quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

So she didn't do anything you had forbidden her to do, didn't do anything she felt was wrong at the time and even you realize that she didn't really do anything WRONG, she simply needs a lesson in responsible communication, and yet you let her fall on her sword to reach for punishment as a way to make your irrational anger be appeased so she can learn what? 

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I am often loathe to make comparisons of Ds relationships to child/parent ones, but I keep getting this image of a child crossing the street without looking, the mother freaking out and yelling at the kid, and the child bursting into tears and saying "I'll be good mommy, here, take my dinosaur away, just stop yelling."

Do you really think the right thing to do is take the dinosaur and keep walking?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Srch4BiSub

I want to thank everyone for their input it has been very helpful.  It is probably a good idea to explain what happened.  In a nutshell, she got into a conversation online with another submissive who she did not know.  At this point I don't even know whether that person was a submissive, a Dom or whatever.  Anyway, during this long conversation the other person asked her a lot of questions, where she lived, what she did for a living, questions about me, if i had kids, etc etc etc.  Since my sub is an avid communicator and loves to meet people she answered a lot of these questions.  At the end of their conversation, she emailed me with a copy of the covnersation since she thought I may be interested in what she had been doing.  I was totally shocked.  The covnersation was very one way with this other "sub" asking many personal questions and when my sub asked a simple question like this person's real name she avoided answering.  My suspicion was quickly aroused and I have to confess that I did get rather annoyed with her.  Despite the time, I immediiately phoned her and discussed what she had done.  She could easily have compromised her own safety  As soon as I pointed out to her the various suspicions I had of the conversation, she got pretty upset and apologetic and instantly realized how stupid she had been.  I think she was more upset at the fact that I was angry and upset at what had happened.  I asked her if she felt she needed to be punished for her actions, and she agreed.

We have since discussed this on a second occasion and she is very sorry for her actions but feels she needs some form of punishment to remind her of what she did.  She has even confessed that just thinking about the incident upsets her and I wonder if maybe this is punishment enough for her.

Having given it some thought and reading some responses, I do think that denying her contact may not be a good idea.  Whilst it will punish her it will also deprive me of hearing her voice and talking to her, but I also think that she may feel abandoned.

I also feel that it is something that could have had dire consequences and something she should not forget.

Vince.

quote:

As I said, a stern warning regarding safety is in order. Personally I'd vaguely question the mother who hadn't already told the kid not to run across the street already!

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

As I said, a stern warning regarding safety is in order. Personally I'd vaguely question the mother who hadn't already told the kid not to run across the street already!

Sorry chica, that wasn't a response TO you, just an additional musing.

And kids get taught lots of things that they forget in the moment all the time.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cage

Having read the above, I too would just keep it to the essay. I had assumed something much worse.... But I do think that the essay is a good idea.

Cage

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

So she didn't do anything you had forbidden her to do, didn't do anything she felt was wrong at the time and even you realize that she didn't really do anything WRONG, she simply needs a lesson in responsible communication, and yet you let her fall on her sword to reach for punishment as a way to make your irrational anger be appeased so she can learn what?  Next time she makes a mistake, master gets pissed and shuts down?

How about "You made a mistake, this upsets me, this is how you should behave in the future and why, let's try a few practice runs.  Don't do that again.  If you get into a situation like that again, politely leave the conversation immediately, copy it to me and we'll review it together."

Gee, one path (yours) leads to anger, frustration, separation, insecurity and repetition of bad habits and the other (mine) leads to security, better skills, open communication and a productive conversation.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Srch4BiSub

I am wondering if any Masters can help me with a dilema.  I am Master to a collared submissive and we have been together for a long while.  She is everything I could ever have asked for.  I am currently on TDY with my job and will be out of the Country for several months.  Thank God for the internet and cell phones.    This has made our separation that much easier.  Recently she did something (I won't go into details here) that totally astounded me and was nothing short of total disobedience and disrespect.  After a very long phone call and a reading of the riot act to her, she pled guilty to the crime.  Had I been within driving distance she would have been severly punished immediately.  However, being out of the Country that is not possible, plus I will not be returning for several months.  She fully understands the severity of what she has done and it's possible consequences and agrees that she should be punished.

My dilema is how?  Do I wait until I get back - which would be like shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted or do I find some other punishment that can be administered now, at a distance.  Since I am in daily contact with her, my initial thought would be to deprive her of my contact.  But, this in effect punishes me since I very much look forward to speaking to her each day.  I have read where a Master enlisted the help of a local Master to administer punishment on his behalf, but I am not sure whether this is a good idea or not.

Has anyone come across this situation, or can anyone offer some pointers in the best way to deal with it.

Vince

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elorin

And you look at your reaction and figure out if you read her the riot act because she was irresponsible, foolish, and didn't think well, or if it was because you felt guilty for not being there, guilty for not setting up rules ahead of time, and scared shitless at the risk she is now in due to that conversation. Probably a combination of things, but if you ripped her to pieces because of your own guilt, she deserves an apology.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent
b) while you're at it, explain that the sole reason you're not punishing her, is because you recognise your part in this affair, and add that any similar transgression will result in xxxx punishment - preferably taking away something she enjoys.