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All play and no substance - 1/7/2008 2:53:22 AM

dogobedience

Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline

How many of you here need more than just casual sometime, parttime play?

Nobody is right or wrong with their level of need and desires about the lifestyle. I just need it all the time and so does my kali. To go to a party or do something sometimes, makes us feel hollow. All play and no substance.

How many of you NEVER stop thinking about the lifestyle! You need it always, be you top or bottom. It can be a fantasy or you really live it out with your partner(s). But the need never stops. It is a part of you.

Yes, perhaps I am extreem. I am also very happy!!

Are you getting all you need from the BDSM world?

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

Post #: 1

RE: All play and no substance - 1/7/2008 3:00:51 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Not only do I need more than causal, part-time play, I need more than play. I need relationships in order to be fulfilled in this lifestyle. It's about much more than play for me.

Master Fire

< Message edited by MasterFireMaam -- 1/7/2008 3:01:25 AM >

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 2

RE: All play and no substance - 1/7/2008 3:35:52 AM

Iwillconsumeu

Posts: 2
Joined: 9/13/2007
Status: offline

I think everything has it's place. Casual play to remind you of what you do have. I personaly prefer to be in a loving relationship with my bottom and play casualy together. At play parties pepole see what is going on at home other than the fun I get to have with the toys I don't have(hehe). I personaly am allways thinking those wonderful perverted thoughts. Right now I wait for the next guy or gal I may love and play casualy to fill the void. I get a laugh when I think about all my fantacies that have become reality wile most people are busy saying no to what is required to live out theirs.

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 3

RE: All play and no substance - 1/7/2008 4:51:00 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience

How many of you here need more than just casual sometime, parttime play?

Count me amongst those for whom casual play isn't very appealing. Casual play feels "inauthentic" to me because I don't feel a legitimate power exchange.

My thing is the control inherent to a loving power exchange relationships. And while I enjoy play within the context of those relationships, it becomes an extension of the control inherent to the relationship that makes it enjoyable for me.

quote:

How many of you NEVER stop thinking about the lifestyle!

I have too many interests and pursuits to be thinking about BDSM all the time. Frankly, I wouldn't want to do so even if I could. No portion of my life is so completely fulfilling on its own that I would care to be completely consumed by it.

quote:

Are you getting all you need from the BDSM world?

It's a two way street. I get what I give. Generally speaking, I'm quite pleased with what I give and get.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 4

RE: All play and no substance - 1/7/2008 5:02:20 AM

wisteriaV

Posts: 438
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline

Play or the BDSM aspects are the cake and icecream of the lifechoice for Master and I. We thrive on the relationship aspect of it first and foremost. Without the music, the dance is rather silent and meaningless.

_____________________________

Every story has two sides , much like a coin and neither one is totally perfect.
If it doesn't float your boat, then don't get in the water~!

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 5

RE: All play and no substance - 1/7/2008 5:32:20 AM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

I think about it al the time. Living it is a different story, I'm still learning. Its a slow hard slog.

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 6

RE: All play and no substance - 1/7/2008 5:55:33 AM

verysweet

Posts: 128
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience

How many of you here need more than just casual sometime, parttime play?

Part-time and casual, imho, are two entirely different things.

I consider any aspect of BDSM/D-s/M-s to be an extension of my sexuality. Vanilla sex--or kinky sex for that matter--works better for me when I'm in 'relationship' mode-- 'Casual' just doesn't cut the mustard.. I may only partake 2 or 3 times a month, but there is nothing casual about it.

_____________________________

Poetry in devotion.

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 7

RE: All play and no substance - 1/7/2008 6:03:05 AM

InfiniteAnorak

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

I'm not sure I could ever hack casual play, myself. However deeply my feelings may run, they're still primarily associated with my most private of lives, and I'd be requiring a certain extent of connection with someone before I could knock psyches as well as boots with them, in a BDSM context. In my head, that's still the exclusive preserve of a committed, dedicated long-term relationship, but I've got to be prepared for the possibility that that might change; so much already has, in the past few years, thanks to the kink-o-sphere.

I kinda do think about this 'stuff' all the time, but also not. I'm one of them overwrought dingbats who sees the anatomy (rather than the tools and activities) of BDSM dynamics everywhere he goes; D/s is just so fluid and fuzzy that it's an interplay that, in essenece, seems to crop in myriad places. In some ways, it's as fundamental to relationships as the idea of male/female, and is as convincing a treatise of them as anything to be found in, say, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Compulsive responsibility? The power of acceptance? I'd love to see John Gray hooking up with Kinsey, fuck yeah.

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)

Post #: 8

RE: All play and no substance - 1/7/2008 6:25:59 AM

SlavesSoul

Posts: 22
Joined: 8/20/2006
Status: offline

For me play and D/s are two seperate things. I am a maso, I am also a sadist. I can enjoy pain play puerly from the place of giving or receiving pain. So I can absolutely enjoy casual play

Casual SM play, for me, happens with close friends ( or those well known and recomended by a close friend) and doesn't involve sex...just pain.

Play is at a deeper physical / emotional level and better within a relationship.Now D/s, the relationship? Thats the best place for me, thats when it all comes together.

However, I do have a lot of interests and I don't sit around thinking about play or finding someone to serve constantly...it certainly doesn't consume me.It's a part of me, but doesn't define me.

k

(in reply to InfiniteAnorak)

Post #: 9

RE: All play and no substance - 1/7/2008 9:52:26 AM

dogobedience

Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline

BDSM play has many forms. Do you do it often enough?

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

(in reply to SlavesSoul)

Post #: 10

RE: All play and no substance - 1/7/2008 10:13:53 AM

takenbyjohnr07

Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

i could never "just play" that's why it has taken me so long for real time, but it was worh the wait. i am in a loving relationship and living the life i've always dreamed of.

_____________________________

i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 11

RE: All play and no substance - 1/7/2008 10:28:24 AM

Gwynvyd

Posts: 4949
Status: offline

Personaly I am one who can not do "casual play" My heart, mind, and emotions have to be involved with the person. I grow a bond with my submissives, and I do not take what we share, or what they give to me lightly. Once a sub is mine they tend to stay with me. One I have had for 10 years, one for almost 8 yrs, and the other for 6 yrs. It is a very serious thing to take on a submissive to me.

As for how often? Not nearly enough. I have my day to day exchange with my girl.. and it is lovely. But the other 2 I do not see nearly often enough. So I am lacking on the actual BDSM playing.

Being as picky as I am about who I form bonds with it has been difficult to find a sub to have in my home along side my girl.

But I will not settle for just ok.

Gwyn

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)

Post #: 12

RE: All play and no substance - 1/7/2008 10:32:34 AM

ophelialocke

Posts: 127
Joined: 9/2/2007
Status: offline

Have the totally opposite experience.

Master and I work work work and rarely have time for fun together.

Guess that is the life of small business owners *sigh*.

All play and no substance? A pipe dream, darlings. :-)

(in reply to Gwynvyd)

Post #: 13

RE: All play and no substance - 1/7/2008 10:43:22 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience

How many of you here need more than just casual sometime, parttime play?

Uhuh.

quote:

How many of you NEVER stop thinking about the lifestyle! You need it always, be you top or bottom. It can be a fantasy or you really live it out with your partner(s). But the need never stops. It is a part of you.

I do not. My mind is fixed on Darcy. I don't belong to some lifestyle, I belong to him.

quote:

Are you getting all you need from the BDSM world?

No. I get all I need and want from Darcy. He is my world and it is he whom decides, and I surrender. Pretty much rocks.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 14

RE: All play and no substance - 1/7/2008 10:59:11 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I have always had bdsm in my long term relationships. But I do not regard it as a need, it is more of a personality trait that blossoms with some people. I don't live this as a "lifestyle", it is simply life. There are no collars, no need for outward symbols of dominance or submission, no desire to have someone control my waking hours, for me it is the fabric of who I am, not the design.
I don't feel hollow without ds. I feel the same as I always do, me, a whole person.
I am happier in a ds relationship, but I probably would be in A relationship regardless.
Oh, and play for me is not casual.
Kyst

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 1/7/2008 11:00:29 AM >

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 15

RE: All play and no substance - 1/7/2008 11:27:07 AM

justnewsub

Posts: 127
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline

personally i want the relationship first, because then play time would feel that much more fullfilling.

however i cannot knock casual play time too, to scratch an itch every so often.

right now i would say i am not getting everything i wanted re: BDSM D/s. However it is not something i think of 24/7. But in the right relationship i would be more then willing to live it 24/7 :)

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 16

RE: All play and no substance - 1/7/2008 12:48:30 PM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gwynvyd

Personaly I am one who can not do "casual play" My heart, mind, and emotions have to be involved with the person. I grow a bond with my submissives, and I do not take what we share, or what they give to me lightly. Once a sub is mine they tend to stay with me. One I have had for 10 years, one for almost 8 yrs, and the other for 6 yrs. It is a very serious thing to take on a submissive to me.

As for how often? Not nearly enough. I have my day to day exchange with my girl.. and it is lovely. But the other 2 I do not see nearly often enough. So I am lacking on the actual BDSM playing.

Being as picky as I am about who I form bonds with it has been difficult to find a sub to have in my home along side my girl.

But I will not settle for just ok.

Gwyn

I echo this and many others who wrote that I actually cannot do casual play but the kink/BDSM activities are totally tied into my feelings of love and devotion for my Master.

In terms of how often I think about them or want them in my life. I cannot say I think about them constantly or even a lot. I do know I have never complained that any one I have been with did too much though. In the end though I need significant “play” to nourish my level of power exchange.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to Gwynvyd)

Post #: 17

RE: All play and no substance - 1/7/2008 12:59:44 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

I think about it non-stop. It is always on my mind. I can't live without it. It is all consuming and the only thing that makes my life worth living.

I would enjoy having a serious relationship, but at this point I would probably take anything with a pulse.

It just seems my love of science fiction, Star Trek, and fantisizing about living in some non-existant world filled with fairies, dungeons and dragons makes attracting a sane and intelligent woman virtually impossible.

_____________________________

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 18

RE: All play and no substance - 1/7/2008 1:04:11 PM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

The older I get (~sigh~), the less interest I have in any of my relationships--vanilla or not, male or female, friend or lover--to be casual. I have learned to put my focus, time and attention toward those who profoundly feed me and for whom I provide some sort of nourishment, and leave the other interactions aside.

_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 19

RE: All play and no substance - 1/7/2008 1:12:37 PM

Shawn1066

Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

Do I think about the lifestyle all the time? Yes. This doesn't mean I think about specific actions all the time...such as play. No, wondering what my Owner's apartment needs, or what I should get around to touching up, or perhaps how I can put a smile on her face or brighten her day...that's also me thinking about the lifestyle. In my personal opinion, there is much more to the lifestyle than playing...far more.

I can't play casually. I'm not wired for it at all. I can't even begin to consider it, honestly

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 20

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