RE: Being Cautious!!!

RE: Being Cautious!!! (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master

Message

Tantriqu -> RE: Being Cautious!!! (1/6/2008 4:28:05 PM)
Well, dave, it's perfectly reasonable for a female to demand a vanilla photo just before you meet for her safety, but no need for a photo on your profile. I have ones ready to send before meeting, since photos on these sites are certainly exploited as you've discovered the hard way, but if you send or post a cockshot with your face, well, DUH! The people who say 'you have nothing to worry about' don't have jobs important to the public or have empathy for those who do, nor do the things I like to do. Yes, might be nice if W/we all wear bandanas [Mine including several shades of blue, left pocket ;-) ] which will make it a LOT easier to find the right subbie, but I don't need to know that the lunchlady is into Cleveland steamers or the paperboy is into sheep. Sites like this are a good middle ground; just wish more subs knew about them! Good luck.

AquaticSub -> RE: Being Cautious!!! (1/6/2008 4:39:11 PM)
No problem. pulls out the binder of various BDSM clippings she used for an art project regarding BDSM We've got my friend who was kicked out her midwifery group for being in BDSM, sadly no news article - you'll just have to trust me. There is the story of Jack McGeorge - a munitions analyst for the UN. When a newspaper found out he was part of the local DC leather scene there was a bit of a scandel. He may not have lost his job but not every person wants to be part of a scandel printed in the Washington Post and I don't blame them. This happened around 2003. I don't have a link but I'm sure you can google the name. There was the really nifty story in 2005 about Peter Hayes who was denied a chauffer's permit due to his sexuality. Sadly, the news site I had the link for is no longer carrying the story since it happened in 2005. However here is a link that talks about it briefly: http://www.bccla.org/Update/July06update.htm There is this lovely article: http://thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=162102, which, among other things, talks about how an interest in BDSM can be used against you in divorce and custody proceedings. You can also always check the NCSF website for recent cases. My point isn't that this is the norm - it's that it happens. And because it happens, the decision to be quiet and not want to be outed is a valid one.

DavidSedgrave -> RE: Being Cautious!!! (1/6/2008 4:53:02 PM)
Thanks to everyone for their very candid opinions, I would also like to thank for the advice. I am not asahmed of what I do in my personal time, it is very simple that the line of work I do, would be very limited and I would loose a large portion of my clients. I think it sucks that it is that way, but that is life. I was more than willing to send the sub a photo, I just wanted more than a single email from her, literally we only had one email, and it was one sentence, I do understand the need to see who you are talking to, but I also think we should be patient with those that have privacy limitations, at least until some trust is formed. I think I will continue to be cautious, ut I will also try to put it out there when I can. Thanks to all and have a great day,night, or morning DS

AquaticSub -> RE: Being Cautious!!! (1/6/2008 4:55:59 PM)
Thanks for clearing that up, I wasn't sure what you meant by information. I can most certainly understand wanting to chat more than a few e-mails before sending a photo!

abytchgoddess4u -> RE: Being Cautious!!! (1/6/2008 5:07:26 PM)
~fr~ I am about 95% out and have a very respected, professional career. I find that my being out enables me to relate to clients and build more rapport than it would were I not. I don't scream from the rooftops, but neither do I hide or feel shame for what I am...and you can't 'tell' just by looking at me. The more fear you hold inside you, the more people can use it against you. In fact; most of my decision to be so out was b/c of my childhood history. When my parents separated, my father took us away from my mother by threatening to out her for being a lesbian. He moved us 4 Provinces away. B/c of her fear, I suffered far more than I would've otherwise. I will never let ANYONE have that level of power over me.

WillowRain -> RE: Being Cautious!!! (1/6/2008 6:16:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty Shit...I am about as out as you get. My name, my phone number, my address, everything about me is available from the information in my profile. I have been this way for about 4 years. I have never had one single problem. Not one. When I meet a new slave who I want toget serious about, I send her an "Introduction Package" that has not only a copy of my drivers license, but my SSN as well. All of this before I get even a real name from her. I have never had one single problem. I use my "outness" as a defense against blackmail. I am open and honest and I really don't care who know what I do with my time out of work. I have my own webpage, and people frm my work hit my page once a month or so, so I figure they know about me too...they have never said anything. Maybe I am lucky, or maybe you all are paranoid...or embarassed about who and what you are. I try not to judge... Taggard Interesting aproach. I can easily see how this would get you positive responses.

WillowRain -> RE: Being Cautious!!! (1/6/2008 6:19:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty quote: ORIGINAL: jesiul Yep it was of me. It took me 9 years to get over that, before I posted pictures on my profile. Just curious, why did that bother you so much? You did it...people must have liked it to find it online somewhere. Why 9 years of trauma over a picture of something you did? Taggard For someone to share private pictures with others that they thought were a private sharing, and to later in life encounter those pictures through some other person would be horrifying. It's a breach of trust and privacy. IMO

xxblushesxx -> RE: Being Cautious!!! (1/6/2008 6:25:03 PM)
Just one more thing; if you're a writer, a waitress or an artist, then really what difference does it make WHO knows? But what if you are in education, law, or medicine and would like to be promoted? What if you are a public speaker who speaks to people in the medical or legal community, and you would like more than just the 'odd job' here and there? What if you teach children, run a daycare or drive a bus? What if you have um's and a jealous ex? All very good reasons imo to be a bit more discrete. I REALLY wish we could all be open. That's not really the world we live in though. ~Christina

TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Being Cautious!!! (1/6/2008 9:06:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WillowRain Interesting aproach. I can easily see how this would get you positive responses. Yeah, I get more pussy than I know what to do with... wink Taggard

TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Being Cautious!!! (1/6/2008 9:11:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WillowRain It's a breach of trust and privacy. I get why she would be pissed at the guy who shared the pictures without her knowing...he should be cut out from her life...but to limit yourself in any way because of the actions of one asshole seems like she is giving too much power to other people. I think that is what I get least about this whole thing...people let the ideas and thoughts and narrow minded opinions of others dictate how they live their lives. They won't have pictures taken or they won't go out in public or they won't reveal their names...it all reeks of shame and guilt and cowering before the almighty power of pubic convention. How can one be dominant over another when they live in fear of people they don't even know? Taggard

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Being Cautious!!! (1/6/2008 9:13:04 PM)
I have one possible suggestion..you can get the subs regular e-mail addy..and send your picture to her through that venue..rather than through collarme....hence no BDSM connection...and you can correspond through collarme about your matching interests....without a picture on collarme to connect the 2 screen names..your collarme s/n and your regular e-mail s/n..hence there will be no correlation of the 2 personas to be used...clear as mud???..Tempting

TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Being Cautious!!! (1/6/2008 9:18:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx That's not really the world we live in though. And the sad truth is it never will be as long as people like you, people who actually are in the lifestyle, think like you think. Instead of saying "Stay in! Hide what you are in case the "public" finds out and does...um...something!" why not say, "Come out and I will stand with you!"? It would be wonderful if some doctor or teacher or judge would live their life openly and honestly...not afraid of what you describe. But instead we live in this culture of fear, promoted as much by those inside our community as those without. Messageboards like these where you give each other the moral support to hide behind stupid avatars and even more stupid screen names and never face the reality that if we all came out, there would be nothing the "public" could do about it...because they is us. Taggard

dcnovice -> RE: Being Cautious!!! (1/6/2008 9:21:29 PM)
quote: Yeah, I get more pussy than I know what to do with... Are they all sixes?

TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Being Cautious!!! (1/6/2008 9:23:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dcnovice quote: Yeah, I get more pussy than I know what to do with... Are they all sixes? I have to admit I couldn't really study that chart in too much detail...I felt like I was playing some porn version of Space Invaders. Taggard

AquaticSub -> RE: Being Cautious!!! (1/6/2008 9:25:32 PM)
Change happens slowly, not overnight. It's painful, it hurts and I don't think it's fair to expect every single person to subject themselves to it. Even the gay community doesn't want every single person to out themselves for the good of the community. I honestly believe that the BDSM path to acceptence will be similiar to that of homosexuality. Encourage and help people be as out as they can be but don't shame those who aren't ready yet or just don't think they can be.

TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Being Cautious!!! (1/6/2008 9:32:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub Encourage and help people be as out as they can be but don't shame those who aren't ready yet or just don't think they can be. I am not saying everyone should come out. (I am also not saying that everyone shouldn't.) What I am saying is that what has developed in our community is a culture of fear, and a downright approval of hiding your identity. It's like fake names and pixelated photos have the BDSM seal of approval, and those who live outside that cage are the strange ones. You look at the majority of the responses on this board and you will see a bunch of people patting each other on the back for hiding their lifestyle in the shadows. It is like they are desperate for approval to continue living a lie. And I am just fed up with it. Hide your lifestyle if you think it will cause you harm to come out, but stop encouraging others to do so! I know it would make you a hypocrite (and I am not talking to you, AquaticSub, but to the BDSM world in general), but that is, sadly, what you are, no matter what you do. At least if you encourage others to come out, you can provide some support to those who have a bit more courage and are willing to take a bit more of a stand. Taggard

Elorin -> RE: Being Cautious!!! (1/6/2008 10:52:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty What I am saying is that what has developed in our community is a culture of fear, and a downright approval of hiding your identity. It's like fake names and pixelated photos have the BDSM seal of approval, and those who live outside that cage are the strange ones. Maybe that's because the larger, vanilla community has engendered that culture of fear by taking away our children, our jobs, and our reputations because of what we do behind closed doors. quote: You look at the majority of the responses on this board and you will see a bunch of people patting each other on the back for hiding their lifestyle in the shadows. I see a lot of people who understand what it is like to live in a culture where your job can be taken away because of your private practices. And people sharing that understanding. quote: At least if you encourage others to come out, you can provide some support to those who have a bit more courage and are willing to take a bit more of a stand. And when those people you encouraged to come out lose their children or jobs because our culture isn't as caught up as you want it to be, will you support them? Will you pay the legal bills to fight for custody because a small minded social worker decided that a mom who does BDSM is unhealthy as a parent? I used to think the way that you did. I had and have nothing to be ashamed of for being involved in BDSM. I did not hide it or deny my activity as a local educator and fetish model. My daughter now lives in Alaska with her deadbeat dad as a result. ~Elorin

verysweet -> RE: Being Cautious!!! (1/7/2008 8:03:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx Just one more thing; if you're a writer, a waitress or an artist, then really what difference does it make WHO knows? But what if you are in education, law, or medicine and would like to be promoted? What if you are a public speaker who speaks to people in the medical or legal community, and you would like more than just the 'odd job' here and there? What if you teach children, run a daycare or drive a bus? What if you have um's and a jealous ex? All very good reasons imo to be a bit more discrete. I REALLY wish we could all be open. That's not really the world we live in though. ~Christina Amen to this. I've never posted a personal pic on a fetish site. Having said that, after discussion begins with a 'prospective' partner, I will offer up a pic and expect one in return. It's always a red flag to me if someone says 'I don't have one on this computer'. Even if it's just casual conversation, I always find it interesting to put a face to the font.

TMaster2 -> RE: Being Cautious!!! (1/7/2008 8:51:02 AM)
I agree with the cute lil godzilla woman -- if someone is giving you grief over your need to be lower profile, use the IGNORE option and move on. They aren't likely to be the ones you would hit it off with anyway.

darkpassenger434 -> RE: Being Cautious!!! (1/7/2008 9:17:08 AM)
I would say go with your gut man. Not having ANY pic up seems a litte excessive to me. I would definetly refrain from overt sexual images. If you aren't particularly worried about being honest about it in public (you don't seem to be), then a profile with the right nonsexual pics is not really that incriminating. If you ever had to address the issue or there was an actual extortion attempt it would be easy to say "Someone got a pic and made this bogus profile as an attack on me, and by the way, why is a puritan such as yourself trolling BDSM sites looking for people they know you piece of shit?" -R

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875