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RE: Question for subs - 1/6/2008 2:17:57 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

it is like passing through your life without leaving any footmark.


Really?  To choose a rewarding relationship and be there for another person is not leaving any footmark?  Perhaps in your world, but it may be significant for the people who choose to live out their dynamic in that manner.  Who cares as long as it works for them. 


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to oliderid)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Question for subs - 1/6/2008 3:11:22 PM   
Decimus


Posts: 174
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		It is a matter of who we are and what we do, some could give up their jobs some couldn't. Personally I could give up my current job in a heartbeat however I couldn't give up my life long dreams of leaving my mark in regards to starting a company. Also, I am strange, Aerith may be my domme and in control however I was raised that the woman not have to work at all if she chose not to, so therefore it would be my job to provide for the family, it would be very weird and take alot of convincing to get me to change my mental conditioning...could it be done? I have no doubt Aerith could make me or convince me to do anything she wanted, but some things would take alot of work on both our parts. I'm just lucky she roots for my goals as much as I do :) So the point is moot in my case :)

_____________________________

Here is my story that some people have asked for, www.beginningofdreams.com

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Question for subs - 1/6/2008 3:21:34 PM   
Bobbie9395


Posts: 38
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

it is like passing through your life without leaving any footmark.


Really?  To choose a rewarding relationship and be there for another person is not leaving any footmark?  Perhaps in your world, but it may be significant for the people who choose to live out their dynamic in that manner.  Who cares as long as it works for them. 


Perfect response, KatyLied.  I would love to be in a position to quit my job and totally commit myself to my Master.  I would consider it a great accomplishment that someone cared that much about me to want me to be with him as much as possible, to help him in his work, to be available to him at a moment's notice.  THAT would be the ultimate mark of success for me.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Question for subs - 1/6/2008 3:25:48 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		Shortly after we were married i was offered a fairly pretigious coaching position at a Div. I university but it involved working weekends and Hubby was against that so i turned it down--He has always come first even before i knew anything about D/s.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to oliderid)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Question for subs - 1/6/2008 4:01:09 PM   
Hergirl0824


Posts: 119
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline 		i don't understand the OP's definition of leaving your footmark....i believe that each person must decide what footmark he or she wishes to leave....if it is through wealth or the struggle to obtain it...serving One who has your total devotion....raising UMs....or just being the kind of friend who influences someone's life for the better...all those and many many more are footmarks we leave behind...i think the OP needs to take a long hard look at his definition of success..for that surely isn't mine

_____________________________

collared to Mistress Sizzlynn

When i let go of what i am, i become what i might be

(in reply to oliderid)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Question for subs - 1/6/2008 4:56:08 PM   
TysGalilah


Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline 		 
Why can't both be possible at the same time?
 
   From my perspective> the more I experience and the more fulfilled I feel...the healthier I am emotionally, mentally and physically > The more I have to bring to our relationship. 
 
  It took me too many years to finally learn the difference between being a person who co-dependantly devoted her life to serving others needs at the exclusion of her own self and needs vs nurturing and serving from a healthy balanced sense of self-esteem.
 
  Now I know I can do both, but no longer have to exclude myself from the happy and fulfilled equation.
  I am in a relationship with someone who is dominant not needy and controlling.  He knows how to take what/all I submit to him and return it to me as strength and rejuvination ( empowerment) ....He wants and encourages whatever fulfills me in life and isn't delusional in the idea that HE fulfills everything and all that for me. 
  
So, I guess my response to your question is that both are possible & one doesn't need to undermine the other.
 
 

< Message edited by TysGalilah -- 1/6/2008 4:59:17 PM >

_____________________________

galilah

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to oliderid)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Question for subs - 1/6/2008 5:29:30 PM   
willing2try1984


Posts: 17
Joined: 4/17/2006
Status: offline 		Well i have a daddy dom, he makes sure that i am living the life that i want to live he wants me to have the law degree and legal career that i have always wanted. I live by the rule that nothing is going to come b/w me and my dream and i think he respects that

(in reply to oliderid)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Question for subs - 1/6/2008 7:05:09 PM   
bipolarber


Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline 		Now that's just odd to me... you mean your Domme wants you to be at home 24/7? (Must be nice to be that independantly wealthy!) Personally, most of the Dommes who have been part of my life actually pushed me into greater achievments than I would have accomplished on my own... I guess it's how you look at it.

(in reply to willing2try1984)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Question for subs - 1/6/2008 7:39:35 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oliderid

Let's say that you have a promising carreer, you worked hard to get your diploma. You've got a enormous potential, so many things to do by your own and to be proud of it...How can you leave all these rewarding things behind you to focus yourself exclusively on your dom(me)? I don't get it. it is like passing through your life without leaving any footmark.

Rewarding?  To whom?  What one person finds rewarding isn't going to be rewarding to someone else.  It's very subjective.  i gave up a very rewarding 12-year Army career to be a mom.  As rewarding as being a soldier was to me, being a mom was much more rewarding.  i also went to college and got my degrees and that was rewarding, too.  But, still not as rewarding as being a mom.  i never have found working in the civilian sector to be very rewarding.  Now, i am using my skills and energy fulfilling a very important function as the devoted, owned helpmate of my Master.
 
Today, after a lovely day hiking and hanging out in the woods, my Master turned to me and said, "It's a good life."  It was a very rewarding feeling to see the contentment on His face, while He looked into my eyes and said those words to me.  That's all i need, to know that i am doing what is right for me.  And, i agree with Him.  It is a very good life and very rewarding, too.  It's everything i've ever wanted.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

(in reply to oliderid)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Question for subs - 1/6/2008 7:51:09 PM   
Shawn1066


Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oliderid

I don't get it. it is like passing through your life without leaving any footmark.


Life is about your personal happiness and contributing to the happiness of those you love.  In not even a hundred years, most of our footprints will be barely visible...if there at all.  All glory is fleeting, so they say.  You should find warmth in what you have.  It's also important to note that everything you do leaves "footprints."  If you love somebody...yeah, that's a footprint within itself.

Of course, my Owner is very supportive of my education and future career...  Which is good.

(in reply to oliderid)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Question for subs - 1/6/2008 8:00:29 PM   
oliderid


Posts: 63
Joined: 1/1/2008
Status: offline 		Well thank you all for your answers. I didn't mean to offend anyone, sorry if I did. This thing is so alien to me that I had to ask it. It looks like I understand a bit more of the inner mechanic.  thank for the sincere answers.



(in reply to Shawn1066)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Question for subs - 1/6/2008 8:33:58 PM   
girlygurl


Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oliderid

Well i've got a question I have never dared ask a sub involved in a lifestyle D/S relationship.

I've met intelligent sub in my local scene.  Few were living a true D/S relationship. I mean a 24/24 commitment. But somes do. They puzzle me.
Let's say that you have a promising carreer, you worked hard to get your diploma. You've got a enormous potential, so many things to do by your own and to be proud of it...How can you leave all these rewarding things behind you to focus yourself exclusively on your dom(me)? I don't get it. it is like passing through your life without leaving any footmark.



FR~

I'm not in a 24/7 but, Did I miss something?  Who says anyone has to give up anything like you're proposing?  I would not give up my dreams, or personal goals, nor would I be with someone that required I do so. 

girly

(in reply to oliderid)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Question for subs - 1/6/2008 9:32:25 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		I think sometimes it comes down to the reality of the situation...If able to subsist on one income, fairly comfortably, then I say have at it...But if that demand is made and the reality is that you go down a finanical tube then, I say its time for reality to burst fantasys bubble..Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to girlygurl)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Question for subs - 1/6/2008 10:08:09 PM   
trusting


Posts: 144
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Virginia
Status: offline 		i believe my reason to leave everything behind would be the fact that this person would have the ability to offer the things in life that would make us both happy.

let's not forget about the bond that is formed between the two people, as i would never serve a man that did not fulfill me as a submissive and also as a person. simply serving him would be my way of life and i would have no reason for a career, though i do have one now...i  would gladly give it up if asked to do so.


_____________________________

"Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one." -Malcolm Forbes

(in reply to oliderid)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Question for subs - 1/7/2008 1:59:15 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oliderid

How can you leave all these rewarding things behind you to focus yourself exclusively on your dom(me)? I don't get it. it is like passing through your life without leaving any footmark.


It is that kind of thinking that shamed women who chose to stay home to do the hard, rewarding work of keeping care of home and children.  How is work outside the home automatically more rewarding?  Rewarding for whom?

i have a good career.  i raised my ums by myself with the money i earned.  i used my potential.  But i did not have a choice.  i either did it or put my ums very life in jeapordy.  i am proud that i had the ability to raise a family by myself and provide all of the necessities and many of the luxuries.  However, if there was or is one thing i resented was that of not having a choice.  While i chose to reproduce, i had no say whatsoever in the becoming and being single part. 

What you are describing is choice and that is the key.  Each person defines their own reward.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to oliderid)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Question for subs - 1/7/2008 5:23:00 AM   
Dari


Posts: 192
Joined: 10/8/2007
Status: offline 		When I go to work, I don't really think about "making my mark" anyway.  I'm a successful woman, yes, but the mark I'd rather leave behind are those actions that make the world around me better.  How I treat my friends, how I relate to the ones I love.  Acts of charity, of neighborliness, of caring for people more than myself.  If I measured the worth of my life by what I did at work, I would have a meaningless life - even though I have a good job, and I'm good at what I do. 

For some, their job is like a vocation.  It would be crippling to them to not work, because it's part of how they define themselves.  For others (including me), their job is just that - a job.  At the end of the day, it's not what matters - it's what allows me the freedom to do the things that matter.

Giving that up, if I had a way to support myself and do the things that matter all the time, instead of only part of the time?  Is just no big deal.  I'd jump at the chance, in a heartbeat!




(in reply to unravel)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Question for subs - 1/7/2008 8:02:21 AM   
slavemaia


Posts: 395
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oliderid

Well i've got a question I have never dared ask a sub involved in a lifestyle D/S relationship.

I've met intelligent sub in my local scene.  Few were living a true D/S relationship. I mean a 24/24 commitment. But somes do. They puzzle me.
Let's say that you have a promising carreer, you worked hard to get your diploma. You've got a enormous potential, so many things to do by your own and to be proud of it...How can you leave all these rewarding things behind you to focus yourself exclusively on your dom(me)? I don't get it. it is like passing through your life without leaving any footmark.


i talk with other  fulltime 24/7 slaves on another site. None of us have "left rewarding things behind to focus on" our Master. The only difference in what we do is it's all in service to our Master, not something we do on our own just for ourself. Relationships are individual. There's so much generalization on this site, as if because one person or one couple does things a particular way, that means everyone does.  Surrender is a deep experience and not something i believe can be known by anyone unless experienced personally. If a sub or a slave relinquishes a career because that's their Dominant's wish, then hopefully they do so because surrendering is more rewarding than the career. What one person perceives and experiences can't be understood by another who doesn't share the same perception or experience. What you perceive as a loss may actually be a gain to someone else.

_____________________________


She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.
slave to love - - Chairman's maia

(in reply to oliderid)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Question for subs - 1/7/2008 8:35:10 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		it really isn't that complicated.
 
some folks find earning money, being held in high esteem by your colleagues in academia, earning university degrees, becoming a celebrity, spending time doing a socially accepted "career", real estate, material possessions, a wedding ring, procreating or anything else society deems as an indicator of an individual's success as fulfilling, rewarding, and valuable.
 
other's don't and find it all to be an incredible waste of their time and energy.  some disregard society's measuring stick(s) and follow a different path.
 
some have the inclination to do it ALL.
 
this slave thanks the Great Architect for the fabulous diversity in our world that there are folks who can be fulfilled and rewarded by the aforementioned things as well as those who aren't.
 
choosing to live an alternative lifestyle, for some, IS fulfillment and leads them to success that no amount of money or prestige could offer.

Edited to add: (Merc)
Some, simply, do not have the courage or confidence to act in accordance to the result of self discovery. Many don't even want to go through the process, or stop the process when the obvious conclusion is the opposite direction their life is going. Funny how after a while the most common aspect of complaint is frustration. Frustration would seem to be expected when multiple life 'masters' have required actions in opposition.
 
There are many who would never be able to say; "I make him happy" in response to the common social cocktail chit-chat question; "What do you do?" I'm happy to say I found a person who says exactly that with her head held hide and proud. Giving that answer isn't surrendering career path. Some see it as a life path more important than any career. Nothing was "given up"; much was gained. 

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 1/7/2008 9:12:58 AM >

(in reply to oliderid)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Question for subs - 1/7/2008 8:54:34 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oliderid

Well thank you all for your answers. I didn't mean to offend anyone, sorry if I did. This thing is so alien to me that I had to ask it. It looks like I understand a bit more of the inner mechanic.  thank for the sincere answers.



I don't know about offending people, to me it just felt like you made an assumption based on outside observation rather than asking them directly.  I wouldn't worry and would encourage you to ask them personally, you'll get a clearer idea maybe.  I think it's cool you asked the forum too, really does take a certain amount of courage hey so kudos to you for that.
 
I think it is really easy to view submission as loss of freedom, which couldn't be further from the truth.  Surrender gives one the ability to be free to be who you are - nothing cooler than that.
 
Be safe
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to oliderid)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Question for subs - 1/7/2008 9:10:51 AM   
mhawk


Posts: 509
Joined: 11/5/2007
From: Washington
Status: offline



outside of being a slave,i have worked many jobs in the outside world.but here's the thing. for me when i have done so,i never feel like i am accomplishing anything no matter how good of a job it is and how well i do in that job.

when my Lord and my Mistress "found" me a few months ago,i was sturggling trying to find work and struggling to survive on a daily basis.since T/they brought me to T/their home a few months ago things changed.

inside of being a slave,that is what is more fufilling to me.contributing to the home by doing the basic upkeep and cooking and just being here for T/them is more than enough.

i leave my mark every day when my Mistress comes home from work and sees everything i have done and i hear Her tell me"you've done a great job, you do so much for us,you don't know how appreciated that is".  to me that is leaving a mark in O/our little corner of the world. and also with that,when my Lord comes home on the weekends and says close to the same thing as Mistress does.

i don't need a job with a 401K and all that when i know i leave my mark by being the slave my Lord and Mistress need me to be.



(in reply to oliderid)
Profile   Post #: 40
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