RE: That word called 'LOVE'

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RE: That word called 'LOVE' - 1/21/2008 4:04:11 AM

subsfaith

Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subbieforHisuse

i am a natural submissive who loves to give to my Dom....anything & everything. In return i get my needs met therefore we are both happy and pleased.
There is only one thing i am missing.... and that is the fact that He does not verbally tell me that He loves me. i FEEL His love towards me, but at the same time, i NEED to HEAR those 3 words: "I Love You".
my question is this.... Is that natural for a Dom to GIVE His love to His submissive without TELLING her He loves her?
i need to hear your thoughts on this topic please. i would like to hear replies from both Doms as well as subs please.
Thank you for your time.

Not hearing the words can be a very difficult lesson to learn. We do not actually NEED to hear it, but most WANT to hear it, there is a huge difference between NEED and WANT. Is it natural for a dom to give his love to his submissive without telling her he loves her? That would depend on the dominant in question. There is no one rule fits all here.

My man rarely tells me he loves me. Three times in as many years to be precise. I frequently hear him tell his children, I even hear him tell MY children, but rarely does he tell me. It took me a long time to be able to cope wth not hearing those words, but logic prevailed. I know from his action that he cares for me, and how many times have you heard the saying 'actions speak louder than words'?

Your posts are all about what you want and need, and I hear what your dom wants (i.e. not to talk about it) yet you are dismissing him because.... your need is more important that his? Are you here looking for validation that you are right and he is being unreasonable? Are you going to die if you don't hear those three words? I suspect not. How about if roles were reversed and he said it all the time, but his behaviour didn't show it, would that be better? Again I suspect not. My point is.... is it really that important when you break it down using logic rather than emotion? He shows you that he loves you... perhaps you should savour that very positive action rather than concentrating negatively about him not verbalising how he feels.

Good luck,
Faith
:: smiles ::

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Post #: 41

RE: That word called 'LOVE' - 1/21/2008 8:39:13 AM

tempest74

Posts: 26
Joined: 12/16/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subsfaith

Your posts are all about what you want and need, and I hear what your dom wants (i.e. not to talk about it) yet you are dismissing him because.... your need is more important that his? Are you here looking for validation that you are right and he is being unreasonable?

subsfaith makes a great point. Master has been working hard on my insecurities, my need to have everything validated...he tells me that I shouldn't have to "hear" things said to me, I should be able to have my feelings validated by his actions. Many times I will ask him questions that I already know the answers to, just because I want to hear him say them out loud - seeking validation.

You've been with this man four years, he has been a good Master and man to you for four years...do you believe that he does not love you? Find your validation in his actions, in the attention he pays you, in the way he looks at you, in the way he takes the time to make you feel safe, in his touches.

As another poster said, anyone can SAY they love you, only a few will actually show it.

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RE: That word called 'LOVE' - 1/21/2008 8:47:27 AM

piercedntattooed

Posts: 43
Joined: 3/10/2005
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i can feel that my Master loves me even when He doesn't say it, He shows it in so many ways
He also knows that i love Him even when i don't say it
it is not something that we say on a regular basis and that is not because of Him, it is me
those three words use to scare me to death
but now that i have been with Him for a long time, hearing it more doesn't seem so bad now
and being able to say it back isn't so hard anymore either although its still easier when He is sleeping and i whisper it to Him

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Post #: 43

RE: That word called 'LOVE' - 1/21/2008 8:53:10 AM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subbieforHisuse

Yes! daddysgirl804, you are SO right! It is SO hard to say "i love You" to Him and NOT hear it back. Sometimes, it hurts me so deeply that i will lay my head down on His chest, with chin down, in sadness. When i first started telling Him that i loved Him, we were about 6 months into the relationship.
It was good to read about you and your Master's relationship finally coming to 'that' point which you described. This does give me hope!

i have asked Daddy if He's tired of hearing me say that i love Him. He just sighs, looks down at me and says "Don't talk about that", in a very soft spoken voice.

i'll just keep serving and loving Him.

Thanks everyone!

This is as far as I've gotten in this thread. OP, this post strikes me as very manipulative and rather selfish. He has told you not to bring it up, or to talk about it. Yet you are persisting in getting a particular reaction from him that he is telling you he will not give to you. Let me ask you this.Do you feel loved? If the answer is yes then I suggest you find a way to deal with not hearing the actual words from him.If the answer is no, then I think you need to evaluate whether or not you are able to stay in a relationship where you do not hear what you want to hear. He is aware of your need to hear the words. He has his own reasons for not responding as you wish and it doesn't sound like you are going to change this about him. You've been together for a few years now, so again I ask.. do you feel loved?

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RE: That word called 'LOVE' - 1/22/2008 12:38:51 AM

magicone

Posts: 53
Joined: 10/28/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subsfaith

Not hearing the words can be a very difficult lesson to learn. We do not actually NEED to hear it, but most WANT to hear it, there is a huge difference between NEED and WANT. Is it natural for a dom to give his love to his submissive without telling her he loves her? That would depend on the dominant in question. There is no one rule fits all here.

Your posts are all about what you want and need, and I hear what your dom wants (i.e. not to talk about it) yet you are dismissing him because.... your need is more important that his? Are you here looking for validation that you are right and he is being unreasonable? Are you going to die if you don't hear those three words? I suspect not. How about if roles were reversed and he said it all the time, but his behaviour didn't show it, would that be better? Again I suspect not. My point is.... is it really that important when you break it down using logic rather than emotion? He shows you that he loves you... perhaps you should savour that very positive action rather than concentrating negatively about him not verbalising how he feels.

Good luck,
Faith
:: smiles ::

as far as i know - there is no right and wrong. and with all respect, for some there is a need in hearing it.
it may is common to accept a need like making sure we have food and something to drink so that we able to survive.
but for everyone there is a difference what he/she need... and none has the right to tell that this is wrong or not.
i need to hear it.. just cause i am very emotional, very sensitive.. and would rather prefer being alone than in a relationship i am not able to express my feelings....or vice versa
of course the actions should fit as well.....
but thats just me...

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RE: That word called 'LOVE' - 1/22/2008 1:44:15 PM

Justme696

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Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
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Males from a certain generation (overhere in europe) don't easily say love....they prever to lay a hand on your shoulder.
You have to learn to see that as the word "love" in those cases..althought it might be hard.
Not sure if this is the case in your situation of course.

btw I know also girls that can't say it.... which supprised me at first.

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RE: That word called 'LOVE' - 1/23/2008 5:02:33 PM

LPslittleclip

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actions do speak louder than words can but as a male i can relate to having a hard time verbalizing them. it is sad that a country so advanced cant manage something as simple as just saying i love you
proudly collared by LadyPact

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RE: That word called 'LOVE' - 1/25/2008 10:11:20 AM

subsfaith

Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: magicone

i need to hear it.. just cause i am very emotional, very sensitive.. and would rather prefer being alone than in a relationship i am not able to express my feelings....or vice versa

<snipped>

I understand your point of view, however, given that you have said you would prefer to be alone (and not hear that someone loved you) means that you do not need it and utterances of love are just a want.

Whilst someone tells themselves that they need to hear those words they will continue to believe it.

My point was that you cannot change someone else, you can only change yourself. It is possible to change your perspective and get over not hearing those words, if you want to. If you don't want to..... well that is your choice, which negates the inclusion of the word 'need'.

I used to be the same as you, I thought I needed to hear those words. Now I realise those words made me feel secure and the lack of them made me insecure. So the time I spent worrying and blaming Him for not saying he loved me was wasted, the issue was actually mine. I worked on my insecurity and now it is no big deal if he doesn't tell me, but still wonderful when he does. I have faith that he loves and adores me without hearing it verbalised.

As for not being able to express ones thoughts and feelings, I agree, I would not like to be in a relationship where I could not express my thoughts and feelings at the appropriate time and place. However, the OP didn't say that, only that she couldn't ask him about love. For some the subject is too painful.

Best Wishes,
Faith
:: smiles ::

Edited to add... after a little search it would appear that the closest translation for the word 'love' in Hungarian is our equivalent of the word 'desire'. Does this mean the Hungarians do not love anyone? No, of course not, but this does suggests that the 'need for love' is purely a social constructed arguement and is entirely dependant on language capabilities.

To a note to those that need to hear 'I love you'... never date a Hungarian! LOL

< Message edited by subsfaith -- 1/25/2008 10:43:23 AM >

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RE: That word called 'LOVE' - 1/25/2008 10:21:24 AM

BOUNTYHUNTER

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My lips tremble as I try to form the letter L ......

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RE: That word called 'LOVE' - 1/25/2008 2:15:39 PM

petpete

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Does it work the same way in BDSM?? i thought its just a vanilla thing. i never told my ex wife the word for 15 years till she left...

< Message edited by petpete -- 1/25/2008 2:26:24 PM >

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RE: That word called 'LOVE' - 1/25/2008 2:24:35 PM

subtee

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Joined: 7/26/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BOUNTYHUNTER

My lips tremble as I try to form the letter L ......

Fonzie?

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RE: That word called 'LOVE' - 1/25/2008 2:51:43 PM

BOUNTYHUNTER

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

quote:

ORIGINAL: BOUNTYHUNTER

My lips tremble as I try to form the letter L ......

Fonzie?

Yeah.....The love bug has bitten me twice in my life the first time a living hell and this time with Diane has been all it suppose to be....

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