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i find myself wondering.... - 1/5/2008 1:35:22 AM

backinthesaddle

Posts: 15
Joined: 11/20/2006
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i find myself wondering these days that when i am looking for my true mistress i am very confused. you see i had a former D/s relationship where, she was in control and i did things i didn't exactly feel that excited about but i still did it because she was my mistress and i wanted to please her, and i actually ended up getting off on it because she got off on the play. recently many dommes have asked "what do i like" or "what do i get off on" and i am confused because i know they want an answer. so my question is how do i deal with this?

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RE: i find myself wondering.... - 1/5/2008 2:22:46 AM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
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Hm, I wouldn't know. I don't care what gets a slave off. I only care what gets me off.

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RE: i find myself wondering.... - 1/5/2008 5:34:43 AM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
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Just say what you said above. That you can learn to enjoy almost anything that pleases her because what you love most is knowing that you have given her pleasure and enjoyment. If she still wants more specific information tell her which activities you enjoyed the most. Let her know that you have preferences but you are flexible. The preferences will be used to reward and entice you, and the rest will be done for her needs.

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RE: i find myself wondering.... - 1/5/2008 7:26:31 AM

Elorin

Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: backinthesaddle

i find myself wondering these days that when i am looking for my true mistress i am very confused. you see i had a former D/s relationship where, she was in control and i did things i didn't exactly feel that excited about but i still did it because she was my mistress and i wanted to please her, and i actually ended up getting off on it because she got off on the play. recently many dommes have asked "what do i like" or "what do i get off on" and i am confused because i know they want an answer. so my question is how do i deal with this?

Answer "What do I like" with the things that you feel excited about.
Answer "What do I get off on" with "I get off on doing things that I am not excited about, but that my Domme gets off on doing."

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'cause when i look down /i just miss all the good stuff / when i look up / i just trip over things

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RE: i find myself wondering.... - 1/5/2008 7:32:07 AM

Kaiynasha

Posts: 172
Joined: 10/9/2007
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IMHO some Domme askthis because they want to show that they care about you. I believe that it is important to know if you even match one another. What if the sub's desire is to be beaten and the Domme wants all day massages- obviously this will not work.

I notice that in Dom relationships. The Dom shows care and wishes for their potential or slave to share their thoughts. Their thoughts are valuable because submission is valuable.

I would simply share what you just wrote. And tell your Domme that you're use to doing what makes her happy. If it pleases her she will continue the conversation. And the GTK you.

Always,

MK

< Message edited by Kaiynasha -- 1/5/2008 7:33:49 AM >

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RE: i find myself wondering.... - 1/5/2008 7:46:16 AM

Elorin

Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaiynasha
IMHO some Domme askthis because they want to show that they care about you. I believe that it is important to know if you even match one another. What if the sub's desire is to be beaten and the Domme wants all day massages- obviously this will not work.

I ask what a sub likes for a number of reasons.

Firstly, if the subs likes almost all fall outside of my area of interest, I know that we are not going to be compatible for long. BDSM relationships are two way streets, and both parties need to get both needs as well as desires filled regularly, or one party will likely become resentful. This is why I don't form relationships with subs whose primary interest is toilet slavery, oral worship, or forced feminization. I can DO that, but it is more the icing on the cake we only eat once a year for your birthday, not a staple of the diet.

Secondly, I like to know a submissives likes in order to better be in control. I want to KNOW and consciously choose whether I am a) granting pleasure to my sub b) denying pleasure to my sub or c) ignoring their preference to do whatever I want. Without the knowledge of a submissive's fetishes and interests, I am unable to grant desires or deny desires with intent.

Third, I like a submissive to know that I am aware of their preferences. This makes it plain in the relationship that I am informed, and lets the sub know that if they aren't getting what they love, it is likely intentional on my part and not because I just don't have a clue. This clear communication aids all facets of a D/s or even just play relationship.

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'cause when i look down /i just miss all the good stuff / when i look up / i just trip over things

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RE: i find myself wondering.... - 1/5/2008 5:48:34 PM

backinthesaddle

Posts: 15
Joined: 11/20/2006
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thank you all for your comments,

i liked Elorin the best: using it to be in better control with granting pleasure and denying it

thanks

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RE: i find myself wondering.... - 1/5/2008 6:05:51 PM

SlaveBlutarsky

Posts: 491
Joined: 10/10/2005
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline

Whenever I am asked this, I am honest with the person asking this, but then I also give examples of the fact that my personal wants aren't what drives me in this vein and the satisfaction and feelings I experience when the person I'm serving is happy with our activities even though I had no desire to do them other than to make her happy.

I feel similarly with outfits, I personally love x, but if a woman is more dominant and can be even more in control in y, then I would want y as much as possible.

Just be honest.

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RE: i find myself wondering.... - 1/5/2008 7:11:49 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: backinthesaddle

i find myself wondering these days that when i am looking for my true mistress i am very confused. you see i had a former D/s relationship where, she was in control and i did things i didn't exactly feel that excited about but i still did it because she was my mistress and i wanted to please her, and i actually ended up getting off on it because she got off on the play. recently many dommes have asked "what do i like" or "what do i get off on" and i am confused because i know they want an answer. so my question is how do i deal with this?

Congratulations for answering your own question.

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Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

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