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Masters? Do you have set rules and expectations for you... - 1/1/2008 7:38:29 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

Okay I am jumping off from a thread under the General Discussion.

I wanted to ask the Masters/Mistresses, Dominants this question: Do you have rules and expectations for your submissive?

I don't mean protocol necessarily {but thats fine too}, but clearly defined rules, and expectations of what you want from your submissive and how and where you want the relationship to go?

Or do you more or less take things as they go, with a
more laisez faire attitude?

< Message edited by MzMia -- 1/1/2008 7:40:54 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

Post #: 1

RE: Masters? Do you have set rules and expectations for... - 1/1/2008 7:46:27 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Yes. I have a household manual that puts forth all that...plus what I have to offer. The process of developing it was so influential to me that I wrote about book about it. You can find it in the Ms book list in my signature. It's called Manual Creation.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 2

RE: Masters? Do you have set rules and expectations for... - 1/1/2008 7:46:55 PM

SirMIkeSD

Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline

Yes, I have rules that are to be followed otherwise how would he know what I expect. A lot of it is a take it as it occurs but there are the base rules that must be followed.

Mike

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 3

RE: Masters? Do you have set rules and expectations for... - 1/1/2008 7:52:10 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

Thank you Master FireMaam and Master Mike, I knew many of
the experienced Masters had a protocol and rules that they make known.

Thank you.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 4

RE: Masters? Do you have set rules and expectations for... - 1/1/2008 7:56:14 PM

SirJohnMandevill

Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD

Yes, I have rules that are to be followed otherwise how would he know what I expect. A lot of it is a take it as it occurs but there are the base rules that must be followed.

Mike

Yes, I have certain rules that I expect to be followed. No shoes during play. Ask permission to ask a question during play. Call me "Sir" during play. But those are hardly onerous expectations. With me, the meat of a D/s relationship is open to negotiation as long as my sub knows who has the final say. If she's uncomfortable with something that I consider essential, then we'll both have to move on.

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)

Post #: 5

RE: Masters? Do you have set rules and expectations for... - 1/1/2008 8:04:14 PM

erebus

Posts: 169
Joined: 1/15/2004
Status: offline

Of course. What would be the point without clearly defined dos and don'ts?

I do make temporary rules for fun and play, but there are overall rules that must be obey, or there will be consequences.

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 6

RE: Masters? Do you have set rules and expectations for... - 1/1/2008 8:06:38 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: erebus

Of course. What would be the point without clearly defined dos and don'ts?

I do make temporary rules for fun and play, but there are overall rules that must be obey, or there will be consequences.

yeeeeeeeeeeeeeee hawwwwwwww
Thank you, you explained it plainly and simply.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to erebus)

Post #: 7

RE: Masters? Do you have set rules and expectations for... - 1/1/2008 8:11:23 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear MzMia, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Yes, I do have set rules and expectations.

I do have "The Manual - How you give service" that I authored and stripped of personal preference items; which has been used by others as the template for their own 'Manuals.'
The information is: US Library of Congress; Certificiation and Registered-- TXu 828-635 that was written and registered in 1997.

Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 8

RE: Masters? Do you have set rules and expectations for... - 1/1/2008 8:13:01 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Both actually. I take things as they go, and then institute rules as it becomes clear that they're necessary.

I think it's a mistake to go into a new relationship with a whole slate of rules. Some of them might not even be necessary, and, by the same token, you might need a new rule that you had never thought of. Everyone is different. Learn about the person you're with, what rules he or she needs or doesn't need, and enforce them accordingly.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

I wanted to ask the Masters/Mistresses, Dominants this question: Do you have rules and expectations for your submissive?

I don't mean protocol necessarily {but thats fine too}, but clearly defined rules, and expectations of what you want from your submissive and how and where you want the relationship to go?

Or do you more or less take things as they go, with a
more laisez faire attitude?

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 9

RE: Masters? Do you have set rules and expectations for... - 1/1/2008 8:14:47 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs

Dear MzMia, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Yes, I do have set rules and expectations.

I do have "The Manual - How you give service" that I authored and stripped of personal preference items; which has been used by others as the template for their own 'Manuals.'
The information is: US Library of Congress; Certificiation and Registered-- TXu 828-635 that was written and registered in 1997.

Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs

Happy New Year and thank you for sharing Lady Hugs!
I remember you and MasterFire mentioning you have detailed manuals,
and I am impressed!
I only have a detailed list of questions and expectations, but you all are
motivating me to write a short manual!!
It must be easier to form lasting relationships when expectations are clearly laid
out and agreed upon.
hummmm

< Message edited by MzMia -- 1/1/2008 8:17:11 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 10

RE: Masters? Do you have set rules and expectations for... - 1/1/2008 8:21:17 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear MzMia, Ladies and Gentlemen;

If you like a copy of my "The Manual -- How you give service" -- I give it freely upon request--Just contact me on the other side and I'll send it via E-mail. Or, if you like I can send it via CD-ROM to a postal address. There will be other presentations/writings with illustrations which require Microsoft's Works - Word Processor.

MzMia -- I plan to be at The Crucible January 5th at 7PM if you plan to be there also.
www.the-crucible.com

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 11

RE: Masters? Do you have set rules and expectations for... - 1/1/2008 8:27:17 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

I would love a copy, Lady Hugs.
I will contact you, thank you!

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 12

RE: Masters? Do you have set rules and expectations for... - 1/1/2008 8:32:53 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Both actually. I take things as they go, and then institute rules as it becomes clear that they're necessary.

I think it's a mistake to go into a new relationship with a whole slate of rules. Some of them might not even be necessary, and, by the same token, you might need a new rule that you had never thought of. Everyone is different. Learn about the person you're with, what rules he or she needs or doesn't need, and enforce them accordingly.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

I wanted to ask the Masters/Mistresses, Dominants this question: Do you have rules and expectations for your submissive?

I don't mean protocol necessarily {but thats fine too}, but clearly defined rules, and expectations of what you want from your submissive and how and where you want the relationship to go?

Or do you more or less take things as they go, with a
more laisez faire attitude?

I HAVE to go with LAM on this one (may God forgive me.

)..I think rules should be minimal and then created to that particular submissive and dynamic..for to me, no 2 submissives or relationship is ever the same...Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 13

RE: Masters? Do you have set rules and expectations for... - 1/1/2008 8:36:03 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

Happy New Year Tempting!
IMHO, my rules are "my limits" and "my expectations" for ANY relationship that I
will be in.
OF course people are different, but my expectations and limits are fixed and do not change.
They are the "deal makers" or the "deal breakers" for a relationship with ME.
If you don't like them or can't agree with them, we would not have a relationship anyway.
KWIM?

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 14

RE: Masters? Do you have set rules and expectations for... - 1/1/2008 8:39:51 PM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Both actually. I take things as they go, and then institute rules as it becomes clear that they're necessary.

I think it's a mistake to go into a new relationship with a whole slate of rules. Some of them might not even be necessary, and, by the same token, you might need a new rule that you had never thought of. Everyone is different. Learn about the person you're with, what rules he or she needs or doesn't need, and enforce them accordingly.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

I wanted to ask the Masters/Mistresses, Dominants this question: Do you have rules and expectations for your submissive?

I don't mean protocol necessarily {but thats fine too}, but clearly defined rules, and expectations of what you want from your submissive and how and where you want the relationship to go?

Or do you more or less take things as they go, with a
more laisez faire attitude?

I am a sub, so really can't answer the question but i tend to agreed as a sub with Lordandmasters thoughts, I can see starting off with a list of protocols, but as for a bunch or rules giving a whole slew of them right off the start to a newbie may be overwhelming, and also may not be necessary for a seasoned sub, and I can also see tailoring some for certain subs depending on their personality which may not be needed for another, subs are individuals, there maybe basic things you require as a dom but other rules may be flexible dependiing on the sub your dealing with for example your expectations and rules which will/may vary depending if the sub is a masochist, SAM, service or novice sub.

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 15

RE: Masters? Do you have set rules and expectations for... - 1/1/2008 8:43:55 PM

SirMIkeSD

Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline

From the start you are getting my base rules, these outline what behaviour and actions that are not acceptable. If the boy has a problem with this then he can move on, I am not re-inventing the wheel for each boy and these rules are set in stone for me.

Mike

(in reply to Maya2001)

Post #: 16

RE: Masters? Do you have set rules and expectations for... - 1/1/2008 8:47:45 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD

From the start you are getting my base rules, these outline what behaviour and actions that are not acceptable. If the boy has a problem with this then he can move on, I am not re-inventing the wheel for each boy and these rules are set in stone for me.

Mike

This is what I have been saying in 5 different ways.
Many Dominant's bottom line is NOT flexible, my basic expectations are NOT going to
change.
Many of us, KNOW what we want and the TYPE of relationship that we are looking for.
What is wrong with clearly stating that from the beginning?

Dominants and submissives both have a right to expectations and limits.
No one said the submissive could not have limits did they?
The submissive has the right to DECLINE a relationship at any time, isn't it easier for you
to know what the Dominant expects from day 1?

< Message edited by MzMia -- 1/1/2008 8:51:38 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)

Post #: 17

RE: Masters? Do you have set rules and expectations for... - 1/1/2008 9:07:21 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

Okay I am jumping off from a thread under the General Discussion.

I wanted to ask the Masters/Mistresses, Dominants this question: Do you have rules and expectations for your submissive?

Yes

quote:

I don't mean protocol necessarily {but thats fine too}, but clearly defined rules, and expectations of what you want from your submissive and how and where you want the relationship to go?

Yes, though it is something that continues to evolve as changing circumstance require and my own preferences change. Since one aspect of what I expect is domestic service, I've even looked into investing in formal training materials (literature, videos, etc.) for various forms of domestic service.

quote:

Or do you more or less take things as they go, with a more laisez faire attitude?

Some things I use this approach with. It isn't practical to have a rules for everything, neither I nor the submissive would remember them all.

I have noticed over the years that some submissives respond very positively to extensive rules. Give them a 50 page manual describing your required protocols, positions, services, forms of address, etc. and they love it. Others are entirely put off by it. Not all submissives respond to such highly and formally structured environments, but some thrive in them. As a dominant, I think what is most important is to be clear about who we are, what we expect (in at least the broad sense), and what we offer. Likewise, it is certainly helpful when submissives articulate what they seek and offer more clearly.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 18

RE: Masters? Do you have set rules and expectations for... - 1/1/2008 9:10:29 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

Very well stated as ALWAYS, Padriag.
Expectations occur on BOTH sides of the kneel, there is NOTHING
wrong with both sides stating their expectations in the beginning.

We always have the choice to leave if we are not happy with the expectations.
Why waste time?

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 19

RE: Masters? Do you have set rules and expectations for... - 1/1/2008 9:18:00 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

Of course the catch to that is, it assumes both sides know what they want and are able to articulate it. I've observed that both among dominants and submissives it sometimes takes them awhile to really figure out what it is they want, just part of the learning curve. It can also take still more time for them to be able to articulate it. Meanwhile, much misunderstanding and confusion occurs. Having realized that, I've learned to be a bit more patient with those less experienced who are still learning not only about this lifestyle, but about themselves as well. That's a process that never really stops, I find that my own desires are still evolving and thus even as introspective and self contemplative as I tend to be there are still things about myself I'm learning. I imagine that's probably true of a lot of people, and that's okay. My responsibility is to communicate what I expect to the best of my ability, which is afterall, all I can do... all any of us can do.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 20

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