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ElanSubdued -> Reply to Akasha. (1/4/2008 1:45:42 AM)
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Akasha,
quote:
This is an extremely insightful point and one that I wish could be somehow really explained in a very concrete way so people could understand it. It's probably the single biggest obstacle/hurdle to face once actually in a power exchange moment with someone. Sometimes no matter how much lust or chemistry there is, it cannot be salvaged, because the submissive is not at all aware of his "energy" and/or does not care about it anyway.
Thanks for noticing my post. With these and your subsequent comments, it's clear you understood exactly what I was trying to say. Of all the things I've learned as a submissive, discovering the need to get inside my domme's head, to flirt with her and seduce her, to make her feel safe and comfortable, to discover what she needs in the moment, to reduce her to quivering, needy, sexually infused flesh while building up her power over me and her desire for me, to dance with her in a balance of mutual trust and power... this has been the hardest, least obvious lesson. And realistically, you'd think this would be the most obvious thing to do. So much of the well intended, but non-the-less protocol-infused stuff I read early on was entirely misleading. And often we're our own worst enemies. Some of my early relationships taught me difficult lessons and patterns that I later had to unlearn.
Over the last few years I've really enjoyed discovering my power as a submissive - watching my partners, learning, proactively communicating. At one point, it was quite a shock to find that sometimes the most submissive thing one can do is to be rather assertive and not very subservient at all. In an instant I can massage power and give it to my partner in most delightful ways. And what an amazing experience it is to feel my partner immediately give this power back with a look of desire and affection in her eyes.
Thank you for giving us all such a deliciously luxurious, utterly gorgeous view of your psyche and of the power balance between dominant and submissive partners. When I first read your post, I thought: shit-damn, that's some of the best word sex I've had the pleasure of reading in a very long time. I've read your thoughts a few more times now and they just get better each time.
What the heck. This is so good it really does bare repeating:
quote:
I had dominated (casually, mind you, I was very young) a handful of boyfriends by the time I met one guy who, for the first time, got into my head and soul and rattled me to the core, because he was absolutely intent on getting me to react to his submission - essentially, to react to his reactions. He paid close attention, he read my body language and got into my head, and used to be so *proactive* even in the most helpless, vulnerable situations. Sometimes it would become almost like a battle for power, because the more helpless I made him feel, the more he could turn it around and make me feel so *femdom woozy* (no better term to explain it).
When I dominate a man, in that moment, I have a need. The pure actions of doing the "acts" does not satisfy that need. It's far deeper than that. And it varies. It might be that I need to feel he is authentically vulnerable. It might be that I need to feel sadistic to the point of sweet guilt about it. It might be that I need to be aroused by him responding very sensually to helplessness. It might be that I need to be pushed to face my own limits/fears about what I am capable of, or what *turns me on* (this can be a huge and lovely mindfuck and I've only gotten to that place a few times in my life). A really intuitive man can just get into my head and turn me inside out -- all while being totally helpless, and often, terrified. To me, nothing is hotter.
And you look at all that above, what I wrote, and there's no way a "worthless worm" or a man with no self respect could accomplish this; yet, a man who is *whimpering* could. That's the beauty of the paradox.
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