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RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/6/2008 8:55:03 AM

rizzle

Posts: 26
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline

shut up Des, we have had a chat and i have asked her for space. i told her that she needs to go off and do her thing and when shes worked out what she wants she can get back to me. i have told her that i want her, however right now i need to do my own thing for a while. i have asked her to not contact me in the mean time, a request which she is ignoring. lets not forget that we had a chat about this specifc guy and i told her she cannot see him and she agreed - 2 days later she saw him. i think i was clear enough

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 21

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/6/2008 9:01:58 AM

Sexynmentalinkc

Posts: 132
Joined: 4/14/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Of course she now knows she can't trust you to communicate your needs in the beginning, to negotiate clearly, and not to interfere in her friendships.

From the OP, it sounded like his concern was her safety. Whether or not that's truly a concern, and she'd have ended up safe no matter what, isn't really an issue.

It was his lack of trust via her ignorance of when his word needed to be heeded...and when she felt it better to choose her own path (despite his possible warnings or admonitions).

While we can ever be *sure*, unless we know both sides of the story, my feeling is that he'd already had this issue out some with her - and she'd made her choice.

So he made his. *shrug*

*tips his hat*

- Mr. S

_____________________________

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(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 22

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/6/2008 3:35:37 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

If her service and obedience doesn't make you happy and fulfilled, and you've tried to get to the bottom of WHY she's doing what she's doing with no avail, then you're not a match.

Master Fire

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(in reply to rizzle)

Post #: 23

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/7/2008 5:43:00 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sexynmentalinkc

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Of course she now knows she can't trust you to communicate your needs in the beginning, to negotiate clearly, and not to interfere in her friendships.

From the OP, it sounded like his concern was her safety. Whether or not that's truly a concern, and she'd have ended up safe no matter what, isn't really an issue.

It was his lack of trust via her ignorance of when his word needed to be heeded...and when she felt it better to choose her own path (despite his possible warnings or admonitions).

While we can ever be *sure*, unless we know both sides of the story, my feeling is that he'd already had this issue out some with her - and she'd made her choice.

So he made his. *shrug*

*tips his hat*

- Mr. S

I agree, that he had already made his decision. But I also stand by my comment that since she's a sub who doesn't live with him, who has huge amounts of autonomy, that he can't suddenly announce he's taking control in this area unless it was discussed and she consented to it.

And that's what happened here, they hadn't discussed him having veto rights on her other partners. He just decided to do so and she refused consent.

Hell if he had suddenly decided she had to turn over her paycheck without her agreeing to it, that also would have been out of the bounds of their negotiated relationship and she would have been equally right to refuse.

It isn't what she did, it's the fact that it wasn't part of their relationship and he attempted to take control of it without her consent that was so wrong.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Sexynmentalinkc)

Post #: 24

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/8/2008 2:05:22 AM

rizzle

Posts: 26
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline

no no no no! we discussed this particular guy and it was categorically agreed that she would not see him!! she then went ahead and saw him 2 days later! we have discussed how much control i had over her life and she categorically "gave" me everything except her work and career! seriously guys this was blatant betrayal and she knows it

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 25

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/8/2008 2:10:12 AM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

And you know it too. She specifically did something that you ordered her not to do. She has no intention of stopping doing it. She is ignoring everything you say. The end. In all ways.

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(in reply to rizzle)

Post #: 26

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/8/2008 4:18:44 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rizzle

no no no no! we discussed this particular guy and it was categorically agreed that she would not see him!! she then went ahead and saw him 2 days later! we have discussed how much control i had over her life and she categorically "gave" me everything except her work and career! seriously guys this was blatant betrayal and she knows it

Really? Because your op reads as if it's the opposite.

_____________________________

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Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to rizzle)

Post #: 27

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/8/2008 4:26:45 AM

rizzle

Posts: 26
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline

ok des i can see how you read it like that - however this guy in particular has disrespected us both in the past and there is a VERY good reason why she is banned from seeing him, mostly for her own safety but also cos i just dont like him. anyway, yes it was all very very much discussed and categorically stated that she cant see him, and i expressly asked her how much of her life she is willing to give up control to me, and she said "dont touch work or career, but everything else is yours". shes a young girl "playing" the D/s game - i.e. saying the words but not following through in her actions. oh well.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 28

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/8/2008 5:46:32 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Really mature way to act. Block and delete. Gee, whatever happened to talking things out and parting as adults?

Of course she now knows she can't trust you to communicate your needs in the beginning, to negotiate clearly, and not to interfere in her friendships.

He tried to discuss it with her she didn't listen. I'd block her as well.

BadOne

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 29

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/8/2008 5:51:47 AM

TMaster2

Posts: 194
Joined: 2/25/2006
Status: offline

I have thought of allowing mine to have someone to top/domme, but that someone would be ONLY the person I "assigned" to her. If she just went out and found one on her own, without any consultation, then nope, deal breaker. The deal would be she no longer gets to do that, or failing that, I would have nothing else to do with her.

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(in reply to rizzle)

Post #: 30

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/8/2008 6:11:37 AM

weneedyourhelp

Posts: 118
Joined: 12/16/2007
Status: offline

I guess I don't even see why you are asking? You already KNOW and already done what you should. If she had agreed not to see him, and did? Her shit woulda been on the curb by the time she got back. End of file.

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Man is still man, and even frozen in a block of ice, our singular purpose is still to get a nut.

(in reply to TMaster2)

Post #: 31

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/8/2008 7:27:45 AM

Leonardo

Posts: 113
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline

Apparently, there was never an actual D/s relationship to begin with. It may have been a BDSM relationship, but definitely not D/s. Seems from the limited information, that the relationship was one of topping and bottoming, and if that's the case, and you enjoy topping her and she enjoys bottoming for you, then there should be no reason why such a Top/bottom relationship of some sort can continue, so long as both parties would be on the same page whereby you'd understand he desires to bottom for you, while Top others, but she would also need to understand the same in equity.

(in reply to rizzle)

Post #: 32

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/8/2008 9:04:07 AM

meticulousgirl

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline

If the trust isn't there, nothing is left......this lifestyle and everything we indulge in all boils down to the trust between partners.....unless you can work those things out and forgive, it's not worth going back.

~meticulous~

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 33

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/9/2008 11:56:37 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Beg her to come back. You want her and you know it.

(in reply to meticulousgirl)

Post #: 34

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/9/2008 12:04:20 PM

rizzle

Posts: 26
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline

lol Dnomyar. yeah mate i do want her back but i want my dignity more. begging has never been my strong point

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 35

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/10/2008 7:29:31 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Sometimes you have to suck up and take a bruised dignity.

(in reply to rizzle)

Post #: 36

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/10/2008 8:11:41 AM

rizzle

Posts: 26
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline

if that works for you thats fine but that wouldnt work for me, however hard it is to be without her. I can, and want to, forgive and forget but i dont think the onus is on me to plead for her back...

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 37

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/10/2008 8:15:36 AM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Then the question isn't whether a sub can be allowed to dom other guys. The question is whether a sub can be allowed to dom other guys without your permission.

And you already know the answer. It's no.

quote:

ORIGINAL: rizzle

i had a sub who wanted to explore her Dom side - i released her because she did it with a guy that I do not trust nor respect. She continues to want to Dom other guys but also continues to contact me, and wants me to continue to train and punish her. Honestly, I can cope with her Domming guys but she needs to communicate to me and obey me when i say she cannot Dom a certain guy. I would only say she cannot Dom someone if I believe she would be in danger by doing so. However, if i cannot trust her to obey me regarding who she Doms, is there any point in us carrying on our D/s relationship?

(in reply to rizzle)

Post #: 38

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? - 1/10/2008 8:29:00 AM

GoddessTeaze

Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rizzle

lol Dnomyar. yeah mate i do want her back but i want my dignity more. begging has never been my strong point

Good on you rizzle,
when the trust is broken..
there is nothing left.

she will come your way.. when it's time.

Warm Greetingz

GoddezzT`

_____________________________

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~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to rizzle)

Post #: 39

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