Help with voice commands...

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Help with voice commands...

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Help with voice commands...

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Help with voice commands... - 8/23/2005 4:51:51 PM

saret

Posts: 71
Joined: 4/27/2005
Status: offline

.. or a commanding voice.

A number of *really good* mistresses I've met, when I've talked to them extensively or watched them play, have an extremely commanding tone of voice. Its not shouting, or even insulting - just very firm and commanding.

A friend of mine calls it "the Mom voice." The tone of voice women use that make other people immediately sit up straight and do what they're told.

How do you do that?!? I would love to sound so confident and commanding.

I've listened to people do it, and tried to pick up inflections and imitate it, but I'm normally a pretty shy and quiet person.

The few BDSM books that mention anything about it are not very helpful. I think I might find more info in books about linguistics, management or parental discipline. Any advice? Reccomendations for books?
Any good experiences with things like public speaking/debate/dog training classes that could be applied?

-S-

Post #: 1

RE: Help with voice commands... - 8/23/2005 4:58:24 PM

MistressGrace07

Posts: 100
Joined: 7/29/2005
From: Chicago
Status: offline

Maybe hang around a playground for awhile and listen to the mothers talk to their kids... I love picking up African-American mom's experessions!

I think it's something you just pick up as you realize your inner authority. Just be firm... practice in front of a mirror so you can read your own expressions. You can be soft... as long as your voice says "no nonsense". Start with a list of phrases.. even if they're dog training ones... "sit!" "roll over!"......

Just keep practicing.... and I'm sure one day you'll find your own "mom voice" :)

_____________________________

My Journal

"Let me make this as monosyllabic as possible" - Captain Amelia in "Treasure Planet"

(in reply to saret)

Post #: 2

RE: Help with voice commands... - 8/23/2005 5:07:04 PM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

Hello Saret,

I'm not sure that sort of thing is something you can learn from a book. Sure, you can take a class, but at what point does it feel natural to you? Perhaps think about why you feel you need to sound a particular way to get your point across. Are you uncomfortable with giving commands in general, or just worried that your voice doesn't suit the sub? Just some things to think about.

I believe if you are comfortable and confident in what you are saying to a sub, you can whisper something in his ear and still have an amazing effect. I think it's important to feel comfortable and natural when you interact with a sub, and "trying" to sound a particular way might ruin the effect if you truly don't "feel" it.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to saret)

Post #: 3

RE: Help with voice commands... - 8/23/2005 6:31:24 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I've found that Midori is a person who is really good at explaining how to bring out that domly domme quality, so if you ever get a chance to go to her classes, do it!

I have spent many years as a teacher, then as a CPA, so I guess it's a natural authority figure thing lol. Really, try tape recording yourself. What about the women's voices you admire can you emulate without sounding fake to yourself?

Also, nothing beats CONFIDENCE. Say it like you mean it, and you will be amazed!

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)

Post #: 4

RE: Help with voice commands... - 8/24/2005 6:24:47 AM

lonewolf05

Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

How do you do that?!? I would love to sound so confident and commanding.

saret
===============

okay. let's try this. you get out of bed, so sleepie and woke up on the wrong side, grouchie and mean as hell and are in no mood for anyone's b.s. and someone starts talking to you before you are ready for it......
you automatically speak from your gut, knee-jerk style and tell em to go take a flying leap......

THAT voice is the COMMAND voice.

you are out somewhere and one of your dearest nieces are doing something that irritates you in a store where you want to just get in and out of......so you speak to the child to knock-it-off and act properly........THAT voice.
your mailman, store clerk, whatever.......in life just ticked ya off......THAT voice.

practice!!!!!

wolfie

_____________________________

"there is no gravity, life sucks!"

(in reply to saret)

Post #: 5

RE: Help with voice commands... - 8/25/2005 2:50:39 AM

saret

Posts: 71
Joined: 4/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lonewolf05

quote:

How do you do that?!? I would love to sound so confident and commanding.

saret
===============

okay. let's try this. you get out of bed, so sleepie and woke up on the wrong side, grouchie and mean as hell and are in no mood for anyone's b.s. and someone starts talking to you before you are ready for it......
you automatically speak from your gut, knee-jerk style and tell em to go take a flying leap......

THAT voice is the COMMAND voice.

practice!!!!!

wolfie

Yes, that is exactly what I mean!

I just can't seem to do it on purpose. I can speak well, with confidence, I just seem to have a hard time with the "asolutely no BS" tone.

I'll give it a shot, tho.

-S-

(in reply to lonewolf05)

Post #: 6

RE: Help with voice commands... - 8/25/2005 3:02:30 AM

saret

Posts: 71
Joined: 4/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I've found that Midori is a person who is really good at explaining how to bring out that domly domme quality, so if you ever get a chance to go to her classes, do it!

I have spent many years as a teacher, then as a CPA, so I guess it's a natural authority figure thing lol. Really, try tape recording yourself. What about the women's voices you admire can you emulate without sounding fake to yourself?

Also, nothing beats CONFIDENCE. Say it like you mean it, and you will be amazed!

Midori was in town here about a month or 2 ago, giving lectures and lessons, and I had to miss it. [*sad*]

Thats a good idea, though; thanks. I'll try tape recording myself. I think any public speaking in general builds a strong, confidence voice.

Its also something I've always been completely and utterly terrified of. I mean, to point of full-on anxiety attacks. Hm, something similar kept me from domming for a long time - a feeling very like crippling performance anxiety.

Hmm.

This requires a good long sit down and think.

-S-

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 7

RE: Help with voice commands... - 8/25/2005 9:36:13 AM

lonewolf05

Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

This requires a good long sit down and think.

========
how about less think and more act? use your gut.

wolfie

_____________________________

"there is no gravity, life sucks!"

(in reply to saret)

Post #: 8

RE: Help with voice commands... - 8/25/2005 1:54:30 PM

softandshy

Posts: 297
Joined: 5/10/2005
Status: offline

Have you considered how much control you have with just your customary way of speaking, saret? The Mistress very rarely uses a command tone, but She has my full attention. This is primarily because no one command is highlighted by the tone. i will not actively seek punishment (not speaking of anything handed out in play) so i must react as if all Her words are equally important. Her tone is not a guide to exactly how serious She is. It reduces the temptation to sloppiness. There is also something about being commanded in a soft voice that is wonderfully seductive. She knows that She does not need anything more to control, and it shows. Works very well in public also. i will recognize a command without others being aware of it.

It's funny, i train dogs and so did She, not standard obedience but dogs for people with disabilities. These dogs have to be solid. They're out in public every day and must be aware and sensitive to the needs of their humans even in crowded, noisy, high-stimulation environments. One of the easiest ways to make these dogs solid is to whisper commands during the teaching.

_____________________________

Happy "Swamp Thing"

(in reply to lonewolf05)

Post #: 9

RE: Help with voice commands... - 8/25/2005 2:31:26 PM

MzYoni

Posts: 3
Joined: 8/25/2005
Status: offline

A trick that is often suggested to nervous public speakers to build confidence is to picture their audience naked.... hmmm.. never mind ;-)

What lonewolf mentioned about using the voice you use when scolding a child is dead on. Think of a moment when you were ademate about getting your point across to someone... the self-assurance and sterness in THAT tone is what you need to recreate.

Personally I find my voice and tone vary with my mood. Perhaps set up a scene where your sub will purposely try to defy you in order to stimulate that " Stop it ! I mean business " mood.

On the other hand though, I'm not sure about trying to recreate a tone that doesn't come naturally to you. You mention you are the shy and quiet type, why not flow with that ?
A whisper can be equally effective as it forces them to listen attentively to ANYTHING you say.

Good Luck

(in reply to softandshy)

Post #: 10

RE: Help with voice commands... - 8/25/2005 3:42:00 PM

lonewolf05

Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

A whisper can be equally effective as it forces them to listen attentively to ANYTHING you say.

MzYoni
==========================
yeah i know that's right coz MY Mistress DON'T raise Her voice BUT........hey yo, ya STILL gotta have that "damn it i mean business" tone even in a whisper.
otherwise ya ain't gonna make it out-the-gate with Your boy.
good luck m'Lady.

wolfie..looks around, perks up his ears, sniffs, and pads away.

_____________________________

"there is no gravity, life sucks!"

(in reply to MzYoni)

Post #: 11

RE: Help with voice commands... - 8/25/2005 4:24:03 PM

pandora29

Posts: 22
Joined: 8/19/2005
Status: offline

Wow honestly i never really had thought about my voice,but seeing as i have a son i know what people say when they say the mom voice.I also know about that "leave me the hell alone" voice i have used that often.Well it doesn't hurt to have a couple of dogs as well...lol. Saret it might be easier for you if it was put this way.If you have ever tried to be nice to someone that doesn't get the hint and you have to go off on them you know exactly what you want them to do and you let them know without caring what they have to say...that is the voice..the "I said go away"voice.

(in reply to lonewolf05)

Post #: 12

RE: Help with voice commands... - 8/25/2005 4:37:31 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

public speaking in general builds a strong, confidence voice.

Its also something I've always been completely and utterly terrified of. I mean, to point of full-on anxiety attacks. Hm, something similar kept me from domming for a long time - a feeling very like crippling performance anxiety.

This requires a good long sit down and think.
-S-

I know exactly what you mean about being generally quiet and shy, because I am too. I do find that believing more in yourself, and speaking honestly and directly will translate into confident tone/delivery, or at least that's the impression people tell me they have of me when I'm being simply myself, and they tell me I'm intimidating (internally, I usually have no idea how I am intimidating).. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to saret)

Post #: 13

RE: Help with voice commands... - 8/25/2005 6:59:02 PM

MsPurrmeow

Posts: 261
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline

Personally, I think trying to use a tone that comes from a place of negative emotions is a mistake. If it comes from anger, it is not a controllable emphasis. I speak in a regular tone, but I can speak without an underlying inference of anger or revenge. I simply speak slowly, clearly and strongly enunciated. Looking them dead in the eye (again without being REACTIVE). The trick is that I know what words are coming out of my mouth. If a statement comes from anger, it isn't always something we really wanted to say. (How often do people regret words spoken in anger or as a knee-jerk response?) Being in control, means choosing our response. Even a whisper can be controlling, so volume is not the key.

Know that you are going to say. Speak it clearly while looking in their eye. Dampen any anger, vengeance, or REACTION. Your words should be a calculated reponse and command, not a reaction to outside influences. Also, use their name, sometimes their full name and not a shorted version of it. It really does get their attention and focus their mind on what is coming from you. When you learn to calculate your words for maximum effect, then you can slowly soften them up for the positive emotions, if that is your desire after they are focused on the sound of your voice.

Know what look is in your eyes when you speak. Is it anger, desperation, loss or confusion? Settle yourself inside and then use carefully chosen words.

When learning, try finding quiet or personal spaces to play in. Often in busy dungeon spaces, there are too many distractions.

This is a good skill to know, not only as a play technique, but also in learning to BE that controlled person inside. it helps with ones confidence greatly. Good luck. What a great question for this forum. :-0

Purr

(in reply to saret)

Post #: 14

RE: Help with voice commands... - 8/25/2005 10:44:47 PM

MzYoni

Posts: 3
Joined: 8/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

yeah i know that's right coz MY Mistress DON'T raise Her voice BUT........hey yo, ya STILL gotta have that "damn it i mean business" tone even in a whisper.
otherwise ya ain't gonna make it out-the-gate with Your boy.
good luck m'Lady.

wolfie..looks around, perks up his ears, sniffs, and pads away.

While I agree that “ I mean business “ tone can be productive in getting the desired results, I don’t think it is ALWAYS necessary. Perhaps you constantly need *that tone* to be brought out-of-the-gate, but in my world, performance is expected regardless of tone. I’m sure you can appreciate the beauty of differences ;-)

What I was suggesting to Saret is that she shouldn’t HAVE to change her innate nature (and tone) in order to get what she wants. But Saret, if speaking assertively is
a skill you wish to develop further, I wish you luck getting there.

This site has notes on voice, eye contact, body language
http://tutorials.findtutorials.com/read/id/429/headline/Assertiveness

lonewolf: in the interest of not hijacking a good thread… you have mail.

(in reply to MsPurrmeow)

Post #: 15

RE: Help with voice commands... - 8/26/2005 4:44:05 AM

Sylph

Posts: 38
Joined: 8/26/2004
Status: offline

I know for myself, if I have to bring out the "business tone" then someone has not been paying attention. Just because I say something in a sweet tone of voice, does not decrease it validity. My personal demeanor is rather impish at times.

If cultivating a more aggressive demeanor makes you happy, by all means do that. There are several very good posts on helping you do so. Just remain true to what makes you feel comfortable.

Sylph

(in reply to MzYoni)

Post #: 16

RE: Help with voice commands... - 8/26/2005 6:02:56 AM

lonewolf05

Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

2nd try
public service announcement;

just because i quote someone does NOT mean i am talking TO that person. my posts are for the group unless i indicate otherwise. thank you.
===============

and

MY Mistress just whispers..
She will grab and pull my nipples/with rings/ and force me to my knees at Her feet if i am being sassy and explain in-a-whisper why i am misbehaving.

thank you
wolfie......sniffs, and walks away contented

< Message edited by lonewolf05 -- 8/26/2005 6:03:35 AM >

_____________________________

"there is no gravity, life sucks!"

(in reply to Sylph)

Post #: 17

RE: Help with voice commands... - 8/28/2005 10:08:37 PM

strongnsubmissiv

Posts: 197
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline

I have to admit that "Motherly" tone does get my attention, however i wanted to share my feelings about "tone" because i find it's one of the things that often fall into that stereotypical category of what a Domme should be or do.

The first woman i had a D/s relationship with had no children, but even out of practice she could call up that Motherly tone if the need arose. Still, Her tone i recall most of the time was very quiet and polite. She said please and thank you often. That demeanor and tone still resound in my psyche. It's a huge contrast to the stereotypical Dominatrix demeanor you see in porn etc. In fact when i see that typical bossy tone, i'm almost turned off.

Anyway saret good luck with the tone you are looking for. I'm sure the right man will hang off all your words, regardless of how you say it.

sns

_____________________________

*** Strong and submissive are not contradictions ***

(in reply to saret)

Post #: 18

RE: Help with voice commands... - 8/29/2005 5:12:57 PM

MistressGrace07

Posts: 100
Joined: 7/29/2005
From: Chicago
Status: offline

"Motherly" tones don't have to be loud and obnoxious.. it's more of a quality than a volume aspect.

_____________________________

My Journal

"Let me make this as monosyllabic as possible" - Captain Amelia in "Treasure Planet"

(in reply to strongnsubmissiv)

Post #: 19

RE: Help with voice commands... - 8/29/2005 10:27:36 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: saret

.. or a commanding voice.

A number of *really good* mistresses I've met, when I've talked to them extensively or watched them play, have an extremely commanding tone of voice. Its not shouting, or even insulting - just very firm and commanding.

A friend of mine calls it "the Mom voice." The tone of voice women use that make other people immediately sit up straight and do what they're told.

How do you do that?!? I would love to sound so confident and commanding.

I've listened to people do it, and tried to pick up inflections and imitate it, but I'm normally a pretty shy and quiet person.

The few BDSM books that mention anything about it are not very helpful. I think I might find more info in books about linguistics, management or parental discipline. Any advice? Reccomendations for books?
Any good experiences with things like public speaking/debate/dog training classes that could be applied?

-S-

I'd like to suggest that it's not always about finding "the right voice" it's about finding "your voice." Any kind of behavior a femdom uses that is foreign to her, or clearly an act, or an attempt to "be better at it" can sometimes have the opposite affect because the femdom might be analyzing herself the entire time, or the demeanor may appear forced.

Styles of dominance vary. Use a style that fits you like your favorite pair of jeans. Once you have that one down, just change it a notch for experimentation and see how it makes you feel. I've found that getting deeper and deeper into domination with a guy can sometimes have an almost "intoxicating" feel to it -- not one that causes lapse in judgement -- but one that makes me feel quite free to experiment, "act" or "roleplay" when two hours previously I would have busted out laughing at the attempt.

Imagine for example how effective a very calm, direct whisper can be in the right circumstances; a submissive totally bound and helpless and you nose to nose with him and holding direct eye contact. Every single word said quite deliberately. I've suggested that new femdoms use whispering at first if they feel that the things they are saying seem silly or the words feel unnatural. Whispering gives an almost "secret" feel to it, and it doesn't take away from the effect.

Also, consider the power of silence. Long moments of silence with a lot of appropriate eye contact and careful use of tools, with a hint of a smirk or knowing grin from time to time, can be very powerful also.

I think a dynamic femdom that can adopt varying styles depending on her mood really keeps a sub on his toes and keeps him guessing. I've been everything from almost "innocently playful yet dangerous" to "cruel hearted bitch" in one evening.

The only other advice I'd give is that if you do want to adopt a sort of commanding presence with voice and attitude, less is more. Don't talk a lot, and use each word deliberately and carefully. Speak as if each word must be heard and understood, and use pauses as needed.

You also might want to even observe women on screen in TV or film that portray the kind of style you think you'd want. Watch not only for how they speak, but how they use body language and eye contact. Of course, whenever I use a suggestion like this, I can't come up with a scene in my head to use as an example.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to saret)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Help with voice commands...

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.078