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RE: Bad Dommes - 1/3/2008 7:35:30 AM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		I just love what some peoples idea of " been on here for quite sometime " looks at the join date. files it with the i can not find a Domme and i have been on here  for  a whole month . threads .. 

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Bad Dommes - 1/3/2008 7:52:00 AM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline 		Maybe not their only profile, and they slipped up??? Just sayin.......it's a possibility. Course they could be impatient too.

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to azropedntied)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Bad Dommes - 1/3/2008 8:07:03 AM   
KindLadyGrey


Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline 		This happened to one of my boys too, before he met me. He chatted online and saw a woman once for some light scening and next time they got together she informed him that she required $100 in tribute.

He felt silly, but moved on.

Drug dealers use this tactic all the time. The first hit is free!

Come to think of it, it's a pretty common method of advertising in our society :P

(in reply to sub4femmes)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Bad Dommes - 1/3/2008 8:48:04 AM   
MadameMarque


Posts: 1128
Joined: 3/19/2005
Status: offline 		A person who bills themselves as a dominant seeking submissives or slaves on a personal basis, but then reveals that they are a pro seeking business, is not suitable for either role.



The only effective means of discouraging them that I can think, requires a concerted effort by those seeking a dominant, whether private or professional.  They simply have to make such practices unprofitable, by not rewarding such people with any money.

Any dominant whom you would trust enough to see - who would be worth seeing -, would know whether she was seeking business or someone(s) for her own pleasure and companionship, and would make such clear from the beginning.

People will do what they are determined to do.  Some hopeful submissives will pay tributes or go along with the switch and bait you've describe.  But if a person is asking for compensation for their time and attention, whether they call it a tribute or payment for services, then they want your money.  If they pretend they are seeking someone for their own fulfillment, but demand a material "tribute" or a fee, they are not only unethical but also confused, regarding their own motives and about personal boundaries, in general.  Would you let someone like that "dominate" you?

No, I think not.


"He shouldn't want him, but he does, and that's just the way it is."
- from "And This Is How We Breathe," by Luce

(in reply to sub4femmes)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Bad Dommes - 1/3/2008 8:54:22 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

Damage is when someone is actually physically harmed, or psychologically scarred from a horrific event (rape or other such incident.)

Hurt feelings or pride is when you've been duped/suckered and feel like an imbecile.

I hope you never learn what real damage is.  Seriously.

Tough love advice?  Grow some thicker skin.  Learn to screen people more and MEET them.  Ask the question up front, "Are you going to require a tribute if we go further in this relationship?" 

And maybe stop posting your kicked puppy "I got burnt" experiences.  Politely say, "No thanks, sorry" and move on.  We *all* have been burned one time or another.


My opinion is to second, what the lovely Madame Pandora has already stated.

Or, as I would say......quit your damned whining, grow up, and deal. Welcome to the club. Domme's are people too, you've got fat ones, skinny ones, ugly ones, gorgeous ones. You've got nice ones then you've got the scary EVIL ones. You've got polite ones and rude ones......................are you getting the general idea?




_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Bad Dommes - 1/3/2008 9:31:30 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

Another thing that baffles me is how much time apparently these women put into the fishing process.  If what he says is true, a month of online and phone discussions that led up to the discussion of a first meeting had to reduce her potential profit to what -- $10/hr?  I mean seriously.  That's why I don't understand how so many subs get sucked into the "She said she was lifestyle then when I was hooked, said she wanted money."  Either the men are falling for the women fast (ie, the women sent 2 emails and talked on the phone 10 minutes) or the women are losing money on this proposition. If they earn a $200 session from 8 - 10 hours of courting -- seriously, is that good money? Especially if the number of men that go through with it are what -- 1 in 5?

If a submissive says to a woman up front, "I don't play casually, so before we did anything bdsm-related, expect that we may spend the first 3 dates doing vanilla things, like having coffee or going to a movie" -- I don't think a non pro would object to that at all, but a pro will want to get right to the scening, otherwise it's not profitable.

That's why I think many subs are sucked in very early into a bait and switch process that's refined.  Meaning she says what he wants to hear in the first few emails (and it's cut and paste, which should be obvious), the discussions are 99% - 100% based on fetishes and fantasies (again, cut and paste) and there is very little one-on-one talk on the phone before she brings up the money.  Otherwise, it can't be cost effective.

Guys - wise up to the warning sides. If she sounds too good to be true, she is. If she is pushing all the right buttons 5 minutes after meeting you online, without even knowing who you are, she's probably not the real thing.  Sounds like too many men are thinking with the wrong head.



Akasha


_____________________________

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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to MadameMarque)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Bad Dommes - 1/3/2008 9:41:25 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		caveat emptor.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Bad Dommes - 1/3/2008 11:00:07 AM   
EvilGenie


Posts: 1323
Joined: 9/10/2007
From: Morocco and Maine occasionally
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: azropedntied

I just love what some peoples idea of " been on here for quite sometime " looks at the join date. files it with the i can not find a Domme and i have been on here  for  a whole month . threads .. 


One can never simply go by a join date. I have been with CM since it's inception when it first showed up in the UK where I was living at the time; very late 2002. Myself and others though for whatever reason, be it a life change or simply not being able to log on with an ID any longer, have changed IDs and still continued here. This includes some very well known and well read posters. For others, if they find themselves offline for quite some time, unless they have hidden their account will lose it.

(in reply to azropedntied)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Bad Dommes - 1/3/2008 11:20:06 AM   
msebonybelle


Posts: 6
Joined: 1/1/2008
Status: offline 		Set your on personal guidelines. There should be some level of discernment on your part. I say this, there are always, always signs that something just isn't right.  Start paying attention to those signs and you will be able to eliminate these Bad Dommes, bad subs, etc. before you get too emotionally involved. 

"Where there is no emotion, there is no pain"  Hey I like that one...I think I'll adopt it as my personal quote.

MsEbonyBelle

(in reply to sub4femmes)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Bad Dommes - 1/3/2008 11:25:30 AM   
DiannaVesta


Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

Damage is when someone is actually physically harmed, or psychologically scarred from a horrific event (rape or other such incident.)

Hurt feelings or pride is when you've been duped/suckered and feel like an imbecile.

I hope you never learn what real damage is.  Seriously.

Tough love advice?  Grow some thicker skin.  Learn to screen people more and MEET them.  Ask the question up front, "Are you going to require a tribute if we go further in this relationship?" 

And maybe stop posting your kicked puppy "I got burnt" experiences.  Politely say, "No thanks, sorry" and move on.  We *all* have been burned one time or another.


Bingo- Perfectly said MsPandora
You're pretty lucky they spent time on the phone, chat and email. I would never invest that kind of time for free. I know it sounds crappy to you but I prefer to know right up front what i'm dealing with. If they last 3 months into my training, we are compatiable then I will naturally want to see them, If they don't and fall out, disappear then I don't feel like I wasted my time.


_____________________________



(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Bad Dommes - 1/3/2008 12:01:45 PM   
MistressNoName


Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FourInchHeels

From what I've observed, if She has a personal web site, it's a good bet She'll be asking for money.


Not always. I have a site and I'm not a pro. It's just a personal site and many people have them. So you can't tell by whether they have a site.


MNN

_____________________________

aka Ms Petal - Check Me out on the Web.

(in reply to FourInchHeels)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Bad Dommes - 1/4/2008 6:30:52 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I am in process of building a website that has nothing at all (omg!!!! gasp!!! NOFUKIN WAY!!!) to do with BDSM

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to MistressNoName)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Bad Dommes - 1/4/2008 6:43:19 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		bad Dommes...BAD DOMMES!!.......you all need spankings

Jeff

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Bad Dommes - 1/4/2008 9:12:42 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

bad Dommes...BAD DOMMES!!.......you all need spankings

Jeff


Oh really?

A quote from a terrible actor turned politician comes to mind....."Make my day.."

aka.....Just you try it buddy!!!


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Bad Dommes - 1/4/2008 10:05:23 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Bad Dommes - 1/4/2008 11:46:35 AM   
SalomeMorte


Posts: 4
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline 		I disagree with this because I am a Pro but I do not troll this site for business. I keep it all separate and I would be offended if someone outright mentioned that they were NOT seeking a Pro since I don't bring it up. The reason for this is not to scam them later but rather because I don't ask them for money. I want more than money... I want their very soul and long term servitude.

< Message edited by SalomeMorte -- 1/4/2008 11:48:22 AM >

(in reply to tornaway)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Bad Dommes - 1/12/2008 8:11:24 PM   
subinchico


Posts: 119
Joined: 1/6/2008
Status: offline 		Now thats f-in hilarious!!  Sturgeons law!

Females deal with enough "crap" already, always give both cash and gifts!

(in reply to ShaktiSama)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Bad Dommes - 1/12/2008 10:08:01 PM   
MizzElle


Posts: 82
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Might I suggest that these women are not true Pros. Pros do not need to weasel and trick their way into making money. This is someone who just wants your cash and thinks being a "Pro Domme" is an easy way to make money. There is a big difference between that and a true professional.

(in reply to subinchico)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Bad Dommes - 1/12/2008 10:34:12 PM   
JBristol


Posts: 35
Joined: 1/27/2007
From: Bristol
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

Even in just a month on CM, I have already run into a number of submissive men who have displayed all sorts of repugnant and/or hurtful behavior.  I choose not to allow this to put a "bad taste in my mouth" about all men in general or all submissive men in particular--no matter how repetititious and typical certain kinds of behavior may be.

Sometimes you just have to apply Sturgeon's Law:  "90% of everything is crap."  Out of 100 people you interact with here, 90 will be wrong or bad for you in various ways.  It is the remaining 10 that matter, and those are the ones you keep an eye out for.

Good luck! 


As a relative newcomer here, i agree with Shakti, and  undoubtedly online there are more fantastists and timewasters than you would maybe meet in real life, but as in real life its probably better to simply ignore and move on from them.

What has probably surprised me the most about this site though, is the amount of genuine, friendly and helpful people here. Spend your time getting to know these people and leave the fakes to themselves.

and thanks Shakti, have just been delving through my bookshelves to find my long neglected "The worlds of Theodore Sturgeon"
jason

< Message edited by JBristol -- 1/12/2008 10:35:02 PM >

(in reply to ShaktiSama)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Bad Dommes - 1/13/2008 2:16:24 AM   
MsCfromMelbourne


Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		sub4femmes

Your profile says almost nothing about you.  A lot of married men join BDSM personal web sites, dicreetly say almost nothing in their profile and are very willing to pay for BDSM (yes, shocking, isn't it???!!!). 

I find it a bit weird that any pro-domme would bother emailing you for weeks without being paid, but I guess business must be tough (or they are really a man trying con you, not a Domme at all)

I suggest that you add to your profile:

"NOTE:  I will not pay a tribute under any circumstances.  Only looking for a genuine relationship.  Please do not reply to me if you are a pro-domme or other commercial operator"


_____________________________

<----- Corset, mask and collar designed and manufactured by metalsmith Karl H, chromed and lined in black suede. Masks and collars available from http://www.lucreziadesade.com.au/default.html. Corsets custom made only

(in reply to sub4femmes)
Profile   Post #: 40
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