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RE: That word called 'LOVE' - 1/2/2008 12:21:02 PM   
daddysgirl804


Posts: 5
Joined: 8/18/2007
Status: offline 		this is tough but you are not alone.  i think everyone needs to HEAR that they are loved.  it is so hard to say it and not hear it back.  While feeling loved is incrediably important, hearing it out loud just verifies it.  It took a lot longer for Master to tell me that he loved me than it did for me to say it to Him.   And even for the first few months when He was verbally expressing His love, He would always say "I love My slave" not "I love you"... and to me that is totally different.  But now He says both.  i often talked to Him and told Him how it hurt not to be able to hear it.   Maybe you should try talking to your Master... telling His that you feel His love, but that you also need to hear it.  Hopefully He can understand that, and when He is ready, He can give you that.

(in reply to subbieforHisuse)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: That word called 'LOVE' - 1/2/2008 12:24:52 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		We use to rarely say the words "I love you" to each other. This in my perception was a hole in our relationship. When we got back together I began to say it all the time, and he does too. I feared saying those words to him, and I did not know how much he needed to hear them from me... Perhaps he needs to hear it from you?

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(in reply to subbieforHisuse)
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RE: That word called 'LOVE' - 1/2/2008 12:28:07 PM   
SnugasaBug


Posts: 49
Joined: 6/11/2007
Status: offline 		Subbie,

I am in the early stages of being 50 :) rumor has it....lol  I would take a look at his family. Are his parents, siblings, demonstrators of affection? Huggers? This is where it is all taught in our beginings. That might give you some insight. But as others have mentioned, do express yourself, and discuss it.

But trying to force it out of him, will definately get you nowhere...it will just get his dominant feelings of  "she is trying to control me" out... Some people just aren't comfortable saying it, especially if they have been burned. Perhaps you could look for your reaffirmation of his love for you in other ways, actions or deeds. You can only change yourself.

Best of luck,
Snug


(in reply to subbieforHisuse)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: That word called 'LOVE' - 1/2/2008 12:37:59 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		i'm shown a dominant's love in 2 different ways.

with Daddy, He expresses love by sharing music to brighten up my day or set the mood of our discussions and/or doting meaningful gifts every month. with my SO, he constantly says "I love you" just because he does. either way, i appreciate how both make me feel towards them.


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RE: That word called 'LOVE' - 1/2/2008 3:05:40 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		Hm. Sounds like it could be a control issue with him. I had a Dom once who didn't realize that the reason he had trouble with commitment and intimacy was that because he viewed expressing love as giving over control. It didn't dimish the dynamic but eventually I did have to move on to someone who could be more emotionally giving.

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RE: That word called 'LOVE' - 1/2/2008 4:15:30 PM   
subbieforHisuse


Posts: 9
Joined: 1/1/2008
Status: offline 		Yes! daddysgirl804, you are SO right!  It is SO hard to say "i love You" to Him and NOT hear it back.  Sometimes, it hurts me so deeply that i will lay my head down on His chest, with chin down, in sadness.   When i first started telling Him that i loved Him, we were about 6 months into the relationship.
It was good to read about you and your Master's relationship finally coming to 'that' point which you described.  This does give me hope!

i have asked Daddy if He's tired of hearing me say that i love Him.    He just sighs, looks down at me and says "Don't talk about that", in a very soft spoken voice.

i'll just keep serving and loving Him.

Thanks everyone!

(in reply to daddysgirl804)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: That word called 'LOVE' - 1/2/2008 4:19:37 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

To the OP, i am curious, what does he say when you tell him you love him? That's usually when they say it back to you.


I know this wasn't directed at me, but my Master usually smiles and warmly says, "I know you do, girl (or little girl, or slut, or sweetheart...)" in a way that makes me feel wonderful.  It means everything to me that he accepts my love and allows me to love him the way I need to.

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: That word called 'LOVE' - 1/2/2008 4:24:09 PM   
subbieforHisuse


Posts: 9
Joined: 1/1/2008
Status: offline 		SungasaBug..... you have 'hit the nail on the head'  i do believe!!!!  

Daddy WAS 'burned' in the past.   He had to let her go b/c she couldn't live with Him AND her 2 under-age sons.  It was one or the other.....she chose her sons.  i don't blame her!   Just that apparently Daddy loved her and was deeply hurt over her choice.  

i'm sure that as we continue to grow in our relationship ( D/s ), after time He will soon be healed of that hurt that she caused and He can feel love once again for someone (me!:)

Am i in a 'fantasy world'?  Or does this really happen?

Like i said......... i will just keep serving Him and loving Him!

Thanks!

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: That word called 'LOVE' - 1/2/2008 6:20:43 PM   
completenz


Posts: 315
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline 		yes it can happen... i know this because it happens to me
He is always telling me He loves me, treasures me.
and, whats more important in a strange way...
i feel the power and truth of His words echoed in the way He treats me.
hugs
c

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: That word called 'LOVE' - 1/19/2008 3:58:46 PM   
Corve


Posts: 15
Joined: 9/23/2006
From: Boca Raton
Status: offline 		Well spoken......

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: That word called 'LOVE' - 1/19/2008 4:12:46 PM   
magicone


Posts: 53
Joined: 10/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RoughFN

I agree that it's not a BDSM thing, it's a guy thing.

.



c'mon - i would not consider as a guy thing, men thing in general... i think its much more a human thing in general.
some people just have problems to verbalize and like a lot of things in life too, it does need training, experience to do so...
i know women as men are not able to verbalize, cause they never learned, never was raised with....
the reasons for why someone is not able to say these three words can varify as life itsself

so, if it is much important for you... a need you may talk to him?
to give him an insight what it does mean to you ... and may how you would see him while he is telling you?

(in reply to RoughFN)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: That word called 'LOVE' - 1/20/2008 2:01:10 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		We all express ourselves in different ways.  The one suggestion I can really say is to talk with him and say "I just process you saying the words in the silly sentimental way that I do.  I know you don't do it normally, but it would mean a whole lot to me if you could say it on occasion.  I'm not saying I don't believe you or doubt that you do, simply how I process it with words is how it really reaches inside me."

And then leave it alone- he'll either consider it or reject it.  You have to accept that this is how he is.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to magicone)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: That word called 'LOVE' - 1/20/2008 6:37:40 AM   
magicone


Posts: 53
Joined: 10/28/2006
Status: offline 		Three Ways to Say I Love You
When it comes to the matter of "love", the greeks could not describe it with just one word so they had three words to use given the application.
The first Greek word for love, was "phileo". It refered to a kind of love that we have for one another as human beings, a friend kind of love. We get our modern word fidelity from this word greek word, phileo. It speaks to the faithful dependence that one human being has with another. The city of Philadelphia is called the "city of brotherly love". That is because the word Philadelphia is made up of two greek words,  "phileo and adelphos"  phileo means love, and adelphos is the word for brother, thus "brotherly love".
A second Greek word used, was "eros".  We get our word "erotic" form this word. It refers to physical or sensual love. It speaks to the love one has for another in a physical sense, to that which is physically pleasurable.
A third word however spoke of something different, unique and special. The word is "agapo". Literally it means "spiritually breathed". This word speaks of the greatest form of intimate love that two people can have. It is a spiritual or soul love that two people can have. It speaks of the commitment that two people can have for one another.  The modern greek when he wants to tell his soul-mate he loves her, says;  "se agapo po-lee", meaning I love you very much  ( ie, with my whole heart, my spirit, my soul).  It is that love that makes two people sense a oneness with each other, and leads them to deep commitments.
I Love You
Some people do love like this. "I love you because....."   because you are beautiful, because you are smart, because you make me laugh, because you make lots of money, because you are handsome or because you are beautiful....   because because because.
But what happens when we are not beautiful anymore? Fact is we reach our biological peak at about age 20 or so, and it is all downhill from there.
What happens if your partner is in a car accident and her face in mangled? what happens if they lose their job? What if life gets hard and he can't make you laugh anymore?  Is the love over?  If you based your love on a condition, probably so. You will end up splitting up, divorcing, or dismissing that slave from your collar.
Others people approach love like this.  "I love you if......"      if you will do this for me,  if you will have sex with me, if you are a good and obedient slave, if you make a big paycheck, if you take care of me.  If, If, If,
Again more conditions.....   Again what happens if you don't have sex with that person when and under the conditions they want? What happens if circumstances change?  Is the love gone?  Probably so.
Why? Because it wasn't real love to start with. Love "if" or Love "because" is manipulative bargaining or control.  Life and relationships are better than that.
There was a show tune that had a line in it that said, "you give to me, and I'll give to you, that's true love, true love"  NO, THAT'S NOT TRUE LOVE!!! THAT IS A BUSINESS ARRAGEMENT.
What we do is turn it around, we should take care of ourselves and surprise our lover with flowers simply because we love them, not bring them flowers because they did something or are something, or if they do something.  We bring them flowers, just because.......
There is another love. It is that Spirit-breathed or inspired love. It is a love that says, "I love you, in spite of....... "     I love you in spite of the fact that you are beautiful, ugly, big, fat, intelligent, witty, wealthy, poor, male, female, successful, or struggling. I love you inspite of the fact that you have no hair, or your breasts are sagging.
This is that "agapo" kind of love the Greeks tried to communicate to us with their precise language. It is a love that is committed, regardless inspite of everything else, I just love you.
May all find this kind of unique soul connection with someone special.
 
.... and definitly for some it is just hard to do....
 
all the best to you
 
hug

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: That word called 'LOVE' - 1/20/2008 7:36:21 AM   
venusinblu


Posts: 165
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline 		i couldn't cope if my Master didn't tell me that he loved me - it's too important to me i guess.  i think, to be honest, that i would have left him a long time ago if he wasn't as verbally affectionate and expressive as he is. 

(in reply to subbieforHisuse)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: That word called 'LOVE' - 1/20/2008 10:08:03 AM   
lilc4SirK


Posts: 2
Joined: 1/19/2008
Status: offline 		good morning subbieforHisuse,..i  also have the same type of relationship and my viewpoint is that actions speak louder than words.
for me if i am happy in my heart and my whole being lights up just being in his presense that is good enough for me.
eager to please Him in all that he desires and Him giving me what i need, wich is to serve humbly and fully to be the best damn submissive he has ever had.
respectfully
carol

(in reply to subbieforHisuse)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: That word called 'LOVE' - 1/20/2008 10:32:29 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subbieforHisuse

SungasaBug..... you have 'hit the nail on the head'  i do believe!!!!  

Daddy WAS 'burned' in the past.   He had to let her go b/c she couldn't live with Him AND her 2 under-age sons.  It was one or the other.....she chose her sons.  i don't blame her!   Just that apparently Daddy loved her and was deeply hurt over her choice.  

i'm sure that as we continue to grow in our relationship ( D/s ), after time He will soon be healed of that hurt that she caused and He can feel love once again for someone (me!:)

Am i in a 'fantasy world'?  Or does this really happen?

Like i said......... i will just keep serving Him and loving Him!

Thanks!


Sorry, but I think you are giving him far too much space here and denying your own needs. So he was burned, we all have been. Big deal. He is a big boy, get over it.

You guys have been together, what FOUR years now? And he has not been able to get over being "burned" enough to tell YOU he loves you because he has not let go of his hurt from this other chick?

Perhaps it is me, but I do not think I would be able to be with someone in a relationship for 4 years, including living together, where I told them I loved them and they said, Don't Ask Me That, or Don't Talk About That back to me and have them use a past break up as an excuse.

Once again, I am hearing the strains of telling a sub she should sacrifice her own needs and make excuses for the Dom. I happen to think he sounds selfish to me, when he knows full well that to tell her he loves her would make her happy.

If he indeed does. I believe that actions speak louder than words as well. However, the verbal expression of love is equally important to many people.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 1/20/2008 10:35:19 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: That word called 'LOVE' - 1/20/2008 1:22:44 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline 		my husband and i have been married 15 and a half years.  he's not affectionate by nature.  never has been.

and since an argument we had in november, he's not said he loves me, he's not shown any feeling to me at all besides returning a hug if i hug him first. 

but he shows that he cares for me still in some more subtle ways, like asking me if i need the vehicle rather than just assuming i dont, or calling and asking if i want something if he's making a stop. 

i'm sure that actions speak MUCH louder than words do.

kitten

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: That word called 'LOVE' - 1/20/2008 1:27:16 PM   
ItalianSMistress


Posts: 427
Joined: 1/19/2007
From: Niagara Region Ontario Canada
Status: offline 		Some people just have a really hard time saying it.  It does not come easily, and for others I know that is hard to understand.  I can feel I love someone for years and never have the desire to say it, and even if I do, most times, it does not come out.  Its much easier to fight about it, or avoid it, but to get it out, I might as well be pulling out My own teeth.  Does not mean he does not love you, actions speak louder than words, you just have to listen carefully.

_____________________________

Governess

"Dominance is the ability to create a hunger in someone that's so strong they will do anything, anytime, anywhere just to please you."


http://italianmistress.livejournal.com/


(in reply to subbieforHisuse)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: That word called 'LOVE' - 1/20/2008 2:28:57 PM   
vampchick88


Posts: 346
Joined: 4/10/2007
Status: offline 		 Talk to him about it. Somtimes the words are said but its not felt, other times its felt but not said. Its a balancing act that takes time to master. I'm still working out kinks with my own personally. I love rubberpet and he is constantly told. Due to 800+ mile between us I feel as though somtimes I'm not able to show it enough. pet is very affectionate and lets me know of his constant thoughts of me. It's the little things that add up, though both of us need to hear it at times as well.
If there was a problem like that I'd definately bring it up. Maybe he's not ready or maybe he's waiting for what he feels to be the right moment. Either way I hope you get told those three little words soon. Good Luck.

_____________________________

Proud owner of rubberpet, the best investment of my time, trust, and heart that any Domme could ever dream of.

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: That word called 'LOVE' - 1/20/2008 5:56:46 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I don't believe it's exclusive for many doms not being able to verbally express their love for their partner. Most often it's a guy thing and many of us assume that because we show our afection through actions then it's not necessary to verbalize our love. The reasoning for this is varied. Maybe at such time when you havea heart to heart talk with your Dom and express your need to hear him say those words that are important for you? 

_____________________________

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(in reply to subbieforHisuse)
Profile   Post #: 40
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