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RE: A slave identity? - 1/1/2008 12:22:56 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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I'm submissive to one and one only. I've got a laundry list as long as my arm of qualities I needed him to have, and of ones I wouldn't tolerate.

I wouldn't waste time wondering if you're a twue slave or not. The more important question is if he inspires submission in you. There are all kinds of doms out there, short, tall, young, old, sadistic, bondage only etc. You aren't going to be submissive to all of them. Just to the one who hits your buttons.

Figure out what you need to be able to; trust, admire, respect, etc in a person and then look to see if this friend has those traits. If he doesn't, it doesn't mean you aren't submissive or not, it just means you aren't submissive to him.

In addition 24/7 is damn hard work. It should not IMO be entered into from the outset. It has to be learned and earned, on both sides. The trust required is enormous and that means the dom has to be able to demonstrate mastery in all the areas he proposes to control. If he proposes to take your money and manage it, he had better be in great financial shape. Plans to dictate how to fix familial relationships? He better have a great relationship with his family. Proposes to give career advice? How stable is his career? Etc.

And none of this can be learned over a couple of lunches. Knowing someone well enough to know how they'll operate when the chips are down means you have to have seen him in all kinds of unfun, stressful situations. Have you?

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Cynical and proud of it!

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Post #: 21

RE: A slave identity? - 1/1/2008 12:41:51 PM

MistressNoName

Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SubmissiveAK

well I dont expect my Owner to make EVERY decision for me....

"Master, sorry to wake you up but... its 2AM and I cant fall asleep. Should I read a book or turn on some soft music?"

I do expect they will take control of my life in other ways though. Stuff like what I can eat and how much, how much I can spend and on what, how much free time I am allowed, etc. I expect all that, even the things im not so sure I will like. Still is it ok for me to be thinking of myself in the long-term? Im still seeing plans of college and what to do with my future and someday moving to seattle...

am I just too self-focused? Shouldn't a slave leave all that stuff to her Master/Mistress?

Of course it's ok to be thinking of yourself in the long-term. But before you commit to this DomFriend of yours, it's important that you and he discuss your concerns. ALL of your concerns. A worthy Master, that is one worthy of your submission, is not just going to be concerned about His wants and needs. He's also going to be concerned about you, your happiness, your personal growth.

There are just so many different ways to engage in a 24/7 power-exchange. As many different ways as there are people doing it, so don't box yourself into a corner thinking there is one true way. Talk to your DomFriend a lot. Have good long, honest talks and talk about your fears and reservations. And then listen to him and question him about what he wants and would expect from you. And keep your eyes wide open as well. Watch out for any signs that may indicate he does not have your best interests at heart. Find out what's really important to him and weigh that against what's important to you. And I would also recommend drawing up a contract, if you decide to submit to him in slavery. It doesn't have to be complicated, but should point out those things most important to you both coming out of your discussions. And you should re-visit that contract from time to time, every 6 months to a year.

Best to you.

MNN

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aka Ms Petal - Check Me out on the Web.

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Post #: 22

RE: A slave identity? - 1/2/2008 7:23:16 AM

heartsemerge

Posts: 29
Joined: 10/13/2007
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A slave is someone who does not have a say. When you think of a slave, what do you picture? Any slave (even outside of D/s) is subjected to their Master's whims and needs. They cannot say no, for if they do, they will get punished. Slaves do NOT have limits, even if what they are asked to do is somethng they are highly uncomfortable doing. A slave must always give an effort, and if you are with the right Master, you can tell him after the scene is done, how it made you feel and he will consider your feelings and if he cares for you and has good intent, he will make things less uncomfortable for you. Still, you are there to fulfill him. Not yourself.

I understand what you are going through. I myself had the very same problem for a very long time. My submission was taken, and I was automatically a slave. I had no experiences in D/s nor did I have A CLUE as to what a slave, or anything really meant. as a result I disappointed both myself and My first Dom. the difference between my first Dom and my current one, is that he did not care about me. I was to be a slave and nothing else. I could not say no, I could not *whine*, I could not tell him how i felt... ever. It took almost two years for me to finally come to terms with things and approach things with the right attitude. I knew like you, that i wanted to give and be controled 24-7. I just was not ready.

My advice to you would be to just be submissive as of right now. Have you limits, have your guards and get used to task and things that are asked of you. Slowly give your life to someone. Don't just do it all at once. It will end up being nothing but a clusterfuck. You will find someone who is patient enough and cares enough about you to allow you to give yourself away in the manner that is healthy for you. So long as what you say about wanting 24-7 is the truth, he should understand that the end result will be very rewarding. I know I have found that, and for that I am eternally grateful.

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Post #: 23

RE: A slave identity? - 1/2/2008 10:59:34 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: heartsemerge

A slave is someone who does not have a say. When you think of a slave, what do you picture? Any slave (even outside of D/s) is subjected to their Master's whims and needs. They cannot say no, for if they do, they will get punished. Slaves do NOT have limits, even if what they are asked to do is somethng they are highly uncomfortable doing. A slave must always give an effort, and if you are with the right Master, you can tell him after the scene is done, how it made you feel and he will consider your feelings and if he cares for you and has good intent, he will make things less uncomfortable for you. Still, you are there to fulfill him. Not yourself.

It would be helpful if you said something like "In my world a slave is someone who..."; otherwise, it comes off sounding like this is the One TwueWay to be a Slave.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

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Post #: 24

RE: A slave identity? - 1/2/2008 11:40:08 AM

heartsemerge

Posts: 29
Joined: 10/13/2007
Status: offline

Main Entry:1slave Function:noun Etymology:Middle English sclave, from Anglo-French or Medieval Latin; Anglo-French esclave, from Medieval Latin sclavus, from Sclavus Slavic; from the frequent enslavement of Slavs in central Europe during the early Middle AgesDate:14th century 1 : a person held in servitude as the chattel of another
2 : one that is completely subservient to a dominating influence

As far as I am concerned... a slave means one thing and has since the word was ever invented.

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Post #: 25

RE: A slave identity? - 1/2/2008 12:11:58 PM

SubmissiveAK

Posts: 94
Joined: 3/5/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartsemerge

A slave is someone who does not have a say. When you think of a slave, what do you picture? Any slave (even outside of D/s) is subjected to their Master's whims and needs. They cannot say no, for if they do, they will get punished. Slaves do NOT have limits, even if what they are asked to do is somethng they are highly uncomfortable doing. A slave must always give an effort, and if you are with the right Master, you can tell him after the scene is done, how it made you feel and he will consider your feelings and if he cares for you and has good intent, he will make things less uncomfortable for you. Still, you are there to fulfill him. Not yourself.

I understand what you are going through. I myself had the very same problem for a very long time. My submission was taken, and I was automatically a slave. I had no experiences in D/s nor did I have A CLUE as to what a slave, or anything really meant. as a result I disappointed both myself and My first Dom. the difference between my first Dom and my current one, is that he did not care about me. I was to be a slave and nothing else. I could not say no, I could not *whine*, I could not tell him how i felt... ever. It took almost two years for me to finally come to terms with things and approach things with the right attitude. I knew like you, that i wanted to give and be controled 24-7. I just was not ready.

My advice to you would be to just be submissive as of right now. Have you limits, have your guards and get used to task and things that are asked of you. Slowly give your life to someone. Don't just do it all at once. It will end up being nothing but a clusterfuck. You will find someone who is patient enough and cares enough about you to allow you to give yourself away in the manner that is healthy for you. So long as what you say about wanting 24-7 is the truth, he should understand that the end result will be very rewarding. I know I have found that, and for that I am eternally grateful.

I tend to agree with you here, which is part of what I'm struggling with. If I am a slave that means (to me personally) that I dont have a right to say No. I could safeword maybe and slow a scene down, but if he or she wants something of me... I am required to do it no matter my desires. I am trusting in my owner to know and choose what is best for me.

I have my fears, and my doubts. My biggest fear isn't in what he/she would require me to do, but in me not being able to do so. If I am a slave and my owner orders me to shave my head bald... I dont think I can do it. It would cause me enough psychological pain and personal pain that I would have to seriously consider ending the relationship. I do believe a slave does have the right to say "no, I am a slave no longer", but to me that is tantamount to personal failure. Though I have also been told that if a slave fails it is not thier failure but that of thier owner... it'd still feel like mine.

Maybe I am just freaking out about the worst case senarios, I feel I do need to have trust with whomever takes me and that means trusting them entirely (that includes the trust that they will push me the right ways, according to thier desires). Its still difficult, particularly when you talk about relocating and turning over financial control... but if it is the right person I do not think I would have need to fear.

~submissiveAK~

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Post #: 26