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defiant streaks..... please help - 1/7/2008 1:10:37 PM

Daddyscologirl

Posts: 14
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline

If Your slave had a defiant streak and could seem to get rid of it fully what would You do? And for those slaves/subs out there that used to have defiant streaks how did you tame it and get rid of it without loosing yourself? Please help me i've confused and not sure what to do.

thanks,

slave half of Daddyscologirl

Post #: 1

RE: defiant streaks..... please help - 1/7/2008 1:19:12 PM

NakedGirlScout

Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline

I'd have to say I'm one of the extremes of defiant sub. This was originally due to a horrible upbringing which taught me that people in authority were very wicked, dangerous, and must not be listened to.

Having met my master a couple of years ago, I very badly needed and wanted to be obedient, but that old fear and old script in my mind completely prevented me. It has taken a great deal of patience on his part, a great deal of discussion and introspection on both our parts. Punishments never helped with this, because it reinforced my fear and loathing of authoritarian figures. I'm not saying this is common, but this was my own experience.

As my master kept gently but firmly insisting that I must obey him, my defiant streak just kept fading. It came to the point that I trusted him completely, and it stopped feeding my needs to defy him. This took a very long time, a year and a half for me. I think that my master did almost all of the work required to get me to this point, because I wasn't able to get past that old conditioning in my mind on my own even after I intellectually understood why I was stuck.

I went through very painful moments where I seriously questioned whether I was even submissive. It turned out that I was very submissive, and the defiance was an old pattern from my past that took time to carefully work through. Only when my feelings of authority changed from something very negative, to something very positive, was I able to change my actual behaviors.

I wish you all the best, and I'm sure other people will have very different points of view with this.

(in reply to Daddyscologirl)

Post #: 2

RE: defiant streaks..... please help - 1/7/2008 1:41:17 PM

Daddyscologirl

Posts: 14
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline

what kind of things did your Master do to help you?

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)

Post #: 3

RE: defiant streaks..... please help - 1/7/2008 2:18:52 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

How long have you been together?

Because it took me months to begin to trust him. Months in which I saw him at his best and worst and came to realize he was the man he presented himself to be.

See, anybody can claim to be patient and caring, but it takes time to see if their deeds match their words. If he isn't willing to take the time to prove himself, just by being himself, then he probably isn't that person.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Daddyscologirl)

Post #: 4

RE: defiant streaks..... please help - 1/7/2008 2:29:59 PM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Because it took me months to begin to trust him. Months in which I saw him at his best and worst and came to realize he was the man he presented himself to be.

See, anybody can claim to be patient and caring, but it takes time to see if their deeds match their words. If he isn't willing to take the time to prove himself, just by being himself, then he probably isn't that person.

I had to bold what she said because i think there is some gold in that information...The other thing i did (as this has occured for me recently) is i talked to Him about it...Numerous times....Until finally i just decided to suck it up and do it...

_____________________________

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~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 5

RE: defiant streaks..... please help - 1/7/2008 4:33:59 PM

kinkypuppy2

Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline

I don't want to get rid of it, it makes life more interesting with it.

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(in reply to Daddyscologirl)

Post #: 6

RE: defiant streaks..... please help - 1/7/2008 4:42:32 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I'd give it time- I'd observe, talk, find the source, ask if they are aware of the source, and then slowly weed it out.

Give it more time.

Most often the source is insecurity- in this case you're afraid of losing your sense of self, that you must somehow supress who you are in order to be a good sub.

I'd give you a few months to grow comfortable in your new skin, tweaking and tightening the reins over time, slowly, carefully.

If that doesn't work, then either I'm not good enough to really help them and they need someone else possibly in addition to myself, or they really aren't compatible with me at all.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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(in reply to kinkypuppy2)

Post #: 7

RE: defiant streaks..... please help - 1/7/2008 8:29:39 PM

Daddyscologirl

Posts: 14
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline

we've been together for 2 1/2 years and are married

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 8

RE: defiant streaks..... please help - 1/7/2008 8:33:25 PM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

Have you asked him?

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Post #: 9

RE: defiant streaks..... please help - 1/7/2008 10:30:53 PM

robertolapiedra

Posts: 520
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddyscologirl

If Your slave had a defiant streak and could seem to get rid of it fully what would You do? And for those slaves/subs out there that used to have defiant streaks how did you tame it and get rid of it without loosing yourself? Please help me i've confused and not sure what to do.

thanks,

slave half of Daddyscologirl

Hello Daddyscologirl. At your age it is normal to have "defiant" feelings. Dont worry about it.

You put out fire with water. I gather you like to submit? Just concentrate on what makes you feel good on the submissive side of daily life. The defiant fires will put themselves out with time, and confidence.

You are not defiant because you have an authority figure in your life. You are defiant at times because of weak submissive motivation. You simply cannot be defiant and submissive at the same time. I am talking about your heart, not appearances. Again dont worry about it, baby steps and fun are the best remedy. RL.

(in reply to Daddyscologirl)

Post #: 10

RE: defiant streaks..... please help - 1/8/2008 11:53:47 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

I can't answer this because I am still at times defiant.
Let me know if you can fix it...

~Christina

(in reply to robertolapiedra)

Post #: 11

RE: defiant streaks..... please help - 1/8/2008 3:38:41 PM

christine1

Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline

i am defiant at times as well in all of my life dealings, not just with the d/s....not over the top, but enough that it is noticed, sometimes i even get a bit defiant on the message boards here. you asked a great question and i'll be checking in to see input as i could use some info on this as well.

< Message edited by christine1 -- 1/8/2008 3:39:52 PM >

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Post #: 12

RE: defiant streaks..... please help - 1/8/2008 4:36:52 PM

gorgeous1

Posts: 367
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline

Defiance doesn't fly with Capnspankins. If I'm not obedient, we don't play, and that's that. He doesn't take any trash off of me. If I make a mistake, but it wasn't intentionally defiant, he's very forgiving and apologizes to me for not making his expectations clear enough, and he helps me remember with a good caning.

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(in reply to christine1)

Post #: 13

RE: defiant streaks..... please help - 1/8/2008 4:40:44 PM

Coerced2Please

Posts: 47
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline

Doesn't every Dom/me appreciate and want defiance in their submissive at least some of the time? Maybe open defiance is less acceptable among Lifestylers in public around other Lifestylers, but isn't it charming and challenging when a sub's defiant? Is this something to discourage?

(in reply to gorgeous1)

Post #: 14

RE: defiant streaks..... please help - 1/8/2008 4:50:47 PM

Sabella

Posts: 265
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Coerced2Please

Doesn't every Dom/me appreciate and want defiance in their submissive at least some of the time? Maybe open defiance is less acceptable among Lifestylers in public around other Lifestylers, but isn't it charming and challenging when a sub's defiant? Is this something to discourage?

Don't confuse defiance with spunk/fiesty. Or confuse either of them with brattiness for that matter. You could do combinations tho, toss in a dash of passive aggressive spunky defiance! this is what you do when you burn the eggs (he/she hates eggs to begin with) while you're dancing - and then you tell them that you did it on purpose!

I know what you mean tho, sometimes it's fun to just say or do the opposite of what they want to hear/see just to see what happens. This to me is being bratty.

If you're disobey for no good reason, that's being defiant.

If you're irked but pretend nothing is wrong but do something vindictive thats passive aggressive.

Now I'm confused and not sure where the spunky/fiesty part fits in...Hmm..OH! in the middle of a serious session you tickle them or start humming the Loonytunes theme. Yeah that would do it.

_____________________________

“The giant Grof was hit in one eye by a stone,
and that eye turned inward so that it looked into his mind and he died of what he saw there.”
From The Forgotten Beasts of Eld, by Patricia A. McKillip

(in reply to Coerced2Please)

Post #: 15

RE: defiant streaks..... please help - 1/8/2008 5:13:31 PM

NaiveTempest

Posts: 345
Joined: 11/20/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sabella

quote:

ORIGINAL: Coerced2Please

Doesn't every Dom/me appreciate and want defiance in their submissive at least some of the time? Maybe open defiance is less acceptable among Lifestylers in public around other Lifestylers, but isn't it charming and challenging when a sub's defiant? Is this something to discourage?

Don't confuse defiance with spunk/fiesty. Or confuse either of them with brattiness for that matter. You could do combinations tho, toss in a dash of passive aggressive spunky defiance! this is what you do when you burn the eggs (he/she hates eggs to begin with) while you're dancing - and then you tell them that you did it on purpose!

I know what you mean tho, sometimes it's fun to just say or do the opposite of what they want to hear/see just to see what happens. This to me is being bratty.

If you're disobey for no good reason, that's being defiant.

If you're irked but pretend nothing is wrong but do something vindictive thats passive aggressive.

Now I'm confused and not sure where the spunky/fiesty part fits in...Hmm..OH! in the middle of a serious session you tickle them or start humming the Loonytunes theme. Yeah that would do it.

Thanks for the clarification, I was wondering what was wrong with defiance too. But looking at the possible other meanings now I can see how being defiant would be considered different from being bratty, spunky, and/or fiesty. So then my question is - did the OP mean defiant or bratty or something else? What is their definition of what defiance is? Not enough info to go off of.

< Message edited by NaiveTempest -- 1/8/2008 5:16:58 PM >

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(in reply to Sabella)

Post #: 16

RE: defiant streaks..... please help - 1/8/2008 5:17:12 PM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

When I have been defiant it has been for a few reasons. It's a lot harder to see it and reason it out when you're in the middle of it.

First, when I was defiant it was due to insecurity. I was defiant when I felt I would look ridiculous, or I would be somehow diminished in his eyes. I had a negative self-image and didn't want to risk making myself "look" worse.

Second, I was trying to make sure he still accepted me. I equated his continued attention with caring (although this wasn't a conscious thought) and at times tried to wrangle "extra" caring out of him by being defiant.

Third, maybe I wanted to make sure he could really dominate me, or make sure he really wanted to dominate me, or maybe I'm just difficult sometimes. Probably a little of all three.

When you realize you are being defiant, step back and take stock of how you are feeling. Do you need extra attention? Are you feeling scared? Do you need specific assurances? Figure it out and express it to him. It gets easier to recognize with practice.

< Message edited by batshalom -- 1/8/2008 5:18:42 PM >

(in reply to Sabella)

Post #: 17

RE: defiant streaks..... please help - 1/8/2008 5:18:00 PM

Sabella

Posts: 265
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline

I don't know either, OP will have to clarify? Seriously tho I agree with LA (as usual) because in the beginning being defiant for ME was out of insecurity. Once those rocky roads have been traveled it's easier to know the path further down the road.

_____________________________

“The giant Grof was hit in one eye by a stone,
and that eye turned inward so that it looked into his mind and he died of what he saw there.”
From The Forgotten Beasts of Eld, by Patricia A. McKillip

(in reply to NaiveTempest)

Post #: 18

RE: defiant streaks..... please help - 1/8/2008 5:19:29 PM

Sabella

Posts: 265
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom

When I have been defiant it has been for a few reasons. It's a lot harder to see it and reason it out when you're in the middle of it.

First, when I was defiant it was due to insecurity. I was defiant when I felt I would look ridiculous, or I would be somehow diminished in his eyes. I had a negative self-image and didn't want to risk making myself "look" worse.

Second, I was trying to make sure he still accepted me. I equated his continued attention with caring (although this wasn't a conscious thought) and at times tried to wrangle "extra" caring out of him by being defiant.

Third, maybe I wanted to make sure he could really dominate me, or make sure he really wanted to dominate me, or maybe I'm just difficult sometimes. Probably a little of all three.

When you realize you are being defiant, step back and take stock of how you are feeling. Do you need extra attention? Are you feeling scared? Do you need specific assurances? Figure it out and express it to him. It gets easier to recognize with practice.

YES, exactly.

(in reply to batshalom)

Post #: 19

RE: defiant streaks..... please help - 1/8/2008 5:20:55 PM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddyscologirl

If Your slave had a defiant streak and could seem to get rid of it fully what would You do? And for those slaves/subs out there that used to have defiant streaks how did you tame it and get rid of it without loosing yourself? Please help me i've confused and not sure what to do.

thanks,

slave half of Daddyscologirl

I accept my slave as she is today. If she has a defiant streak, I accept that. Such is the nature of ownership.

However, acceptance does not equate to lack of consequence. Defiant streak or no, my slave is subject to my rule and my will at all times. If she errs, correction follows.

_____________________________

(in reply to Daddyscologirl)

Post #: 20

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