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90%??? - 1/7/2008 5:48:56 PM   
GhostWhoWalks


Posts: 84
Joined: 12/13/2006
Status: offline 		I've read that 90% of Master/ slave relationships fail.
Why do they fail?
For those of you in the 10% that succeed; to what do you attribute your success?
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RE: 90%??? - 1/7/2008 5:54:11 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GhostWhoWalks

I've read that 90% of Master/ slave relationships fail.
Why do they fail?
For those of you in the 10% that succeed; to what do you attribute your success?


First ask yourself how many "vanilla" relationships fail. Most people have one or two, or many more exes.

Why would m/s be any different?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to GhostWhoWalks)
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RE: 90%??? - 1/7/2008 5:57:07 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		I'd have to say that the majority of relationships that fail do so because most of the people aren't actually Masters or slaves but people who have an idealistic fantasy view of what this is all about.......and of the ones who are, very few of them have given enough actual thought to who they are or what their wants and needs are.

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~erin~

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RE: 90%??? - 1/7/2008 5:58:23 PM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

 I've read that 90% of Master/ slave relationships fail
  Would You happen to have the link or source of that statistic?  i would like to share it with a few who aren't on CM...thanks.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
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RE: 90%??? - 1/7/2008 6:01:04 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GhostWhoWalks

I've read that 90% of Master/ slave relationships fail.
Why do they fail?
For those of you in the 10% that succeed; to what do you attribute your success?


I bet a more realistic categorization of the majority of those "relationships" would be on par with "vanilla dating"....

....since everyone is so hoo ha gung ho to wind up with a collar around their neck or a slave to satisfy every desire by the second date

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(in reply to GhostWhoWalks)
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RE: 90%??? - 1/7/2008 6:01:08 PM   
BruisedHick


Posts: 123
Joined: 8/11/2007
Status: offline 		Define "fail?"  Is a 3 year relationship failing?  10 years?  2 months of hot cybersex until you find out your Mistress is a 73 year old ex-con from Egypt?

Every existing relationship is temporarily succeeding, obviously.  However, they all have the potential to fail.  So the more important question is how these people are planning to keep it from failing. 

Or no?

Yours,


benji

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Guess who?

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RE: 90%??? - 1/7/2008 6:01:29 PM   
tricia


Posts: 231
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		You also have to clarify fail.  My Master has taken me places physically, emotionally and intellectually that no one has ever approached.  He has forever changed me.  If my relationship ends -- i will still be a better person for having had it.  How is that failure?

(in reply to GhostWhoWalks)
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RE: 90%??? - 1/7/2008 6:09:17 PM   
MistressNoName


Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I'd have to say that the majority of relationships that fail do so because most of the people aren't actually Masters or slaves but people who have an idealistic fantasy view of what this is all about.......and of the ones who are, very few of them have given enough actual thought to who they are or what their wants and needs are.


OP: I don't know if the number would be 90%. I'd be interested in where you heard that. I think the number is probably high, but that seems a little too high. But as to why relationships fail, I don't agree with what mistoferin says here. I know of a few M/s relationships that have failed and from what these folks (friends of mine) say, it boils down to any of several issues: 1) different expectations and wants, 2) lack of clarity from the outset; 3) people growing apart; 4) relocation and/or family obligations that cannot be ignored; 5) successful completion of a time-limited contract. The reasons why the relationships I have watched have ended don't seem to have anything to do with people not being "real" Masters or slaves although I do agree that sometimes there are unrealistic expectations (see #1).

Just my opinion.

MNN

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aka Ms Petal - Check Me out on the Web.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: 90%??? - 1/7/2008 6:22:47 PM   
sammiebabygirl


Posts: 465
Joined: 10/23/2004
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline 		I am not sure if those statistics are correct, but if so, the main reason would be the same that any relationships fail.
 
Lack of communication.

jen

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RE: 90%??? - 1/7/2008 6:26:43 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Actaully, I think the majority of D/s relationships fail because they don't take the time to figure out if they actually like each other. They base the relationship on the fact that they're both into D/s instead of basing the relationship on each other.

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RE: 90%??? - 1/7/2008 6:28:03 PM   
MistressNoName


Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GhostWhoWalks

I've read that 90% of Master/ slave relationships fail.
Why do they fail?
For those of you in the 10% that succeed; to what do you attribute your success?


As to what make these types of unions succeed. Fantastic communication, commitment and motivation, similar goals and direction, realistic expectations.

Best,


MNN

_____________________________

aka Ms Petal - Check Me out on the Web.

(in reply to GhostWhoWalks)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: 90%??? - 1/7/2008 6:34:38 PM   
ChainedExistence


Posts: 507
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline 		I'd say part of our success was a willingness to stick it out through the rough initial phase which helped trememndously with my fear of abandonment issues and built incredible trust between us. Also, part of our staying power lies in the fact that we can talk about anything even if we don't have the same point of view, and that we are as much friends as we are a D/s couple.

(in reply to sammiebabygirl)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: 90%??? - 1/7/2008 6:37:48 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		It fails because most people are in this for sex and nothing else.  they dont want relationships.  they want quickies.  they want to add a 3rd in the bedroom.

Its become a swingers lifestyle having nothing to do with bdsm.

Want proof?? Read profiles.  You'll see things like "we are a couple looking for a 3rd...absolutely no men no men no men...blah"

The actual # of lifestylists is very small.  I have also seen a TON of pro's or tribute Dom's.  More than i have ever seen in my life and funny that i have never seen a pro who was male, only female.  Why is that?




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I am flawed.
Imperfect.
MUST SPANK!!!
SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

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RE: 90%??? - 1/7/2008 6:39:44 PM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GhostWhoWalks

I've read that 90% of Master/ slave relationships fail.
Why do they fail?
For those of you in the 10% that succeed; to what do you attribute your success?


I haven't been in the lifestyle long enough to have 10 M/s relationships, but certianly the average vanilla person has at least 10 relationships before getting married, that would put almost everyone at 90% failure.

(in reply to GhostWhoWalks)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: 90%??? - 1/7/2008 6:43:26 PM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		My arrogant opinion, based on nothing more than My witness to nearly 10 years of this,online and off....

The BDSM worlds holds very little room for "dating"; Vanilla relationships have a long and elaborate protocol for flirting, casual meeting, dating, romance, courting, engagement,and marriage....This is based on thousands of romantic stories, movies, songs, etc., that form a template for how to conduct a courtship.and the long sifting process that helps to eliminate bad matches and poor relationships- even if 50% of marriages fail, 50% still last for life- not a bad rate, considering.

What is the role model, or protocol in the BDSM world?

Well, in the Story of O, (which forms the foundation for almost all of the BDSM world practices) the slave O meets her Master Stephan, and decides within about 5 minutes that she will be His slave, completely and utterly enslaved;
In Beauty, Beauty is awakened by her Prince with a slaverape,and becomes helplessly enslaved by His loving touch; She is introduced to a dozen or more Masters,Mistresses, and fellow slaves, and falls helplessly,madly in love with each and every one of them, within that same 5 minute interval.
In story after erotic story, the slave is swept away by His Mysterious Magnetic Master Mojo, helplessly enthralled by His subtle whisper, a glance,  a touch.

OK, you laugh...but just read the profiles..how many contain that same sort of breathless prose, that same sense of the instant  bliss, that "I met Him and instantly I just KNEW we would be together 4 ever!!! (smiley smiley)" or "you will meet Me at the Starbucks on Route 34, and fall to your knees when you serve Me the venti skinny decaf latte!!!"

There doesn't seem to be any sort of protocol for how you date, and slowly build a relationship between Master and slave. And look at this very message board- so many of the questions are like "So My slave came home the other night and didn't want to suck Me off and in fact, was in a right pissy mood...what should I do?"
It seems like the petty and mundane relationship problems that are handled as part of the normal give and take with vanilla couples become staggering, incredibly vexing, and puzzling problems with BDSM relationships.

When people go from"hello, nice to meet you" to "I now collar you as My eternal slave" within hours or days, and when your ideal model of relationships is based on cartoon people in erotic stories, it is only surprising that the failure rate is as low as 90%.




(in reply to tricia)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: 90%??? - 1/7/2008 6:48:48 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

Want proof?? Read profiles.  You'll see things like "we are a couple looking for a 3rd...absolutely no men no men no men...blah"




Damn. If that's what dooms a relationship, I'm fucked.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: 90%??? - 1/7/2008 6:57:51 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Imagine trying to have a successful relationship by living as "star trek".

Same same.

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I'm not taking custom orders.

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: 90%??? - 1/7/2008 6:58:19 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Wow even I think 90% is a bit harsh.  Granted, eventually the failure rate hits 100% but dang.

But I agree with Oside- they get into relationships to be "something" rather than simply being who they are together.


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: 90%??? - 1/7/2008 6:59:25 PM   
egovillan


Posts: 8
Joined: 1/1/2008
Status: offline 		I don't think that there's any difference between the success rate of vanilla and alternative relationships, it simply depends on how the two (or more) parties thoughts are on the relationship. Regardless of how kinky the relationship is, if at some they have different ideas about where the relationship should be headed then it's all over. Oh, and I read that 90% of all statistics are made up on the spot. Just throwing that out there

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: 90%??? - 1/7/2008 6:59:41 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

Want proof?? Read profiles.  You'll see things like "we are a couple looking for a 3rd...absolutely no men no men no men...blah"




Damn. If that's what dooms a relationship, I'm fucked.


LOL very doomed!!! but my point was if your just in it for sex...your obviously not in it for bdsm...it will fail.


_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.
I am flawed.
Imperfect.
MUST SPANK!!!
SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 20
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