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RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 3:36:01 AM

sillisub

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hi there

< Message edited by sillisub -- 9/1/2005 7:34:44 PM >

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RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 4:49:11 AM

lonewolf05

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(not directed to any one poster here)

the 1 part in all this that gets me wondering is this phrase i see about.."courting".

"I" have never known or met ANY female interested in "courting" ME> it all seems------- pretty cold hard facts this is how i want it as a domme deal with it or go away it is all business------------kind of dommes.

i didn't know it existed until i seen these posts re: "the courting" that is posted in several places.
so my Q stills remains-------

how many dommes do this courting thing coz "I" have never experienced it.

wolf

< Message edited by lonewolf05 -- 9/1/2005 4:50:17 AM >

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RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 5:15:31 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pollux

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Yup! I have. What are the signs/traits of a good Dom/me? . I got great responses too.

*laughs*

"But enough about subs, let's talk about Dommes."

You asked

quote:

And I'm curious about something else, too. Has a Mistress here ever posted a question in the "Ask A Submissive" forum about what motivates a male sub? About why he identifies himself that way? About what he's searching for? About the qualities he's looking for in a partner?

And to that I answered that this was my attempt. I was looking to see what were the perceptions of submissives, male and female since I'm interested in both.

I'm not sure exactly why you are laughing? Is this not enough? You know, bridging the gap isn't going to happen through mocking giggles. But take a look here and tell me if actions such as this onemight just be a little more productive.

- LA

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RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 5:39:24 AM

sillisub

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hi there

< Message edited by sillisub -- 9/1/2005 7:35:01 PM >

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RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 5:42:21 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lonewolf05

(not directed to any one poster here)

the 1 part in all this that gets me wondering is this phrase i see about.."courting".

"I" have never known or met ANY female interested in "courting" ME> it all seems------- pretty cold hard facts this is how i want it as a domme deal with it or go away it is all business------------kind of dommes.

i didn't know it existed until i seen these posts re: "the courting" that is posted in several places.
so my Q stills remains-------

how many dommes do this courting thing coz "I" have never experienced it.

I have observed and even been asked to advise dominant women trying to "court" exceptional male submissives. I think the key is that, while there are huge numbers of self-declared submissive men, the kind of submissive man who was attractive to these dominants is fairly rare and so is in demand.

Some of the submissive in question had been in service but the relationship broke up for some reason or were new but had displayed attitudes and behaviors that had attracted the eye of the dominant.

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RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 6:24:31 AM

sillisub

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hi there

< Message edited by sillisub -- 9/1/2005 7:35:20 PM >

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RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 6:30:17 AM

sillisub

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hi there

< Message edited by sillisub -- 9/1/2005 7:35:39 PM >

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RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 7:25:03 AM

pollux

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

I'm not sure exactly why you are laughing? Is this not enough? You know, bridging the gap isn't going to happen through mocking giggles. But take a look here and tell me if actions such as this onemight just be a little more productive.

- LA

LA --

That was a good-natured laugh, not a mocking laugh. I do hope you see that asking about the traits that make a great Domme is a very different question from trying to really understand something about the people Dommes are supposedly trying to connect with.

You're one of the most good-natured and constructive people on the board, and I give you all the credit in the world for even responding to me in the first place, let alone rising to the bait and posting the questions in the other forum.

I guess now we'll see if we CollarMe subs will step up and put our mouth where my money is.

*laughs* (good-naturedly)

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RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 8:07:30 AM

JohnWarren

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sillisub

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

I have observed and even been asked to advise dominant women trying to "court" exceptional male submissives.

Would you share with us the top 10 qualities you would advise them to look for?

I don't advise the ladies on the qualities they look for [laugh]. They already have a damned good idea. My role was advising them "how to reel him in." The old "you're a guy; what does he want?"

As for what the ladies looked for:

Most of them clove to the classic "I am not a life support system for a whip." Mainly, it was "I want a man who wants me, not what I can do for him."

Other major factors were:

Neat appearance. They weren't looking for Greek gods but almost unanimously they wanted men they would not be ashamed to be seen with. That mostly was about dress and grooming rather than "looks."

Lively intelligence. Again, not raw intellect, but being able to hold an intelligent conversation. One lady said of a man she had her eye on "I've heard him quote Browning," and it was said with a deep sigh. When email was involved, proper spelling, punctuation and grammar counted for a lot.

Strength. Not a muscle thing, but inner strength. Comment, "I don't want him to drop to his knees in front of me; I want to be able to make him want to drop to his knees in front of me." It seemed that they wanted the kind of quiet Gary Cooper strength. Pure combativeness and defensive behavior seemed to be a major turn off.

The ability to observe. One of the "most wanted submissives" I met had been in a long time relationship with a domme who was killed. The other dommes talked a LOT about him and one thing that came up repeatedly was he seemed to know her needs before she voiced them. He was always there with a glass of tea or a cushion for her chair even before she seemed to be aware of her need.

That's my take on it, but the person you really need to ask is the domme you want to attract.

Wanna give him some hints, ladies?

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RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 9:23:29 AM

sillisub

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hi there

< Message edited by sillisub -- 9/1/2005 7:36:01 PM >

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RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 9:40:13 AM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sillisub

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

Most of them clove to the classic "I am not a life support system for a whip." Mainly, it was "I want a man who wants me, not what I can do for him."

Neat appearance. They weren't looking for Greek gods but almost unanimously they wanted men they would not be ashamed to be seen with. That mostly was about dress and grooming rather than "looks."

Lively intelligence.
When email was involved, proper spelling, punctuation and grammar counted for a lot.

Strength. I want to be able to make him want to drop to his knees in front of me."
Pure combativeness and defensive behavior seemed to be a major turn off.

The ability to observe. he seemed to know her needs before she voiced them.

Wanna give him some hints, ladies?

Well I did not ask you this because I have no clu what the ladies want... Frankly I have no problems attracting the majority of dommes I write to on this site... It was moreso to get it into writing for everyone and my own personal curiosity in peeking into your version of this... I have been in out and around this for 30++ years...

Your profile says you are 40. How could you have been "in our and around this for 30+++ years"

Akasha

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RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 9:48:27 AM

UtahGoddess

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Hello :)

First of all, John Warren knocked it out of the park with his reply. I can recall making each of those observations when my man in service and I began courting. (And yes, you better believe the courting was mutual.)

In addition the biggest piece of advice I could give a single male sub is : be INTERESTING. It is one thing to show interest in a Domme, but likewise you have to be interesting to her. You have personal beliefs, interests, ethics, goals, ambitions etc etc etc. When speaking with her, give her a sense of who you really are.

Back when I was dating I would ask boys a series of questions throughout the evening to see if he would tell me the truth....or if he would tell me what he thought I wanted to hear. The boys that got the most points from me were those that spoke what they truly believed as opposed to trying to parrot my point of view. Here are a few questions I asked with typical responses. (typical meaning : Answers that seem right to the boy giving it, but made them lose points)

1) What would you do if I told you to do something you disagreed with?
A) I would never disagree with you! Or I would always be obedient!
On the outside this seems like the correct answer, but it tells me little about the person I am talking to and is not realistic.

2) Do you have any bad habits I should know about?
A) No Mistress
All of us have quirks and bad habits others find annoying or grating

3) If I were to run into your ex tomorrow in a coffee shop, what would she warn me about?
A) Nothing. My ex and I are great friends.
That may be true, but I am looking to see if he will tell me anything negative about himself.

I could go on and on. What I am trying to impart is the idea that when we (Dom/mes) ask you about yourself, we want real answers. We are making an attempt to get to know you. YOU, not your title. Sometimes boys shoot themselves in the foot by appearing to be too accepting, too selfless and too compliant. (It's hard to hold a conversation if you are the only one with an opinion.)

So when I say be interesting, I mean....be yourself.

Ms Sandi

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RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 9:51:28 AM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UtahGoddess

Hello :)

First of all, John Warren knocked it out of the park with his reply. I can recall making each of those observations when my man in service and I began courting. (And yes, you better believe the courting was mutual.)

In addition the biggest piece of advice I could give a single male sub is : be INTERESTING. It is one thing to show interest in a Domme, but likewise you have to be interesting to her. You have personal beliefs, interests, ethics, goals, ambitions etc etc etc. When speaking with her, give her a sense of who you really are.

Back when I was dating I would ask boys a series of questions throughout the evening to see if he would tell me the truth....or if he would tell me what he thought I wanted to hear. The boys that got the most points from me were those that spoke what they truly believed as opposed to trying to parrot my point of view. Here are a few questions I asked with typical responses. (typical meaning : Answers that seem right to the boy giving it, but made them lose points)

1) What would you do if I told you to do something you disagreed with?
A) I would never disagree with you! Or I would always be obedient!
On the outside this seems like the correct answer, but it tells me little about the person I am talking to and is not realistic.

2) Do you have any bad habits I should know about?
A) No Mistress
All of us have quirks and bad habits others find annoying or grating

3) If I were to run into your ex tomorrow in a coffee shop, what would she warn me about?
A) Nothing. My ex and I are great friends.
That may be true, but I am looking to see if he will tell me anything negative about himself.

I could go on and on. What I am trying to impart is the idea that when we (Dom/mes) ask you about yourself, we want real answers. We are making an attempt to get to know you. YOU, not your title. Sometimes boys shoot themselves in the foot by appearing to be too accepting, too selfless and too compliant. (It's hard to hold a conversation if you are the only one with an opinion.)

So when I say be interesting, I mean....be yourself.

Ms Sandi

Yes, a large problem is that many submissives have unrealistic fantasy expectations. Others will say anything if they think it will get them to the next step, even if it means total dishonesty. That's why there is so much mistrust and suspicion going on. And yes, it's not just here it's an "Internet" thing, but specifically with regard to BDSM, subs seem likely to stretch the truth if they think it will give them more credibility or make them more attractive. The problem is that when the stretched truth is uncovered, it ruins the credibility of the sub in the femdom's eyes. Bad way to start a potential BDSM relationship.

Akasha

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RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 10:22:16 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Last night we had a social for MCF. Of the potential new members, who caught my eye? The charming one who had a smile on his face and looked happy and interested to be there! The one who had lots to add to the conversation, had questions to ask, and didn't just sit there with his eyes downcast.

Would either of those men been appealing in a different situation? Certainly. A good personality shows. The happy one is a sissy maid, and LOVES it. He's thrilled to do what he does, and it shows. Enthusiasm, imagine!

Just a little evidence that they are out there......

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RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 10:39:15 AM

QueenRah

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sillisub

Getting back to defensiveness...

You read earlier about the women who are afraid of giving out their number... I would say properly would be to be "cautious" of who you give it out to...

To me that is a mild form of defensiveness taken a little to far...

sillisub - this is *not* a rant:

Simply because a mindset or experience is not part of one's makeup does not invalidate it, nor hold it up to another's ridicule. For some, the *need* to refrain from supplying personal access until *earned* is based on *personal* experience (i.e. - The behaviour did not arise out of arbitrary nature) and understanding the nature of so many in what is still somewhat a "fringe" lifestyle.

Yes, there are nutters in every walk of life. And so-called "vanillas" don't get my number until I trust them, either. Men are susceptible to harassment and threats, as well; but I feel being small(ish), single and female puts me at greater risk to those who would do me harm, either physically or psychically.

Please respect my position and the position of others on this and kindly move on. Thank you.

QueenRah

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RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 10:45:38 AM

QueenRah

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Thank you, John Warren and UtahGoddess. JW *did* hit so many points directly. And UtahGoddess, please, *do* go on! I want to steal your questionnaire!

Regards,

QueenRah

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RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 10:51:25 AM

sillisub

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hi there

< Message edited by sillisub -- 9/1/2005 7:36:22 PM >

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RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 10:55:09 AM

onceburned

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sillisub

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

Mainly, it was "I want a man who wants me, not what I can do for him."
<snip>
Neat appearance.
<snip>
Lively intelligence.
<snip>
Strength.
<snip>
The ability to observe.
<snip>
Wanna give him some hints, ladies?

Well I did not ask you this because I have no clu what the ladies want...

No, but nonetheless I think John Warren's observations are valuable for all the male subs who read this. And I think it useful if the ladies continue to add to the list.

UtahGoddess recommended that the sub be interesting themselves, not simply to show interest in the domme.

LadyHibiscus pointed out that a bit of enthusiasm will make a sub stand out in a crowd.

I think this is useful advice for all of us.

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RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 10:56:14 AM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sillisub

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: sillisub

Well I did not ask you this because I have no clu what the ladies want... Frankly I have no problems attracting the majority of dommes I write to on this site... It was moreso to get it into writing for everyone and my own personal curiosity in peeking into your version of this... I have been in out and around this for 30++ years...

Your profile says you are 40. How could you have been "in our and around this for 30+++ years"

Akasha

well I am not sure where I said it exactly but in an ealier post I mentioned that this is just an alias for the forum and not the name I use in writing to dommes... I am considerably older than listed here :)

You might have a little more credibility if you at least put the correct age in your profile. And, it's a bit odd you have to use a hidden name to post and a different account to email femdoms. Sounds a lot like the other San Diego poster that pops up every two months -- LifeLongChastity/Oceanslave. Usually starts off with a legitimate question to bait the dommes then tries to stir things up.

Also keep in mind people don't necessarily read every single post, so if you are clarifying what is real and not on other forums not everyone will know. And, I think the potential to be exposed to femdoms who are "looking" is helped a lot by posting and engaging in the forums. It won't do you any good if you the profile you have up for the account you are posting on is not real.

Akasha

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RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 11:05:00 AM

pollux

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UtahGoddess

Back when I was dating I would ask boys a series of questions throughout the evening to see if he would tell me the truth....or if he would tell me what he thought I wanted to hear.

I wonder if there's a way to assess someone's honesty without being quite so sly. What you're describing is deceptive in its own way.

For example,

quote:

2) Do you have any bad habits I should know about?

That's such a good question, for so many reasons.

One of my favorite definitions of love is that it's the capacity to accept the totality of someone else's humanity. I wonder what kind of response you would've gotten from your prospective subs if you'd prefaced your question with that statement?

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