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RE: Communication - 8/22/2005 3:08:08 PM   
luvdragonx


Posts: 388
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		RG, your posts make me think of myself too. For ages I would not say what I was thinking because I always wanted to say the right thing. I didn't want offend or hurt, or expose myself anymore than necessary, because once words are said, they can't be taken back.

A friend of mine recently picked at me until I finally responded with my bare, gut feelings. After I did he said "Do you realize it took 1 hour and 34 minutes for you to tell me what you really thought?" And it was over something silly. I didn't want to offend him, or say something that might push him away. It's part of my need to be accepted. While I want to be accepted for who I am, it's hard to trust people to actually do that. So I don't offer up who I really am, just enough bits to look like it.

I've met people who do the opposite - say whatever they feel like, seemingly without any regard to how it will make them look or other people feel. And they seem happy with themselves regardless. Only I found out later that it too was a front - they were more concerned about how they were perceived- in this case, like they were so secure in themselves that they didn't care what others thought. But that was contradictory. They wanted people to see them a certain way, so they behaved in a certain way.

I don't think this is exactly what you're describing in yourself, but you did make me think of how we juggle all this stuff around in our heads in an attempt to make the best of things.

_____________________________

Never Without Love

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Communication - 8/22/2005 3:11:18 PM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline
quote:

Yall are too kind and fast posters! Pink, it wasnt bravery, heck maybe it was. He'd kill me if he ever found out. One of the most memorable scenes with one of those girls. Gracie. 17 years old, riding in the car with her, in the backseat, the "teacher" in the front with a friend, and her in the back whispering nervously to me "do you think he's gonna kill us" All i could do was look at her and say "if you think he's gonna kill you, why did ya get in the car with him and i dont know."

oh putting myself in ICU had NOTHING to do with caring or hating the man. It was quite honestly after months of trying to escape my only option of getting away.

LOL and speaking to him. Dunno, never really spoke much around him. Wait for him to finish giving me a hard time. shoot the breeze, find out what was going on in his neck of the woods. Nothing of importance.

Riot Girl


Wants Riot Girl on my team...what a woman!

pinkpleasures

_____________________________



(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Communication - 8/22/2005 3:16:32 PM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline
quote:

Your old track of thinking is flawed...if i might suggest that. i can say that cause i am a ditto, carbon copy of you.

slavedesires


WTF??? Why do people make such sweeping presumptions about Riot Girl? It annoys the hell out of me..let's put one of you on the target practice form for awhile and see if you are comfortable.

pinkpleasures

_____________________________



(in reply to slavedesires)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Communication - 8/22/2005 3:31:36 PM   
Oumae


Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline 		RiotGirl has put up a very eloquent post about not being able to communicate (I think she has it in her... maybe just needs to practice vocalising it) and people have imo politely asked things for a better understanding or made comments, that is what a board is about.



RiotGirl... if writing is easier for you at the moment keep writing maybe try sitting in the room while he reads it and build up to reading it yourself and then answering questions etc.
Another idea is to curl up in bed...spoon style is good as face is away... and talk that way.

Good luck.

Oumae





< Message edited by ModeratorOne -- 8/22/2005 9:51:03 PM >

_____________________________

Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

(in reply to pinkpleasures)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Communication - 8/22/2005 5:26:01 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		<grins> Pink you are way too much girl. i appreciate you keeping and eye out for me and you're a good friend, but no worries okay hon? Aye you're right it got abit too personal for me, but i walked myself into my own trap. Tisnt there fault really. Its sweet, but calm down kk? You've been seeming to get hyped up really easily lately, hope nothing is bothering you and all is well. Try sitting back, taking deep breathes and sticking your tongue out and blowing a rasberry. God knows, just trying to blow a proper rasberry will have ya giggling. After your many attempts at blowing a rasberry, come back to the boards and see if you can look at things in a new light. Lifes a B***, its sucks, the world is a messed up place and the glass is half empty, but if we stop having fun with it and stop laughing, you're not gonna get anywhere and its gonna get you down. Ya know a good way to blow off steam with out getting upset? i do it all the time actually, i make fun of ppl. Ayeeeeee yep, right here on the boards. i'll make fun of certian ppl <wicked grin> the topic and even sometimes the responses posted. Remember how i told you that these things on the boards dont really get to me? No sweat off my back, all i gots to do is hit that LITTLE X button up in the top right hand corner. Och me laddie, sometimes its difficult and i blow steam. God knows i havent in the years of our lives been able to hold my temper for long periods of time. Honestly i like to pick and choose my battles. i like to sit back and wait, and watch and figure out what they are up to, what they mean, and what their intentions are. i dont like jumping to conclusions. (tho i do) EVEN if i know i am dead on, i still like to sit back and wait and watch. i'm oddly at times, a very patient person. i waited 2 years to teach a woman lesson about her babysitting technique. Cos when i WALK in the door the first thing i do NOT want to hear is a drunken "where is she". 2 years i waited. Why? Did i jump to conclusions. Nah. i gathered facts and information. Gathered information, i wouldnt of known if i had jumped. Sometimes we're wrong, ya know? So sit back hon, relax and dont jump so fast. K?

Froggy said what?

And my all time favorite FAVORITE saying is

"check yourself" Pronounced "check yo self" Aye and its a multi layer meaning.

(in reply to Oumae)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Communication - 8/22/2005 5:27:21 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline
quote:

RiotGirl... if writing is easier for you at the moment keep writing maybe try sitting in the room while he reads it and build up to reading it yourself and then answering questions etc.
Another idea is to curl up in bed...spoon style is good as face is away... and talk that way.

Good luck.

Oumae


Yeah writing is much easier, and writing to ppl i most likely will NEVER meet and have no, i mean no what so ever influence on my life is much easier as well. LOL i'm still working on keeping myself in the room when those things i write, get read. Havent made it that far yet!

(in reply to Oumae)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Communication - 8/22/2005 6:15:32 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Try this on for stupid;
[stupid]
Tell the man you are trying to work on commo skills, go to a dark room, light a candle(s) sit at a table, make it dark and romantic kinda, pour a glass of wine for each, or some such, soft music............have him sit in a comfortable chair out of your vision, say behind you.........
on your desk is paper and pens or pencils start writing the letter and thinking like you do as you write, try and say it out loud........not necessary to keep writing english, doodle scratch o's or pictures and talk at about the speed you write...........consider, don't look at him for reaction........just talk...........hard to do but not as hard as a face to face come to jesus
[/stupid]

Sincerely,
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Communication - 8/22/2005 9:59:26 PM   
ModeratorOne


Posts: 935
Status: offline 		Okay, I just had to pull and edit a bunch of posts on this thread, please lay off the flames.

If someone chooses to post their personal life experiences on a public forum they are also subjecting themselves to a variety of responses, some of which they may not agree with. While constructive criticism can often be beneficial, flaming someone for their views or for trying to help another is not appropriate.

ModOne

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Communication - 8/23/2005 2:58:15 AM   
wetsub000


Posts: 91
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline 		Riot Girl as others have said you're not alone with these problems. When I read your original post I thought you articulated the way I feel quite well. I never did get to the face to face stuff with my last Dom. I would put my concerns/thoughts in an email and then hold my breath while I waited for a reaction. Of course the down side of this is that you never can communicate as well in writing as face to face, words lose their nuances. However, most of the time he'd read the emails, digest them and then put a topic of discussion on our TODO list and I'd have to articulate more when we met. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't ... I'd back off or deprecate what I'd said earlier. So I have no tips as such, except to remind yourself that your relationship is worth the effort.

(in reply to luvdragonx)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Communication - 8/23/2005 7:53:59 AM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Aye i know its worth the effort, which is why i'm putting myself out here. ATleast i feel like i'm doing so. Because no matter, if i can figure out how to communicate properly with him, its all worth it. Like i said (atleast i think i said it) i did something really dumb because of my lack of skill.

Good news, it seems i'm doing better at it! Master says i've been doing better the past couple of days. Last night one of the MAJOR things thats been getting to me for over a week or so (which is kind of the reason why i did that stupid thing) i manged to get out! Luckily, he knows i am trying and is helping. As i sat facing the computer, letting the silent tears fall and trying to act like i wasnt at all upset, he called me over and well its hard not to do face to face when they're staring right at you. Aye you can look up and away and around. So even though my mind shut down a few times and i cracked a few jokes, we still had a really good conversation. i was able to say some things that have bothered me for a reaaaaaaaaaaallly long time. It was good, it was great. i actually feel so much more at peace. Heh this will just sound sooooo odd. but i feel like things are actually going to be okay. Like i can relax and not stand gaurd. Heh and i havent felt that, truely and honestly for God knows how long. If you never had a dollar to your name, and was given a 100 dollars. You tend to hold really really tight and at times stress out over it. All these inane fears and worries plague you to no end. Driving you insane at times. Sometimes you can ignore them.. but they're always there chanting, haunting.. running in a circle in the back of your mind. Topple it with trust issues, and YALL GOT A REALLY wacky girl running in your midsts. LOLOLOL

Aye yep, i wants to thank everyone for being so kind and helpful. It would of been really easy to just shut down mentally last night, or to just go hide. i managed to communicate about many many things.

Like..............

Does ANYONE ever feel abit silly and abit stupid being submissive? As wrong as i'm sure it sounds, i just CANT BELIEVE some of the things. LOL (this will sound really wrong) But like just wanting to kneel and kiss his feet. Och aye, me laddie, i feel especially dumb over some things.


(in reply to wetsub000)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Communication - 8/23/2005 7:55:21 AM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Mnotter, whatcha mean by "stupid"? Sounds like you are making fun, but your post sounds sincere.

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Communication - 8/23/2005 3:24:54 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		well you know how the got '
quote:

'?

just cause I am sincere doesnt mean that everything will be germain or make your face drop off at my determination...............
a small side joke.......... just in case you found the post stupid.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Communication - 8/24/2005 10:54:34 AM   
slavedesires


Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Your old track of thinking is flawed...if i might suggest that. i can say that cause i am a ditto, carbon copy of you.


i have been in therapy long enough to know that the old tapes we tell ourselves maybe flawed. To make "better" tapes to play into ourselves, could be healthier in regards to boundaries nd fuller richer human beings.

i "suggested" this...why? i was vulnerable enough to say...ditto, i still play those tapes yet i am slowly learning to reword them and come up with something better.

RG, you dont need to take my suggestion at all, or anyone else need not take it ... twas only my opinion based on the fact that i so fully identified with your head and heart space and felt vulnerable within as i read post #5.

thanks RG for allowing me once again reply to this thread.... ~~shy

_____________________________

i speak only my personal opinion, sometimes O/ours.

"i am the keeper of fragile things and i have kept what is indisolvable."
....the greatest gift.....vulnerability

(in reply to pinkpleasures)
Profile   Post #: 33
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