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RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 7:58:35 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		As I am sure someone has mentioned..you can always ask his advice without formally stating that someone is helping you to weed out the undesireables..you can show him the ones you think are potentials..and then listen to what his best advice is,...but then you must put on your big girl panties and decide wether to follow said advice...Tempting

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(in reply to shellzbythesea)
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RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 7:58:39 PM   
shellzbythesea


Posts: 120
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domahpet

oooooh! well you didnt tell that part!
that brings up a whole new list of questions....
like why and whats his motive, just for starters.....
hmmmmmm


i seriously don't think he has a "motive" per se.  He has his own sub now and i've become friends with her and will always be friends with him (although, it took a few years after the breakup to get to that point).  The pics in their couples profile (and i would never list their profile name without their express consent) were, in fact, taken by me last weekend.  i truly think they both just want to help me out.  That's all.  They know i am frustrated right now.  When i go to the local bdsm events here, i attend either with *her* (if he's working out of town) or the both of them.

(in reply to domahpet)
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RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 8:00:10 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		I don't go near anyone who claims to be under someone's "protection."  For one thing, I don't know anything about the "protector's" intentions, and I'm not really sure I understand why my e-mail is any of his fucking business.  But the main reason is this: someone who feels the need for a "protector" is someone who isn't yet ready to go through her own experiences and be responsible for her own decisions.  I just can't devote any time to someone like that.

If we're talking about someone who is an OWNED SLAVE, then that's completely different.  In that case, you're talking to someone else's property.  I always prefer knowing where the owner stands and would want to contact him directly.

quote:

ORIGINAL: shellzbythesea

Would You choose not to make contact with her knowing that someone else may eventually view Your email or at least be made aware of Your intent?

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RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 8:00:18 PM   
Honsoku


Posts: 422
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline 		~fr~

Sounding boards and the like, I don't have an issue with. Almost everyone has people they consult. Seeing "under the protection of so-and-so" in a profile would likely be an immediate pass. This is for several reasons;

1: It implies the person can't make good decisions on their own.

2: Odds are good the "protecting" dom/me already has plans on the protected. Hell, if she is under his protection, he is already dominating her. Little sense in trying to play when someone else already has all the cards (unless the pot is really really good).

3: If number 2 isn't the case, then I am having to win over two people and not just one. At least twice as much work, without double the benefit. Whose judgment is going to be more important? What if methods that appeal to her, don't appeal to him? She is going to have to be twice as good as the best "unprotected" one, which is highly unlikely considering reason #1.

4: Last but not least, I would feel really uncomfortable with someone else reading over my shoulder all the time during, what should be, private communications.

Honsoku

(in reply to OldBastardly1)
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RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 8:12:54 PM   
shellzbythesea


Posts: 120
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks to all who have replied.  You know what?  i'm going to go with my first instinct.  i'll do the "sounding board" thing...like i would with any of my treasured vanilla girlfriends (because i respect him as much as i respect them)...but i'm not going to list him as my "protector" nor will i be sharing any emails.  These are the same concerns i've already shared with him and he'll be fine with that.  He wasn't trying to "Dom" me, he was trying to help me.  But i feel the same way...this is just too intrusive to someone who could potentially be the One for me.  It's been hard enough trying to find someone already...why put up another obstacle?
 
Thanks E/everyone and Happy New Year's to A/all!
 
 

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RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 8:18:28 PM   
domahpet


Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
Status: offline 		well that was easy wasnt it?

(in reply to shellzbythesea)
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RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 8:21:00 PM   
OldBastardly1


Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline 		it seems our work is done here.

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Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad



(in reply to domahpet)
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RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 8:21:09 PM   
MissSCD


Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		shell:
 
I would not touch them with a ten foot poll because it would break protocol.
Collars of protection are for your protection.  Then my next question would be why would someone under protection try to contact a Dom/me without the protector's permmission.
When I started out, I did not breath without asking my protector.  Then I was very  nice on the way I did it. 
My basic rule is do not engage in friendship with a collared submissive.  Although protection is for protection, it is the same amount of respect and protocol as a regular collar.
 
Regards, MissSCD

(in reply to shellzbythesea)
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RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 8:22:40 PM   
domahpet


Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
Status: offline 		and in only 2 pages this time!

(in reply to MissSCD)
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RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 8:23:10 PM   
shellzbythesea


Posts: 120
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domahpet

well that was easy wasnt it?



Do you ever need to just "validate" how you feel?  Although that may make me sound weak, i feel it makes me stronger.  i was seeking the opinions of others, such as yourself (and i liked what you had to say), and i just wanted those who bothered to reply to know i was actually listening.
 
i read the BBS often.  It annoys me to know end to be left with a "cliff hanger." 
 
Perhaps that's just me.

(in reply to domahpet)
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RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 8:24:11 PM   
OldBastardly1


Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline 		just when I thought it was over....................

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Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad



(in reply to MissSCD)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 8:26:13 PM   
OldBastardly1


Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline 		I think that asking for opinions is a good thing. Sometimes it helps to have varied perspectives.

"Use the force, luke"

_____________________________

Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad



(in reply to shellzbythesea)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 8:34:45 PM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		If I were looking to meet someone new I would not give any submissive under someone else's protection a second look. I want someone who can make calls on their own behalf by themselves. Is he gonna also have to be around to help her make decisions about consent and such? Too many available submissives out there to put up with this nonsense.

The only virtue I can think of about this is that at least the submissive in question is telling you up front that she has someone chiming in who is reading your emails and such. Others could be doing the same thing and not disclosing it.

There is a submissive I know personally. I don't know all of the details why but she has one of these  protection agreements you speak of with a Dom/sub couple who look out for her. This woman is beautiful, intelligent, fun to talk to... seemingly a catch. I have known her about a year now and she is still sans dominant. She had one briefly late last spring. I suspect that the protection clause is deterring at least some prospective partners.

quote:

ORIGINAL: shellzbythesea
As a side note...i am *not* some dimwit that cannot make her own decisions.  i just find the ones i've made since coming here, haven't been the best, for whatever reason.


The line between the inability to make decisions and the ability to make only bad decisions is so faint as to be indistinguishable.

(in reply to shellzbythesea)
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RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 8:35:06 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shellzbythesea

quote:

ORIGINAL: domahpet

well that was easy wasnt it?



Do you ever need to just "validate" how you feel?  Although that may make me sound weak, i feel it makes me stronger.  i was seeking the opinions of others, such


Shell - not that I'm speaking for anyone else, but I took that comment as a good thing.  Usually how this goes is, the OP states this problem, they get 4 pages of advice, they come back and defend their decision, then we all collectively bang our heads on the wall.

You made a good decision, you're not agonizing over it, yay!

Cali


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AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to shellzbythesea)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 8:41:55 PM   
domahpet


Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
Status: offline 		shell, at times i do feel exactly the same way. you got what you need to do this!

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 8:43:01 PM   
domahpet


Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
Status: offline 		and let me add that this is the first time ive ever been on the same thread for so long... ;)

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 8:49:44 PM   
MsExperiment


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		I have the same feeling about the "protection" message as I do about the ones that have "black this" and "ebony that" all through their profiles and emails.  It's cool if that's what you want to do, or if that's what you like....but why post it?   Trust me it won't score you any points...lol

Me personally, when I read such a thing, I simply move on.  It's hard enough trying to get to know someone over a computer, without having to get to know him and his "protector".   Sometimes I notices with the male profiles, some even have two protectors....(wonders how that works)...lol

If you are using him as a sounding board for advice, that's cool, but if he's like screening your emails or worst yet screening that person by talking to him, himself for you...I think it would be a big turn off.  

You still respect him, cool, bounce things off of him and take his advice, but leave the warning off of your post.

Just my thoughts on the subject :>

(in reply to shellzbythesea)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 9:09:58 PM   
slaveleogirl


Posts: 1
Joined: 12/29/2007
Status: offline 		Hello Kinky,

         I just have a question ....may I ask if this was real time or just internet? I dont understand why you would need protection on line ?

(in reply to shellzbythesea)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 9:19:09 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I am sorry, but a grown woman needing to be "protected" is in itself, questionable, but to have that
"protector" be a former Dom?? Oh hell no....

I feel the same about the concept of "under protection" as I do "under consideration", both mean nothing to me. If I need another opinion, besides my own, I would ask a friend or two, but in the end, you are responsible for your own life and certainly anyone you HAVE been involved with is going to be unable to be completely objective, not even slightly possible, even if he is involved with someone else or just friends with you. Not gonna happen.

Sorry for being cynical, but I am a realist and we are adult women here, not kids who need protection from our bad choices.

(in reply to slaveleogirl)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 12/30/2007 9:22:45 PM   
shellzbythesea


Posts: 120
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveleogirl

Hello Kinky,

        I just have a question ....may I ask if this was real time or just internet? I dont understand why you would need protection on line ?


i'm not sure who you are referring to?  Is the "hello Kinky" meant towards me?  If so, i go by "shellz", btw.
 
In case you actually are referring to me...my first Dom was REAL TIME, not internet.  i am also not seeking cyber play or an "online relationship".  No offense to those who prefer that, but to me personally, that is not a "real" relationship. 
 
So, yes, my first Dom was a "real life" relationship, and the couple of Doms i've met here...i may have "met" online, but then we met in "real time". 

(in reply to slaveleogirl)
Profile   Post #: 40
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