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MistressKay -> RE: Does obedience = "doormat"? (10/8/2005 4:09:18 PM)
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"...Does wanting obedience from your sub mean you're treating them as a 'doormat'?..."
There is certainly nothing wrong with expecting obedience so long as what you ask or command of your partner falls within their limitations. Obviously your partner felt that as the submissive it would be inappropriate to speak for the two of you. In fact many submissives would find this a hard limit as it forces them to speak on your behalf which is something that really goes against their "ideology" of what submission and dominance is all about.
Obedience does not equal doormat - blind obedience without question and without taking an active role in their submission to me is a doormat.
Submission isn't a blanket certificate that is given once for life - submission is an act of free will performed every time a submissive complies or obeys a command. So long as those commands are within their boundaries it isn't an issue and a dominant should be able to expect obedience - but if a submissive declines - then there is something usually deeper going on that needs to be addressed. Unless your submissive is one who constantly challenges your authority on everything - this could just be you pushing them beyond their boundaries of submission.
A deeper discussion with some renegotiating may be in order. If you expect your submissive to speak on your behalf then that should be negotiated within your relationship.
On a personal note - it looks like you were trying to avoid doing something unpleasant and asked your submissive to do it for you. These friends were gracious enough to invite you both - it would certainly be proper ettiquette for you to personally thank them for the invitation and politely decline. The personal note from you carries more authority as you are the dominant half of the couple. The submissive has yeilded their voice to your authority.
Of course you can and will do whatever you want - but you did ask and manners still play an important role for many of us.
My 2 cents worth - it is not intended as a flame or insult - just another viewpoint to take or delete as you see fit.
Lady Kay
Ottawa, ON Canada
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