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RE: Questioning Myself - 8/23/2005 4:47:09 PM

CitizenCane

Posts: 349
Joined: 3/11/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KittenWithaTwist

Do you ever just feel sort of lost? Something happened to me today that makes me question why I'm submissive and why I want to be submissive. It was something my dom said to me - that I don't have a choice.

I always had a fantasy that I wouldn't have any choices, that the dom would say jump and I would just do it. But all it ever was was a fantasy. I knew, on some level, that I could never act without thought and question, that I could never just...do.

This realization, that I will never just...do makes me wonder if I will ever be the kind of submissive I expect to be in my head. It makes me wonder if I'll ever stop struggling with my self proclaimed identity.

There are choices and then there are choices. Real choices require real alternatives, not just thought and questions. Unless you're actually considering walking out the door, even though it's theoretically possible, it's not a real choice. If that's the case, 'thinking about' not obeying isn't exactly thinking, in the full sense of the word. Rather, it's playing some program that you have in your head- it's a reflex. Like other mental reflexes, it can be altered.
A 'real' choice would be to reflect thoroughly on what it is you want and why, and then act to make it happen. For instance, if on deep consideration, you find that you want your fantasy of ready compliance to be more than a fantasy, you can then act to make it happen. This may require a lot of unlearning of old habits of perception and response, and the habituation of alternative patterns. It may require the examination of deeply buried emotional responses to old events. It may take a long time and a lot of work, but if it is a real choice, it can be accomplished.

Cane

(in reply to KittenWithaTwist)

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RE: Questioning Myself - 8/24/2005 6:07:21 AM

aurora31

Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline

OMG greenie...that is exactly how I fell and have never been able to find the right words to describe it...I hope you don't mind if I borrow your thoughts when trying to explain this to a potential Dom.

aurora

(in reply to greenie)

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Post #: 22

RE: Questioning Myself - 8/24/2005 8:58:51 AM

greenie

Posts: 579
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline

oh please feel free! if i've helped even one person in any way then i'm happy.

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RE: Questioning Myself - 8/25/2005 4:26:37 PM

pinkpleasures

Posts: 1114
Status: offline

quote:

oh please feel free! if i've helped even one person in any way then i'm happy.

greenie
quote:

greenie..i learn something everytime you post.

pinkpleasures

< Message edited by pinkpleasures -- 8/25/2005 4:27:03 PM >

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RE: Questioning Myself - 8/25/2005 6:59:52 PM

felineone

Posts: 92
Joined: 6/24/2004
Status: offline

I don't think we'd be human if we didn't feel like this sometimes. I go through times when i just don't feel like doing what i'm told. i just want to read a book, or whatever, on sunday mornings, not make a huge breakfast, with all the mess to clean up after, etc etc.
When i feel like this, i go back and read some of the books, find some message boards, reread some journals, try to remember wy i signed up for this in the first place. sometimes, i have to ask for a scene or something, to get back "that" feeling.
I remember that i always thought of myself as slave, until i read this book, called "Slavecraft" after i read that, i realized that i would never be like that, never be able acheive that level of blind obedience. it was depressing.
but, we all have a place inside ourselves that we can reach to when the going gets tough. we need to focus, think about why we are here, in this relationship, what is important, what isn't.
being a submissive would be simple if we could acheive that ability to just obey no matter what we are feeling.
it's how we handle these times that is important.
these are the times you will grow in your journey.
good luck!

(in reply to KittenWithaTwist)

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Post #: 25

RE: Questioning Myself - 8/25/2005 8:10:59 PM

girl4you2

Posts: 1622
Joined: 8/4/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ScooterTrash
. It takes time, the always needed communication, the feeling of honesty and a deep feeling of mutual respect and of course trust, but when it hits home, you will know it and won't have to think about what to do at that moment.

yes, you will know and it will come. if it's not right, then the situation will tell you and the right time will eventually come.

(in reply to ScooterTrash)

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Post #: 26

RE: Questioning Myself - 8/25/2005 9:29:47 PM

greenie

Posts: 579
Joined: 7/24/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures

quote:

oh please feel free! if i've helped even one person in any way then i'm happy.

greenie
quote:

greenie..i learn something everytime you post.

pinkpleasures

quote:

quote:

thanks pink, it makes me feel good to hear that.

< Message edited by greenie -- 8/25/2005 9:31:00 PM >

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Post #: 27

RE: Questioning Myself - 8/26/2005 6:18:26 AM

lonewolf05

Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

felineone?
blind obedience? no no no. slavery in d/s is not about BLIND obedience. no no no.
nu uh noway in this world,...
it is about obeying, yes---but with both eyes wide open and your ears open and your heart and soul open...
never ever do anything blindly..........NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wolfie

sniffs the air and pads away

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"there is no gravity, life sucks!"

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Post #: 28