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Dom/Domme needing their own space? - 1/2/2008 1:26:32 PM

grlneedstolearn

Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
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When you are told by your Dom/Domme that he/she will not be able to come, and yet you talk with them online for a couple to a few hours, how does that make you feel? Do you think then that they are lying to you or just that they need their time away even though you don't see each other on the weekends?

Post #: 1

RE: Dom/Domme needing their own space? - 1/2/2008 1:30:45 PM

SingleRarity

Posts: 320
Joined: 9/13/2006
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I don't know about others, but Daddy tells me when he needs time alone. He either sends me to my room, or goes out with friends, but he's always clear about why he's seperating us.

Why don't you just ask your Sir why he can't/isn't coming over?

(in reply to grlneedstolearn)

Post #: 2

RE: Dom/Domme needing their own space? - 1/2/2008 1:32:17 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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What sort of distance is involved?
There's a big difference between chatting for one hour and driving in a car for 5 or 6.
Clarification?

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(in reply to grlneedstolearn)

Post #: 3

RE: Dom/Domme needing their own space? - 1/2/2008 1:33:16 PM

sweetstorm

Posts: 227
Joined: 5/3/2004
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Dom/mes are people too

I would just ask. Maybe it's a personal thing. Maybe it's family. Maybe it's just that they need to veg and don't have the energy in them that they would like to fully devote to you. Why would you jump straight to lying?

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RE: Dom/Domme needing their own space? - 1/2/2008 1:37:37 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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I need alot of alone time. I don't always get it, but I need it. Time with no one asking me questions, making any sort of demands on me, no television or music blasting away, time I can do whatever I want, whenever I want with no thought to another person.

If my sub/slave had issues with it I would expect her to discuss it with me rather than make incorrect assumptions. If she did not take my explanation at face value or was unable to deal with it for whatever reason, then I would begin to think I was not the dominant for her.

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(in reply to grlneedstolearn)

Post #: 5

RE: Dom/Domme needing their own space? - 1/2/2008 1:38:15 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

What sort of distance is involved?
There's a big difference between chatting for one hour and driving in a car for 5 or 6.
Clarification?

I agree... I need clarification to answer your question too

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(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 6

RE: Dom/Domme needing their own space? - 1/2/2008 3:00:38 PM

decstorm37

Posts: 95
Joined: 11/12/2007
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My Master and i have talked about this also. Even thought we are a couple we are still separate people and need/want me time. Talk to him and calmly ask him about it.

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(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 7

RE: Dom/Domme needing their own space? - 1/2/2008 3:02:30 PM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

my SO and i have discussed this before. we agreed there will be times that we'll both need space apart from each other especially since we're both writers.

i don't get upset if Daddy's busy with work and/or investment and can't chat online for hour ...i merely see it as break time for us to get stuff done/run errands/etc until it's time to chat again.

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(in reply to grlneedstolearn)

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RE: Dom/Domme needing their own space? - 1/2/2008 3:40:01 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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It is the first weekend post holidays. I can understand totally if all he wants to do is lie around in his sweats, eating tv dinners or leftovers. He may just need some major down time.

And being unwashed for days while chatting on the computer or phone gets a very different reception than being unwashed and smelly in person.

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Post #: 9

RE: Dom/Domme needing their own space? - 1/2/2008 4:00:44 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

greetings grlneedstolearn,

my master is very private and very much accustomed to not having anyone in His space. we've been together for two years, and i still have to temper myself and my needs because He just has to have His alone time (despite the fact that we don't live together and actually probably don't see each other that much by most people's standards). it's just something i've gotten used to. i trust Him. i know He's honest about where He is and what He does. sometimes it upsets me when i can't see Him or when i know He doesn't want to see me, but after i think it through and am reasonable about it i get over it. He's made a lot of progress in terms of having me in His space over the last two years, and i can't ask for more than that.

respectfully,
annabelle.

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(in reply to grlneedstolearn)

Post #: 10

RE: Dom/Domme needing their own space? - 1/2/2008 4:27:17 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: grlneedstolearn

When you are told by your Dom/Domme that he/she will not be able to come, and yet you talk with them online for a couple to a few hours, how does that make you feel? Do you think then that they are lying to you or just that they need their time away even though you don't see each other on the weekends?

I have no reason to believe my Master is lying to me. Talking online for awhile takes a lot less energy than an in person visit, and if he needs his space he should have it. When we talk online he can be doing other things, too. It's up to him to decide what level of energy to exert, not me. And no I don't see him every weekend.

To answer how it makes me feel? I am grateful that despite needing his space, he gave me a couple of hours of his time online.

(in reply to grlneedstolearn)

Post #: 11

RE: Dom/Domme needing their own space? - 1/2/2008 6:43:29 PM

AnimusRex

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Joined: 5/13/2006
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I am One who needs alone time, quite often...and talking online is easier to do during "alone time" than in-person meetings.
Sometimes the most loving gift a girl can offer is to simply let a Man be still and in His own thoughts.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 12

RE: Dom/Domme needing their own space? - 1/2/2008 7:04:57 PM

grlneedstolearn

Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
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He's close by, and i don't mind him not being able to come over. What he does on his time is his own and personally i don't care what he does on his own. Sometimes he will let me know why and other times he won't. Singlerarity, i don't want to invade his privacy as to why he can't come over and i respect that. But i guess for clarification purposes, i'm asking if anyone's Dom/Domme has told them that no they weren't coming over and leave it at that when usually they let you know why the day/time isn't good for them,etc.

(in reply to AnimusRex)

Post #: 13

RE: Dom/Domme needing their own space? - 1/2/2008 7:13:55 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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Sometimes he lets me know why, sometimes he doesn't. I don't question it.

(in reply to grlneedstolearn)

Post #: 14

RE: Dom/Domme needing their own space? - 1/2/2008 7:20:54 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: grlneedstolearn
When you are told by your Dom/Domme that he/she will not be able to come, and yet you talk with them online for a couple to a few hours, how does that make you feel? Do you think then that they are lying to you or just that they need their time away even though you don't see each other on the weekends?

Do you ask why they can't come?

It seems the same problem of insecurity in distance is rearing its head once again- I suggest recognizing it as one more wave of the same problem and deal with it properly, or be crushed under it and need to rebuild from a breakdown yet one more time.

Or it might legitimately be that they aren't really into you or the relationship anymore. Only way to find out is to honestly and productively talk about it.

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(in reply to grlneedstolearn)

Post #: 15

RE: Dom/Domme needing their own space? - 1/3/2008 2:35:27 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: grlneedstolearn

When you are told by your Dom/Domme that he/she will not be able to come, and yet you talk with them online for a couple to a few hours, how does that make you feel? Do you think then that they are lying to you or just that they need their time away even though you don't see each other on the weekends?

While I don't actually know what it is with your Dom, I'm one who definitely requires space and alone time - even to the point that it has cost me two committed relationships and probably a few potentials, as well.

Now I'm not talking about room to play around etc; just pure and simple alone time.... Unfortunately, some have taken that as rejection when it's always the independent me who occasionally feels like I'm suffocating. IE, the problem is solely mine and as exasperating as it is, the only proven cure from decades of trying is some time *alone*. All I ask from any sub is to understand it's my need from before I met her; not a fault or flaw of hers. Seems I ask a lot; too much, even....

Focus.

(in reply to grlneedstolearn)

Post #: 16

RE: Dom/Domme needing their own space? - 1/3/2008 7:32:52 AM

caught4u

Posts: 132
Joined: 5/25/2007
Status: offline

i wouldn't ask about he/she needing the space. it reeks of insecurity. if you do feel insecure use the time apart to do things that make you feel good about yourself. everyone needs time alone once in a while. if you feel like your always kept waiting around for him/her stop doing it. show that your time is valueable also, then maybe you wont feel as if you are being taken for granted.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 17

RE: Dom/Domme needing their own space? - 1/3/2008 8:23:02 AM

MasterSohun

Posts: 56
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline

i personally need time alone from my Domming someone it is about hearing myself think.every slave ive ever had has understood that part of my being,and they do not get mad!

(in reply to caught4u)

Post #: 18

RE: Dom/Domme needing their own space? - 1/3/2008 10:40:06 AM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

Objective fast reply to no one in particular.

I have had the same issues with this sort of thing in the past.. I try to avoid overly dependent women now. I have had instances where a lady basically had personal shortcomings, and decided I would make a good "fix" for her lack of ability to overcome her own denials about it-and deal with her personality problems. They were *her* issues-not mine to deal with.

I would try to help, and she felt bolstered. As soon as I needed time off-the same inadequecies would come flooding back in. Leading to no end of self inflicted emotional drama.

And of course, this was coupled with the same denial-she could not be wrong. She was just FINE.. (everyone else was to blame) But there were *problems* because I was not there as the crutch-so I was now the problem.

And people wonder why so many hard limit "baggage".

If you cannot be happy alone, don't expect others to make it so. They won't be able to prop one up 24 7-I can gaurantee it.

< Message edited by Leatherist -- 1/3/2008 10:41:00 AM >

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Post #: 19

RE: Dom/Domme needing their own space? - 1/3/2008 11:18:24 AM

sweetstorm

Posts: 227
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Objective fast reply to no one in particular.

I have had the same issues with this sort of thing in the past.. I try to avoid overly dependent women now. I have had instances where a lady basically had personal shortcomings, and decided I would make a good "fix" for her lack of ability to overcome her own denials about it-and deal with her personality problems. They were *her* issues-not mine to deal with.

I would try to help, and she felt bolstered. As soon as I needed time off-the same inadequecies would come flooding back in. Leading to no end of self inflicted emotional drama.

And of course, this was coupled with the same denial-she could not be wrong. She was just FINE.. (everyone else was to blame) But there were *problems* because I was not there as the crutch-so I was now the problem.

And people wonder why so many hard limit "baggage".

If you cannot be happy alone, don't expect others to make it so. They won't be able to prop one up 24 7-I can gaurantee it.

Thank you. That was everything I wanted to say and didn't know how.

_____________________________

You don't need a parachute to skydive.

You need a parachute to skydive twice.

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 20

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