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Mistakes I've made - 1/4/2008 2:44:16 PM

MTsLightning

Posts: 9
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline

My Master has left me. This isn't an "ask a submissive" post or a question or really even a pleading for sympathy, it is just someplace I can pour out what is happening in order to try and prevent it from completely overtaking me. I must get my act together, my son will be home in a couple of hours and I am a disaster.

Mistake number one . . . believing I could actually be a slave. Because I could and did give and give and give, but there is only so much of me to go around and it wasn't enough.

Mistake number two . . . falling madly head over heels in love too quickly. Anyone who advises that a person should wait at least six months before using that "L" word is right, and allowing myself to feel it and believe in it feels now like it is going to be the end of me.

Mistake number three . . . making myself wrong to make him right please Goddess help me not do this, it took me so long to believe in myself in the first place and now all I can think is I wasn't good enough, I didn't give enough, I didn't try hard enough, he said it is my fault so it must be.

Mistake number four . . . believing him when he said he wouldn't let me fall, opening myself up so completely oh christ in my marraige I wasn't even close to being that open and this void seems so massive.

Mistake number five . . . knowing that he had collared two before me and left them devistated and thinking I would be different. What a stupid bitch.

I know I am not the first person to feel this pain it is hardly unique and I'm not really sure why I'm posting here except that if I don't outlet somehow I feel like I'll never stop bawling.

Post #: 1

RE: Mistakes I've made - 1/4/2008 2:52:57 PM

GabrielleSlave

Posts: 616
Joined: 9/20/2007
From: in servitude
Status: offline

Oh i feel so sad for you, especially after peeking at your profile... Telling you things will get better will not help so i will just send ((((((hugs))))))

Gabrielle xxxx

_____________________________

Slave to Master Slayer

~ Host of the Rather Marvelous Greenwich Munch ~

"There is no such thing as liberty. You only change one sort of domination for another. All we can do is to choose our master."
D. H. Lawrence

(in reply to MTsLightning)

Post #: 2

RE: Mistakes I've made - 1/4/2008 3:01:13 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

The one thing I know about D's, that I wasnt prepared for in the beginning, is the artificial feelings it evokes. The intensity of power exchange and subspace can evoke the thinking and feelings of love that the Master never went about earning. We as subs become obsessed when that happens and if we are not cared for in return. The loving real Master will go slow and take you there slowly. he will put your well being before his ego. Look for one that makes you feel confident. That doesnt push you to love him or worship him prematurely. Look for one that wants to earn your love and trust first. that treats you as a special lady first. You honor him with your submission so look for those that cherish that.
((((((hugs))))))

(in reply to GabrielleSlave)

Post #: 3

RE: Mistakes I've made - 1/4/2008 3:01:28 PM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

That's tough. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. It's good to know what you've done and what you didn't do, but don't be too hard on yourself. It happened, now it's history, don't dwell on it. Do something delicious for yourself.

(in reply to GabrielleSlave)

Post #: 4

RE: Mistakes I've made - 1/4/2008 3:05:23 PM

ISOHOH49

Posts: 28
Joined: 10/20/2007
Status: offline

Been there once and it seem that i have done no better the secon time around. You believe in someone and you get hurt. Here's a (((((((((((hug))))))))))))))) for us.

(in reply to GabrielleSlave)

Post #: 5

RE: Mistakes I've made - 1/4/2008 3:44:49 PM

cherrypez

Posts: 114
Joined: 12/20/2007
Status: offline

Why are all of these things mistakes? I don't identify as a slave, I identify as a submissive but in either case, I would not think it should be all give give give for the s type---in any relationship I feel it's give and take. If it's all one sided, it's not going to work. Because I don't know his side, I am merely speculating but if he was just taking and not giving, that was his mistake not yours and you are better off the wiser without him. What's wrong with falling head over heels in love too quickly? I knew from hello there was a definate spark there. I loved him in the first 30 seconds and I think he did too. Of course we didn't admit it then and took almost a year to ever say the 'l' word we both did express the attraction was definately there, and five years later---we still love each other very much. Mistake three might be wrong in the fact that you are blaming yourself totally. It takes two to make a relationship and two to break a relationship---blame should be equal in most cases. Why not think, instead of I wasn't good enough, I didn't give enough and I didn't try hard enough say he and I were not compatible? Mistake four, with so many people finding it so difficult to trust I can not see trusting as a mistake. If he let you fall, it's on him. Don't blame it on your trust. Mistake five---again that goes with trust. You believed that it would be different and it could have been. I've had failed relationships, I know I have hurt partners in my past---time has changed the way I conduct myself in a relationship so does that mean I should be judged totally on my previous failed relationships? Just chalk it up to, we were not meant to be a couple---bawl your eyes out, grieve, pick yourself up take the lessons you learned keep them with you and move on.
You are right you are not the first and won't be the last. You'll stop crying, life will get better, take a break, distract yourself, treat yourself, take a bubble bath, spend some money, read a book, play a game, spend time with your um's if you have them, every day it will get better and as time passes the future will look better.

(in reply to MTsLightning)

Post #: 6

RE: Mistakes I've made - 1/4/2008 3:49:13 PM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

How long from the time you two first spoke- to you becoming his slave?

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to MTsLightning)

Post #: 7

RE: Mistakes I've made - 1/4/2008 4:28:23 PM

lauren0221

Posts: 681
Joined: 8/29/2006
Status: offline

I think most of us have made mistakes, and I have certainly made more than my share. If you can learn from this, and grow, and see (and listen to) the red flags and warning signs next time, then you are way ahead of the game.

Big hugs,

lauren

(in reply to MTsLightning)

Post #: 8

RE: Mistakes I've made - 1/4/2008 4:41:23 PM

sakidorei

Posts: 65
Status: offline

Right now you are going through a grieving process ... deny ... get angry ... bargain ... be sad ... then accept it ... and maybe go through this process a number of times. You are posting your heart at the moment which is the heart of a victim ... the real clarity comes a bit further down the road. You MAY have made mistakes beyond these ... or you may just feel very wounded at the moment ... right now you feel devastated, victimized, and overwhelmed.

i encourage you to give yourself time to go through the cycle at your own pace ... don't take up the mantle of a failure, a victim, or a vindictive scorned woman as your permanent cloak from this experience. Let yourself have time to gain real clarity beyond the initial hurt ... give yourself time to digest the lessons ... and stand back up ... and move on.

i told my slave sister recently what i went through after making a catastrophic mistake with Master. i shatter ... initially i really just shatter inside if it's a bad one. i have to go through my cycle of grief ... then ... begin to pick up the shattered pieces and put myself back together ... and recenter. Every -shattering- experience requires a recentering ... because i am never the same -shape- on the other side of it. i have gained new insight and learned new things ... so i have to put those new pieces in with all that i already know and am ... and then ... after i have regrouped ... i recenter and move on.

i wish you peace ... and perspective ...

~saki
Property of Master D.

_____________________________

Followers, do not backlead. Not only does it make leading more difficult, but it also makes it more difficult for the leader to avoid collisions.

(in reply to MTsLightning)

Post #: 9

RE: Mistakes I've made - 1/4/2008 4:42:06 PM

MTsLightning

Posts: 9
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

How long from the time you two first spoke- to you becoming his slave?

About 6 weeks. I had been single for about a year and a half, had dated a lot but never met a single guy I was even attracted to much less actually LIKED, and I fell for Him right away. In the beginning I wanted to be more cautious, and my best friend warned me to not let go so much so fast but he told me over and over he wouldn't let me fall. He didn't mean to I'm sure, it was a LDR and that was hard, and I have a child so can't travel much and work full time so even when we were together I always have a massive list of things that need my attention. I guess He just needs something different, a slave who can be totally focused on just being a slave. I'm just fighting so hard to stop thinking I should have done more, given more, not good enough. Story of my life. Wah. Poor me. I hate this self pity shit too but I just feel totally broken.

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 10

RE: Mistakes I've made - 1/4/2008 4:45:00 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

Everyone makes mistakes, the true measure of a person is not the mistakes they make but what they learn from them.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to MTsLightning)

Post #: 11

RE: Mistakes I've made - 1/4/2008 4:48:15 PM

MTsLightning

Posts: 9
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sakidorei

Right now you are going through a grieving process ... deny ... get angry ... bargain ... be sad ... then accept it ... and maybe go through this process a number of times. You are posting your heart at the moment which is the heart of a victim ... the real clarity comes a bit further down the road. You MAY have made mistakes beyond these ... or you may just feel very wounded at the moment ... right now you feel devastated, victimized, and overwhelmed.

i encourage you to give yourself time to go through the cycle at your own pace ... don't take up the mantle of a failure, a victim, or a vindictive scorned woman as your permanent cloak from this experience. Let yourself have time to gain real clarity beyond the initial hurt ... give yourself time to digest the lessons ... and stand back up ... and move on.

i told my slave sister recently what i went through after making a catastrophic mistake with Master. i shatter ... initially i really just shatter inside if it's a bad one. i have to go through my cycle of grief ... then ... begin to pick up the shattered pieces and put myself back together ... and recenter. Every -shattering- experience requires a recentering ... because i am never the same -shape- on the other side of it. i have gained new insight and learned new things ... so i have to put those new pieces in with all that i already know and am ... and then ... after i have regrouped ... i recenter and move on.

i wish you peace ... and perspective ...

~saki
Property of Master D.

Thank you. Shattered is exactly how I feel. You are right, I am not a victim, I didn't even mean it to sound like that. It is taking everything I have not to call him and beg him to come back, He is not a bad person and He didn't intend to let me fall. I just have to get through this and it feels so impossible to put myself together again after putting myself so completely in His hands for so long. Thank you for your wise words.

(in reply to sakidorei)

Post #: 12

RE: Mistakes I've made - 1/4/2008 4:55:56 PM

sakidorei

Posts: 65
Status: offline

i sent you a message on the cm side sweetie ...

~saki
Property of Master D.

_____________________________

Followers, do not backlead. Not only does it make leading more difficult, but it also makes it more difficult for the leader to avoid collisions.

(in reply to MTsLightning)

Post #: 13

RE: Mistakes I've made - 1/4/2008 5:18:26 PM

corsetgirl

Posts: 824
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline

I have been down that route before, going through pain, heartache, what I did to sabotage my past relationship, what I did not do to try to save it, anger, and rage to the point of yelling at him and his sub who is now his wife and through it all, we all have to have healing process.

During that time, I kept a journal and wrote poetry and expressed my feelings.When I was cleaning my room, I found it and started to read these entries. I smiled knowing how far I have come since that time and know that I am much better to stand on my own. I wish you well and hopefully, you will be able to come out of this pain.

(in reply to sakidorei)

Post #: 14

RE: Mistakes I've made - 1/4/2008 5:57:57 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

About 6 weeks. I had been single for about a year and a half, had dated a lot but never met a single guy I was even attracted to much less actually LIKED, and I fell for Him right away. In the beginning I wanted to be more cautious, and my best friend warned me to not let go so much so fast but he told me over and over he wouldn't let me fall. He didn't mean to I'm sure, it was a LDR and that was hard, and I have a child so can't travel much and work full time so even when we were together I always have a massive list of things that need my attention. I guess He just needs something different, a slave who can be totally focused on just being a slave. I'm just fighting so hard to stop thinking I should have done more, given more, not good enough. Story of my life. Wah. Poor me. I hate this self pity shit too but I just feel totally broken.

This is why I stick close to home. I have a son too. I am having a hard enough time with a Dom/boyfriend that lives 34 miles from me. Thats an hour drive in good traffic from where i live. I have to travel to him as I dont play at home. Its been very burdensome at times. especially having to leave at 6:15 in the morning, when I stay over during the week, to leave enough time to get to work in bad chicago commuter traffic from his suburbs.

Next selection maybe someone who fits more easily into your everyday life. This is practical and will make the relationship more apt to suceed.

I know everyones time line is different. But dont they say the intense feelings one feels in the beginning of a relationship is like a "high"?

I think D's can evoke alot of intense emotion because of the psychosexual elemements. I fell really hard for the first Dom who i was with who I saw in person only a couple of times. I didnt understand what was happening and no one prepared me for it. Now I know and I watch out for this and truly look for Dominants that will help me stay firmly planted on my feet,and coach me through the intentesity of evoked emotion and take me through the journey responsibly.

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 1/4/2008 6:03:23 PM >

(in reply to MTsLightning)

Post #: 15

RE: Mistakes I've made - 1/4/2008 6:15:30 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

If a relationship is one sided and only one is doing all the giving then it will be doomed. We have all made mistakes or had poor judgment at one time. All you can do is learn from it and not let it get in the way in the future.

Be who you want to be, nothing is black and white. Learn and grow from this and don't dwell on things.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to MTsLightning)

Post #: 16

RE: Mistakes I've made - 1/4/2008 6:54:32 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Ohhh, how we fall when reality and fantasy clash. I'm so sorry you are in pain. When you are ready, and have had an opportunity to grieve, I do hope you will stop back and tell us how you are doing. Meanwhile, be gentle with yourself. Sounds like you have a good (and smart) friend.

peace

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

Post #: 17

RE: Mistakes I've made - 1/4/2008 7:11:22 PM

ksub4u

Posts: 124
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline

Something about your post bothers me. I'm so sorry you are going through this painful period, but honestly - where is his responsibility in this? For a Dom to take a slave, swear he won't let her fall (though he did 2 others), make her feel inadequate and then walk out in what sounds to be an abrupt manner - I'm just sitting here shaking my head. I feel for your pain, I really do - it comes through loud and clear in your posts.

Please, try and remember that a D/s or M/s relationship is a two-way street. I believe both have the responsibility to take care of the other. Perhaps in differing ways, but if you were truly trying your best and trying to make him happy, it's his responsibility to teach and guide you, if he's committed to you, in *how* to do so. Walking away doesn't solve anything. But it sounds like it's his trademark - use 'em and walk away, blaming them when he leaves.

As for your mistakes - you can certainly be a slave. Just because one relationship failed, it 'takes two to tango'. Another Dom may be able to train you and love you and care enough for you to follow through and create a relationship with you that works. One failed M/s relationship doesn't mean you can't be a slave. Expectations vary between Dominants.

Mistake two - falling in love too quickly. Others have addressed this very well in their posts. Next time around you'll be more aware. Life is a learning process.

Mistake three - just because he says it's your fault, it doesn't mean it is. Don't accept his word as law - he's broken his promise to you.

Mistake four - it's never a mistake to believe in someone. It hurts dreadfully when they let us down, but if you stop believing you close yourself off, which would indeed be a mistake.

Mistake five - so you were a bit gullible and ignored the evidence presented, thinking you were different than the others. Been there, done that here! You're not alone there.

Please be easier on yourself and allow yourself to grieve and feel anger.

(in reply to MTsLightning)

Post #: 18

RE: Mistakes I've made - 1/4/2008 7:13:52 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Chocolate, hot bath, chick movie you can safely bawl to.

And recognize that you did nothing wrong in your actions, you simply got taken advantage of by a user. Next time listen to the voice that tells you it's too perfect, too soon.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to ksub4u)

Post #: 19

RE: Mistakes I've made - 1/4/2008 10:50:09 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

Hug your UM..and feel the unconditional love that he feels for you ,and rejoice in that....and know that your life is not all a mistake...never has been and never will be...Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to MTsLightning)

Post #: 20

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