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There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 1:20:00 AM   
Rushemery


Posts: 310
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline 		It seems there are a lot of abusive Masters and Doms on CM according to the profiles Ive been reading, I dont read the male profiles so I dont know what they say is there any advice we can give these ladies other than to block them
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 2:18:22 AM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		Blocking's a pretty simple, even if somewhat immature, manner of dealing with such things. If you'd like to recommend another course of action to such parties, my primary question would be.. why?

It would strike me as prudent to understand what ends you're hoping to achieve to provide more relevant thoughts, so an elaboration would be appreciated.

(in reply to Rushemery)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 5:28:02 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		I see a lot of angry profiles in general, it isn't limited to sub/slaves. There seems to be a bunch in every segment that does nothing but rant in their profiles about fakes & wanabees et al. That is something I don't get at all, why put such negativity into a profile when you are trying to attract people? Personally I find it off-putting and sad.

_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to Rushemery)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 5:32:45 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Online you will always get those frusterated that the one they thought would be their perfect match winds up to be a fake. Then, they rant about it in their profile. This puts off many, but its a huge draw for the White Knight types who might be what they are looking to attract. Since it is online, block and delte really is the best way to deal. Why would you need another? The vast majority of whiny profiles about abusive Masters/Mistresses are aout ones online who ask to much without being in in person. There are just about as many on the D side coplaining about the slacker submissives who just want to get off and not to serve. Block, ignore and move on and find what it is you DO want rather than dwelling on hwat youve found that you dont.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to camille65)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 5:43:42 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		Oh I found it. Or he did? Maybe we both did! Almost 8 years ago at a site that had no profiles lol, so I consider myself superduper lucky to have found/been found by him. One of the things that drew me to him was his never negative attitude, that is something pretty important to me. When someone dwells on stuff it just.. well it leeches the optimism and happiness out of a person.IMO that is just yuck.Mmmm now I'm starting my early morning thinking about R. Someone please buy my house so I can move to where he is?

_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 7:48:19 AM   
Rushemery


Posts: 310
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline 		well my first thought is they are going off this site and posting about their experiences here, that brings people who wouldnt normally be looking here as well, its bad press, makes the whole group look bad anyone with a little computer knowledge could trace out isp address's and show up on our doorstep and be asking questions on camera. I for one use my real picture and a name that can be found without much trouble as I am sure others do as well, of course I recently took my pictures down but thats not the point. Im not the white knight type and I normally look like a biker. But I also pride myself on being a decent person for the most part.  I have read one post at least about how people in this lifestyle are looked down on and I feel this is part of the reason. We are supposed to lead the people under us and protect them and yet we turn a blind eye to people who just abuse its very hipacritical and that bothers me. smiles, I maybe an ass hole but Im not a hipacrite 

(in reply to camille65)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 8:03:41 AM   
Rushemery


Posts: 310
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline 		I just went and looked again to be sure but none of the four names here are posted on that board as of yet lol

(in reply to Rushemery)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 8:09:55 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		Rushemery,
 
there are a lot of angry PEOPLE, of all orientations, that use this place as a place to "vent" or "rant" about what upsets them.
 
to quote Yoda " Fear leads to anger.....anger leads to hate......hate leads to......suffering"
 
and some folks are ALL about the suffering.
 
since we, as observers, rarely get the "other side" of the story, or even better, what actually happened, it could be a sufferer's kink or nothing more than sour grapes---not necessarily an indication of an abused victim.

(in reply to Rushemery)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 8:10:09 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rushemery

well my first thought is they are going off this site and posting about their experiences here, that brings people who wouldnt normally be looking here as well, its bad press, makes the whole group look bad anyone with a little computer knowledge could trace out isp address's and show up on our doorstep and be asking questions on camera. I for one use my real picture and a name that can be found without much trouble as I am sure others do as well, of course I recently took my pictures down but thats not the point. Im not the white knight type and I normally look like a biker. But I also pride myself on being a decent person for the most part.  I have read one post at least about how people in this lifestyle are looked down on and I feel this is part of the reason. We are supposed to lead the people under us and protect them and yet we turn a blind eye to people who just abuse its very hipacritical and that bothers me. smiles, I maybe an ass hole but Im not a hipacrite 

It's not my place to play adult care taker to someone who sits and cries over another treating them badly. Cruel, harsh, uncaring...yes....but it's not in me to pander to the emotions of those who aren't mature enough to understand their own needs; and mature enough to do what it takes to see that those needs are met.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to Rushemery)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 8:18:27 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Lots of bikers can be white knights.  Nothing uncool about that.
I'm a bit aghast really - this is about the fourth post I have seen today on the whole 'we should be better coz we is community' bullshit and I really didn;t think people were that stupid.
Like nothing ever bad happens outside BDSM - that because we are all 'part of the community' we should be all linking arms and making good of bad people.
 
Well, shit happens.  Deal with it.  Broken hearts happen, there are yucky dominants and mean ole submissives and slaves who don't understand their place </sarcasm> And if you keep fucking up and ending up with fuck ups, I wouldn't suggest that the problem is the fuck ups, its the person who keeps being attracted to them(ie you-generic).  Be responsible for your actions and stop blaming elsewhere.  It gets boring and repetitive.  And old.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Rushemery)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 9:45:15 AM   
EvilGenie


Posts: 1323
Joined: 9/10/2007
From: Morocco and Maine occasionally
Status: offline 		I am a good person simply because I am, not because I live an alternative lifestyle. I was a save the world type by roughly age 4 and I was also known as a bit bossy by that time. If I hadn't been this way then all of the kids would have stood in my backyard picking something. I learned that if I didn't organize games and such that nothing fun would happen. But also at that time I was already deeply sensitive and feeling. I could not bear that an older neighbor who was a widower would be eating his supper alone so I went off to visit him and sometimes brought him a sandwich or a sweet.

This carried over into adulthood and got me in much trouble at times though I figure I'd rather give and risk being burned by it than to sit bitter (if anyone had a reason to be bitter with life it was/is me) and care about nothing but myself. That just is not me but it has little to do with alternative lifestyles and more with who I always have been at the center of me. I did eventually learn better who to help and who not to but not completely and don't think that I will ever be that wise to always know who will burn me and who will be grateful enough to simply say a heartfelt thank you. I don't ask for anything in return, as when one gives, to me one must give expecting not to always see anything back whether it be a thank you or true friendship. I do it because I like to and I derive a sense of pleasure and accomplishment in myself when I do give/help, etc. I'd much rather be the one who gives and see the happy face in return than to get the vast majority of the time. I am not speaking of expecting or not to get something from my relationship though. I simply like to and do not exactly know not to as that would be taking part of what makes me ME away.

Anger is most often fear based, some state, anger is fear turned inward. I know for myself that one of the only itmes that I become testy and short is when I am afraid of something. Being scared tends to send up a wall of bravado for many folks. I see it with my patients daily and it is fairly easy to spot. It takes a great deal to push me to anger but once I am, I need to grab control of it very quickly or it damages me far more than anyone else around me. The cause and action of human behavior coud be a never ending thread unto itself.


_____________________________

I will never make someone a priority, when they only make me an option.

FEAR the pixels....NOT!

Some things in life are like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 10:03:25 AM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		Well i love my profile..its perfect for what i want....but i anger people in the last paragraph because it reads "You should know that I was BORN intersexed. As such my genitalia is off limits."

So this turns off 99.9% of the people who view my profile! LOL :)
sexaholics i tell ya they are a plenty!

(in reply to Rushemery)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 10:50:04 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I got the wankers to run away by saying that I don't have sex with my submissives!  Works GREAT. <G>  Now if only I could figure out who all these youngsters are who keep viewing me...  what can their search parameters be?

And yes, Rushemery, I am dismayed at the number of truly angry and unhappy profiles that I see.  I am also not motivated to contact them, even if they are in my area.  I want sincere folks who are not out to waste time and play games as well---and if I find that someone doesn't work out as expected, I say, Oh well, NEXT!  I am a rescuer/caretaker by nature, and it has taken a lot of work to teach myself to NOT do that kind of thing.    I know that I do not have it in my power to cure someone else's negativity.  All I can do is protect myself and my loved ones by staying AWAY from bad vibes.  :)

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 10:51:53 AM   
johntom571


Posts: 63
Joined: 7/17/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I got the wankers to run away by saying that I don't have sex with my submissives!  Works GREAT. <G>  Now if only I could figure out who all these youngsters are who keep viewing me...  what can their search parameters be?


my guess is your pic: they got you mixed up with the14 year old nubile neighbour next door.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 10:54:46 AM   
johntom571


Posts: 63
Joined: 7/17/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

I see a lot of angry profiles in general, it isn't limited to sub/slaves. There seems to be a bunch in every segment that does nothing but rant in their profiles about fakes & wanabees et al. That is something I don't get at all, why put such negativity into a profile when you are trying to attract people? Personally I find it off-putting and sad.


A wild guess here? when putting up a "nice" profile and sending polite emails doesn't work, what are the options?

JT

(in reply to camille65)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 12:05:14 PM   
Aneirin


Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline 		I have on Collarme, given up pursuing potential whatevers.It is rare now I mail someone and those I do, it is purely because I have read something they have written and I cared to comment.

Maybe there is a lot of anger, frustration and sadness out there, on the personals side of this site, but it is I suppose akin to any other 'dating' site.

My personal observations of here is that manners have appeared to slip by the wayside.A friendly message now does'nt even warrant a thankyou, or even a no thanks.This was not the case a few years ago, I found the personals side very friendly,

or it could be me,

who knows....

I just hope everyone finds what they are looking for and they have a happier future.

_____________________________

Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone

(in reply to johntom571)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 12:10:12 PM   
Kaiynasha


Posts: 172
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		Here here Aneirin! I realize that seeking a sub or slave online is just not worth it. I have decided to be more social and meet people IRL.

MK

_____________________________

"Intimacy is based on shared vulnerability...nothing deepens intimacy
like the experiences that we share when we feel flayed, with our skins
off, scared and vulnerable, and our partner is there with us, willing
to share in the scary stuff"

(in reply to Aneirin)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 12:13:25 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		I just had a male submissive literally go off on me, after we exchanged about 4 emails,
because I told him, I thought we were seeking different things.
 
It was sort of sad, but I rather see the not so pleasant side of people early on, especially
those quick to anger, than have to wait months to see it.
 
Many here are angry, and easy to anger regardless if they are Dominant, Dom, submissive, slave,
switch or whatever.
It is still a wonderful site and I love it here, or I would not have been here almost 4 years.
Most of life is usually what YOU make it.
 
Let's have a wonderful New Year! SMILE!!!

 

< Message edited by MzMia -- 1/6/2008 12:14:30 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to Kaiynasha)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 12:18:41 PM   
lauren0221


Posts: 681
Joined: 8/29/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: johntom571

quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

I see a lot of angry profiles in general, it isn't limited to sub/slaves. There seems to be a bunch in every segment that does nothing but rant in their profiles about fakes & wanabees et al. That is something I don't get at all, why put such negativity into a profile when you are trying to attract people? Personally I find it off-putting and sad.


A wild guess here? when putting up a "nice" profile and sending polite emails doesn't work, what are the options?

JT


Perhaps reevaluating your approach, rather than blaming those who do not respond to it? I don't mean to sound harsh - focusing on what you have control over will tend to have a more positive impact on your outcome than focusing on what you don't control.

(in reply to johntom571)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 12:25:58 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

Rushemery,
 
there are a lot of angry PEOPLE, of all orientations, that use this place as a place to "vent" or "rant" about what upsets them.
 
to quote Yoda " Fear leads to anger.....anger leads to hate......hate leads to......suffering"
 
and some folks are ALL about the suffering.
 
since we, as observers, rarely get the "other side" of the story, or even better, what actually happened, it could be a sufferer's kink or nothing more than sour grapes---not necessarily an indication of an abused victim.


Yeah, I think if a person's needs are not being met that that could lead to anger.
A lot of submissives have reams of "demands" and "conditions" to be met. Kind of makes you wonder just how "submissive" they are.

_____________________________

"But Your Honor, this is not a Jury of my Peers, these people are all decent, honest, law-abiding citizens!"

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 20
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