RE: should I accept it?

RE: should I accept it? (Full Version)

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lusciouslips19 -> RE: should I accept it? (1/2/2008 11:34:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: weneedyourhelp Honestly after 3 days of this thread I can actually say that it sounds like you need to figure out what it is that you want from him. If you dont know by now what you want, then chances are you probably never will. And no collar "play" "real" or imagined is going to make any difference. Cougar no offence but I feel your post is pretty prsumptuos that thing have to move at the pacce that yourrelationship did. Not everyone has to decide to jump into deep diving relationships and know what they want after 8 weeks. it might have worked that way for you but not everyone operates that way. So you say, If I dont know now, I never will? sheesh... ok dude, whatever. You're right. I guess I should end it now. Even though he has been very good to me in a number of ways and i am enjoying myself and we have been on a journey together. Not everyone needs to know the end of the story while they are reading the book.

weneedyourhelp -> RE: should I accept it? (1/2/2008 11:41:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 quote: ORIGINAL: weneedyourhelp Honestly after 3 days of this thread I can actually say that it sounds like you need to figure out what it is that you want from him. If you dont know by now what you want, then chances are you probably never will. And no collar "play" "real" or imagined is going to make any difference. Cougar no offence but I feel your post is pretty prsumptuos that thing have to move at the pacce that yourrelationship did. Not everyone has to decide to jump into deep diving relationships and know what they want after 8 weeks. it might have worked that way for you but not everyone operates that way. So you say, If I dont know now, I never will? sheesh... ok dude, whatever. You're right. I guess I should end it now. Even though he has been very good to me in a number of ways and i am enjoying myself and we have been on a journey together. Not everyone needs to know the end of the story while they are reading the book. Then accept it for what it is, and if and when he wants to give you a collar and deal with the ramifications at that point. Just do whatever works for you, but if you want more than he is wanting to give, you are just wasting your time. All I'm saying is, and it's already been said, a collar means different things to different people. YOU BOTH NEED TO DISCUSS WHAT IT MEANS TO EACH OF YOU. Then decide if you should accept it or not. Cougar

lusciouslips19 -> RE: should I accept it? (1/2/2008 11:50:52 AM)
quote: All I'm saying is, and it's already been said, a collar means different things to different people. YOU BOTH NEED TO DISCUSS WHAT IT MEANS TO EACH OF YOU. Then decide if you should accept it or not. I already said many posts ago that I was going to do just that. When he gives it to me, we need to talk about what the meaning is behind it. It cant be ambiguous. he is also too honest to want any ambiguity. we will communicate about it when it is given. i will decide how his answers sit with me and if i can accept the collar at the level it is intended at. If I cant then i will probably ask him to keep it safe until it can be given to me with more emotion on his part. But this is something I wont know the answer to until the conversations actually happen. That doesnt mean I will end the relationship, if I want more meaning assighned to the collar. I would just continue but not use the collar in play. We havent yet and it has been fine. yes, i have some questions to answer do I need a collar in general to have a symbolic meaning? can I be ok with a play collar? If I cant, what kind of attachment level do I need to feel comfortable and what symbolism do I need to assign to it?

pixelslave -> RE: should I accept it? (1/2/2008 5:25:35 PM)
luschiouslips, In my last relationship, I was surprised when my former Mistress offered me her collar. I didn't give it nearly enough thought or have discussion with her at the time about what it meant before accepting it. That relationship has now ended for numerous reasons which aren't relevent to this discussion and wouldn't be appropriate for me to discuss in public anyway. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m23.gif[/image] Although we did take our time, which I personally think is a good thing. IMO, the 2 months you mentioned in your OP isn't nearly enough to become permanently collared. It takes much longer than that to know if someone is going to be right for you. Accepting a "play collar" or perhaps even a "training collar", the latter of which would imply some kind of commitment to work towards more, might be appropriate. I see no problem with the former as it would be simply a matter of accepting a gift from a friend with whom you play with and have some kind of relationship started. I hope this helps from a submissive male's perspective. [&:] - pixel

lusciouslips19 -> RE: should I accept it? (1/2/2008 5:38:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pixelslave luschiouslips, In my last relationship, I was surprised when my former Mistress offered me her collar. I didn't give it nearly enough thought or have discussion with her at the time about what it meant before accepting it. That relationship has now ended for numerous reasons which aren't relevent to this discussion and wouldn't be appropriate for me to discuss in public anyway. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m23.gif[/image] Although we did take our time, which I personally think is a good thing. IMO, the 2 months you mentioned in your OP isn't nearly enough to become permanently collared. It takes much longer than that to know if someone is going to be right for you. Accepting a "play collar" or perhaps even a "training collar", the latter of which would imply some kind of commitment to work towards more, might be appropriate. I see no problem with the former as it would be simply a matter of accepting a gift from a friend with whom you play with and have some kind of relationship started. I hope this helps from a submissive male's perspective. [&:] - pixel yes, it does. help. your perspective. I think ambiguity or being afraid to discuss it would be bad. clarity of purpose is what is of utmost importance. no misinterpretations.

laurell3 -> RE: should I accept it? (1/2/2008 6:32:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 I think some are on an attack bandwagon. i know.. Its exciting, its addictive and venting is sooooo excitting. Folks, Its never personal and always preception. I continue to respect people in the way that I have no hard feeling toward anyone regardless of what they have said to me. Many I have at times disagreed with. But i do admire many of those peoples spunk( you listening laurell3[sm=kiss.gif]) Well since it seems so important to you, you should know I have no opinion of you either positive or negative other than you seem to care a bit too much what anonymous message board people think about you and your relationship. Who cares? When they offer advice that doesn't fit accept they were taking the time to attempt to have input whether it fits or not and move on. There's one person's viewpoint about you that should always be foremost in your mind, yours. Examine that, not mine, I'm nothing but pixels to you.

lusciouslips19 -> RE: should I accept it? (1/2/2008 6:40:31 PM)
quote: Examine that, not mine, I'm nothing but pixels to you. me and shambamanlilgirl are cool with each other and would have had an easier time understanding and clarifying are points of view without you trying to start your typical snarky riot No, To me you're a pot stirrer but i still admire your spunk. oh that and you are pixels to me.

laurell3 -> RE: should I accept it? (1/2/2008 6:41:28 PM)
Obviously I'm not, however, baiting doesn't work with me.

lusciouslips19 -> RE: should I accept it? (1/6/2008 7:48:00 PM)
Well the day came where I was to see him and get my gift. He was wanting me to take the gift first thing. I requested that we hold off a little bit. I was really nervous about talking to him,. I do have to admit I drank a little too much because of my nerves. When the collar was presented, i asked him what it meant and what he wanted. I let him know that I didnt want it to mean everything but I didnt want it to mean nothing. What I learned was that it had great meaning to him and he had been nervous about it too. making sure it was the right selection for me etc. What I learned is that this was a real collaring to him. A training collar and a symbol that he does care and wants to build on what we have. The other thing he requested is that with this collar we are now exclusive. So before we were dating but could date others if we chose to. Now he expects that that will not happen and play with others would only be at his approval and never in a private setting. By the way, it is so pretty. It has swarofsky crystals around it and a heart pendant hanging down. He got me a play collar to. An Isaac Mizrahi silver dog collar from target. It has a jewish star pendant hanging down! Its funny, especially since I am his jewish princess!

backseatbebe -> RE: should I accept it? (1/7/2008 7:09:32 AM)
why not make it a training collar its symbolizes the fact that both of you are working towards a bigger goal and for the time being you happily serve him and he happily accepts that service

pixelslave -> RE: should I accept it? (1/7/2008 9:07:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 Well the day came where I was to see him and get my gift. He was wanting me to take the gift first thing. I requested that we hold off a little bit. I was really nervous about talking to him,. I do have to admit I drank a little too much because of my nerves. When the collar was presented, i asked him what it meant and what he wanted. I let him know that I didnt want it to mean everything but I didnt want it to mean nothing. What I learned was that it had great meaning to him and he had been nervous about it too. making sure it was the right selection for me etc. What I learned is that this was a real collaring to him. A training collar and a symbol that he does care and wants to build on what we have. The other thing he requested is that with this collar we are now exclusive. So before we were dating but could date others if we chose to. Now he expects that that will not happen and play with others would only be at his approval and never in a private setting. By the way, it is so pretty. It has swarofsky crystals around it and a heart pendant hanging down. He got me a play collar to. An Isaac Mizrahi silver dog collar from target. It has a jewish star pendant hanging down! Its funny, especially since I am his jewish princess! Congratulations lusciouslips. It sounds as though the two of you had a very honest and real "heart to heart" about what your accepting the collar would mean to each of you. You didn't say for certain, but it sounds as though you *did* accept it. [;)] Best of luck to you and your new Master as your relationship grows. [:D] - pixel

lusciouslips19 -> RE: should I accept it? (1/7/2008 3:56:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pixelslave quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 Well the day came where I was to see him and get my gift. He was wanting me to take the gift first thing. I requested that we hold off a little bit. I was really nervous about talking to him,. I do have to admit I drank a little too much because of my nerves. When the collar was presented, i asked him what it meant and what he wanted. I let him know that I didnt want it to mean everything but I didnt want it to mean nothing. What I learned was that it had great meaning to him and he had been nervous about it too. making sure it was the right selection for me etc. What I learned is that this was a real collaring to him. A training collar and a symbol that he does care and wants to build on what we have. The other thing he requested is that with this collar we are now exclusive. So before we were dating but could date others if we chose to. Now he expects that that will not happen and play with others would only be at his approval and never in a private setting. By the way, it is so pretty. It has swarofsky crystals around it and a heart pendant hanging down. He got me a play collar to. An Isaac Mizrahi silver dog collar from target. It has a jewish star pendant hanging down! Its funny, especially since I am his jewish princess! Congratulations lusciouslips. It sounds as though the two of you had a very honest and real "heart to heart" about what your accepting the collar would mean to each of you. You didn't say for certain, but it sounds as though you *did* accept it. [;)] Best of luck to you and your new Master as your relationship grows. [:D] - pixel We did and I did say yes! your perspective was sooo helpful to me. Yes. A male submissive perspective is a good one. thanks. its funny, I am typically female sometimes in my hurt feelings and emotional episodes. i was making it like he was an unfeeling ogre. The truth of the matter is, he may not be ready to say the "L" word. Thats ok. i value that when it is mentioned it will be real and heartfelt and not hollow. But his feelings are deep enough that he wants me for his very own. i am very lucky to have a man of honor and integrity who's words and deeds mean alot.

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