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RE: Being Cautious!!! - 1/7/2008 10:32:04 AM

MRandme

Posts: 661
Joined: 9/24/2007
Status: offline

my question to the OP is: your profile name appears to me to be your actual *name*... why use that and then fuss over a picture? If i'm wrong and it isn't your real name, i apologize, but it was the first thing to occur to me.

On this site and another, i started with a vanilla pic of me from behind... other tactics to use are photos that don't show your face clearly. It is possible to have a pic of yourself up without having it be readily identifiable as you. The one i have up now doesn' t show my face either... and i will only send a face shot to someone i have corresponded with for a while.

_____________________________

And thus i conclude with a wish you go well,
Sweet be your dreams, may your happiness swell,
I'll leave you here, for my journey begins
i've gone to be with Him again...

(in reply to darkpassenger434)

Post #: 41

RE: Being Cautious!!! - 1/7/2008 10:51:38 AM

SirJmes

Posts: 9
Joined: 1/5/2008
Status: offline

I'm with you on this one. I am very cautious with whomever I come in contact with. No pic on my profile either for that very reason. I would have to know someone very well before I send a pic. Your not paranoid man, your being smart.

(in reply to DavidSedgrave)

Post #: 42

RE: Being Cautious!!! - 1/7/2008 10:54:30 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD

I will not talk with someone unless I get a picture first or there is one on there profile. If they don't want to give it, that is fine it is there choice, it's also mine not to talk with them. But do I have an issue with someone not wanting to give one, NO. I just won't chat with them.

Mike

I couldn't have said it better myself. I am a tad more cynical. I figure they are not to pleased with the way they look.

BadOne

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)

Post #: 43

RE: Being Cautious!!! - 1/7/2008 11:52:59 AM

verysweet

Posts: 128
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD

I will not talk with someone unless I get a picture first or there is one on there profile. If they don't want to give it, that is fine it is there choice, it's also mine not to talk with them. But do I have an issue with someone not wanting to give one, NO. I just won't chat with them.

Mike

I couldn't have said it better myself. I am a tad more cynical. I figure they are not to pleased with the way they look.

BadOne

I agree with this, too.

It's been my experience that after I 'finally' get the picture from someone who has been reluctant to share, 9 times out of 10 I kinda/sorta wish I hadn't asked.

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 44

RE: Being Cautious!!! - 1/7/2008 11:59:55 AM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

Take things at the pace you are comfortable with, if they don't like it, move onto the next person. Sooner or later you will find somebody. Just remember the women you are dealing with, also have been burned by fakers and posers as well. Some of them want to see a picture to know you are for real, and not some liar or scam artist or cyber cross dresser. Getting burned online is a two way street.

You are not the first person nor only one to get burned online. Dare I admit it, it's happened to me a couple of times.

(in reply to DavidSedgrave)

Post #: 45

RE: Being Cautious!!! - 1/7/2008 1:08:35 PM

DavidSedgrave

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline

Thanks again everyone,
Final notes to clarify for everyone...

It is not my real name, it is a pen name I have used for years, only those who know this part of my life would make a connection.
I am more than happy to give a pic to someone, "I even have one on this computer" but I would like more information from them, not just an email saying "give me a pic" and nothing else. I do not need a novella about their life, just some basic infomation, maybe even a nice introduction like , a hi my name is ____, I like to ______, if you are interested send me a pic....something like that...

Thanks again for everyones opinion, and I hope you all have a great day.
DS

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)

Post #: 46

RE: Being Cautious!!! - 1/7/2008 2:25:43 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Unless you teach minors, you probably won't lose your job. Of course you will get passed over for promotions and lose respect from coworkers and subordinates, which means you won't be as effective and you may eventually lose your position due to incompetence and not from a morals clause.

However, exes are vindictive and could sue for custody. BSA won't allow you to be a pack leader, volunteer organizations won't allow you to be near elderly or minors. Nothing that gets in the news, but does impact your life.

The way around this for now is for the op to put up a photo under a tree with a hat so his face isn't visible, just his general body size. This allows the other person to see that you are the sex you claim you are, and that you aren't 3' tall and 600 lbs. Which for most people is enough to go on. But eventually you will meet for coffee, and at that point if you decide you have enough compatibility to go out again you will then need to give identity information. This is not risk free.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 47

RE: Being Cautious!!! - 1/8/2008 11:19:10 AM

lioubas

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/7/2008
Status: offline

thank You for taking time to read this... i am new to the site, and also have had a number of Doms wishing to speak with me outside of the collareme.com site, and i am still working on getting comfortable. i appreciate the title being cautious... i am not necessarily afraid of what would happen if someone i know learns about my curiousity and lifestyle... i am concerned about my physical/emotional being -- being damaged by S/someone who is not interested in gaining the trust of me as a potential sub...

i just had one Dom message me, after i expressed, i would prefer to get to know Him via the collarme.com site:
" well a good dom is supposed to help you figure things out, whats your yahoo"

i answered back with:
"i am sorry, i am not willing to give my off-site info out at this time.
hopefully You will find another submissive who is willing to communicate with You as You are wishing at this time.
it takes time for me to feel comfortable enough to allow S/someone into my life and trust T/them with my off-site contact information.
take care of Yourself, and i hope You may find what You are seeking.
~lio"

i hope that i reacted the correct way, and would appreciate any discussion/comments. thank Y/you

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 48

RE: Being Cautious!!! - 1/8/2008 11:48:02 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Lio, that is perfectly acceptable. (I DO hate the T/them slashy thing though, but that's just 'cause it's so distracting to me, and I am an English snob...)

Remain true to yourself, and you may find that which you seek.

~Christina

(in reply to lioubas)

Post #: 49

RE: Being Cautious!!! - 1/8/2008 12:11:01 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I cannot tell anyone else, especially someone I do not know, what they should do. All I can do is tell you how I handle the whole internet connection thing.

First off, when I am contacted via this site and we have exchanged an email or two, I've read their profile etc, I already have a pretty strong gut feeling about the person. If I am interested in anything beyond friendship I will offer up my cell phone number. They have already seen my photo. If I enjoy the phone conversation and the following communication is promising they find out more information like full name, which they can easily find out where I live and I generally allow work stuff to come into the conversation.

All of this I have given them prior to my demanding anything similar from them. Why? I have no reason to hide anything and I refuse to live in fear. Also, I am not stupid, I am aware of the worst case scenario and am willing to accept the odd chance that there might come a day when my radar was bypassed. Even then, I am comfortable in my personal safety and, the ability and resources I have, to deal with any stupid wackjob that thinks they are going to fuck with my happy home.

I have yet to have any reason to regret any of it and have made some fantastic friends. I've also talked to one or two very promising young ladies I hope to spend some time ........getting to know, much much better. I also feel that my honesty, and open approach, helps them in opening up to me.

Quite honestly anyone that pays any attention to my blather on the message boards could track me down if they wanted. I am not worried at all. There have even been one or two chance meetings of other members from the other side.....both local submissive young males that were all embarassed and fidgety. Took me awhile to figure out what their problem was, then I had the ahhhhhhaaaaaa moment. Just from see the "who's viewing you" stuff and having a good memory for faces. I would never say anything to them, no reason to. I do not hide who I am nor do I advertise it. If anyone, in my real face to face life, asks me specific questions they will get honest answers. Otherwise it is a non issue.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to DavidSedgrave)

Post #: 50

RE: Being Cautious!!! - 1/9/2008 5:41:47 PM

signusnova

Posts: 21
Joined: 12/27/2007
Status: offline

I would make sure exactly who is in the other side of the computer. Never give your credit card info, ssn, bank stuff, and do not send money. People who want to be kinky need no money from you. Why will you give money to someone else you dont know? Send pictures but cover your face. Use a mask or just use body picture only.
Regards,
Signus

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 51

RE: Being Cautious!!! - 1/9/2008 11:58:45 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

There was a woman here about 3 months ago who was in danger of loosing her right to adopt her foster daughter and had cps take them away from her cause it was found out she was kinky, she came to the boards asking what she should do, the thread was yanked cause it was about kids, but it was here. and now people can lie yes I know but I've spoken to non professionals who HAVE had their lives messed up by it being known they were kinky. I don't know why it's so improbable to concieve.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

This will be my last post on this thread. But please consider this.

If being out is so dangerous for a private citizen, there must be news stories of people who lost their job, kids, etc., as a result of this. I don't mean owners of web sites here, or folks who were cheating on their spouses. The facts, however, indicate a different trend. Please post a link to a news story that appeared in the last ten years of private non-pro individuals engaging in non-public kink who lost their family or career as a result of being BDSM-outed.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 52

RE: Being Cautious!!! - 1/10/2008 12:08:59 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Ok, lets say these dr's and these school teachers and these people with morality clauses for their job come out, and they DO loose their job are you going to house cloth and feed them and pay their legal bills while they fight?

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

And the sad truth is it never will be as long as people like you, people who actually are in the lifestyle, think like you think. Instead of saying "Stay in! Hide what you are in case the "public" finds out and does...um...something!" why not say, "Come out and I will stand with you!"?

Taggard

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

Post #: 53

RE: Being Cautious!!! - 1/10/2008 12:23:59 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

I would recomend that if someone isn't requireing you do the caps slash thing that you don't a lot of people around here hate it, and I personally feel it's not nessisary unless someone you're submitting to demands it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lioubas

S/someone who is not interested in gaining the trust of me as a potential sub...

~lio"

i hope that i reacted the correct way, and would appreciate any discussion/comments. thank Y/you

(in reply to lioubas)

Post #: 54

RE: Being Cautious!!! - 1/10/2008 12:26:18 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Also a "good dom" does not push him self on submissives who've said no, as the one you mention had.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lioubas

i just had one Dom message me, after i expressed, i would prefer to get to know Him via the collarme.com site:
" well a good dom is supposed to help you figure things out, whats your yahoo"

(in reply to lioubas)

Post #: 55

RE: Being Cautious!!! - 1/10/2008 9:31:45 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

Ok, lets say these dr's and these school teachers and these people with morality clauses for their job come out, and they DO loose their job are you going to house cloth and feed them and pay their legal bills while they fight?

Again, I am not suggesting anyone come out. What I am saying is the we should stop encouraging people to stay in.

And yes, I would certainly put up someone I knew who was made homeless by their coming out.

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 56

RE: Being Cautious!!! - 1/10/2008 10:46:48 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

Again, I am not suggesting anyone come out. What I am saying is the we should stop encouraging people to stay in.

And yes, I would certainly put up someone I knew who was made homeless by their coming out.

Taggard

If I didn't have ums, I wouldn't care who knew. My vindictive ex is afraid of me (in the sense that if I wanted to make his life hell I could), but yet I'm not sure he is quite afraid enough to not screw with me over the ums.

Now Mister A... (I hear the Matrix dude every time I type that), you need proof of homelessness to take ya up on that offer?

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

Post #: 57

RE: Being Cautious!!! - 1/10/2008 11:29:44 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

you need proof of homelessness to take ya up on that offer?

You wouldn't be the first stray to show up on my doorstep...the more the merrier!

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 58

RE: Being Cautious!!! - 1/11/2008 12:31:25 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Well, I think we each have to make up our own minds about how out we want to be, and each person has the information at their own disposal of their specific circumstances. With that in mind.... do what makes you comfortable... if you don't, you will be too stressed to allow your true self to show through, and how would a sub get to know you then? I have several friends in high level media positions or who are professional entertainers who absolutely don't want anyone to know about any of their personal lives (children out of wedlock, gay relationships, kink, etc.).... That's their way... that's cool. I myself live where I was nearly deported and jailed for bringing a butt plug into the country. While I'm not ashamed, I also don't broadcast my proclivities...for obvious reasons. So, absolutely do what works for you. I support you 100%!

As for the people who call you names, well sticks and stones my friend, sticks and stones.... Name callers are just jerks - who cares? I always consider it a blessing that they let me know they are assholes right off the bat. Thanks for the information!

I did try to perv you, and no profile came up so this lil subbie was disappointed. But you can make it up to me by sending $1,000,000 in unmarked bills to my personal bank account along with nude photos and your passport number. *smiles naughtily.

peace.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 59

RE: Being Cautious!!! - 1/11/2008 1:58:29 AM

heartcream

Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline

It seems wise to me, for folks to do what they feel comfortable with. If folks dont want to out themselves, that is cool, and if folks want to -g'head. There is nothing shameful about feeling afraid of something. There are real reasons when fear crops up and it is far healthier in my opinion, to not over-ride the fear in the name of not 'letting fear run your life' or some line of thought like that. I can totally dig someone wanting their complete privacy which has nothing to do with being afraid of being outted. It may be a preference thing. Why would I want to encourage someone to do something they dont want to do?

< Message edited by heartcream -- 1/11/2008 2:08:41 AM >

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 60

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