Has this ever happened to you? (Full Version)

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takenbyjohnr07 -> Has this ever happened to you? (1/4/2008 9:27:01 PM)

You intorduced a third party into your relationship and your sub or Master left you for this other person? What did you do?



juliaoceania -> RE: Has this ever happened to you? (1/4/2008 9:33:01 PM)

I have heard of it happening, there is not much you can do...

To be honest, I would never introduced an unattached available straight submissive into my bedroom with my Daddy.. hard limit.

I might go for an attached borrowed submissive, or a submissive that is more into being sexual with me than my Daddy, but I would not want a sub that wanted to be dommed by my Daddy involved with our play.. I have my own demons with that idea, and I can't compromise on it.



takenbyjohnr07 -> RE: Has this ever happened to you? (1/4/2008 9:41:04 PM)

It is a hard limit for me too. That is why i am so grateful that my Owner, does not want that type of dynamic. i believe in the old saying. You play with fire you get burned.



juliaoceania -> RE: Has this ever happened to you? (1/4/2008 9:45:07 PM)

I know for some people it is not like that, I have a friend that is into swinging... but it I do not think I could go there.

There are many people that do not lose their doms that ask a third in, it is not going to happen for a fact. In fact I do not think it would happen with my Daddy, but I just wouldn't like that circumstance. It is rather hard because I would love to please him like that, but he has told me he did not believe I could handle it at this point, and he wouldn't do anything to me I could not handle...Even though at one point I offered to do this for him, he flat out told me I was more important to him than to do something he believed was harmful to me.



TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Has this ever happened to you? (1/4/2008 9:45:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

You intorduced a third party into your relationship and your sub or Master left you for this other person? What did you do?
Not much you can do but accept and go on...sadder but wiser..and hence another baggage to carry forth into another relationship....hopefully, eventually it becomes a carrier bag as opposed to a steamer trunk..Tempting



juliaoceania -> RE: Has this ever happened to you? (1/4/2008 9:47:05 PM)

quote:

hopefully, eventually it becomes a carrier bag as opposed to a steamer trunk..Tempting


Carrier baggage with rollers and a handle for easier toting?



moonvine -> RE: Has this ever happened to you? (1/4/2008 10:37:14 PM)

Hard limit here too.  So has never happened, so can't be of help.



Daddysredhead -> RE: Has this ever happened to you? (1/4/2008 10:37:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

To be honest, I would never introduced an unattached available straight submissive into my bedroom with my Daddy.. hard limit.

I might go for an attached borrowed submissive, or a submissive that is more into being sexual with me than my Daddy, but I would not want a sub that wanted to be dommed by my Daddy involved with our play.. I have my own demons with that idea, and I can't compromise on it.



Yes, oh yes...  I agree with you here, unfortunately it's from experience.  Sigh...

One of Daddy's old play partners met up with us for a drink and for the two of us to meet and hang out.  Everything was ok for a while, we left the restaurant, started fooling around a bit, and then ended up having some private time together, with Daddy watching.  It was still kind of ok until he went to the restroom and she looked at me and said, "I was his baby girl first, you know?"  I was struck dumb and thought I was going to be sick.  I didn't have a chance to tell Daddy what she had said when he walked back in the room because I felt like I was in a dream - a nightmare.  He knew that something was wrong, but I couldn't speak.  She loved it and I finally shook it off and curled myself around his arm and smiled.  He had no idea what happened, and when I smiled, he thought that he was just imagining that something had been wrong when he entered the room.  We had all carpooled together and I had no private time to tell him what she had said until the next day, and I was hysterical. 

He wasn't able to understand me through the emotional sobs, etc., but knew that something had gone terribly wrong.  It took a lot of time to rebuild that trust and to let him know that I really wasn't comfy getting together with any of his past play partners, etc. because I couldn't risk the emotional upheaval that I experienced that night.  What really got to me was that later, she began showing up at places he frequented, calling him, texting him, etc.  I told him that I could not deal with this and that, with all due respect, he needed to make this stop.  He left a message that he needed to talk to her, and I wrote her an email (with his blessing) telling her that we felt it was terribly disrespectful of her to behave that way, and that we didn't want to have anything to do with her again.  She called him and  told him that he and his bitch could both go to hell, that we were dead to her.  I said that I could live with that, and he could, too. 

There is no sexual tryst that is worth any of the things that I felt.  If one major thing was learned in this episode, it was that I am never ever to let a feeling like that choke me into staying silent, that I must speak up, right then, and get it settled at that moment, regardless of the perceived "squick, uneasy" potential.  I don't care to have my Daddy play with another single sub...  it's just too hard on me, esp. if she's nuts or has a history of some sort with him.  No, thanks.  He realizes the damage that was done and the work to fix it, and he doesn't think it's worth it either.



Focus50 -> RE: Has this ever happened to you? (1/5/2008 3:18:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

You intorduced a third party into your relationship and your sub or Master left you for this other person? What did you do?

No but if I did I'd hafta avoid mirrors like a vampire for the rest of my hopefully brief idiotic life.  I can just see my reflection's stern gaze now, and his words "what the fuck were you thinking; you seriously couldn't see *that* coming???"
 
Whoa, waaaaay too scarey to contemplate....
 
Focus.



ExSteelAgain -> RE: Has this ever happened to you? (1/5/2008 3:27:21 AM)

Inversely, who hasn't been with someone they were trying to get rid of and introduced her to others in hopes they would hit it off? [:)]



Evility -> RE: Has this ever happened to you? (1/5/2008 4:54:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07
You play with fire you get burned.


If that happened what would that say about your relationship? That it is only strong enough to hold together as long as there are no external forces working against it? Or maybe you are afraid that a third might enter the mix who can make your Master happier? If he means so much to you isn't his happiness really the most important thing?



christine1 -> RE: Has this ever happened to you? (1/5/2008 5:09:57 AM)

i think this situation would be heartbreaking but i've not experienced it.  i learned with my very first dominant that i was definitely not interested in being with another woman sexually and since then i have made sure it is clearly understood by a potential dominant that this won't happen with me.  some can accept this, some can't and i'm okay with that.



laurell3 -> RE: Has this ever happened to you? (1/5/2008 5:11:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

Inversely, who hasn't been with someone they were trying to get rid of and introduced her to others in hopes they would hit it off? [:)]



LOL if only that worked.

I find it odd how we focus on the person that came into a new relationship and not the person that chose to leave the old one.  It's her fault he isn't dedicated or mature or just plain not interested?  Doubtful.  If he wasn't introduced it would have happened eventually anyway.



KatyLied -> RE: Has this ever happened to you? (1/5/2008 5:19:10 AM)

quote:

If he wasn't introduced it would have happened eventually anyway.


I have to agree with this.  If a person is unhappy in a relationship and wants out it's going to happen, whether you do something you feel will expedite it or not.  I'm not sure you can deny someone something he wants and still hold on to him.  If this (bringing in another) is something your partner wants, and you want to please your partner as one of your priorities I guess there is not a lot of ways to go, beyond having confidence in your relationship and trying to forge a relationship with the person you bring in.  And always remembering that if it fails you did it in the service of someone who is important to you.



SirJohnMandevill -> RE: Has this ever happened to you? (1/5/2008 6:58:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: moonvine

Hard limit here too.  So has never happened, so can't be of help.


Same here. I must be an oddball Dom, since one sub in a monogamous, loving relationship is all I need or want.

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)



takenbyjohnr07 -> RE: Has this ever happened to you? (1/5/2008 8:13:12 AM)

No, You are not an odd ball. My Owner feels the same way.

i do have to say that sometimes things just happen. No one plans it or looks for it. It just happens and no one is really to blame.



Tantriqu -> RE: Has this ever happened to you? (1/5/2008 8:36:53 AM)

I learned a very important lesson in My first threesome:  I had a very good, smart, eager pup who was physically not very attractive:  geeky even.  W/we began to include one of his friends, who was extremely attractive, and I had some amazing orgasms. 
However, the geeky nice smart guy said he couldn't handle it, and I made a mistake I've never repeated:  I left him for cute'n'stupid. 
I became almost embarrassed to introduce c'n's to My vanilla friends:  he was that dumb.  And without the smart guy in bed with U/us, I realised he was, and is to this day, the worst lover I'd ever had.

So:  the lesson:  don't start a threesome unless you feel you can afford to lose both.
and NEVER, EVER fuck cute 'n' stupid.
So let it be written, so let it be done.



PsyVamp -> RE: Has this ever happened to you? (1/5/2008 8:46:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

Inversely, who hasn't been with someone they were trying to get rid of and introduced her to others in hopes they would hit it off? [:)]

LMAO, thanks..
I've done this a time or two or three.

To the OP.  When I read your post the first thing that came to mind is "Oh yeah, that sounds like something I've heard before and it really sucks".  Then after thinking about it, I wondered if that is why my pet is nervous about my being poly. 

But if you really think about it, no matter how much we like to say we "own" people or are "owned", each of us is pretty much a free spirit, and if someone is going to leave any one of us, they will do it whether or not we introduce a third or fourth or fifth.  Even the already attached third can abscond with the dominant or other submissive, being already attached does not make them immune to human desire.

Anyway you look at it, you can't "make" a person stay with you, and if you have to worry about them taking off with the third, maybe its not so great a relationship.

Daddysredhead's dominant handled it well, he got rid of the third when he saw that she was trying to interfere with their relationship, to me, that says a lot. 



YourhandMyAss -> RE: Has this ever happened to you? (1/5/2008 9:05:24 AM)

I introduced a best friend* or rather I thought she was a friend* of mine to my now x dom I wanted t o cyber sex between us all, and she asked if she could speakt o him outside of our cyber sex I was reluctant but said yes, and then she was in some so called trouble and moved to  his town and he kind of became obsessed with her and lied to me about what he was up to and stuff and she was all he'd talk about. Well he claimed he needed space to deal with an x fiance who was being a pest and he needed to focus on time to heal and go to therapy, I gave him about 5 months and at end of it left him cause he didn't do anything he prommised, wasn't using the time to get better like he said, and was lying to me on top of it. Well a few days later she comes on and says you aren't going to like what I have to say but norman and I are dating didn't mean to it just happend.

So yeah I've introduced someone and had it backfire, but I look at it as I am better off. He was a bit of a deadbeat, and his mom tried to control him and started a fight with him one night he refused to do what she thought was right, and  he said he had to hide our relationship from her cause if she knew we were dating she'd hate me on principal. He also never had money and wasn't willing to do ANYthing to earn it.  So lori and norman deserve each other. in my opinion. I found me someone better.



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Has this ever happened to you? (1/5/2008 9:09:31 AM)

My boys were both worried about this possibility. If you are inviting someone in, there is always a good chance that once you open the door, someone else will slam it in your face. I went through this with my vanilla exhusband. I supported his gaming, and had no problem with him traveling to meet his gaming friends. Well, one of the girls he went to meet, who was living with her fiance when they met, wound up being my "replacement". She left her finace and he left his marriage to be together. It didnt last long, and they both ruined what they had for a short relationship they expected to be much better... but it happens.

DV



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