julietsierra
Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
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I once read an article in which the longevity of relationships was explored. Admittedly, the people interviewed were vanilla. However, to me, the rationale remains the same.
The people had the same problems, crises, etc that other people had had in their lives who weren't as successful in their relationships. They'd had approximately the same doubts, same fears, same troubles. They'd lived through rough times together and good times together and still, 50 years out, were still together while their counterparts weren't. What kept them together was amazingly and ridiculously simple.
They didn't leave.
That's it. That's all any of them could come up with as far as what made them stick it out verses follow the trend to end their relationships. Some of their relationships were matches made in heaven. Some of them, probably closer to hell, but they figured a way through what they were involved with and found a way to survive. Most of the people interviewed had relationships that were thriving.
I really don't think D/s relationships are any different. Most people stay in the relationships they're in because from the beginning of their relationships to the present time, when they've faced the possibility of simply saying "forget it!" and leaving, they've rolled up their sleeves and done what needed to be done (whatever that was) to stay. They're still together because they didn't walk even though other people might have in those situations.
We've been together now for 5+ years. There have been times when it's seemed easier to just throw in the towel. There have been times when I've questioned my beliefs, my choices, my SANITY. And yet... here I am. I'm not going to let little things things get in the way of my relationship with the best man I've ever known. So, if we have problems, we talk about them. We work through, as best we can, the things that happen to us - and the things we do to each other in our lives. And we try very hard to be patient with each other. And when all that doesn't work, we simply dig in our heels and work harder.
To me, communication, living in a real world, not a fantasy one, time spent together, common vanilla interests, mutual respect, the committment to living life naturally rather than under artificial constructs, the committment to living a life together rather than based on the concensus of our friends as to HOW we should be doing things, and most of all, a committment toward each other, in addition to all the rest are what give us the framework in which to be successful. The committment to not give up on each other or our relationship, no matter what, is what, so far, guarantees our success.
Ultimately, what's worked so far for us is that we choose not to leave.
juliet
< Message edited by julietsierra -- 1/8/2008 1:27:27 AM >
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RE: 90%??? - 
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