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RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/25/2005 7:05:27 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveR1
Then why are you still on here looking?

If you read my profile, and the profiles of many others, you'll notice that not everyone here is looking to hook up.

The unfortunate thing is that I used to have a pic up and a description of myself. But the profile started with "I'm not looking for a submissive" but I got tons of troll mail anyways. And who's going to consider someone who can't even respect the first thing I say, right?

So it's all come down. Now I have the minimum information. I'm here to exchange with people on these boards. Unfortunate though... but it seems there is a great misconception that everyone here is looking to hook up.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to SlaveR1)

Post #: 21

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/25/2005 7:14:44 AM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: denimknight

As it has already been discussed countless times collar me is NOT a legitimate means of finding a partner.

Those who have found partners here might disagree with you on this point.

quote:

The simple fact is that one of the reasons why the "no show" is so common and collar me is such a poor method of finding a partner is that if indeed the Master, Mistress, or slave in question was serious enough about this Lifestyle to show up for a meeting and close enough to you that such a meeting was feasible, then they would also be serious enough and close enough that Y/you would have already run into them at a MUNCH, event, or club and thus meeting them on collar me would not be necessary.

This ignores the fact that not everyone involved in "this lifestyle" go to munches or meetings. In fact, most don't. Many people find the petty posturing and political nonsense that goes on in such groups to be incredibly off-putting.

But then again, what do I know. I've only been involved in "this lifestyle" as long as you've been alive

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to denimknight)

Post #: 22

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/25/2005 7:41:20 AM

SlaveR1

Posts: 26
Joined: 7/20/2005
Status: offline

Well Put

(in reply to anthrosub)

Post #: 23

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/25/2005 7:47:46 AM

SlaveR1

Posts: 26
Joined: 7/20/2005
Status: offline

I never said everyone is looking. I have seen profiles that say I'm just here to chat, etc. If your not looking this discussion really does not pertain to you. The question is , how many people are really looking?

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 24

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/25/2005 8:08:12 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveR1
I never said everyone is looking. I have seen profiles that say I'm just here to chat, etc. If your not looking this discussion really does not pertain to you.

Actually, the discussion does pertain to me, simply because I say it does ;-) but more practically because in order to figure out how many are looking, you have to figure out how many aren't looking. It might be in your best research interests to not be so dismissive to people chiming in. Just a thought.

quote:

The question is , how many people are really looking?

Who knows. If collarme.com had a *looking to hook up, *not looking to hook up check box, it would be relatively easy to put a quantitative query from the database and let you know that on such a day at such a time, there were X heterosexual Dommes looking for subs and X gay male subs looking for Doms, etc. But since we do not have this feature installed, you'd have to start your own qualitative analysis of looking through profiles and coding. Good luck with that :-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to SlaveR1)

Post #: 25

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/25/2005 9:03:08 AM

KCMOLucky

Posts: 121
Joined: 4/10/2005
From: Kansas City, Missouri
Status: offline

Based on your reply to LadyAngelika, it might be your attitude and demeanor that are the problem, and not a Domme's 'availability'.

_____________________________

I don't have PMS, I just disagree with you.

(in reply to SlaveR1)

Post #: 26

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/25/2005 9:27:15 AM

SlaveR1

Posts: 26
Joined: 7/20/2005
Status: offline

I'm going to be nice and let that comment go.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 27

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/25/2005 9:51:23 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveR1

I'm going to be nice and let that comment go.

Good boy ;-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to SlaveR1)

Post #: 28

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/25/2005 12:06:58 PM

LeatherRose

Posts: 62
Joined: 6/28/2005
Status: offline

I agree. After reading his profile I'd say SlaveR1 is feeling the backlash from his arrogance.

LeatherRose

(in reply to KCMOLucky)

Post #: 29

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/25/2005 2:34:46 PM

yorkie

Posts: 3
Joined: 7/29/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

In answer to the original question, i am looking. Finding it very difficult though, i have tried spending ages writing a message but for it to be unanswered, i do not write to people who i feel i do not fit their requirements and i realise that they receive a lot of mail but it would be nice to know that they have at least read it, i accept if i am not suitable, just nice to know thats all, therefore i tend to keep my messages short, but not one liners.
I even sent an email to a former Mistress of mine asking if she would forward a reference to a possible Mistress, this was on sunday, i sent her a text on her mobile to alert her to the email, i spoke to her on wednesday and she said "oh i haven't read it yet", so by now the other Mistress probably thinks i am not genuine as she has not received the reference that we had spoke of
Also frustrating is that there are many Mistresses that will not even entertain me without me sending a tribute, if i sent tribute to every Mistress that has asked me on here i would need a 2nd mortgage.
Back to the original question, i'm looking

paul

(in reply to LeatherRose)

Post #: 30

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/25/2005 2:53:54 PM

BostonGuy

Posts: 21
Joined: 4/6/2004
Status: offline

There is real difficulty in meeting a woman as a result of the profiles here who is interested in establishing a loving, long-term relationship in which BDSM and D/s are integral, but limited in scope, and to whom I will be attracted both emotionally and physically. Perhaps, despite my experience and very real interest in sharing this with someone I adore, I am too "conventional" for collarme.com -- despite some very intense and edgy CBT experiences.

There are many women here for whom there is no chance of a match with me. These include women who are not near my age, are already married (or have a sub, slave, or dom), those who are bisexual (as the idea of a mutually monogamous relationship is unrealistic in this context), women who are “poly”, Wiccan (simply not a belief system or lifestyle that I adhere to), into “female supremacy” (I believe in sexual equality), those who are male-to-female transgenders, those who desire a non-sexual service submissive rather than a man with whom to share love and the incredible pleasure of sexual discovery over the course of a lifetime, those seeking a “scene” rather than a relationship, professional dominatrices who are advertising for clients (please note that I have absolutely nothing against professional domination whatsoever, have dated caring and bright women who are prodommes, but there is a world of difference between seeking clients and seeking a LTR), women seeking financial domination, those who are posers, etc.

So, do I simply give up on this site and continue to go to munches, parties, meet women through scene friends, etc. and decide that this is not a reasonable additional means of meeting women? It’s clear that people with a variety of interests, lifestyles, and backgrounds are well represented here. However, those with whom I am likely to be compatible are clearly a very small fraction of the women and the laborious process to find one of these women among the many here may simply not be worth it.

Thoughts?

(in reply to yorkie)

Post #: 31

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/25/2005 3:41:29 PM

anthrosub

Posts: 843
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline

The best I can say is there really isn't some "online formula" you can work with to meet people through the Internet. The profiles can be viewed more as leads than anything else since even when they are completely filled out, you still have to meet the person face to face to find out if you're compatible. I bet this is the same for the vanilla sites as well. Let's face it, we are all quite unique. The problem with profiles is they're a template of information. I think this tends to frame people as fitting into categories when the reality is quite the opposite.

Some details are very obvious (such as your mention of practicing Wicca) but when it comes to personalities and day to day habits people have, how are they going to come through in a profile or even a string of email exchanges for that matter? In my experience, the actually stage of getting to know someone really doesn't start until I'm speaking to them on the phone or meeting for lunch or something.

anthrosub

_____________________________

"It is easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled." - Mark Twain

"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde

(in reply to BostonGuy)

Post #: 32

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/25/2005 6:43:35 PM

MsPurrmeow

Posts: 261
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline

I hear about the jammed mailboxes, too, and I don't see it. I get a few here and there. Usually one or two per day. I ignore ones that obviously have not read the profile, and ones that are telling me that I know nothing about this lifestyle. I do reply and strike up conversations with those that interest me. I also write first-emails to those submissives and slaves whose profile amuse me or intrigue me. Rarely have those turned out to be anything more than just a few correspondence exchanges. I still read them, though. I've met some good people here, and most of them from the Forums.

That aside, I really am looking for someone, and really, I'm looking forward to doing it the right way. That means the "forever' thingy. Building a relationship slowly from acquaintances to friends, to companions and playmates, and moving forward from there. Yes, I am serious, but that doesn't mean that I want someone on my doorstep tomorrow morning. Just because I move slow does not mean that I'm not real. I am not desperate. I have desires, and I have needs, but if a person NEEDS to move that fast to scratch an itch, I'd be concerned. For me, a collar is about forever, and I have no desire to end another relationship again.

As for my general take on the ratios here, I'd say
30% cyber only or just looking for stroke material,
20% curious,
20% very real and not looking, but still wanting to share with the community,
20% looking for the real thing in an intelligent manner
10% looking desperately and repeatedly

I doubt that's accurate, but it's a vague overview at this point. I'd also add that probably less than 10% participate on the Forums, but that statistic is probably out there somewhere if someone wanted to find it.

Purr

(in reply to SlaveR1)

Post #: 33

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/25/2005 6:57:00 PM

denimknight

Posts: 38
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

Several good points that dispute the proposals I made have been posted. However, I base my conclusions about the effectiveness (or lack there of) of Collar me as a method of meeting people and forming a legit relationship upon the countless stories (many of which end up on this very forum) of people setting up meetings only to be stood up.
That's the data I have to go off of, and thus that's the data I used. I am aware that some have had success meeting long term partners via collar me. These success stories just seem to be few and far between. Nevertheless I won't deny that the reason there seem to be so many more negative encounters than positive is because those who are disappointed are more prone to vent on the boards.

quote:

But then again, what do I know. I've only been involved in "this lifestyle" as long as you've been alive
~stef

One of the difficulties of this means of communication is that there is no way to tell when someone is saying something in good natured jest, or snide sarcasm.
In this case I will assume that this was said in good natured jest, though I will admit it's a bit hard to tell.
Respectfully Submitted
dk

(in reply to stef)

Post #: 34

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/25/2005 7:53:05 PM

dominmd

Posts: 474
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

I am here, yahoo personals, real life, etc. I am everywhere. I have met exactly 1 person here, and 1 person through a vanilla site. When you are not looking is when you find someone OR they find you.

For the most part, I believe that many members on the personals side of this site are just out to meet someone kinky or not. Others are out there to do the "Make a Buck Mistress" thing (notice theose type hardly ever post here). While others like the posters in these forums are either available and seeking, are in a relationship, or are new seeking and learning. And yet, others are lurkers that read everything, but feel no need to post.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 35

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/25/2005 8:00:29 PM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: denimknight

One of the difficulties of this means of communication is that there is no way to tell when someone is saying something in good natured jest, or snide sarcasm.
In this case I will assume that this was said in good natured jest, though I will admit it's a bit hard to tell.

It was meant in jest, but that doesn't negate the truth behind the statement.

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to denimknight)

Post #: 36

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/25/2005 8:21:34 PM

LuvSponge

Posts: 109
Joined: 4/11/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: One of the specific problems for Dommes seeking a male submissive by getting out in the local scene is that single, male submissives who are looking for a lifestyle relationship are very rare commodities at local scene events. In practice, they just don't get "out" there in any great quantity. From talking to males online, many seem to be willing to go to events WITH a Domme once they find one online, but not go by themselves with the hopes of meeting people and eventually a Domme.

Geeeeez...I thought I was a rare breed in that aspect.

I'm the same on that subject in that, I won't go solo because I always feared the women would percieve me as a lurker. I'd love to find "The One", but I'm not going to attend these things solo...it would just feel too awkward and uncomfortable.

_____________________________

No matter if you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right.

(Unless of course she tells you otherwise).

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

Post #: 37

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/25/2005 9:13:23 PM

StarAndRock

Posts: 13
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline

The mailbox certainly isn't full (something with the profile?) but I have struck up a couple good conversations during the couple weeks I've been on here. Unfortunately, it seems that whenever some good conversation starts to get going the person I've been talking to suddenly deletes her account. I can only guess at the various possible reasons.

(in reply to LuvSponge)

Post #: 38

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/26/2005 4:50:34 AM

Oumae

Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline

Well its about being in the right place at the right time often so I'd keep all options open. Keep profiles online and go to real life functions, the more people met the more chance of finding someone special that you click with.
One thing I'd say to people is don't look too hard... if it becomes your total focus it can make you come across as too intense, relaxing can show the real you.

Oumae

_____________________________

Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

(in reply to BostonGuy)

Post #: 39

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/26/2005 8:50:08 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

As for my general take on the ratios here, I'd say
30% cyber only or just looking for stroke material,
20% curious,
20% very real and not looking, but still wanting to share with the community,
20% looking for the real thing in an intelligent manner
10% looking desperately and repeatedly

I doubt that's accurate, but it's a vague overview at this point. I'd also add that probably less than 10% participate on the Forums, but that statistic is probably out there somewhere if someone wanted to find it.

I have to say I'm completely baffled as how you can come up with such a SWAG ;-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to MsPurrmeow)

Post #: 40

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