Is this something you have encountered?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Is this something you have encountered?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Is this something you have encountered?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Is this something you have encountered? - 12/31/2007 3:41:03 PM

eevin

Posts: 64
Joined: 11/29/2007
Status: offline

As a male slave, i've signed up on various sites looking for a Mistress. One of them, and the one i heard the most about, was alt.com. Its the only place, besides this one, where i have recieved any responses from people i didn't know (other sites were ones F/friends suggested to me).

What i noticed were a couple of different things that scared me. i either recieved mesages from gay men asking me to have sex with them (quite blatently), or from Femanazi-type Mistresses who told me that because i didn't have rippling abs and a 10 inch cock, i wasn't good for anything but being castrated and abused. This site is the first time i've actually recieved any positive messages.

Is this a common thing any of you have encountered? Or is it just ike my grandmother always said, "If it wasn't for bad luck, we wouldn't have any luck at all"?

< Message edited by eevin -- 12/31/2007 3:48:33 PM >

_____________________________

Plants are simply slow animals.

Post #: 1

RE: Is this something you have encountered? - 12/31/2007 3:43:03 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I have had freaky emails on vanilla dating sites....

I would ask why you are afraid though, it is not like these people can do anything to you in an email

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to eevin)

Post #: 2

RE: Is this something you have encountered? - 12/31/2007 3:45:34 PM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

We all get inappropriate messages. I'm a Domme and have male Dom's demanding I submit to them, males emailing me to demand I dom them online, will I shit in a jar and send it to them,etc etc., despite my clearly defined profile preferences.

It's not bad luck, it's just the net. Don't take it to heart. Block and delete are your best friends.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to eevin)

Post #: 3

RE: Is this something you have encountered? - 12/31/2007 3:46:26 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

That site in paticular seems to have quite a few people that are trolling to abuse/insult/criticise/shock and be just downright ridiculous via email. I'm not sure I believe they are truly attempting to get people to do some of the things they suggest (at least from my emails) as much as they are just asses getting off on the odd internet kink of being asses to people.

I have met some great people there, however, it just seems to draw alot more fray than the other sites in my opinion.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to eevin)

Post #: 4

RE: Is this something you have encountered? - 12/31/2007 3:50:04 PM

subfever

Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline

I spent about two years on alt.com before I came here. Trust me, it's better here.

(in reply to eevin)

Post #: 5

RE: Is this something you have encountered? - 12/31/2007 3:54:19 PM

boybryan

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/23/2007
Status: offline

I looked at your profile and as a gay male, I would not contact you. There are some hetro male slaves/subs that have Dom Male listed as one of the things they are looking for, so I might contact them but sex would not be high up on my list of things to talk with them about. But if you don't have that checked, I would not wate my time. There are creaps everywhere

Mike

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Post #: 6

RE: Is this something you have encountered? - 12/31/2007 3:54:36 PM

eevin

Posts: 64
Joined: 11/29/2007
Status: offline

juliaoceania: What scared me was that, despite belonging to five different sites, those where the only messages i was recieving. i wondered if i was somehow inadequate, or if what i was looking for was rediculious to expect with so many People who would seem to make the perfect exacutioners in a midevil torture chamber.

MissMagnolia: i find it difficult, myself, to message a Person without first being contacted or given permission by Them in some way, so it seems outragious to me that someone who would call themself a submissive would contact someOne like that, expectcially with demands which is VERY unsubmissive like in any way.

laurell3: i'm glad to hear its not just me attracting the freaky sadistic people out there without prompting. lol

_____________________________

Plants are simply slow animals.

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 7

RE: Is this something you have encountered? - 12/31/2007 4:00:02 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

I took down the pic from my CollarMe profile, and partially hid my Alt profile, because the unsolicited messages I received (on both sites) were from scammers, men on the make, or women who just wanted to cyber. I invested the time to write personalized emails to women who mentioned in their profile that they were looking for a real-life relationship involving romance -- i.e., more than just my kink/your kink -- and the quality of my responses went WAY up.

In seven months I have met several women from CM and Alt. All the meetings went well in the sense that I am friends with each of the ladies. Still single and looking, but on the whole it's been a lot of fun, and I've met some great people.

The last two women I dated both advertised on Alt as Dommes. They had a very similar complaint about how most men approached them. In the words of one: "They just see an Asian Domme. They don't see me." How are you writing to dominant women? If you're calling them "Mistress" or "Goddess" and doing a lot of bowing and scraping right off the bat, that's a turn-off right there. Be respectful, gentlemanly, and genuinely interested in who she is.

Exchange of power is a right that is earned after building a foundation of trust. You're approaching her as a human first and a submissive second.

(in reply to eevin)

Post #: 8

RE: Is this something you have encountered? - 12/31/2007 4:05:29 PM

eevin

Posts: 64
Joined: 11/29/2007
Status: offline

RedMagic, i don't contact anyOne because i consider it uncooth for me, a submissive, to approach them, Mistresses. i feel like its overextending the boundries of what i am.

i also, when i message them back (IF i message them back) refer to Them by Their name, or how They referece Themselves. If they title themselves 'Mistress' or 'Goddess' that is how i speak to Them.

This one absolutely wonderful Mistress here whom i have been in contact with titles herself Lady, and so i refer to her as m'Lady because She has not requested anything else.

_____________________________

Plants are simply slow animals.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 9

RE: Is this something you have encountered? - 12/31/2007 4:10:11 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eevin

RedMagic, i don't contact anyOne because i consider it uncooth for me, a submissive, to approach them, Mistresses. i feel like its overextending the boundries of what i am.

i also, when i message them back (IF i message them back) refer to Them by Their name, or how They referece Themselves. If they title themselves 'Mistress' or 'Goddess' that is how i speak to Them.

This one absolutely wonderful Mistress here whom i have been in contact with titles herself Lady, and so i refer to her as m'Lady because She has not requested anything else.

That's a problem, contact them. You should try to be proactive in your search. They are innundated with emails and requests, if you're waiting for them to come to you, you may have a much longer wait. In reality, the situation is such that the numbers do not favor you, so be patient and realistic, but do seek instead of waiting.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to eevin)

Post #: 10

RE: Is this something you have encountered? - 12/31/2007 4:16:08 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eevin

RedMagic, i don't contact anyOne because i consider it uncooth for me, a submissive, to approach them, Mistresses. i feel like its overextending the boundries of what i am.

I wish you luck, eevin, but it is *not* uncouth for a sub to make the first move. One example.
http://www.femdomdating.com/real_life/being_too_passive.php

(in reply to eevin)

Post #: 11

RE: Is this something you have encountered? - 12/31/2007 4:33:07 PM

liketophoto

Posts: 763
Joined: 6/17/2007
Status: offline

I get very few e-mails from female Dommes or switches. I am sure it is because I am male and a switch and 49...
So I do approch people as friends, I look for common interests, Photography, poetry, birding etc..
I have found many friends and it has been quite satifing to share my work with people.
Alt.com was not like that for me. I am still on there. but my friends there have mostly moved on.
I met a few people off ALT even traveled to visit and meet people that I got to know.
But I have yet to meet many single people in my area.
I have got out into the local community, go to local munchs.
So I think I am doing the right things, things just have not clicked for me yet.
It amazes me how many scamers there are out there.
Everyday I go out to take pictures I think this is the day that I don't get a great picture and yet I always manage to find something.
Not sure why it does not work the same way with meeting a person to click with.
I always try to be respectful of all who are respectful, but I have to say it is a true test to try to be repectful to
all the bloggers.
Respectfully, LTP

(in reply to eevin)

Post #: 12

RE: Is this something you have encountered? - 12/31/2007 4:35:04 PM

eevin

Posts: 64
Joined: 11/29/2007
Status: offline

Thank You for the link, RedMagic.

As someone posted in their reply there, "we guys sometimes have a hard time balancing taking initiative and being submissive." Its even harder when you're thinking of a Woman in a dominant way and don't want to turn Her off by being so outgoing and have to worry if She's going to see you as being TOO outgoing and will be turned off that you're very 'dominant' in the relationship already.

i'm always worried about these balances. Especially in a world where woman have been taught to be asstertive and outgoing, to break that glass ceiling and take control of their lives. i LOVE romance...i love sappy movies, dancing, candle-lit dinners, and buying flowers. But you never know if buying Her a flower or picking the place Y/you will be eating out will maker feel like you're trying to take control of Her.

If that makes any sense.

_____________________________

Plants are simply slow animals.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 13

RE: Is this something you have encountered? - 12/31/2007 4:50:13 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eevin

Thank You for the link, RedMagic.

As someone posted in their reply there, "we guys sometimes have a hard time balancing taking initiative and being submissive." Its even harder when you're thinking of a Woman in a dominant way and don't want to turn Her off by being so outgoing and have to worry if She's going to see you as being TOO outgoing and will be turned off that you're very 'dominant' in the relationship already.

i'm always worried about these balances. Especially in a world where woman have been taught to be asstertive and outgoing, to break that glass ceiling and take control of their lives. i LOVE romance...i love sappy movies, dancing, candle-lit dinners, and buying flowers. But you never know if buying Her a flower or picking the place Y/you will be eating out will maker feel like you're trying to take control of Her.

If that makes any sense.

Look at them like people and not roles and if they respond to that negatively, it's their issue, not yours. You are not seeking to please the internet. You are seeking to find someone appropriate for you. By the way, I'm talking about real people you might want to meet, not the creepy trolls you were posting about to begin with, just ignore them, you can't avoid them by changing your behavior.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 12/31/2007 4:51:34 PM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to eevin)

Post #: 14

RE: Is this something you have encountered? - 12/31/2007 5:06:44 PM

girlygurl

Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline

OP~ I'm sorry you've encountered some goof balls. Don't fret too much on the silliness of those terds you mentioned earlier, they aren't worth your time!

I met my Sir through Alt

and I was the one to initiate contact. I say, make the first contact what the hay.... you may very well find your "One".

Good luck and Happy New Year.

girly

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 15

RE: Is this something you have encountered? - 12/31/2007 5:07:24 PM

ksub4u

Posts: 124
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline

eevin, I absolutely agree with the advice you've gotten here thus far. While I understand it must be a delicate balance for a male submissive to not want to overpower the Dominant female in anyway, as someone else said - approach her as a person first, a Dominant second. Show your personality in your email to her. Let her see there's a person behind the profile. Include a comment or two from her profile which indicates you actually took the time to read thoughtfully and truly believe you may be a good match on a relationship level. I definitely agree you should not hesitate to make the first move and email first. It's how I met my Master, and he is proud that I had the courage to talk to him first (his profile spoke to me and I sent him an email telling him so).

(in reply to eevin)

Post #: 16

RE: Is this something you have encountered? - 12/31/2007 5:10:20 PM

ksub4u

Posts: 124
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eevin

Thank You for the link, RedMagic.

As someone posted in their reply there, "we guys sometimes have a hard time balancing taking initiative and being submissive." Its even harder when you're thinking of a Woman in a dominant way and don't want to turn Her off by being so outgoing and have to worry if She's going to see you as being TOO outgoing and will be turned off that you're very 'dominant' in the relationship already.

i'm always worried about these balances. Especially in a world where woman have been taught to be asstertive and outgoing, to break that glass ceiling and take control of their lives. i LOVE romance...i love sappy movies, dancing, candle-lit dinners, and buying flowers. But you never know if buying Her a flower or picking the place Y/you will be eating out will maker feel like you're trying to take control of Her.

If that makes any sense.

I don't know much about female Domme/male sub relationships, having never been in one, however I wonder whether there are female Dommes out there who would *adore* having a sub treat her to flowers, movies, dancing, etc. I wouldn't think romance is out of the question - if it's something that really speaks to your heart, you would do best, I think, to find a Domme who enjoys that sort of attention from her sub.

Perhaps you could post a question on the "Ask a Mistress" board?

And don't worry about the loser emails. Everyone gets them - block, ignore, delete. Easy as pie! Concentrate on reading the profiles that you enjoy and making connections with quality individuals.

< Message edited by ksub4u -- 12/31/2007 5:18:15 PM >

(in reply to eevin)

Post #: 17

RE: Is this something you have encountered? - 12/31/2007 6:01:32 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Stay away from the 'A' site, as I find that is mostly for wankers.
As long as you are free, and even after you have a Mistress if she approves it, feel free to talk to others, contact others, and even to flirt.
Just because you are up for consideration does not mean you do not have a personality.
Show it. The Dom(mes) love it!!

~Christina

(in reply to ksub4u)

Post #: 18

RE: Is this something you have encountered? - 12/31/2007 6:09:19 PM

CurvyCleanFreak

Posts: 15
Joined: 12/25/2007
Status: offline

I met a much different (usually better) quality of people when paying on alt as opposed to a free account. I actually met my boyfriend a while ago on aff.com (we were both on alt, just met on aff first when he had a paid membership and I didn't). I've had some luck on alt (more contacts, fewer meetings) and tons on aff but not for the more safe and intense play that people seem better about on here. There's a much better sense of community on collarme as opposed to alt/aff that I like and so now I'm only on here.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 19

RE: Is this something you have encountered? - 12/31/2007 7:03:21 PM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eevin

As a male slave, i've signed up on various sites looking for a Mistress. One of them, and the one i heard the most about, was alt.com. Its the only place, besides this one, where i have recieved any responses from people i didn't know (other sites were ones F/friends suggested to me).

What i noticed were a couple of different things that scared me. i either recieved mesages from gay men asking me to have sex with them (quite blatently), or from Femanazi-type Mistresses who told me that because i didn't have rippling abs and a 10 inch cock, i wasn't good for anything but being castrated and abused. This site is the first time i've actually recieved any positive messages.

Is this a common thing any of you have encountered? Or is it just ike my grandmother always said, "If it wasn't for bad luck, we wouldn't have any luck at all"?

I came here myself from ALT. It's a very unusual place by comparison. If you're looking for a relationship, I don't think ALT is the place to find one. IMO, it's much more of a meat market and at times can be rather bizzare and very rude. I was fortunate to make a few nice friends there, one of whom pointed me to here. Needless to say, by comparison I found this to be a far friendlier place and have stayed.

Welcome to CM eeven! I hope your experience will be as positive as mine has been. There are many fine people here who have touched my life in more ways than I can begin to describe. (gentle smile)

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to eevin)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Is this something you have encountered?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094