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ElanSubdued -> Reply to Falcon and Everyone. (1/2/2008 5:00:32 PM)
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Falccon and Everyone,
Now that I've familiarized myself with most of the thread (all 4 pages as of this reading), I thought it time to reply. Many pointed out that when communicating online, written words are the main basis of discovering a person's personality . I tend to agree. Just as sloppy grooming is unattractive, so is poor use of language. Likewise, when a post or introductory email is full of typos, spelling errors, and other obvious mistakes (such as not inserting spaces between words and sentences), this is annoying on two counts: (1) it makes reading the content bloody difficult, and (2), as the reader, it makes me feel that the person writing is lazy. If someone wants me to take time to read what they've written, I like to see a semblance of reasonable and correct presentation on their part.
Oddly, the OP comes across somewhat rhetorically (which I don't think is the intent). By rhetorical, I mean "with bombast". Perhaps I'm being a bit harsh, but the typos, spelling mistakes, and lack of proper spacing in OP certainly don't help in making a case for more lax grammar rules. Dommes are not the only people who judge grammar. All people (to some degree) make value judgments based on how a person presents themselves. To single out dommes hits a bit of a trigger for me in that I find this offensive. Dominant women are people like anyone else. Some won't mind grammar mistakes while others will be more choosey in this regard. Having said all of this, I'll put my claws away and illuminate some of the reasons that correct use of language is important to me.
First and foremost, I enjoy language. There is nothing quite so sexy as person who is a capable wordsmith and communicator. True enough, there are other kinds of sexy, but the eloquent use of language definitely catches my attention. It isn't that there aren't smart people lacking grammar skills - of course, there are. Rather, while I hate to make such a generalization, on the Internet the norm is often sloppy, poor, truncated use of language. Thus, someone who is expressive and correct in their use of language immediately stands out.
We're on a BDSM dating web site. Consequently, my expectation is that correspondence is likely to be somewhat different than in other fora. I'm happy to give some latitude because of this, however, courting is still courting. I like to see someone who appears generally interested in the world around themselves. Language is huge part of our world. Thus, someone who demonstrates an ability to research words, to use spell check, and to explore language demonstrates a desire to learn, to communicate, and to explore in a more general sense too. In terms of a BDSM partner, I prefer a complete person who is capable of interacting on many levels (both in the BDSM and vanilla worlds). Thus, I'd like a partner I can learn and explore with. Whether rightly or wrongly, I associate reasonable grammar skills with other traits I find attractive in a partner.
On the subject of perfection, I don't expect perfect grammar. In fact, seeing human fallibility and vulnerability is attractive and endearing. Like many things though, there is a balance. The right amount of imperfection is sexy, but too much comes across as incompetence. In my book, incompetence isn't remotely sexy.
For me, context and approach have a big impact on how I feel about the poster of a message. People who regularly post courteously and in a way that shows some modicum of attention to language correctness don't bother me when they make mistakes. On the other hand, some first time posters... argh! I mean, how can you take someone seriously when the first thing they post is "looking 4 a Mistress to domin8 me, r u out there"? This is rude, "do-me", wank fodder posted by someone who can't be bothered to write even a single, coherent sentence. Actually, worse yet, these are sentence fragments that should have been separated into two complete sentences! Just to flip the genders around, I've had mistresses use the same degree of ineloquence to demand pictures from me. *eyes the ever-handy "Delete" button with great fondness* Those who present themselves rudely (and/or who write with such atrocious grammar that I spend more time figuring out language mechanics than digesting meaning) turn me off very quickly.
It is probably worth considering whether bad grammar equates to rudeness. The answer, once again, for me, is contextual. If I have some background about a person and recognize their writing has mistakes beyond their control, this doesn't bother me. Much of the time though, when I read a person's writing online, for better or for worse, I assume a degree of literacy. It seems reasonable that if someone can learn how to operate a computer, they can also learn how to use a dictionary, thesaurus, and other writing tools. Generally then, when having no background to draw on, if writing contains many errors I assume one (or all) of laziness, rudeness, and incompetence on the writer's part. Is this fair? Probably not, but the world isn't fair.
Here's a final thought. Something short and correct often makes a better presentation than a long diatribe full of errors. The irony of this longish post withstanding, I always advise people to present their ideas simply, succinctly, and with the best grammar and structure they can. Proofreading before posting is an excellent tool for catching errors. And when in doubt about the spelling or usage of a word, use a dictionary and thesaurus.
When I read correspondence on a site like Collar Me, I'm not looking for the super accurate composition. (Heh. *ponders to himself whether the phrase "super accurate" is a valid substitute for an adjective* :-) Usually what catches my attention is when someone takes the time to write a thoughtful, personal, well composed letter. The odd mistake doesn't matter much, but a plethora of obvious mistakes isn't pleasant and, in my opinion, leaves an overall bad impression. Apart from reasonable grammar, flattery works too. I'm not above being swayed by a sincere, pervy compliment (such as "you're a good looking, intelligent, kind, well spoken man who makes me equally wet between my ears and legs"). This also works: "you have a nice ass boy; I'd like to fuck you". Albeit, it's a little banal, but the sentiments are sincere and very readable. In the right context, I don't think most people mind pervy compliments. Ah, the classics never go out of style - especially when presented with honesty, passion, and reasonable grammar. :-)
Elan.
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