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Verbal humiliation question - 1/2/2008 7:10:39 AM   
parttimehotty


Posts: 4002
Joined: 11/19/2007
From: Virginville
Status: offline 		i'm sure all of you must be tired of my incessant questions by this time. i assure you that i don't mean to be annoying, i'm just very curious and this is my best resource at this time to find the answers to my questions about BDSM.  Humiliation.....when you humiliate a sub/or slave about their looks, ie calling them ugly/or fat, is this something you mean when you say it or is it something you enjoy doing and will verbally humilate despite the fact that it's true or not?

Respectfully

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RE: Verbal humiliation question - 1/2/2008 7:13:20 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I will humiliate using concepts that may be true or not, much like a womans arguing.

Fat or ugly doesn't fall within the realm of humiliation parameters, unless it is absolutely untrue, or extremely desired.

Ron

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RE: Verbal humiliation question - 1/2/2008 7:15:47 AM   
parttimehotty


Posts: 4002
Joined: 11/19/2007
From: Virginville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I will humiliate using concepts that may be true or not, much like a womans arguing.

Fat or ugly doesn't fall within the realm of humiliation parameters, unless it is absolutely untrue, or extremely desired.

Ron


So you do say it if it's "untrue" just to humiliate?

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RE: Verbal humiliation question - 1/2/2008 7:45:48 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		I think the point isn't whether or not it is true. The point is whether or not it is humiliating

Jeff
(back from a very nice week off)

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RE: Verbal humiliation question - 1/2/2008 7:52:31 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Well, sure, but it's a whole lot more humiliating if the person feels there's truth to it.  If someone is 100% confident about her body and feels that she's in great shape, calling her a "fat pig" just might not get through.  That only works with someone who already has concerns about her weight.  Of course, verbal humiliation works psychologically, so what really matters isn't whether she IS fat, but whether she has deep CONCERNS about being fat.  Or take someone who has been prim-and-proper and is letting go sexually for the first time.  Calling her a "slut," "cockslut," "cum-guzzling cockwhore" (use your imagination) can hurt--especially while she's guzzling your cum...

Humiliation can be a great way to break down people's artificial boundaries and help them embrace who they really are.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I think the point isn't whether or not it is true. The point is whether or not it is humiliating

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RE: Verbal humiliation question - 1/2/2008 9:15:04 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		Words can only affect us if we let them.

Humiliation in terms of verbal name calling can be total made up lies, total truths or partial truths. A dominant depending on their mood or how worked up they got can certainly at anytime do any of those three things.

If you are concerned your dominant or in the future this type of thing says something that does not sit well with you afterwards then you need to sit down and talk with your dominant and see if this is even an area you can partake in.

I personally would never convict my Master of believing everything that comes out of his mouth to be truthful and especially play the subconsciously you must think it type thing.



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RE: Verbal humiliation question - 1/2/2008 9:21:25 AM   
gorgeous1


Posts: 367
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline 		Well, I happen to really get off on verbal humiliation, but I believe it has to be done "right", and when I say "right" I mean it shouldn't REALLY hurt your psyche.


There are such subtleties to verbally humiliating someone in an erotic way. It should be done in a way that makes you feel aroused and heightens the sexual experience. Adding or omitting or changing just one word can turn something from hot to not hot. If my husband flat out said, "You're a whore," that's not hot. If he says, "You're my whore," that's hot. Am I really a whore? No. I am a faithful wife.

So, really, it comes down to this: Do you get turned on when the verbal humiliation surrounds being called "ugly" or "fat"? It doesn't matter if it's true or not. What matters is if you are sexually excited by it.

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RE: Verbal humiliation question - 1/2/2008 10:52:12 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Well, sure, but it's a whole lot more humiliating if the person feels there's truth to it.  If someone is 100% confident about her body and feels that she's in great shape, calling her a "fat pig" just might not get through.  That only works with someone who already has concerns about her weight.  Of course, verbal humiliation works psychologically, so what really matters isn't whether she IS fat, but whether she has deep CONCERNS about being fat.  Or take someone who has been prim-and-proper and is letting go sexually for the first time.  Calling her a "slut," "cockslut," "cum-guzzling cockwhore" (use your imagination) can hurt--especially while she's guzzling your cum...

Humiliation can be a great way to break down people's artificial boundaries and help them embrace who they really are.



From one who has been humiliated in such ways, what LaM said rings completely true. 

It is important, however, for the dominant to know where that line is.  It's one thing to humiliate; it's another to harm or break the submissive.  If you can find the place that reaches just before that, wow, you can get some amazing results.  Over the years this place has moved farther and farther out for me.  There was a girl who saw my Master repeatedly call me a pig and I think it really disturbed her.  I think she hurt for me, seeing me called something that would have really hurt her to receive.  And while a couple of years ago it would have hurt me too, now it's just a cute little name that I love. 

But what LaM said about prim & proper is true.  Having gone through life holding an image of being a "good" girl, and then Master calls me his "cum dump" it hits home and makes me wild.  This kind of talk opened every door for me and allowed the sexual beast in me to finally come out.

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RE: Verbal humiliation question - 1/2/2008 10:59:26 AM   
parttimehotty


Posts: 4002
Joined: 11/19/2007
From: Virginville
Status: offline 		 
Thank you gorgeeous1 AND toservez for explaining it to me.  He & i did discuss it beforehand in the very beginning and i do enjoy it when He humiliates me, i was just wondering if it was true or just being said because it is a form of humiliation.  Lol, i would get confused because one day He would have a friend of His, (male Dom) use me &  would say that i shouldn't be nervous because His friend will get off very quickly if i were to have sex w/him because of my new/improved body, then on the flip side, He'll call me a fat pig. 
i do thank EVERYONE for their responses.

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RE: Verbal humiliation question - 1/2/2008 11:34:10 AM   
KindLadyGrey


Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I will humiliate using concepts that may be true or not, much like a womans arguing.



Am I the only one who caught this? Dom or not, somebody ought to spank this man soundly for that comment!

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RE: Verbal humiliation question - 1/2/2008 11:48:11 AM   
parttimehotty


Posts: 4002
Joined: 11/19/2007
From: Virginville
Status: offline 		Lol, no i caught it too.
Hmmm, how about i hold him down/you spank him first?

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RE: Verbal humiliation question - 1/2/2008 12:13:59 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		I have a friend that is a Domme. She once told me something that set very well with me, and increased my respect for her. She said, "I could never humiliate someone I liked or loved." I personally couldn't fathom allowing someone to humiliate me. I had enough for two lifetimes when I was growing up, and have worked to hard to get to where I am now(which isn't nearly as far as I'd like btw) to let anyone fuck with that.

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RE: Verbal humiliation question - 1/2/2008 12:40:52 PM   
parttimehotty


Posts: 4002
Joined: 11/19/2007
From: Virginville
Status: offline 		That is very true, breatheasone, however i do enjoy it as does He.  In the very beginning, during our chats online, i'd always refer to myself in the negative and He never joined in. Once W/we started to discuss verbal humiliation, He asked if i noticed that He never joined in when i referred to myself in such a manner. It wasn't until i told Him to go ahead, join in, that the gates went down & He started in on me.  One time, at work, someone had set out some delicious treats for us to enjoy.  i immediately sent a tm to Him saying that i was starting to weaken and to please remind me why i shouldn't indulge. Lol, be careful what you ask for, right?  He might care about me, He might not.  If you read my other posts, you'll probably pick the later, but right now, it's up in the air as far as i'm concerned.  i'll ask Him specifically soon, but until then, all i can do is enjoy what He is able to give me at this time.

< Message edited by parttimehotty -- 1/2/2008 12:43:32 PM >

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RE: Verbal humiliation question - 1/2/2008 12:48:44 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		Thats cool Parttimehotty, If thats what you enjoy thats great. I personally could not, and would not put up with, or want that kind of treatment. Especially from someone that is supposed to like me, and wants a relationship with me. I just can't see it.

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RE: Verbal humiliation question - 1/2/2008 3:11:44 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gorgeous1

So, really, it comes down to this: Do you get turned on when the verbal humiliation surrounds being called "ugly" or "fat"?

Yes, i do!  i love being called a "fat pig", a "nasty slut", a "sleazy whore", and so on.  Those words don't hurt me, ever.  i know they aren't true and i know that my Master doesn't feel that they're true.  It's just a huge turn-on for me.  In my fantasies, i am the "big, fat, sleazy, slut pig", not the "nice, sweet, freckle-faced, girl-next-door." 
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

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RE: Verbal humiliation question - 1/2/2008 3:18:13 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Thats cool Parttimehotty, If thats what you enjoy thats great. I personally could not, and would not put up with, or want that kind of treatment. Especially from someone that is supposed to like me, and wants a relationship with me. I just can't see it.
 I have a strong dislike for verbal degradation but I can understand how some love it, how it turns some folks on. For those people it comes from someone who likes them, someone they have a relationship with.If it is something that the s-type gets off on then how could it be 'that kind of treatment'? That is akin to being appalled that an s-type gets off on a spanking, it is simply a matter of preference. The reason I am posting is because of the negative slant you put on towards those that like and engage in this behaviour. It is for sure not something I like, but that doesn't hold true for everyone so why phrase things in a way that implies it must be abuse for all?

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RE: Verbal humiliation question - 1/2/2008 4:14:38 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

I have a friend that is a Domme. She once told me something that set very well with me, and increased my respect for her. She said, "I could never humiliate someone I liked or loved." I personally couldn't fathom allowing someone to humiliate me. I had enough for two lifetimes when I was growing up, and have worked to hard to get to where I am now(which isn't nearly as far as I'd like btw) to let anyone fuck with that.


And the opposite of that is my Master humiliates me because he loves me...it's a treat to me, as I love it so much, always wanting to dare how much farther I can go.  If he did not do this, I would be missing out on something really special that bonds us together.  He doesn't humliate for the sake of humiliating.  He does so because he loves what it does to me (as do I!).  He would not cause me emotional harm doing this anymore than your dominant would cause you physical harm doing those physical activities you love so much.

Your reference of being treated "that way" could be said by anyone who doesn't like spankings, either - How could someone you love inflict physical pain on you, after all?

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RE: Verbal humiliation question - 1/2/2008 4:46:40 PM   
Honsoku


Posts: 422
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline 		I might mean it a little bit, just as the best lies have a grain of truth in them. The key isn't whether I think it is true or not, but whether she thinks it might be true (or thinks that it is true and wants to hide it). I do enjoy poking at her weak spots, and will do it regardless of if I think it is true or not. Think about this though; if I truly thought she was worthless, or that the flaw was so important, why would I waste my time dealing with her?

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I will humiliate using concepts that may be true or not, much like a womans arguing.

Ron


As Chris Rock said; "Men are handicapped when arguing with a woman. Why? Because we have a need to make sense!"

Honsoku

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RE: Verbal humiliation question - 1/2/2008 5:00:36 PM   
agoodgirl4Daddy


Posts: 336
Joined: 10/25/2007
Status: offline 		I'm not a fan of humiliation as a general rule.  However, some "ego play" that is done in a teasing way can be a lot of fun. 

When someone says in front of like-minded friends (or on the phone while i'm at work), "you are such a slut.  I bet you spread those thighs and play with yourself while you think about me spanking your cute bum.  oh yes...  you ARE a very, very nasty girl"...........mmmmmmmmmmmmm....it is a huge turn on!

That may be "humiliation extra light"  - but i much prefer it over being degraded.  Just not my cuppa tea.

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RE: Verbal humiliation question - 1/2/2008 5:51:57 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		Well like I DID say....to me its not any kinda way I would like to be treated. Their are those that disagree with me, and like that kind of treatment. Am I offended because they disagree with me and like it?....Not just no...but HELL no...they have the right to like, and dislike what they wish... I never knocked anyone for it either....I just said it wasn't my bag is all.

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