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can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/5/2008 4:46:50 PM

rizzle

Posts: 26
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline

i had a sub who wanted to explore her Dom side - i released her because she did it with a guy that I do not trust nor respect. She continues to want to Dom other guys but also continues to contact me, and wants me to continue to train and punish her. Honestly, I can cope with her Domming guys but she needs to communicate to me and obey me when i say she cannot Dom a certain guy. I would only say she cannot Dom someone if I believe she would be in danger by doing so. However, if i cannot trust her to obey me regarding who she Doms, is there any point in us carrying on our D/s relationship?

Post #: 1

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/5/2008 5:07:07 PM

SirMIkeSD

Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline

Sounds like she has/had no respect for you, since she would not listen and did it someone you said no to before you released her. There is no way I take her back, that plain and simple.

Mike

(in reply to rizzle)

Post #: 2

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/5/2008 5:08:47 PM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rizzle

However, if i cannot trust her to obey me... is there any point in us carrying on our D/s relationship?

Don't get caught up in the minutae. Take careful note of the truncated version of the question asked.

Better question is... does a power exchange relationship even exist?

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to rizzle)

Post #: 3

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/5/2008 5:21:16 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Exactly- a slave can do anything with permission. The issue here is that she doesn't have the discipline or drive to follow your authority when it really matters.

Exactly what she's doing when she disobeys is irrelevant in this case. I'd even be willing to bet that your release of her might be part of why she keeps trying to be with you so badly- she recognizes there is serious follow through in what you say and who you are which isn't something she gets with any other man.

Unfortunately, all privilege comes with responsibility.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 4

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/5/2008 6:54:53 PM

kinkypuppy2

Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline

NO

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(in reply to rizzle)

Post #: 5

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/5/2008 7:21:18 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

It depends on your relationship. If you don't live together, then presumably she doesn't turn her paycheck over to you. Does she still need to ask permission to buy a standing rib roast for Christmas dinner?

She may prefer a relationship where she only submits to things that involve the two of you. And her friends, including people who bottom to her, do not necessarily involve you.

Do you also demand she lets you vet who she goes to the movies with? Because she views this on a par with that.

_____________________________

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(in reply to kinkypuppy2)

Post #: 6

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/5/2008 7:32:38 PM

Guilty1974

Posts: 467
Joined: 11/2/2005
From: Den Haag
Status: offline

My girlfriend/sub sometimes doms other guys (and where possible, girls). Occasionally she works as a pro-Domme, which she really likes to do. I don't have a problem with all that. We're both switches and I'm not gonna deny her her dominant side and she won't deny me my submissive side. We've also dommed girls together a few times which gives a scene a really great dynamic. On the whole, I trust she can make her own choices in who she doms.

< Message edited by Guilty1974 -- 1/5/2008 7:34:05 PM >

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 7

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/5/2008 7:40:42 PM

SlaveOwnerDave

Posts: 113
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Petaluma, CA
Status: offline

Greetings rizzle,

To answer the title question: Yes. There are a number of slaves/subs who have their own slaves/subs/boys.

But what you want to know is different:

quote:

rizzle: *** if i cannot trust her to obey me *** is there any point in us carrying on[?] ***

As the first four responders said: NO.

She fails to obey you, so she is not for you. That is all there is to it.

Sincerely,
Master Dave

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(in reply to kinkypuppy2)

Post #: 8

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/5/2008 8:42:17 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

I have seen many Female Dominant profiles in which the
Dominant states that she is only submissive to her Master.

I see that all the time around here.
Dominant to some, submissive to others.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to rizzle)

Post #: 9

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/6/2008 2:10:28 AM

Driver1961

Posts: 459
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

He dips His lid;

The short answer is NO!

This girl/ sub clearly demonstrates a lack of trust/respect in her actions- regardless of what she 'state's as her intentions.

'Talk the talk but do the walk'

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(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 10

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/6/2008 2:36:25 AM

darkpassenger434

Posts: 138
Joined: 1/1/2008
Status: offline

If you have to have obedience in this area, and her Domme side rejects attempts at control, then that sounds as though it might be a deal breaker. But then I really don't know the specifics of your situation and what might be negotiated between you two.
-R

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"The man who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the man doing it."

(in reply to Driver1961)

Post #: 11

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/6/2008 2:59:11 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rizzle

i had a sub who wanted to explore her Dom side - i released her because she did it with a guy that I do not trust nor respect. She continues to want to Dom other guys but also continues to contact me, and wants me to continue to train and punish her. Honestly, I can cope with her Domming guys but she needs to communicate to me and obey me when i say she cannot Dom a certain guy. I would only say she cannot Dom someone if I believe she would be in danger by doing so. However, if i cannot trust her to obey me regarding who she Doms, is there any point in us carrying on our D/s relationship?

Nope, IMO.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to rizzle)

Post #: 12

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/6/2008 5:36:20 AM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

In my book, Subs that Dom aren't Subs, they're either Confused, Playactors, or Manipulators.

-----------------

Trixie: That's right Ralph, Carlos is teaching us the mambo.
Ralph Kramden: Ohhhhhhh, Carlos is teaching you the mambo... that puts a different light on everything... when I first came in here, I didn't know what you were doing... now I know, Carlos is teaching you the mambo... that makes a world of difference... One of these days, one of these days... POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!

(in reply to rizzle)

Post #: 13

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/6/2008 6:51:53 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

In my book, Subs that Dom aren't Subs, they're either Confused, Playactors, or Manipulators.

So... what do you call "switches"? How about "alpha submissives"?

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 14

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/6/2008 7:49:31 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rizzle

i had a sub who wanted to explore her Dom side - i released her because she did it with a guy that I do not trust nor respect. She continues to want to Dom other guys but also continues to contact me, and wants me to continue to train and punish her. Honestly, I can cope with her Domming guys but she needs to communicate to me and obey me when i say she cannot Dom a certain guy. I would only say she cannot Dom someone if I believe she would be in danger by doing so. However, if i cannot trust her to obey me regarding who she Doms, is there any point in us carrying on our D/s relationship?

Nope

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to rizzle)

Post #: 15

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/6/2008 7:54:05 AM

SirMIkeSD

Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline

quote:

In my book, Subs that Dom aren't Subs, they're either Confused, Playactors, or Manipulators.

quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

In my book, Subs that Dom aren't Subs, they're either Confused, Playactors, or Manipulators.

They sure can be my boy is not submissive by nature, he is submissive to me and no one else. He is not confused or playing at this, we have been full time real life D/s for 14 years. At play parties he tops and bottoms when not playing with me. It's not a problem for me or him. But really the question here is not so much about that as it is about trust/respect.

Mike

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 16

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/6/2008 7:57:24 AM

Sexynmentalinkc

Posts: 132
Joined: 4/14/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rizzle

However, if i cannot trust her....[snip] , is there any point in us carrying on our D/s relationship?

I wouldn't carry on any sort of relationship (D/s or otherwise) with anyone I felt I couldn't trust.

To me, that one statement above should tell you that you've sort of answered your own question.

No trust = no respect = there's the door....in my opinion.

*tips his hat*

- Mr. S

_____________________________

"I think all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired. ...I'm certainly not. And I'm sick and tired of being told that I am..."

(in reply to rizzle)

Post #: 17

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/6/2008 8:09:07 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

Daddy encouraged me to explore my dominant side by granting permission to have a "pet". it was an intereting experiment into the male psyche but i won't do it again. the "pets" i had were weak and non-committal. i do keep in contact with one from time to time because we began as friends first before becoming my "pet".

_____________________________

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(in reply to rizzle)

Post #: 18

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/6/2008 8:30:00 AM

rizzle

Posts: 26
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline

its funny how you sometimes want complete strangers to confirm something you already know yourself. Thanks guys, even before i read these i had blocked her and will continue to ignore her. Who knows what the future holds but i know that for now i am on a real and determined search for my next sub!

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 19

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/6/2008 8:48:53 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Really mature way to act. Block and delete. Gee, whatever happened to talking things out and parting as adults?

Of course she now knows she can't trust you to communicate your needs in the beginning, to negotiate clearly, and not to interfere in her friendships.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to rizzle)

Post #: 20

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