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RE: Doms, you ever scare a girl? - 1/6/2008 12:08:55 PM

littlebitxxx

Posts: 732
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I know for a fact that my confidence, awareness, lack of accepting bullshit or compromising of self, security, stability and life outside of the scene has scared away a few prospects.

snipped

I agree with LA but from the other side of the coin. Amazing how many Doms ask for this in their profile and then get scared off when they find it.

I feel no fear from anyone, Doms or otherwise, but have felt major squicks with a couple. And it was only deep into negotiations and discussion prior to meeting that these came out in the open and I veered away. Scared? No. Turned off? Completely. To get into a relationship with either of these two Doms would have turned out badly. One wanted me to whore for him...not a turn off until I found out that he meant picking up truckers at rest stops, etc. NOT! The other was a micro-manager. NOT! So in my case, 'turned off' could be seen as 'scared off' but that wasn't the case.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 41

RE: Doms, you ever scare a girl? - 1/6/2008 2:05:15 PM

MidMichCowboy

Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

Hell yes. In fact, even at work, I've had employess say I was so intimidating, they were afraid of messing up. I'm not sure why people get this feeling. It blows my image as a warm and loving person (hey, just ask my ummms). I have often went into meetings feeling like I was very mellow, and had people say I was forcing my opinions on them when I just thought we were having a good discussion.
I don't understand it and I don't like it. Well, I do like the fact my daughters boyfriend is scared to death of me.

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to creatrix)

Post #: 42

RE: Doms, you ever scare a girl? - 1/6/2008 2:11:02 PM

SirJohnMandevill

Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

Doms- especially men- have you ever been so dominant that you scared a girl away?

I have heard girls talk about Doms that scared them. Not because they actually did anything, but just because they were very dominant.

I guess I have been scared off my one potential Dom in my life. He didn't do anything bad either. He just sounded too intimdating somehow over the phone.

How many subs got scared away by a Dom? How about by a Domme?

I guess I don't scare anyone. Matter of fact, I was told by a sub who wanted phone domination a few months back that I wasn't nasty enough!

Serious, I was just discussing with someone that typically both I and my submissive have butterflies before a first encounter. Once things click, the butterflies head south.

Les (Purveyor of Fine, handcrafted Kink)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to kitttty)

Post #: 43

RE: Doms, you ever scare a girl? - 1/6/2008 2:17:15 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

I always attributed to scaring them off because I was too much of a man and Dom....There is a thin line between being Domly and just plain creepy.

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(in reply to creatrix)

Post #: 44

RE: Doms, you ever scare a girl? - 1/6/2008 2:19:33 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

I get the same reaction Cowboy. With employees it can actually be a desirable thing. With me I know exactly where it comes from. Its one part unpredictability... they're not 100% sure what I'll do if they fuck up... that makes them a little more worried about it because of the natural fear of the unknown. Its one part desire for approval, my employees generally like me, so they don't want to risk losing that approval or friendship, hence they worry about fucking up. Its one part dependency, my employees need their jobs, I pay better than anyone else in this business around here so jobs with me are valued; thus my employees don't want to fuck up a good thing.

Same thing works with submissives, its good to be a little mysterious, a little unpredictable, just to keep them guessing a little bit (not a whole lot, just a little), regarding how you'll react to certain things (on the other hand there also needs to be certainty and predictability in how you react to certain other things so that they feel safe and secure... you're trying to balance comfort with mystery). Yet at the same time, you want to balance that with being someone who's approval they want because they genuinely like you. And lastly, offer something they don't want to lose, so many dominants seem to forget that they need to offer something themselves and if they want to be especially valued as a dominant they have to have more to offer. Keep a submissive guessing with a little mystery, fear of disapproval and fear of loss of desirable circumstance and she'll happily keep herself under your thumb.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)

Post #: 45

RE: Doms, you ever scare a girl? - 1/6/2008 2:23:11 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Okay, Padriag scares me.

It's that whole pirate-in-the-woods picture, that there-are-bodies-buried-here kinda thang, that are-you-gonna-have-a-good-time-or-are-you-gonna-be-next THANG.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 46

RE: Doms, you ever scare a girl? - 1/6/2008 2:24:39 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirJohnMandevill

Once things click, the butterflies head south.

Psst! Les! The butterfly vibe is supposed to START down south!

Cali
(off to find a compass for Les)

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to SirJohnMandevill)

Post #: 47

RE: Doms, you ever scare a girl? - 1/6/2008 2:30:42 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Okay, Padriag scares me.

It's that whole pirate-in-the-woods picture, that there-are-bodies-buried-here kinda thang, that are-you-gonna-have-a-good-time-or-are-you-gonna-be-next THANG.

Cali

LOL... thank you. But who says being next and having a good time are mutually exclusive?

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 48

RE: Doms, you ever scare a girl? - 1/6/2008 2:33:58 PM

christine1

Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MidMichCowboy

. Well, I do like the fact my daughters boyfriend is scared to death of me.

hehe, my daughters boyfriend is terrified of me, he can barely make eye contact sometimes....yes i'm submissive, but not in matters where my "mother bear" tendencies come into play. well that was a little off topic, if someone has a problem with it, listen to the link below hehe.

_____________________________

i am woman! er, godzilla! hear me roar!

http://wavcentral.com/cgi-bin/log/log.cgi?id=2856&sound=/sounds/movies/godzilla/roar.mp3

He's the "boom" overwhelming...

He is my Master, my lover, my best friend my everything.

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)

Post #: 49

RE: Doms, you ever scare a girl? - 1/6/2008 3:03:52 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Christine, a friend of mine cheerfully calls me Dommy Mommy when the mamabear comes out.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to christine1)

Post #: 50

RE: Doms, you ever scare a girl? - 1/6/2008 3:09:03 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

What you can do with something as simple as a jar with spiders in it is very amusing.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 51

RE: Doms, you ever scare a girl? - 1/6/2008 3:10:11 PM

christine1

Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Christine, a friend of mine cheerfully calls me Dommy Mommy when the mamabear comes out.

Cali

and that's exactly how it should be.

_____________________________

i am woman! er, godzilla! hear me roar!

http://wavcentral.com/cgi-bin/log/log.cgi?id=2856&sound=/sounds/movies/godzilla/roar.mp3

He's the "boom" overwhelming...

He is my Master, my lover, my best friend my everything.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 52

RE: Doms, you ever scare a girl? - 1/6/2008 7:37:40 PM

KMsAngel

Posts: 17415
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Okay, Padriag scares me.

It's that whole pirate-in-the-woods picture, that there-are-bodies-buried-here kinda thang, that are-you-gonna-have-a-good-time-or-are-you-gonna-be-next THANG.

Cali

LOL... thank you. But who says being next and having a good time are mutually exclusive?

ok, now i'm worried for cali. *going off to find a tracker bracelet for cali before she hands him the compass*

_____________________________

20 fluffy points!

flightless cherub

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 53

RE: Doms, you ever scare a girl? - 1/6/2008 8:31:02 PM

littlebitxxx

Posts: 732
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag *snipped*

Same thing works with submissives, its good to be a little mysterious, a little unpredictable, just to keep them guessing a little bit (not a whole lot, just a little), regarding how you'll react to certain things (on the other hand there also needs to be certainty and predictability in how you react to certain other things so that they feel safe and secure... you're trying to balance comfort with mystery). Yet at the same time, you want to balance that with being someone who's approval they want because they genuinely like you. And lastly, offer something they don't want to lose, so many dominants seem to forget that they need to offer something themselves and if they want to be especially valued as a dominant they have to have more to offer. Keep a submissive guessing with a little mystery, fear of disapproval and fear of loss of desirable circumstance and she'll happily keep herself under your thumb.

And if you can bottle that and sell it, Padriag, you'll make a fortune. I think every woman, sub slave or not, kinda wishes that in a man/Man/Dom/Master.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 54

RE: Doms, you ever scare a girl? - 1/6/2008 9:43:14 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

Looking back over another recent thread got me thinking.......

I did manage to scare a past girl pretty badly once. She asked me about needles and blood play-so I proceeded to show her. In the best way I knew how-on myself. I have to admit that the sadist in me enjoyed seeing the reaction of horror as I slid the last needle home in the ladder I was working on in my upper chest-I think my expresson was part of it.

She said something about a souless look in my eyes-like the eyes of a shark. Sort of a baleful intensity,with no real emotion behind it..

Hard for me to say.........I'm not a masochist-and that sort of play only makes me hyperfocus.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to littlebitxxx)

Post #: 55

RE: Doms, you ever scare a girl? - 1/6/2008 9:47:03 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

I used to find that the more scared and intimidated I was, then the more intense the play.

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(in reply to kitttty)

Post #: 56

RE: Doms, you ever scare a girl? - 1/7/2008 12:13:45 AM

CuriousLord

Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavetaboo
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tigrita

I think if I weren't a bit afraid of a man, I wouldn't be attracted to him. For me, passion is that place where fear meets lust.

Amen, I like you already.

I think most of the slaves I've collared before would agree with you two.

And you girls are still silly creatures to me. So afraid of things.

(in reply to slavetaboo)

Post #: 57

RE: Doms, you ever scare a girl? - 1/7/2008 3:26:20 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

This thread makes me laugh.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 58

RE: Doms, you ever scare a girl? - 1/7/2008 3:40:01 AM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

If anything I know I have scared a few vanilla girls before. Can't say that I've scared anybody who's in the lifestyle before. I have had a few flake out and go poof on me though.

I myself have been a little scared off by a few Dommes and Switches though. This last Saturday, I actually went on a date.. with a Switch... she's not big on all the lifestyle label. Basically a Kinky Girl, that was talking about putting shock collars around my neck and all. She actually owns a crop too... She did not know what a flogger was. Mmmmmmm... Anyways, kinky girls that want to do certain things to me... to see the Gleem in thier eyes and their voice perk up at the thought of putting a shock collar around me.. well, Geee.. I have a maso streak but... Yeah... Meh... Who's scared of what again. Actually I think I might be scaring her a little cause I explained to her what DOM means, at least for me personally.

(in reply to kitttty)

Post #: 59

RE: Doms, you ever scare a girl? - 1/7/2008 4:01:13 AM

sirguym

Posts: 318
Joined: 8/10/2007
Status: offline

I had one girl who explored my bedside cabinet the morning after, finding a copy of the Marquis De Sade's book, The 120 Days Of Sodom; and an electric drill. She was a bit concerned .... but she came back.

(in reply to kitttty)

Post #: 60

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