quote:

Both of you can get divorces and then you can be with each other.

Or, you knew things could go awry getting into this, buck up and show 'em your ass.

Drinking heavily has always gotten me thru things like this.

Ron

quote:

  Deal with what?  The fact that you're both in committed relationships with other people so you can't commit to each other too?  Exactly what part of you did not see this coming?  I bet it wasn't a part above your waist.

If your spouse and hers are into ethical poly, then quadruple date.  Otherwise, get real.

quote:

  Welcome to the reality of wanting your cake but not willing to make or work for it

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  A "slave" can not serve two Masters.

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ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

A "slave" can not serve two Masters.

Enjoy the WIITWD 'booty call' when she permits you the time.

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ORIGINAL: RoughFN

I need some advice since this situation is getting really bad.

So, I have my collared slave girl. Fairly recently collared, only about 4 months, but we've known each other and have history going back years. She's like sunshine for me - I'm wildly happy when I'm around her, and quite unhappy when I'm not.

The problem is, for a while now we've barely been able to do anything. We started out quite well engaged, seeing each other 1-2x per week and we were both happy with that and had expected to continue that as the norm. We're both married (to other people), so it's not like we can see each other daily, but that was enough to keep us happy.

But then various things have happened in her life (which I won't get into) that have caused her to cancel virtually every single get together we've planned for the last 3 months. We've had 2 extremely quick "sessions", which I really hesitate to even call sessions, and have seen each other in non D/s situations maybe a dozen times or so, just to keep contact up. But no domination.

While I technically have pretty complete and utter control over most things in her life and most decisions she'd make, I also know when it is and is not appropriate to push on the matter. And nothing has really been her fault. It's just the rest of her life interfering (various different circumstances, usually not the same thing twice), and frequently at the last minute. So it's not like she's overstepping her bounds or not trying to see me, it's just that it hasn't been working out.

Part of the issue is that I get so excited at the prospect of seeing her that I'm absolutely crushed when she cancels at the last minute. I don't want to stop myself from getting excited, since I don't think that's a good way to run the relationship. If I'm not thrilled to see her, then what's the point? Likewise, it's not like I can tell her to only make plans when she's sure she can keep them, since when she makes the plans, she is sure she can keep them. Things just interfere at the last second.

So my quandary is that I'm extremely disappointed about all of this. I barely get to see her, plans keep getting canceled, and it's really difficult to top someone remote. On top of this, since it's really not her fault, I don't feel it's appropriate to just blow up at her for canceling all the time since all that's going to end up doing is add one more piece of stress to her life, which she doesn't need. Hence I'm stuck with a seething anger that's undirected, and an extreme disappointment.

I mean, all of this should be temporary. Once shit gets sorted out, we go back to normal and everything's hunky dory. I've just been reminding myself of that for 3 months now and it just keeps continuing on. There is no doubt whatsoever in my mind that she's worth the wait to get everything back to normal. Though, of course, if it ever turns out that things won't be what we thought would be normal, I'll have to re-evaluate at that point.

More than anything else, I suppose I just needed to vent. I know that there really aren't any good solutions, and maybe not even any really good suggestions, but this is just frustrating as all get out. She's absolutely exactly what I've always been looking for and to now "have" her, but have her seemingly perpetually just out of reach is just awful.

quote:


Both of you can get divorces and then you can be with each other.

Or, you knew things could go awry getting into this, buck up and show 'em your ass.

Drinking heavily has always gotten me thru things like this.

Ron

quote:

it's really quite simple if you would get off your high horse and think about it for a second.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RoughFN

My god, people. I am shocked and appalled at the answers to this posting. I thought that this was a poly friendly site. Was I that much in error? How do you think multiple partners are supposed to work? One alpha dom controlling all of his subs and that's it? That's not how everybody wants to live.

Our spouses are not interfering. Either of them. At all. If we were both single and just starting out, we would've had the same problems come up (well, not 1 of them, since it's marriage related, but not spousal related). I mean, shit happens in life and it's frustrating as all get out, but chalking this up to a "booty call" where I'm not in control and only get to see her when she deigns it fit? That's the jump that's been made?

For the record, she is absolutely miserable about it. We both thought that everything was going to be great before all sorts of other oddball shit started falling apart. She's not happy go lucky and "serving two masters". She hates it. I'm not sure if she hates it as much as I do, but I don't think she wears her heart on her sleeve to the same degree.

This is not cheating in any regard or respect. Both spouses know how frustrated and pissed off we are about the current frustrations.

Considered why we got married in the first place? Because we love our spouses, that's why! That also has no bearing on how we feel for other people. But, I suppose that it's just socially acceptable to assume that we're just cheating and not really in open relationships and not honest with each other.

I guess I just needed to preface every single sentence by begging for forgiveness and justifying who I am. I mean, I know that there are a lot of people cheating on the internet, but good lord I'm not one of them and being immediately singled out and stereotyped in this manner is extremely disheartening.

The benefit of the doubt would've been nice. It's a rough situation and I'm trying my damnedest to get us through it in one piece, but all these snippy, baseless accusations are just unwarranted.

I'm just disheartened now.