Dom reading all his correspondance with you. But that's just my opinion.

Good luck.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to shellzbythesea)

Post #: 2

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 7:07:22 PM

domahpet

Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
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sounds like maybe your former dom is just going to be a sounding board for you, someone to talk to about people you may consider meeting here? sounds like a good idea to me, someone who knows you and what you like, and who hopefully wont press too many of his ideas onto you during the process.
as for telling anyone else about it, i really dont see the need. are you going to have some sort of panel interviews?
if not, dont worry about it

(in reply to shellzbythesea)

Post #: 3

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 7:11:29 PM

anowner

Posts: 24
Joined: 10/26/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

Would You choose not to make contact with her knowing that someone else may eventually view Your email or at least be made aware of Your intent?

Maybe, maybe not. I have made such contact, in the past, but I've also been put off by it. It'd depend on what else was in your profile, how much you interested me (slick pic on your profile, by the way--the hall of mirrors effect would encourage me), and who that person looking over your shoulder was. (If you wouldn't say, that'd put me off quite a bit.)

(in reply to shellzbythesea)

Post #: 4

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 7:13:35 PM

SirMIkeSD

Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline

You say you are not some dimwit and I am NOT saying you are, and I don't want to sound hash but personally for me, if you are not able to fend for yourself I don't want you. I mean after all, if you can not meet your own needs on your own without making bad choices how are you going to be able to serve me without me having to "micro" manage you and each choice you make. Also I would not want everything I discuss with someone reviewed with someone else, while I would not mind if someone says do you mind if I talk this over with a friend, I sure as hell don't want everything I write reviewed by someone else.

Of course this is MY thinking, and I am sure some will disagree with me and others will not.
Mike

(in reply to shellzbythesea)

Post #: 5

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 7:15:22 PM

AquaticSub

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Joined: 12/27/2005
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While we aren't sure exactly what we are looking for yet, if we found a girl who we thought we might like it would depend on the wording. We wouldn't bother with someone where we had to go through the dom first, I respect wanting advice and guidence, but if I can't talk to the girl herself to see if I at least click with her a bit I'm not willing to struggle through someone else's screening process just to start talking.

Edited to add because the others brought up a good point: There are some things that come up during the process of getting to know a potential partner that maybe you don't want everyone in the world to know. It would depend on what the dominant in question was being told and how exactly this protection system worked.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 12/30/2007 7:20:46 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to shellzbythesea)

Post #: 6

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 7:16:15 PM

OldBastardly1

Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
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Protection from what? Is the computer going to attack you? And if it does, can he really protect you?

If I were here looking for a sub and, while reading her profile, saw that she was "under protection", I would click out. Not because she had a cyber bodyguard, but because I would instantly know that her & I would not be compatible.

_____________________________

Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad

(in reply to shellzbythesea)

Post #: 7

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 7:16:25 PM

thisgirl72

Posts: 4
Joined: 10/25/2007
Status: offline

Are you going to be sharing all of the emails you receive or just the ones from the people you think you might want to meet, when you start discussing possibly meeting? It's also possible that he could help you in your decision making without actually having to read any of the emails if you still have open communication with him. Just a thought.
It also seems like the best way for you to become more confident in your own decision making skills is for you to have as much say so in the process as possible. The goal being that eventually you won't need a protector because you can weed out the undesireables yourself.
I know this doesn't address any of your questions but I just thought I'd propose another idea.

(in reply to shellzbythesea)

Post #: 8

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 7:19:04 PM

anowner

Posts: 24
Joined: 10/26/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

as for telling anyone else about it, i really dont see the need.

domahpet has a point. It's your business, and if you anonymize the e-mails you get first, I see no reason not to share them with someone you trust.

By the way, after thinking about it, I've responded exactly once to someone who was "under protection", and in that case it was someone who'd had quite a bit of experience and who was interested in relatively heavy play. The less experience, the more I'd be put off. Ditto for someone who only wanted very light play.

(in reply to domahpet)

Post #: 9

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 7:22:24 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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Many dominants will not want to go through your protector because they do not like the idea of being dominated. So you may be losing out on some good opportunities.

I won't even go into what I think of the entire "protection" thing.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to shellzbythesea)

Post #: 10

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 7:25:35 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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My general opinion on this is that if someone doesn't have the ability to make sound judgements about life relationships on their own then they shouldn't be looking to become involved at that point and time. If you don't know who may be good for you then how can someone else?

_____________________________

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Post #: 11

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 7:28:40 PM

Shawn1066

Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
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I don't think it's a bad idea at all for the inexperienced to have protectors. It's easy to say a lot of people can take care of themselves, but that doesn't always work out in practice. The inexperienced are likely to jump at things without thinking and sometimes it's best to have somebody to help keep you from losing your common sense as soon as something looks promising.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 12

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 7:30:13 PM

shellzbythesea

Posts: 120
Joined: 5/27/2007
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First off, thanks to everyone who has replied regardless of what Y/your thought process is (and yes, i know that caps thing drive some nuts...all i can say is sorry, it's become a habit now...)

i'm going to address a couple questions now because it drives me crazy when i read a thread and the OP never comes back to address the questions that have been asked by those who are simply trying to help out but need to have a better "grasp" of the situation:

quote:

ORIGINAL: domahpet

sounds like maybe your former dom is just going to be a sounding board for you, someone to talk to about people you may consider meeting here? sounds like a good idea to me, someone who knows you and what you like, and who hopefully wont press too many of his ideas onto you during the process.
as for telling anyone else about it, i really dont see the need. are you going to have some sort of panel interviews?
if not, dont worry about it

domahpet, you are correct. Because he knows me so well, he seems like the likely choice to turn to. i'd talk about this with my girlfriends, but they would probably not be as understanding (although my two best friends knew of the type of relationship i was in with my first Dom and one of them knows i'm currently heading back in this direction).

Dang...as much as i read these boards Y/you'd think i'd have *some* idea of how to do the multiple quote box thing...grrr...

(in reply to domahpet)

Post #: 13

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 7:31:03 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shellzbythesea

As a side note...i am *not* some dimwit that cannot make her own decisions. i just find the ones i've made since coming here, haven't been the best, for whatever reason. Perhaps i started off with that "sub frenzy" i've read so much about...

Okay, so you can make decisions in other areas of your life, but you make poor decisions about who to let into your life.

I think you need to work on that until you CAN make decisions about your own life.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to shellzbythesea)

Post #: 14

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 7:36:33 PM

shellzbythesea

Posts: 120
Joined: 5/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: shellzbythesea

As a side note...i am *not* some dimwit that cannot make her own decisions. i just find the ones i've made since coming here, haven't been the best, for whatever reason. Perhaps i started off with that "sub frenzy" i've read so much about...

Okay, so you can make decisions in other areas of your life, but you make poor decisions about who to let into your life.

I think you need to work on that until you CAN make decisions about your own life.

Cali

Precisely. i agree. That is *exactly* why i'm taking some "time off." i'm working on myself and also trying to figure out where i went wrong here. i think it *may* have to do with being too excited at the prospect of coming back to the type of relationship i feel more inclined to. So, i feel if i just step back and "observe" for a while, i may come back with a fresher perspective.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 15

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 7:38:31 PM

cankles

Posts: 59
Joined: 8/18/2006
Status: offline

It sounds pretty goofy, my reaction would probably depend on how much of a dbag I gauged the 'protector' in question to be. I would never message a Chargers fan anyway, so it's hard to visualize the scenario~ :0

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 16

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 7:39:00 PM

OldBastardly1

Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline

_____________________________

Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad

(in reply to shellzbythesea)

Post #: 17

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 7:46:36 PM

shellzbythesea

Posts: 120
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cankles

It sounds pretty goofy, my reaction would probably depend on how much of a dbag I gauged the 'protector' in question to be. I would never message a Chargers fan anyway, so it's hard to visualize the scenario~ :0

Hahaha...now see, i was just fine with what SirMIkeSD had to say but that's just mean. :)

Anyhow...as a side note...i did not ASK for his protection. We were on the phone the other day and he offered it as a suggestion. i wasn't sure it was the best idea...because of EXACTLY the majority of what was expressed above. Personally, viewing an ad like that would probably make me think the sub didn't have a mind of her own. He does not feel this way about me, at all. He's quite aware of my level of intelligence and that was part of his attraction to me when we were together. It was simply a suggestion and i soooo appreciate the fact that he cares enough to try to help me out. But again, i told him i didn't think most Doms would appreciate this...and that is why i came here to ask the view points of others.

(in reply to cankles)

Post #: 18

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 7:52:40 PM

domahpet

Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
Status: offline

oooooh! well you didnt tell that part!
that brings up a whole new list of questions....
like why and whats his motive, just for starters.....
hmmmmmm

(in reply to shellzbythesea)

Post #: 19

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 7:56:36 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Honestly, if he just going to take the place of your girlfriends who wouldn't understand the d/s courtship, are you really under his protection and need to state it as such? Is he going to prevent you from being without someone if he, for whatever reason, dislikes a possible partner that you are taken with?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to shellzbythesea)

Post #: 20

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