NorthernGent
Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
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'Not a problem; I'll go further and provide a fuller explanation:
What's the issue, here? Naivety. No amount of training in internet protocol will provide the solution; internet use is the manifestation of naivety, as opposed to the root of the problem. This woman needs sound judgement; otherwise, her naivety will manifest itself elsewhere. As he is out of the country from time to time, she will need to make decisions; he's not going to be there to watch over her 24 hours of the day, which means she is going to have to employ sound judgement.
Allied with sound judgement, is responsibility. Assuming he wants to encourage this concept, it's wise to acknowledge his own irresponsible behaviour in this affair. Now, this is being kind to her, because, as they've been together "a long while", she should be aware of his character and should have a grasp of his expectations when they're apart. Continuing with the theme of being kind, a message such as "I'm going to be irresponsible with your welfare, but, I'm going to come down hard on you when you're irresponsible", is neither fair nor setting an appropriate example; surely the message to be conveyed is "you can trust me to be fair with you, but operate outside of my laws, and I'll have no option but to enforce them".
The above paragraph puts some meat on the bones of my 'no punishment' stance, assuming she hasn't broken his laws.
This leaves training/guidance, with the objective being that she understands the consequences of this naivety. I liked the idea of a mock moving house, as it will drum home the point, but it's a touch over the top, perhaps, in this case. A more practical measure, and one with a similar result, would be to research and send her some real life examples of the consequences of having an identity stolen, e.g, bank cleared out, house robbed, together with an example of the extreme end of stalking. I'd ask her to do me a presentation (she can e-mail it) and give her some guidance on the structure as follows:
a) Intro - the background to this presentation.
b) Main body - 3 real life examples: event and consequence.
c) Conclusion - leave this open for her, and judge her understanding based on her conclusion.
The above paragraph falls into the 'can't happen again' category, as per my post.
It may be wise to do a presentation for her, too, in order to reinforce his position, structured as follows:
a) I recognise my irresponsibility; it won't happen again.
b) Guidance/culture on general behaviour when we're apart.
c) If it happens again, your punishment will be x.
In sum, she is going to have to use her judgement at some point, so the objective should be to encourage responsibility in all aspects of her life.
Ultimately, take this as the solution from someone with high expectations (a woman who needs to be shown the ins and outs of the internet wouldn't be a match for me), and one who employs a liberal attitude to life, where punishment is a last resort, and guidance is the best form of medicine - horses for courses. I appreciate its not everyone's cup of tea.
Edited for shocking use of quotation marks.
< Message edited by NorthernGent -- 1/7/2008 1:07:39 PM >
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I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.
Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.
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RE: Punishment - 
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