RE: should I accept it?

RE: should I accept it? (Full Version)

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MasterofScyn -> RE: should I accept it? (12/31/2007 5:04:44 PM)
Actually I got the realization from you when you said you wanted it to mean something, but you didn't know what you wanted it to mean exactly. You never said that before, you just kept saying that he was going to give it to you w/out any meaning and it is something you didn't want. If you would have said something along lines as to getting advice on some simple meanings to a first time collar... or something.. I'm sure the responses would have been different. But the way you made things sound, it was as if you 2 had no communication at all and that he didn't want to have a serious relationship. All I did was read between the lines on your response to one of my replies.. We didn't know exactly what kind of advice you were truly looking for till you said that.. Scyn ~

lusciouslips19 -> RE: should I accept it? (12/31/2007 5:06:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: weneedyourhelp It seemed as though you were singling one person out as giving good advice, which it was, but I have seen alot of good advice coming from more than one person. And it felt like an attack on everyone else, of whom I am a part of. Cougar Nothing could be further from the truth of whats in my heart. I was giving an example of one that although she has a differeing view and iniitial negative judgements, started to give constructive advice that was contrary to what her personal views were. I never intended to imply disrespect to anyone else. I am going to talk to him and we have had communication as is eveident with the staements he made as to his feelings about me. These are words on a page. One wrong wording and I am a horrible person who has problems. Words can be so inadequate sometimes to convey thoughts and feelings. Add to that the lack of eye contact and voice inflection andthings are so easily taken the wrong way. Thats why I never take these attacks too seriously and never hold a grudge to anyone here and appreciate ALL the advice.

batshalom -> RE: should I accept it? (12/31/2007 6:01:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 I know I am not ready for a real full fleged collar. But I dont want no meaning either. I guess i wish it was a pre collar collar but not a collar but more than just merely a toy. [8D] That answer was ridiculous! Hehehehehehehhhhhh. I have some more advice. Buy a Betty Crocker cake mix and ready frosting, bake it, frost it, and eat it too. If it doesn't agree with you, say it's too heavy or too rich or just plain yucky, you can throw up and feel much better quickly, unlike eating a "man cake" that doesn't agree with you - those suckers take a loonnng time to get out of your system regardless of how often they make you vomit.

juliaoceania -> RE: should I accept it? (12/31/2007 7:34:29 PM)
quote: These are words on a page. One wrong wording and I am a horrible person who has problems. Words can be so inadequate sometimes to convey thoughts and feelings. Add to that the lack of eye contact and voice inflection andthings are so easily taken the wrong way. Thats why I never take these attacks too seriously and never hold a grudge to anyone here and appreciate ALL the advice. Any consolation, I do not think you are a horrible person... I did not offer any advice because truly you are the only person who knows if you want a collar from this guy or not... I will say this, if he says you shouldn't take it all very seriously, and in your mind it represents a commitment, well there is your answer: You both have different ideas of what "collaring" means. Having a play collar could be fun, it all depends on you.

eevin -> RE: should I accept it? (12/31/2007 9:10:31 PM)
Speaking of men and commitment, unfortuantely i'm quick to commit my heart to someO/one, while the other P/person just wants to play games...

julietsierra -> RE: should I accept it? (12/31/2007 11:58:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick quote: ORIGINAL: julietsierra So, what I'm wondering is what's more important? the collar? or the pretty words, etc that may or may not come along with it? And I'm also wondering if wanting all the nicey things is actually in keeping with his personality or not. Juliet, I don't know if you were doing a fast reply, or responding to what I said about a grand speech. The only reason I said anything at all about a speech was due to the fact that he said "don't take it too seriously" when she asked about his intent. So therefore, when he gives her the collar when it arrives, unless he says something to the contrary (hence the grand speech remark), then it does not mean what she wants it to mean. I certainly didn't mean to imply that a grand speech was necessary for a collar to have meaning. Luscious, I'm thinking the first mistake was that you asked for a collar. Did you communicate what you asked for, when you asked for it? Cali (who sometimes feels clear as mud) I was responding to the OP Cali. It's that darned box at the bottom of the page...it's just so... tempting. juliet

julietsierra -> RE: should I accept it? (1/1/2008 12:05:04 AM)
Well now, this thread certainly has turned out "nicely." I love it when in the end, the only "good advice" was when someone fiinally said what the original poster wanted to hear in the first place. Next time, how about just telling US the answers to your questions and save all the time and effort. juliet

AquaticSub -> RE: should I accept it? (1/1/2008 1:23:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 How important the collar was as a symbol. I knew it didnt mean I was officially collared but I thought we were on the road to something more. Now I am not so sure? It's as important as you make it. That it's. A man can give you a ring with a diamond in it, but that doesn't make it an engagement ring, get me?

petpete -> RE: should I accept it? (1/1/2008 1:56:00 AM)
Greetings luscious and a happy new year to you. i can understand the let off there from your point of view. If i was in your shoes i wouldn't accept it. i would chose to remain friends but would remain in the search of one that i would be compatible with.

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: should I accept it? (1/1/2008 7:20:25 AM)
you think it was silly to think that you didn't personally attack me and my engagement? it show how immature you really are. good luck with your collar situation

juliaoceania -> RE: should I accept it? (1/1/2008 8:20:35 AM)
You have insulted people on many occasions when you have thought someone was attacking you (and they weren't). It is rather ironic to me that you would call her immature (which is a personal attack, btw) when you have been guilty of the same behavior. Why not accept she only made that comment because she felt slighted... something you have done on innumerous occasions? Then you might have some maturity soap box to pontiifcate from, but as it is you sound a little pot-kettle-black

impishlilhellcat -> RE: should I accept it? (1/1/2008 8:48:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: batshalom quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 I know I am not ready for a real full fleged collar. But I dont want no meaning either. I guess i wish it was a pre collar collar but not a collar but more than just merely a toy. [8D] That answer was ridiculous! Hehehehehehehhhhhh. I have some more advice. Buy a Betty Crocker cake mix and ready frosting, bake it, frost it, and eat it too. If it doesn't agree with you, say it's too heavy or too rich or just plain yucky, you can throw up and feel much better quickly, unlike eating a "man cake" that doesn't agree with you - those suckers take a loonnng time to get out of your system regardless of how often they make you vomit. I have never heard words that hit the mark so well.

Maya2001 -> RE: should I accept it? (1/1/2008 10:06:37 AM)
Unless you talk to him your not really going to know his intent or how he views but one other possibility is ,,, if his marriage ended poorly that level of commitment may be difficult for him to get around too just yet, so men like him in a vanilla relationship when they find someone they really like after a bad marriage, may give the engagement rign as a sign they are commited but just not ready yet to set a wedding day right at the moment but give the engagement right as they don't want to lose you while they are having to mentally prepare themselves for entering marriage again because at the moment remarrying still scares them. It could be the way he is viewing the collar, like the engagement ring, saying yes I want to make the commitment I like you very much , I don't want to lose you, but I am not ready for the marriage just yet, can you accept this collar now, as my proof that I am dedicated to continuing until I am ready for the next step, which to him in his mind would be the engagement right with date set for marriage, in this case assuming he views the collar as just a toy/prop would be dead wrong. This is why it is important to discuss

DesFIP -> RE: should I accept it? (1/1/2008 12:13:32 PM)
The time frame in which people commit is different for each of us. But I think it is important for both of you to be compatible in that. You aren't comfortable having strong feelings for him while he doesn't have them for you. That makes sense to me. Truthfully, men I have known who months later are still warning me not to expect commitment are men who aren't able to commit. My experience only. You could start seeing others and wish him good luck finding someone. Or since he isn't serious about you, start dating others as well as him. I don't think he'll ever feel seriously about you. I think he is commitment phobic and tells women not to expect anything so he doesn't have to confront his fears. Instead he can tell himself he isn't wasting their time because he was honest. Whatever is going on with him is his problem. Yours is whether or not you are getting enough from this relationship as is, as a casual noncommitted relationship to stay in it. If right now being in this casual noncommitted relationship is a good thing for you, then stay and hand back the collar if ever offered. If you need more, then go look for it. If in two years, or ten, he decides you are the greatest woman he's ever met, then he can look you up and you'll see if you want to date him then. But since you aren't getting your needs met now, why waste more time on him?

lusciouslips19 -> RE: should I accept it? (1/1/2008 5:40:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania You have insulted people on many occasions when you have thought someone was attacking you (and they weren't). It is rather ironic to me that you would call her immature (which is a personal attack, btw) when you have been guilty of the same behavior. Why not accept she only made that comment because she felt slighted... something you have done on innumerous occasions? Then you might have some maturity soap box to pontiifcate from, but as it is you sound a little pot-kettle-black Guilty as charged. What about you?

lusciouslips19 -> RE: should I accept it? (1/1/2008 5:49:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: julietsierra Well now, this thread certainly has turned out "nicely." I love it when in the end, the only "good advice" was when someone fiinally said what the original poster wanted to hear in the first place. Next time, how about just telling US the answers to your questions and save all the time and effort. juliet I have appreciated all the posts. Words were miinterpreted. Everyone told me so and "outed me on my so called behavior. I didnt think someone was being especially nice to me so I responded in a way that let them know that I am not her. So what . I'm over it. I didnt think I was taken the way I intended. All that doesnt matter. Posts were very helpful. It has helped me clarify what I will do. Communication is necessary and I know it will be productive. I will go from here. Thanks for everyones help. I have no hard feeling and i hope others dont either. We are all human.

SeeksOnlyOne -> RE: should I accept it? (1/1/2008 5:50:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania You have insulted people on many occasions when you have thought someone was attacking you (and they weren't). It is rather ironic to me that you would call her immature (which is a personal attack, btw) when you have been guilty of the same behavior. Why not accept she only made that comment because she felt slighted... something you have done on innumerous occasions? Then you might have some maturity soap box to pontiifcate from, but as it is you sound a little pot-kettle-black Guilty as charged. What about you? wow, attack folks for offering advice from their perspective, which is where most of us see things from... then attack one who was taking up for you....... take the collar-this dudes clouding your abilty to interpret things.......from my perspective only of course

lusciouslips19 -> RE: should I accept it? (1/1/2008 5:53:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl you think it was silly to think that you didn't personally attack me and my engagement? it show how immature you really are. good luck with your collar situation You felt judged, I felt judged. Its true. Emotional reactions arent mature.

lusciouslips19 -> RE: should I accept it? (1/1/2008 6:03:13 PM)
Hopefully, Everyone will go back to their corners, lick their wounds if there are any, retract their claws and it will be forgotten and we will move on. I am sure if I met anyone in person I have been speaking too, I would surely hug them regardless of posts, words, opinions, or insults hurled and yada yada

lusciouslips19 -> RE: should I accept it? (1/1/2008 6:22:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SeeksOnlyOne quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania You have insulted people on many occasions when you have thought someone was attacking you (and they weren't). It is rather ironic to me that you would call her immature (which is a personal attack, btw) when you have been guilty of the same behavior. Why not accept she only made that comment because she felt slighted... something you have done on innumerous occasions? Then you might have some maturity soap box to pontiifcate from, but as it is you sound a little pot-kettle-black Guilty as charged. What about you? wow, attack folks for offering advice from their perspective, which is where most of us see things from... then attack one who was taking up for you....... take the collar-this dudes clouding your abilty to interpret things.......from my perspective only of course You are right. I misread and thought she was talking to me and calling me immature, See how these things can be misinterpreted? Words on a page. i was so used to the attacks. I thought it was one more.

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