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MAJOR QUESTION - 8/24/2005 2:56:46 PM

DameDarkness

Posts: 341
Joined: 10/1/2004
Status: offline

Does anyone know where I can find a good questionaire for submissives to ask new potential Dominants they are interested in? I can not seem to find the copy I had.

Dame Darkness

_____________________________

Into the night sky I fly through distant lands and darkened streets... Up into the clouds to play and dance with the moon.....To the hearts of all and I say to you be true to they own heart.

Post #: 1

RE: MAJOR QUESTION - 8/24/2005 3:10:34 PM

TearCollector

Posts: 108
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

DD

Your question brings a suprised look to my face. Id like to ask a question;

Is it possible to have a standard question form for a submissive that would work? Isnt each sub an individual with differant needs? I can see the potential for some similar questions in each case but it would seem to me that the diversity in us all would lead a sub to identify their own questions. The same could be said for a Dom I think.

I would also be interested to see such a list. If you find one, could you let me know and share it? I apologize if I have missed the intension of the question. I have no answer for you. But your question sparked my interest.

TearCollector

(in reply to DameDarkness)

Post #: 2

RE: MAJOR QUESTION - 8/24/2005 3:35:57 PM

Tempestspet

Posts: 360
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline

I'm not sure either, but you might try somewhere like castlerealm.

Though I imagine, you might just sit down and make your own list of things that are important to you....then tailor that set of questions to each individual.

Hope that helped...

Tempest's pet
jennifer

(in reply to TearCollector)

Post #: 3

RE: MAJOR QUESTION - 8/24/2005 3:49:57 PM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Is it possible to have a standard question form for a submissive that would work? Isnt each sub an individual with differant needs? I can see the potential for some similar questions in each case but it would seem to me that the diversity in us all would lead a sub to identify their own questions. The same could be said for a Dom I think.

I can't actually be of help to the OP, but I will add that a questionaire could be a good starting ground for discussion and maybe point out obvious questions or situations both parties missed.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to DameDarkness)

Post #: 4

RE: MAJOR QUESTION - 8/24/2005 4:55:35 PM

Vearlis

Posts: 3
Joined: 8/24/2005
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I would like to see it as well if anyone can drudge up a copy.

I googled it and found some things of interest but...

http://www.dungeonmagic.com/cgi-bin/dungeonmagic.cgi?p=limits
http://www.epedominion.com/HealthSafty/check_list.htm
http://www.mastertaino.com/finding_a_worthy_master_or_slave.htm
http://pittsburghleather.org/safecall.html

The latter link isn't a questionaire per se, but I would recommend it be tacked onto anything given to a newbie just the same.

(in reply to junecleaver)

Post #: 5

RE: MAJOR QUESTION - 8/24/2005 5:45:24 PM

MstrHellsFury

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

I don't know how any other Dom might feel about this question...as for me..I'd feel if you couldn't think of the things you wanted to know..the things you felt were important to you...if I were being quizzed by Dom test 101...I'd lose interest fast...I look to the uniqueness of you..not something collected and listed as to the whole of what I am.....but hey that's just me...for most it may just be they want to be generalized...

Fury

(in reply to DameDarkness)

Post #: 6

RE: MAJOR QUESTION - 8/24/2005 6:09:16 PM

Vearlis

Posts: 3
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline

Good point MstHellsFury, if I was given a comprehensive quiz I would give it back and say what in this do you really want to know.

The value I do see in a comprehensive list of limits and questions though is that hopefully if a newbie sub reads though them it might open thier eyes just a little.

I don't know, the best route might be to generate a comprehensive "sub guide" and pose those thoughts, questions and list of limits to the sub her/himself. With the idea being that the individual could peruse it and come up with specific questions from it.

I just joined this site today and haven't had too much time to peruse old posts, for all I know what I am thinking has already been discussed. Oh well flame me, I have a tough skin and I will go back to lurking.

(in reply to MstrHellsFury)

Post #: 7

RE: MAJOR QUESTION - 8/24/2005 6:20:47 PM

Niran

Posts: 70
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

Here is one. Not the one I used and adapted, but one.

http://www.wizdomme.com/infopack/negotiate.shtml

This is one thats more similar to the one that I used.
http://www.wizdomme.com/infopack/negotiate.shtml

Not every questionnaire will be totally suitable. Thats why I took three and made my own. While there is the "If you need one, you shouldnt be involved" train of thought, it was helpful in that A) I am new, and B) It helps to prevent the "Omigod, I cant believe I forgot that one" mistake.

N

(in reply to MstrHellsFury)

Post #: 8

RE: MAJOR QUESTION - 8/24/2005 6:23:29 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

I do see the value of such a list as being valuable especially to a newer sub/slave, as it will in all possibility raise points she has not thought of. How it is presented is another matter. If the list is used as a memory jogger, tghen its fine, if its used as an interogation tool welllllllllllllllllllllllll heh heh heh heh she may end up having the tables turned with me in any case and be interrogated herself and completely mind fucked. If however it is used as part of an in depth discussion where both of us were sharing what each of us expected in the potential relationship, and what the limits were etc.. I'd think highly of some one who had taked the time to get it all together on paper, which is exactly what I'd have done too. Remember this is not part of the earlt getting top know you stage but at the level where we are covering the specifics in depth and dotting "I"'s and crossing "T"'s

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Vearlis)

Post #: 9

RE: MAJOR QUESTION - 8/24/2005 8:46:40 PM

Nuke718

Posts: 240
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

DameDarkness,

I don't have a questionarre but I do have an interest/experience checklist sent to me by a DOmme some years ago. It's in Excel Format and while 250 entries long, I am sure it is not totally comprehensive. If interested let me know and we can work out some way for me to get it to you.

Nuke }:-

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 10

RE: MAJOR QUESTION - 8/24/2005 9:15:58 PM

StarAndRock

Posts: 13
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline

Those are some good sites...

I don't use a questionaire but I do have a general idea of what I want to know about someone and I just chat. For the most part I can usually feel what a person is about by the way the conversation goes.

(in reply to Nuke718)

Post #: 11

RE: MAJOR QUESTION - 8/25/2005 8:31:47 AM

OscarHargraves

Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline

I have to agree with Iron Bear here. It's a really good idea if it's used right. I would also feel that it could be a good thing for a Sub to have if she was going to be very nervous at their first meeting. Again, if used properly, it shows that she has been truly thinking about this and it gives her something to refer to so she can cover all the things that she might have questions about.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to StarAndRock)

Post #: 12

RE: MAJOR QUESTION - 8/25/2005 8:46:42 AM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

yuppers, i completely agree wih Iron bear and those who agreed with him. Cos in the hype of meeting some one, you tend to get all flustered as it is (heck i just grinned like a nut)

But then the OP never asked " do you believe questionaires are good or bad things? what are your feelings on them?" LOLOLOL Amazing how we feel the need to pick and probe a question, thrwoing in what WE think is right and OUR opionons with no one asking and i'm sure no one caring. Dont yall think its one thing to be ASKED your thoughts and another to go around spouting them? Do yall usually walk up to ppl and say " really Sir, if my sub kneeled while he was on a leash, i'd kick her to the curb. subs should ONLY be on all fours when on a leash. " Even if he JUST asked if you liked the leash. Do you all really feel the need, to tell some one else you disagree with how and what they do with out being asked?

Doubt it.. cos its rude, totally lacks common curiousity. Funny how ppl thing they can totally disregard manners cos they're online. Dont they know, how they portray themselves online, is all other ppl have to go on about them?

(in reply to OscarHargraves)

Post #: 13

RE: MAJOR QUESTION - 8/25/2005 1:17:01 PM

Tempestspet

Posts: 360
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline

Hey hardxdrive....

Can I just go ahead and give you aproval? I'm actually getting curious as to what your thoughts might be..... nice to have a fresh view around here....

Tempest's brat....I mean, pet
jennifer

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 14

RE: MAJOR QUESTION - 8/25/2005 1:32:11 PM

ModeratorSeven

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The member in question is being moderated because his posts are more often then not completely off topic and more often then not violate the TOS. If you have an issue with this or anything else, please email me on the other side.

Mod7

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An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
Be the change that you want to see in the world.
...wise man that Gandhi

(in reply to Tempestspet)

Post #: 15

RE: MAJOR QUESTION - 8/25/2005 1:40:59 PM

Tempestspet

Posts: 360
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline

oooohhhhhh....woops.

Thank you Mod7. I just didn't know.

Thank you
Tempest's pet
jennifer

(in reply to ModeratorSeven)

Post #: 16

RE: MAJOR QUESTION - 8/26/2005 1:48:19 PM

ThorsHammer

Posts: 49
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

When I was actively searching for a submissive, which I'm not now .... Thank God, I did use a type of questionaire. However, each one was specifically written for each submissive lady. I would send the questions to the submissive only after we had communicated by email and chatting for a period of time.

The questions asked were based upon her profile, emails exchanged, and information I had not received or understood via chatting. Normally at this point, we had agreed to our first meeting.

My purpose in the questions were two fold. First, to attempt to understand her a bit better and her goals as a submissive. Second, at our meeting, it would serve as an "ice breaker" and get the conversation rolling alone in a non-threating way. I would ask her to bring the answered questions to our first meeting. Reading then answers there seemed to work well and begin the conversation. In my experience, this worked for me.

Also, I invited the submissive lady to do exactly the same ..... send a series of questions she would like answered by me.

Just my thoughts ..... it worked for me and was also an enjoyable experience.

Donn

(in reply to Tempestspet)

Post #: 17

RE: MAJOR QUESTION - 8/26/2005 2:04:13 PM

anopheles

Posts: 241
Joined: 6/23/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nuke718

DameDarkness,

I don't have a questionarre but I do have an interest/experience checklist sent to me by a DOmme some years ago. It's in Excel Format and while 250 entries long, I am sure it is not totally comprehensive. If interested let me know and we can work out some way for me to get it to you.

Nuke }:-

I have seen probably the exact specific questionaire that you mentioned. Luvdragon and I filled it out actually and read through it. It is quite terse, and its utility is limited, but what it can help you identify are hotbuttons that are definite things that both people are OK with, and definite NO's which could be problematic down the line. We used it more as a discussion builder than anything else.

_____________________________

You've got me so high, my shoes are scraping the sky -- for my Luvdragon

(in reply to Nuke718)

Post #: 18

RE: MAJOR QUESTION - 8/26/2005 3:45:31 PM

DameDarkness

Posts: 341
Joined: 10/1/2004
Status: offline

THANX EVERYONE FOR THE INSITE YOU ALL HAVE BEEN A GREAT HELP. WITH ALL THE INPUT I CAN HELP THE SUBMISSIVE NOW TAKE AND MAKE THEIR OWN QUESTIONAIRE.

DAME DARKNESS

_____________________________

Into the night sky I fly through distant lands and darkened streets... Up into the clouds to play and dance with the moon.....To the hearts of all and I say to you be true to they own heart.

(in reply to anopheles)

Post #: 19

RE: MAJOR QUESTION - 8/26/2005 6:09:30 PM

truesubboy

Posts: 35
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline

I think the best way to approach this is to list your interests and let the doms reply to let you know which of those interests they share. After all, even though you are looking for a Dom this is about your happyness, not a menu of options for the others. You want your needs filled and you want to find Doms that are compatible with you, not the other way around. Your profile shows some of the activities that you are into. A good Dom should read the profile, and send back a respectful message indicating his interests, compatibility, or how he is willing to change to meet your needs.

< Message edited by truesubboy -- 8/26/2005 6:11:30 PM >

(in reply to DameDarkness)

Post #: 20

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