Padriag
Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster
I'm talking about what happens AFTER you attract a submissive. Yes, you have to maintain whatever it was that attracted the sub in the first place, and if it was just being yourself, then that part is easy. But just being yourself doesn't do anything in the area of behavior modification. Unless you're willing to tolerate any behavior whatsoever from a sub, you have to lay down some rules and expectations, and, as I've said, I don't think you can do that effectively without knowing the person you're dealing with.
Or else you could just release a sub the very first time she does something displeasing, but I don't think you'll ever have any long-term relationships by that method.
I think I just might know a thing or three about behavior modification. Frankly, your above statements are flatly wrong. You're either misinterpreting things or going to extremes to try and maintain your point. Rather than continue this with abstracts, let's nail down some specifics.
I've stated and maintain that it is entirely possible for a dominant to firmly set specific rules beforehand, and to maintain these unchanged for the duration of the relationship. You state this isn't possible, asserting that the dominant must first get to know the submissive before being able to make rules or lead them. To test this I'm going to give three examples of rules I presently have in place. These are rules I will not change for anyone. In my examples I'll demonstrate how it affects the process of attracting a submissive, as well as the development of the relationship, including aspects of behavior modification... all points you've held in contention. As a follow up I'll illustrate how this changes when the dominant switches to pursuit of a submissive who in some way contravenes these set rules.
First example.
Rule: I will not accept any submissive who smokes.
Affects on attraction: Submissive who smoke will likely be deterred from taking any interest in me. Some few, might (and have) taken an interest in me despite their smoking habit. In such cases they might inquire if an exception could be made for them (it won't be), or if they would be acceptable if they were willing to quit (possibly, but its a serious mark against them).
Behavior Modification: In most cases none is necessary, the rule eliminates those who possess an offending behavior and thus there is no need to modify their behavior. In the unlikely event I considered someone who did smoke, they'd have to work on quiting and would not be accepted (collared) until they had. Infractions on this rule by smoking would be met with consequences, the exact nature of which would depend on what best worked with the individual. Note that the rule does not change in order to modify the behavior, only the consequence applied.
Pursuit Follow-up: In the event a dominant chose to pursue a submissve who smoked and was unwilling to give up smoking, the dominant would then have to adapt. That either means accepting the undesired behavior or trying to later coerce the submissive into giving it up. In the later case, I suspect the outcome would be problematic to the relationship.
Second Example
Rule: I expect domestic service as part of a submissives obligation to me.
Affects on Attraction: Since this is clearly something I will expect of any submissive who submits to me, again, those unwilling or unable to do so tend to remove themselves. That leaves me with only those amenable to this requirement.
Behavior Modification: Although there should be none so far as willingness, there is often training required regarding specific forms. I'm quite particular about how my clothes are kept, laundry is done, meals are prepared, etc. Each of these areas requires educating the submissive as to my specific expectations. In many cases this only requires instruction, possibly modeling of behavior, and sometimes some mild forms of correction and discipline. Only rarely have I had to heavily discipline before the submissive began complying as required.
Pursuit Follow-up: As above, change is only required if pursuing a submissive who is unwilling to perform domestic service. Again, a dominant in that position either has to change their rule and adapt it to what the submissive is willing to perform, or else give it up entirely, or else try to later ellicit the behavior through other means.
Third Example
Rule: Obedience is not negotiable. If there is a problem, the submissive is to state the problem in a clear and respectful manner. I will address the problem and alter the instructions as I deem necessary. The submissive will then be expected to perform the duty as instructed.
Affects on Attraction: Here again, only submissives willing to accept me as the final authority and who desire that sort of control are going to be attracted. Again, this helps remove from "the field" as it were, those who wouldn't be compatible with my expectations.
Behavior Modification: Despite a willingness to comply with this rule, in my experience most eventually have some problem with it in some area. Eventually a command is issued they are not willing to obey for various reasons, most often because it was something they never considered before (and while yes, discussion of boundaries and activities beforehand happens and is useful, it simply isn't possible in the broad gamut of life to discuss every possibility). In these cases obedience remains non-negotiable. Consequences, again tailored to the individual submissive, will be applied... but the submissive really only has two choices in the end, obey or leave.
Pursuit Follow-up: I suppose a dominant, enamored of some particular SAM or brat, might decide to again waive a rule and chase after someone who wasn't what they set out looking for. They can, and possibly might even be able to "tame the shrew" as it were and teach such an individual obedience. I wish them luck in that endeavor.
In summation I will point out that in all three examples the clearly pre-defined expectation/rule helps to sort out those that would not be compatible with me in the first place. It aids in reducing the need for behavior modification. Where behavior modification is necessary, it is not the rule that changes... only the specific methods and consequences applied. By clearly defining such expectations and rules beforehand a better initial understanding is fostered, the submissive knows more fully what she is choosing and thus is making more of an informed decision regarding her future. There tend to be fewer "surprises" for either the dominant or the submissive over the course of the relationship in the form of misunderstandings or disagreements.
_____________________________
Padriag
A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer
|
RE: Masters? Do you have set rules and expectations for... - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread