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BitaTruble -> RE: New Dom faux pas? (1/5/2008 11:50:14 AM)
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ORIGINAL: DiosDeEsclavas
Here is the situation: Early this past week I started talking to a potential sub from another site online.
Early this week as in Monday or Tuesday?
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This is a new experience for her. Things seemed to be going well, but hard to tell and I could only talk to her while I was at work so I couldn't give her 100% of the attention I would have liked.
If you can't commit to even consistant online, maybe you should hold off on trying until you're in a situation where you can put more of yourself into building a relationship. Just a thought.
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Thursday I felt the need to start to Dominate, both because of my need and I didn't want our relationship to become casual.
I hate to be the one to tell you this, but.. you don't have a relationship with her yet. You don't even know her. Best to exhibit a little self-control and save the big guns for later on when you know with whom you are dealing.
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My request, and it was stated as a request because I am not yet her Dom, was her her to write me an email once a day telling me what she did, what she will do, and how she feels.
So, you want to know what she did.. which indicates to me you'd like that email at the end of the day otherwise all of what she did will consist of waking up in the morning. I'd suggest you be exact and set up clear and concise instruction to a potential (when both parties are ready for that sort of thing without feeling the pressure to 'have' to say yes.) Later on in this post, I'll get to 'why' I think that's important.
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She felt a concern over this because she is talking to another more local Dom (I know this already) and did not know what she would choose but felt her choice would be harder if she started the submission process. We had a long conversation about this and at the end seem to clearly understand each other. I praised her for opening up to me, told her I didn't expect the letter, but would appreciate it. At this point she promised to send it and we said goodbye.
And this was on Thursday according to your OP. According to your profile you are in Thailand so it was somewhere around 6 PM Saturday local time to you when you made your post. That's the wee hours of the morning here in the States. You didn't say, but if the girl in question is in the US you need to cut some slack for the time difference and realize that while you're wide eyed and bushy-tailed and probably have been for several hours, more than likely, especially with kids, she's been sleeping during that time.
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Now my feeling is, I may not be her Dom, but if she promises something I should be able to expect that promise fulfilled is if I were her Dom in that particular thing.
Well, you need to get rid of that feeling. She may have promised you something, but to expect her to fulfill it because you think you're her dominant in that particular area is stretching. She has to think you're her dominant in that area .. or you're not.
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Of course if she had sent the letter I wouldn't be posting now. There were a string of problems and excuses and after 2 days a letter arrived.
I'm not getting the timing here. You asked her for the letter on Thursday. She didn't send the letter until (today?). That means, at most, she didn't send the letter one day .. Friday. Today is only Saturday and your OP was written in the wee hours (US time) of the morning. Are you sure you didn't actually get the letter on Friday which would have been fulfilling her promise? But wait, you said if she had sent the letter, you wouldn't be posting.. but then you said she did send the letter, but sent it late.
I'm confused. If she sent it and you already responded to it, then you had to have gotten it before you made the initial post.. again, wee morning hours here in the US. I guess I need to ask .. is she in Thailand and talking to a dominant more local than you .. or is she in the US (or some place else) which rather indicates anyone would be more local than you?
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Most of the problems were legitimate but I told her she did have a small punishment coming just to help her remember to do all in her power to fulfill her promises, which she didn't.
I think you're trying to squeeze out some lemonade from a couple of oranges. It doesn't work that way. You're not her dominant. You have no right to instill a punishment on her to which she did not agree. You are not in a relationship with her and you've only known her for.. what, 4 or 5 days?
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She seemed to accept this and we were to begin our daily conversation after she put her unmentionables to bed, but she never returned.
Okay, now, for me this clearly indicates that she sent that letter no later than Friday. You only 'requested' the daily emails on Thursday. You received one the next day. She had to deal with the real life issues of being Mom and didn't return. Again, you wrote this in the wee hours of the morning on Saturday. Do you not expect her to sleep sometime? Don't you sleep?
Eh, too many questions and I probably shouldn't make assumptions, but this whole timing issue is nagging me. Are you a patient man?
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So after all that my question is two fold. 1) In the unlikely event that she does return and accepts her punishment, what would an appropriate first corrective action be realizing that I am not officially her Dom?
She sent you a letter the day after you requested it. What, exactly, is she going to be punished for?? You had a long conversation on Thursday, got the letter the next day. What the hell? Was she supposed to send it first thing Friday morning or something?
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2) In the more likely event that it is better luck next time for the both of us, is there any fundamental flaw in the way I approach d the situation? Like being more aggressive sooner or being more patient? Any typical signs that the sub is ready to be dominated?
I think your first flaw was taking on the hat of 'her' dominant (even in one area) when you're not.
I get the distinct impression that you're looking for some sort of validation to be able to punish her for a perceived transgression that I'm not convinced she made. Maybe she's not convinced she did anything wrong either and just thinks you're a bit too pushy.
The world may never know.
As for typical signs a submissive is ready to be dominated .. it's my experience that they'll usually give you a clear indication and you won't have to wonder about it at all. Your best bet is to be yourself and you'll attract the sort of submissives to you that your actions dictate. If you don't care for those submissives than work on improving yourself and being the sort of dominant who will attract the submissives you desire.
Good luck .. and work on that timing issue. Timing is everything!
Celeste
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